Journal? Yes?

[MisSunny]

I dunno, I feel like this might be a good idea, writing a journal. Where to start...

 

I'm 22 years old, and I live in Southern California. Not bad, right? Unfortunately it's veeeery expensive to live down here, so I'm living with my parents, and I'm very unenthusiastic about it. It's really frustrating, you know? I feel emotionally ready to be out on my own, but it's simply not something that's going to happen any time soon. I dunno. I love it here; the weather, proximity to the beach, the mountains, and lots of fun things to do... But I don't know if that's really worth my independence, you know?

 

I'm currently going to school and working. I'm trying to get my radiology certification, but I'm having to start all over again with school because I messed up majorly before. Haha. Things could be worse, I guess. I try not to dwell on it, honestly, because it is what it is, and stressing out over it won't help change anything. I think I'm getting better at keeping this mindset, in most things. I do have trouble not stressing out over things in other areas of my life. Like dating...

 

In January, my first relationship ever ended. We were together for 3 years, and I was naive enough to think that it might be forever. I dunno, maybe calling myself naive is overly-harsh. I honestly had no idea anything was wrong, but that's probably because my ex has pretty glaring communication issues. Either way, this whole thing has opened my eyes to things I need to work on the next time I do get into a relationship. Unfortunately... I have NO game. Haha. I'm so bad at meeting new guys in person. My ex is the only guy who has ever asked me out. I'm not sure why. I'm at least fairly attractive. It might have something to do with the fact that my resting expression is kind of... (Trying to find a word I can use that wouldn't get censored) cold? I guess that'll do.

 

So I got on okcupid. That's an adventure and a half, but it's leading me to think that I simply live in the wrong area, because the guys that are interested in me are not guys I am interested in. I guess that's fairly normal, though. I do have a couple guys I'm talking to, but in keeping with the trend of distance difficulties, the most interesting ones are far from being "local".

 

I guess that'll do for an "introduction", so I guess I'll get more personal in "today's" post section thing.

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Sunday! Today I have work. Huzzaaaaah. I work at a movie theater, and they pretty much just put me to work in the concession stand... Closing shifts. Oy vey. Mostly it's not too bad, but sometimes I get really tired of talking to people all day. I'm not really a huuuuge people person, but I can put on a front well enough, I guess. But it's good that I'm working today. I need the distraction.

 

I'm a major over-thinker, a major over-analyzer, and what with being the most interested in guys that I can't really access... It's frustrating. Sometimes I wonder that I'm only interested in what I can't have. Then there's the question of "Well, what are they REALLY after?" Would either of these gentlemen be interested in attempting a long-distance thing? Because honestly... I don't really know if I do. I'd much rather have access to the physical side of the relationship. But on the flip-side, I'm not necessarily LOOKING to be in a serious relationship so soon. I'm way more interested in seeing what's out there, and exploring the possibilities that are out there. After all, I'm only 22, I don't need to be looking for... Whatever. That being said, though... I AM open to possibilities, so if something happens in that direction I wouldn't be totally adverse to it.

 

I guess this journal thing is mostly just a way to work out my thoughts without boring my friends to death... I'll just bore whoever chooses to read this to death instead. Haha.