Dont know what to do HELP

[melsta]

i think this will be easier to under stand if i point it in point form

 

*i meet this guy about a year ago and ive fallen for him, we talk on the fone almost every night & do things such as go to the movies regurly

 

my problems are

* im afraid he doesnt feel the same and only wants friendship

* his bestfriend (female) seems to hate the idea of me and him spending time just me and him

* shes told me alot of her friends have used her to get to him and i dont want to seem like im doing that

 

shes a good friend and i dont want to lose her but im really head over heels for him

 

PLEASE HELP

[Alabama]

If you are really not sure of his feelings for you, then ask him. I am sure he cares for you. Yet it can be hard to lose a friend, because of this. If she doesn't like you with this guy, is she really your friend? It's your decision....good luck!

[Mr. Cactus]

I agree with Alabama in that you should tell him how you feel. I had this precise same issue with my closest female friend. About 6 weeks ago I realised that after nearly two years I had fallen deeply in love with her. I had read so many posts on this forum about such feelings destroying friendships that I had no idea what to do. And to be honest I had absolutely no idea how she felt about me.

 

Anyway, after a month (ie two weeks ago), I decided I couldn't bottle up my feelings any longer. I decided I was being tortured far more by not confessing my feelings and asking her what she felt about me, than simply going along as friends without any expression of deeper feelings. PADreamer also helped me out by telling me I really had to have the courage to ask her how she felt about me. I can absolutely tell you that in my case, the torture of not knowing her feelings and saying anything was actually worse than risking the loss of the friendship - it was that unbearable. And this girl means absolutely everything to me. She has completely changed my life.

 

Anyway, after I told her I loved her I also told her that she might be terribly upset and offended by this confession. So I gave her an "escape route". I told her that she could walk away if she wanted to, never talk to me again and I would promise not to pursue her further in any way.

 

Well, it was an absolute dagger through my heart when she told me she had absolutely no feelings for me (what a terrible thing to be told ). But, on the positive side, she said there was no way she was going to take the escape route. Since then, our friendship has grown even stronger again. I don't know why. She said she was extremely flattered that I loved her so maybe I got the sympathy vote. Whatever, even though she tells me she has no feelings, the way she treats me really suggests the opposite. But I'll never raise the subject again. She now knows I love her and that was the main thing I had to get off my chest.

 

But I just wanted to tell you that even with an unrequited confession of love, it won't necessary destroy a friendship. I really do wish my friend loved me too, but I guess I am forced to be content with what I have. I really think she is my soulmate, and we have absolutely everything in common. She even wants to celebrate Valentine's Day with me, so as you can see, we seem to have come out of it unscathed, at least for the moment.