I dont know if i can love and loose again????

[hugoy]

I have recently split up from a wonderful girl who totally changed my world for the best part of a year. Before i met her i was content to take my life as is and that was my lot!!!

 

Then this girl came into my life and she was stunning, intelligent, funny, sexy and full of energy. This energy infected me and i felt like a new person when i was with her. I knew i wanted more out of life than what i had and i wanted her to be a major part of that. I felt good about myself - felt confident, attractive and able to get anything in life i wanted.

 

She then decided we should split, about a month a go and i did not take this news well. I do think the split was my fault i had lost touch with my feelings and couldnt express them to her in a way that reassured her and inevitably that was my downfall. But i have now had a breakdown, am on anti depressants and feel numb and empty.

 

She has now moved onto a new fella which again is tough as it seems she has chosen to rebound onto someone else to avoid us trying to sort things out. I know shes gone and not coming back - but i cant help but feel i'm never gonna find anyone as wonderful as her again, and right now dont know if i even want to look.

 

I dont know if i can/want to take the pain of being in love and loosing again. Maybe life is easier if you stay single???

 

Anybody got any words of wisdom???

[ticklebug]

yep...time...give yourself time...you just split up...of course it feels devistating but the fact of the matter is, she is a human being, just like you and she doesn't deserve to be on the pedestal you have placed her on.

 

Just as it takes two people to start a relationship, it takes two to end it as well. She made her mistakes too...quite possibly waiting too long before making her hurt feelings known before she turned cold. How you express yourself is how you express yourself, and there are compromises couples can come to to aid in communication.

 

Granted having a person in your life on some levels makes you feel good about yourself...but you were a whole person walking into the relationship and you still are a whole person at the end of it. Being with someone pretty much forces you to conduct yourself differently, as you have another person to consider.

 

However all of that confidence etc came from inside YOU....it's ALWAYS been there...and always will be. She didn't wave a magic wand and bestow it upon you.

 

The best way to start getting over her is to start getting on with life. Force yourself out of the "poor me" sitting around the house all day and reconnect with somoen you may have drifted from when you started dating her. Get together with your guy buddies for a night on the town...join the gym if you don't already attend and work out....do some charity volunteer work...anything to just get moving again...

 

No relationship you are in ever comes with guarantees...she wasn't your first girlfriend, she won't be your last...and the best thing you can do is learn from the mistakes you did make, so when someone new comes along...you have that to draw on to treat her differently.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

Whatever happens to a relationship needs two parties to clap hands.

Certainly i dun know where ur fault lies in, and so do i know which fault she has also, but I hope as u change ur fault away, pls dun blame urself too much, coz i believe she cant be a saint as much u can describe.

Yes! The key in life is to move on! But do focus more on what u have in life than what was gone.

And Yes! there may be new ones that will come into ur life, and whether is she gone for good, please pray that she is happy and well balanced in her life now, coz that will make u feel better for certain.

God will help u if she is still the right one for u.

 

Thanks for reading...

[Mentor]

WOW, ticklebug said it all She hit the nail on the head here. I would read what she wrote very carefully, and take it all to heart.

 

One thing that I would add is that you are very likely a better person for having gone through this relationship with theis other person. This has been my experience with my past relationships. I feel all that you are feeling when they end, but once the clouds lift I realize the lessons that are to be learned from each person. Every romantic relationship that we are in teaches us more about how to love another (and maybe how not to?), more about our own innate potential as a partner (this woman invested a year of her life in YOU - you must be someone really special and capabale of touching someone very deeply ). I also find that every gf that I have makes me a better person. They all have interests that I begin to enjoy, etc.

 

If anything, your stock as a romantic partner for someone else in the future just went way up! Allow the grieving process to happen, but don't let it linger too long, and don't let it blind you to all of the good that can come out of this

 

Good luck!

[Prosper]

Oh Hi Mentor,

Are u sort of insulting me? LolX!

[Prosper]

oppz sorry mr mentor,

I had also gone through relationships that hurt as well. What i was saying was meant that, he doesnt have to think so good of her at times, coz we arent saints, and that all humans have faults that we learnt to grow and YES!! thats why i say she and he had a hand to clap on this.

 

And well, pls pm me if u have further questions on me.

 

Thanks for reading...

[Mentor]

oppz sorry mr mentor,

I had also gone through relationships that hurt as well. What i was saying was meant that, he doesnt have to think so good of her at times, coz we arent saints, and that all humans have faults that we learnt to grow and YES!! thats why i say she and he had a hand to clap on this.

