Do you move on first before letting go or...? Vice versa.

[Hazyillusions]

I just want to know. I am moving on and I definitely feel a shift in me emotionally and mentally but I'm not anywhere close to letting go completely. My feelings haven't changed, however they're less hopeful.

 

What should I do to speed up the process? What comes first-letting go or moving on.

We broke up 6 and half months ago.

 

We haven't spoken at all besides his reply to an email I sent nearly two months ago.

I blocked him two weeks ago.

[deejay74]

I would like to know this as well. But I think, there's no specific order.

 

I haven't completely moved on or let go. I am afraid to do both, and I am not sure why.

 

People keep telling me you really can't speed it up. But I would like to try.

[Edmund Exley]

You cant speed up the process. There is no magical timeline. They only key to it all is acceptance that its over, realization that you cant change that, and making peace with the past.

[elsenyor]

I just want to know. I am moving on and I definitely feel a shift in me emotionally and mentally but I'm not anywhere close to letting go completely. My feelings haven't changed, however they're less hopeful.

 

What should I do to speed up the process? What comes first-letting go or moving on.

We broke up 6 and half months ago.

 

We haven't spoken at all besides his reply to an email I sent nearly two months ago.

I blocked him two weeks ago.

 

not sure, but i'm starting to feel amazing again, my first big milestone was 6 months in, and the second was now 8 months in, what changed i'm not sure... time i guess is what helped, nothing really sped it up. only thing that exists to create the illusion of speeding up the process is being preoccupied with yourself and on things you like (which makes time go by faster) rather than spending it on thinking on them (which makes time go by slower), but ultimately it is time that helps. the only thing that changes is how you perceive the time that's going by.

 

the change of focusing on them vs on you does happen but it's gradual, so even that in itself will feel like an eternity.

[jonyyy]

For me it's definetly moving on first. I find letting go an extremely long lasting process, especialy when we are dumped out of the blue.

 

This is why it's so unfair, because it takes so long to heal, time is being stolen from your life and as much as you consciously want to heal faster, you can't control it either.

[doicare]

For me it's definetly moving on first. I find letting go an extremely long lasting process, especialy when we are dumped out of the blue.

 

This is why it's so unfair, because it takes so long to heal, time is being stolen from your life and as much as you consciously want to heal faster, you can't control it either.

 

I agree with that. My friend said this to me "a rolling stone gathers no moss". His wife said (also my friend), if your ex comes back, "just keep walking!"

 

I feeling pangs of missing her today (I started asking myself why so suddenly), but there is no better way to get over someone in my opinion than moving on. Getting on with things that bring you happiness, whether that's doing well at work, spending good time with friends, going on dates, taking up a new hobby. Sitting there waiting for yourself to let go of your ex, will just have you stewing in neutral dwelling on the past. And "what you dwell on, you dwell in." Whereas a body in motion gathers momentum, and will pull you out of your ex's gravitational field.

[lavenderdove]

I really see letting go as a lot like the tide going out... the waves of longing/hope keep lapping up, but the tide does gradually recede a little at a time until the distance between you and the ex is great enough that you can let go because you are no longer immersed in them...

 

Everybody has their own special moment when they finally make peace and fully accept things. One of the hardest things to do is to let go of the fantasy they will come back or things will turn out differently than they did. But the truth is, the less you fantasize about it, the sooner you will re-engage in your own present rather than living in the past via rehashing memories, or in the future via fantasizing about them coming back. When you are fully engaged in your present, living in your own real life rather than memories or fantasies, you will start to feel much better.

 

One exercise that really works is to tell yourself you're going to let yourself have the mother of all fantasies... as in sit down, and imagine how your life would have gone (best case scenario) all the way from now thru your old age when you're sitting in a rocking chair with your ex and then see them on the death bed as a very old person, and you bid them a fond farewell.

 

Then you come back to the present and tell yourself, it would have been great as I imagined it, but now that person is gone as surely as if they had died, so I have to let go and figure out how to live the rest of my life happily and in the present rather than in the past or in fantasies. So indulge in one last massive fantasy, then tell yourself, that door is closed as surely as if the person died, because they are not in my life now.

 

Then you start living in your own present rather than indulging in memories or fantasies. You have to police yourself rigorously, because it is very easy to slip into memory or fantasies, but the truth is those are just a trick to keep the ghost of the person alive in your head, when they are no longer in your life. You need to engage yourself with the here and now, and disengage from memories and fantasies if you want to heal and let go.

[tattoobunnie]

You cannot fully move on without fully letting go first.

 

Just like quitting smoking - you need to retrain your brain with new ways of associating things. Enjoying the park, shopping, on your own. Meeting with loved friends and family. Painting the town red. Picking up new activities. Doing ones that you use to love doing before your ex.

 

You need to get back to you.

 

And to really begin to forget. You need to forgive them. You don't have to call, and say so. Or you can. But you forgive others for you.