life crisis or end of a cycle and time for a new beginning?

[Btbradshaw]

G'day all.

 

Not sure how to put it that makes sense, but I'm feeling lost ATM.

 

A year ago I found out my wife of 12 years cheated on me. I was devastated. I've tried for a year to try to feel any love for her, but I just don't. I feel I'm just pretending. I want to leave her, but she'll beg me to stay and plead n cry like she did the the last 2 times I tried to leave. She knows how to play the victim card very well. I feel like such an idiot for giving and staying. I just don't feel the same about her anymore.

 

Then my closest friends seem to have deserted me and want nothing to do with me. It's all fine when I'm helping them out. I don't mind helping, but I hate being used.

 

Am I a doormat? I feel like such a waste of space. The only thing that makes sense in my life is my job, which I love. I wish I could sleep for 2 1/2 weeks until I can go back to work. Wish I could avoid Xmas and all the crap that goes with it. I wish I could hide tomorrow. I don't feel like pretending it's all happy families.

 

But I'm the sensible one, the one with brains, that doesn't make rash decisions.

 

Is 2014 my year for a fresh start? Who knows. Wish I could escape.

[Romeo November]

Stop feeling bad about yourself. Cut your ties with your wife and friends. Start 2014 fresh with the knowledge you learned from past relationship to avoid having history repeat. Love your work and learn to love yourself. Find things to do and enjoy and work on improving yourself as well. Find things you like about stuff like Christmas so you can feel good instead of bad about it.