Brokenheart99 Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Sorry for the spam here, was hoping to get some advice /honest help in this. I've constantly said I feel overwhelmed with dating and it's like this overwhelming panic sense. Especially when a guy starts to like me, I feel crazy overwhelmed and I just want to get away and break it off and need my space. At first, I just thought my heart wasn't ready after my break up. But, As I've been thinking more and more about it, I think I have bad boy issues, as dumb as that sounds(I'm a grown 30 yr old woman). Maybe I liked my ex because I knew he was always one foot out the door and other similar stories in my dating history. Thing is, I know it's stupid, that I should want to be treated better and that bad boys are no good for me etc, mentally and logically I know all this. But I can't help but feel crazy overwhelmed in dates when a guy starts to fall for me and treats me right. I get super overwhelmed(best word I can use to describe it). I feel myself ruining the chance and emotionally distancing myself and ignoring them some, because I'm so overwhelmed. What is wrong with me? And how in the world do I fix this??? I'm afraid even if I outright come and tell the guy that I have bad boy issues, how will that help? Because what can he do?start treating me badly or ignore me? I'm just at a loss. Because I'm running off another good guy. Any advice will help thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I would suggest you looking in to counseling to determine what it is about being treated poorly that you find attractive in a partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 you dont have bad boy issues..you date what you think your worth... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 My therapist just says the answer is within me, something I can answer, I'm not sure what that means and I've been trying to figure it out. Perhaps it's self esteem, I'm not sure, I wish I understood better and I'm trying to figure it out, hence I'm here. I guess either way, my question is how do I stop the overwhelming feelings I get when someone likes me and just let it be? How do I not push them away and just be happy with it? Anyone with similar experiences or insight, I would really appreciate any advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 My therapist just says the answer is within me, something I can answer, I'm not sure what that means and I've been trying to figure it out. It means find a new therapist. She/he isn't helping Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jak3 Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 How do I not push them away and just be happy with it? If you're not attracted to commitment and a man opening up emotionally then you can't be happy with it. It's impossible to change your reaction to this issue until you reframe how you interpret it. Commitment isn't an action that the weak take from lacking options just as bailing at the first sign of trouble isn't an action based on abundance of choice. Do you thrive on the drama of uncertainty? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathy679 Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Hi broken heart i can totally relate to that. My ex was a bad boy. That treat em mean keep them keen is something many women can understand. I read in a book recently that children who are abused by their parents cling harder to the source of their pain. This is something that they do naturally and sub conciously. Maybe there are subconciously looking for approval from the abuser? when you have an unstable relationship and you experince a tear in this relationship it provokes intense insecurities.( the infant in you cries out to be held and loved-paradoxically)by the very same person who keeps betraying you, deserting and abandoning you. ....so you instinctively reach out to them for comfort. look it up. The journey from abandonment to healing, pg 30 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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