cblossom20 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Hey, So met a guy a few weeks ago, came on strong took me away, met his dad all in the space of a week. When I suggested he meet for a quick drink, conveniently he was busy. I didnt stress about it and let it go. Saw it that he needed a bit of space. The guy in question is really insecure and needs a fair bit of validation which I found tiring, but I saw potential if we could get over this so persevered. I then did something silly, I accused him of checking up on a family member of mine on linked in, when in fact was the other way round. He said he was suspicious so jumped to the wrong conclusion. I apologised and he said to leave it until the new year, that things were moving to fast. So left him to it, then new years eve he sends me a lovely message wishing me happy new year. I replied the next day and we spoke most of the day, but I wasnt overly forthcoming just pleasant. Anyway he has some clothes of mine so asked if he could bring them round that day, I had guests and was out for dinner in the evening so said not a good time, how about tomorrow. He wanted to come round in the morning but I said no how about the afternoon/ evening. He said he had plans. Anyway he messages me tgis morning and says he can bring them round this afternoon, so I said cool come round after I've been go the gym. Then he contacts me an hour before he should arrive to say he cant make it am I free tomorrow morning? ! I said no maybe easier I collect them next week from his work to which he replies he is free this evening after 7.30 so I said sure I will pop round. Im totally confused by his behaviour. We are both adults in our 30's so I feel he shouldnt behave this way. I know he likes me, but I dont get all the drama he is creating. How do I play tonight? I wont stay or have sex. I think we shoukd talk? But what should I say? Im happy to walk away but want to give it one final chance. Advice please! ! Xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Well, he was the one who said to leave it until the new year so, the ball is in his court. You go, pick your clothes, thank him and leave. If he's interested in continuing what you had, he'll let you know, don't worry. If he says nothing, I would take it to mean that he's no longer interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Autumnleaves Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 See how things go tonight when you go to collect your things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cblossom20 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Ok will do...thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorshammer Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Dude is confused... he doesnt follow the norm. I know i would be angry if someone i was seeing called me out while i was stalking their linked or facebook... which i do do... i dont call it stalking, i just want background information on her (safe bet since this is how i found a girl i was seeing was married). So, maybe hes even more insecure and embarrassed now so hes expecting you to chase him, "oh no, please come tonight i want to hang out with you!!!"- and hes not getting it so he is resorting to back and forth and trying to knock your confidence down a peg. The dude seems a little out of it in my book tho. His actions from what you described- imo are hard to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cblossom20 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Im being straight forward with him, I have a life and a busy one I refuse at this early stage to bend over backwards to see a man. But realise he has my clothes so I need to collect from him. Ive mentioned a few times now, collecting them from his work to make it easier which he ignores! I cant win! Is he one of those wants what he cant have men!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chr8st8na Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I think he is being difficult. Maybe he thought u will jump in to his arms (or bed) at first chance he gave you. Bc u r not, hes pulling and pushing.. Which i hate when ppl do that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Autumnleaves Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 He's being difficult on purpose, for whatever reason, I don't know. It's as if there is some power struggle going on inside his head. As I say see how he acts with you when you go get your stuff and take it from there. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cblossom20 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Because I think I'm not caving in to see him whenever he wants, doesnt bode well for the future and starting to pee me off. Feel like im dealing with a big baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cblossom20 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Feels like he got in a mood because I said initally I had guests and was out for dinner that evening and now trying to punish me or something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cblossom20 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 So in summary we met, he clearly wanted to spend time with me so we had a drink and chatted informally about xmas etc. Then he wanted to watch a film which I thought was a bit strange seeing as he was acting as if nothing happened. So I decided to bring up the subject of me accusing him of stalking my family, we laughed about it and he said he understood and not affected by it. He said he brought up things going too fast because I mentioned it before and thought thats what I wanted. In summary he seemed like he missed me but realise he has to tread carefully with me because of my past I have a tendency to flee when I get uncomfortable/too close to someone. I said I understood and that the person I decide to be with needs to take things slowly with me and be patient. We then cuddled on the sofa, watched a film and I ended up staying the night and we had sex (we already have and it felt right) in the morning we had breakfast together and I left. He didnt mention mtg up again just said we would chat later. Problem is I dont know where I stand with him. So I dont know if I should send him a message and say something along the lines of... Was nice seeing you again, glad we chatted. Problem is I'm not clear on what you want from this. From my side I would like to date you, go out and do stuff and get to know who you are...if this doesnt work for you and you are looking for something different then we should just leave it hea What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cblossom20 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 Or should I wait for him to contact me first and not put pressure on him so soon after seeing him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I just went through your other thread about this guy, where you were upset he didn't want to see you for the Holidays, he postponed the next possible date by at least 10 days and you were desperately asking what you could do to make this guy more interested in you and work for you. You had already ignored lots of red flags regarding this guy, which were pointed out by most of those who answered. Well, I'll be blunt here: having sex with him again was not the way to go, and I don't know if you'll ever get yourself out of the f*ck buddy zone with this guy. This is NOT the way to make anybody "work for you", it's the opposite of what you should have done. And you both apparently said you wanted to take things slow. Having sex is not taking things slow. Obviously he wants to slow down the "relationship" part, because he doesn't want a relationship, as posters pointed out in your other thread, he is most likely seeing other women beside you, including the one he spent NYE with. He will definitely contact you again, next time he is horny, you should have no worries about that. If I can sense how desperate you are to be with him, how you would put up with anything just to see him again, how little effort he needs to put in to have you in his bed, you can bet so does he. By going and having sex with him despite the poor way he's treated you so far, you solidified your position in his life - and that's not the "girlfriend material". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorshammer Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Huh? You both seem confused, you told him to be patient with you... yet had sex, and now want to send a message about dating him? No wonder hes resorting to games and back and forth. I dont usually play games, but when a women sends mixed messages... i play games to the fullest extent, its hard to trust what they say, and its easy for me to believe they are playing games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Im totally confused by his behaviour. We are both adults in our 30's so I feel he shouldnt behave this way. I know he likes me, but I dont get all the drama he is creating. Why are you confused? Sounds like you are both busy, and are doing the same thing to each other. First you had plans, and then more plans, then he had plans, then you suggested he work around your plans, which he was going to do but turned out didn't work for him. Sounds like you both have full lives and are not dropping everything for each other. You aren't and he shouldn't be either. You just met. Also, I think the sex is neither here nor there, doesn't add any deep meaning other than sex, since it is so early in your relationship. I dont get all the drama he is creating. How do I play tonight? I wont stay or have sex. I think we shoukd talk? But what should I say? Im happy to walk away but want to give it one final chance. Advice please! ! Xxx Maybe it's just me, but I think you are creating drama just as much. You don't know what you want, you decide you won't stay, you won't have sex, but then you do because "it feels right". That's confusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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