Snow2tears Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I was introduced to this guy who's a year older than me, and we started to text everyday. He's really funny, and makes me smile and I know he would treat me well. What's stopping me from actually getting serious with him is that fact we're two opposite people. I'm the goody two shoes, who's always studying, and I'm pretty nerdy. While he's the bad boy who does weed, drinks, and parties with his friends on the regular. I'm the dork, and he's the "gangster". And to be honest I really don't like that aspect about him, but what can I do? It's who he is. We've been talking for almost a month, and I really could not see a future with him if he doesn't change his habits. So to save our time, I decided to confront him about it and tell him the truth. He's taking it really hard, and keeps trying to convince me that we are compatible and there is a future, and he was willing to stop doing those things. It's really hard to believe that cause that's just who he IS. My past relationships have taught me that if I'm not 100% sure about something then I shouldn't do it at all. I don't know if I'm being irrational or emotional so I would love some sane opinions on this matter! -Thanks Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Tell him to show you in ACTIONS that he won't "do those things anymore" and if he can't show you in actions then his words are just that, words. You've been "talking" that means nothing. Don't disregard your own personal boundaries and don't let him cross them just for a "fling" that you know in your heart will get you nowhere but heartacheville. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Would you really want him to change who he is to be who you want him to be ?? He would end up resenting you. If you don't like him for who he is now move on & find someone compatible. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Would you really want him to change who he is to be who you want him to be ?? He would end up resenting you. If you don't like him for who he is now move on & find someone compatible. I agree. Don't get into the bad habit of telling someone to show you that they won't do certain things anymore. Find someone you can see a future with as they are. Link to comment
savignon Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Would you really want him to change who he is to be who you want him to be ?? He would end up resenting you. If you don't like him for who he is now move on & find someone compatible. I agree. Don't get into the bad habit of telling someone to show you that they won't do certain things anymore. Find someone you can see a future with as they are. Perfect advice x 2. Move on. This is not your guy. You have to like someone the way they already are. In the other shoes, would you appreciate that someone would give you a chance if you changed yourself to suit what they were looking for? Its kind of insulting...like "you're not quite good enough THIS way, but if you change to be THAT way....I could see maybe liking you". Um, don't do me any favors...go find what you're looking for! Link to comment
Kendahke Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Would you really want him to change who he is to be who you want him to be ?? He would end up resenting you. If you don't like him for who he is now move on & find someone compatible. I agree, too. You and he are not compatible. Best to end it now. He's not going to stop being who he is in order to please you. He will keeping doing it, but will hide it from you and then that sets up the whole "I can't trust him, but I looooooooooooove him" scenario that you can well do without. Link to comment
dobbin Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 How did you guys meet given that you two are polar opposites? I would leave him alone. Don't try to change someone. Would you like it if someone tries to make you change who you are? Don't believe him when he says he will change. At first he will be a better person for the sake of being with you, then he will revert back to his old self gradually and you will find this out only when you've fallen hard for him. So avoid the heartache and let him go. Go find the guy who likes you just as you are, and you like him just the way he is. Link to comment
Snow2tears Posted February 10, 2014 Author Share Posted February 10, 2014 Our mutual friend set us up on a group date. Well, here's an update. I've followed your guys' advice and I cut it off with him. I also said that once he has gotten over me maybe we could be friends. It's strange how much I miss his presence, even when it's only been a few weeks. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 I agree with all. This is a setup for an eggshell walk down your whole relationship until he does exactly what you know he'll do--he'll play the perfect prince until he pops out sideways and goes on the first bender. If you can't accept someone exactly as they are, keep walking. Link to comment
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