 

And well, pls pm me if u have further questions on me.

 

Thanks for reading...

 

Hi prosper,

 

No, I wasn't insulting you at all! What gave you this idea? My apologies for whatever I said that made you feel this way. I thought that your advice was good as well, but ticklebug just worded things almost exactly the way I would have myself. If anything, I think that you were saying something similar. I agree 100% that both people in this situation were involved in how it wound up.

 

Again, I am sorry that my previous post was worded in a way that caused you offence. Certainly none was intended.

 

Sincerely,

 

Mr. Mentor

[Prosper]

One thing that I would add is that you are very likely a better person for having gone through this relationship with theis other person.

 

Thanks Mr Mentor, i gotten ur apology. Hope u dun do this to someone again..

 

Thanks for reading..

[Mentor]

Thanks Mr Mentor, i gotten ur apology. Hope u dun do this to someone again..

 

Hi Prosper,

 

I am still not clear exactly what you took exception to in my original post. Could you please clarify this so that I can avoid doing this again?

 

Thanks,

[bamboo]

Yes life is easier being single, but it is also lonely and very flat emotionally. I'm not saying it is bad to be single. Hey, I'm single and enjoying it! But it is unhealthy to think life is better lived without ever opening yourself up to someone again. Life is about taking risks and learning from mistakes. It is the downs that make the highs more exhilerating and it is the lows that make us appreciate the happy times more when we find them again.

 

I agree with what others have said. After overcoming each break up, you are a better person. Makes you a better catch and you can't deny your lucky future lady that can you?

[Prosper]

Hi Mr Mentor,

I would appreciate it greatly if u were not to compare ppl ard here. Coz it may happen to me first then to others.

 

Thanks for reading..

 

I am sorry Mr Hugoy, we have been taking much of a space in here..

[Mentor]

I would appreciate it greatly if u were not to compare ppl ard here. Coz it may happen to me first then to others.

 

Prosper,

 

I did not compare anyone in my original post. Again I ask you, what caused you to take exception to my thoughts?

 

pm me if you wish.

[Prosper]

Hi Mr Mentor,

I dun see the point of pming u anything, as i said so that i had ask u that, and u dun wan to.

Okay, u had and had done so. Lolx~! I dun see the point how u can dun know. Thanks for reading the messages from me. Have a nice day. I wont repeat myself again

[PrincessLinzay]

Sorry, I just got a little confused throughout this post.

 

~Prosper~

 

Please do not take this as an insult as it is not meant that way at all, but I was finding it very hard to follow your post. I've seen a few others and its the same. I don't think Mr. Mentor was insulting in any way, just simply agreeing with Ticklebug's take on things. I may be wrong in assuming that English is not your first language?? (please do not take offense) Sometimes it's very hard for those reading your posts to follow. English can be tricky, so if you're practicing, thats GREAT. Keep it coming, but if you have a question, don't hesitate to ask.

 

~Hugoy~

 

Breakups are especially hard for the dumpee. It has a lot to do with human fear of rejection and abandonment. Being single really isn't so bad. You learn to take one day at a time, and it's really nice not having to answer to anyone. The most important thing is learning to be happy on your own without dependency on another person. I know that "you will get through this" and "things do get better" are pretty much empty phrases right now, but in time you'll realize how true they are. Keep posting, this is a really strong support network. Be prepared for honest opinions though! These folks hold nothing back!

[magichat]

Hello there, I feel your pain and what you are going through right now. I my ex recently broke up with me abouit a month ago. I went on anti depressents and felt so empty inside. I realized after a day of being on them that i could not be myself. I needed to cry and be in pain, that is a natural feeling. Feelings that people should feel right after a break up. So my first question is were you on them before this happened, and if not i think you should reconsider taking them believe me i feel your pain i still wake up and cry a little but then i try and focus my energy to a good place. As hard as it sounds you should focus on positive things in your life right now. For example have been with my ex for over 5 years and never had anything wrong, we truly love each other. I dont know if we will ever get back together but for now i am excited about going back and finishing school and getting my own place again. I am trying to make long term plans for MYSELF. This will help you with what is going on in your life. I dont know how long you two were together but if it was a while i imagine you built a lot of your life around her. If that is the case them Change the setting of your everyday life a little bit. Change your room around or put new sheets on the bed do something for yourself right now. I know this may sound a bit cheesey but it will help. You never know what will happen in the future but for now try and recover some of your own individuality and make your self as happy as possible. Good Luck

Sincerly J.D