am I commitment phobic or settling

[Hannah13]

So my story is long, but I am very much in need of some advice.

 

I have had a few relationships. The first one being my 'one that got away' or whatever. We started dating at 15 until 19. It was the most passionate, scary, and hard relationship I've ever had. I loved him very much, and we almost even got married before it all all went downhill. He 'changed' and decided he wanted to lie and cheat and THEN break up. Ripped me to shreds, and I wasnt okay for a long time. I'm talking depression and what not.

 

I waited about a year and a half to date again. What I ended up with was an uneducated, un ' ambitious guy who was not my type at all. I realized after a year with him that I was never into him, I just wanted a friend of sorts and this guy was in love with me. I eventually broke his heart and felt awful.

 

Gave myself some time, had some rebounds and now, at 24, I found a guy who I initially really liked. Things moved so fast and we fell in love. He is one of the most amazing guys. Obviously has some down falls but typical relationship stuff. We have been dating almost 2 years now and live together. He wants marriage, babies and such and honestly I do too, but...

 

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. He's a good looking guy, but I always feel as if I can do better. I read books or watch my friends with there boyfriends and think, "why can't I have a guy like that? One that's ambitious and hot and sexy and is so good to me". My current bf is at a dead end retail job and just wants a quiet life. Our sex life is mediocre at best, why, I can't pinpoint.

 

Am I being unreasonable or unrealistic? ? I do love this guy but have doubts all the time about him. My friend said it could be because my first bf was just "too good" and had all the qualities I wanted and then went and shattered me into a million pieces. Is that why I'm so commitment conscious? Or am I just settling??

[jjkk]

First of all, if you compare your relationship to books or just what YOU see of your friends w/ their bfs, you will never be satisfied w/ a man.

[Batya33]

So, for me I knew I was with the right person when I stopped comparison shopping and when the fact that there could be someone better for me out there (I say fact because I'm a realist -ultra-technically I suppose since I have only dated half the men on this planet I don't know all the eligible men right) was acknowledged but completely irrelevant. Sure I guess I notice an attractive man - but I also notice an attractive woman -I'm not blind. But there's a difference between noticing and going to the extreme of wishing you were with that person instead of your partner.

 

So if your bf is at a dead end retail job are you ok with being the financial provider? Will one of you be a full-time parent? Do those things concern you?

[Ms Darcy]

You are 24 and still figuring out who you are as a person. That is not an easy task. And you are still idealizing your first love and relationship hich you have yet to accept was actually pretty bad as he chose to cheat an you struggle to accept that as part of the relationship.

 

Mediocre sex in a relationship doesn't really get better. And if you feel you can do better, then you shall soon resent him. I'm wondering ... why not just be single for a while?