silversoul Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 From DancingFool: .when I got serious about finding a good relationship, I kept asking myself two questions: 1) Does he need fixing or changing? If yes, no more dates. 2) Would a normal, mentally and emotionally balanced guy do this? You might have to really ponder this one because being swept off your feet feels good and it's exciting and so on, BUT.... the answer is no, so no more dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 So I just came back from the town main square, we watched fireworks and it was so much fun! Feeling content It is NC full way now. Easier to count too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 When I want to meet up or be friends remember all the pain he has caused you, remember those awful weeks in Novermber and December, numbing pain and tears, wanting to die. Do you really need a friend who could do this? Leave you and callously ignore. No way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 I dumped my EX because I'd simply fallen out of love with him, which was soooooo difficult because he worshipped the ground I walked on and I couldn't fault him in anyway what so ever. After I dumped him I started doing the wrong thing and contacting him our of guilt to see if he was okay, it was really just to relieve my guilt of dumping him. - seems to be exactly what he has done From user Clio: She broke up with you by text after three years. That alone should tell you that she is NOT the one. In fact, she is not a nice person and you are better off without her. In my experience, anyone who would discard you like that after 3 years of being together is self-centred, selfish and immature. This is someone who cannot see past their own self-interest. And they definitely don't love you. They only love themselves. That is all you need to know. Please, as hard as it is, go no contact and in time you will see that you dodged a bullet. I am very sorry for your loss, however, the person you were with was not the person you thought she was. If she ever contacts you again, please remember how you feel right now and do not reply. People like that think that they are entitled to treat others this way and in the absence of consequences, they take things for granted and are liable to treat you like that again and again. Good luck with your healing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 This too shall pass. Doing tr now. I think I will need around 3-4 hours max for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 God give me strength to endure this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 The person who breaks up with you it is not the same person you used to know. The moment they hurt you, you can no longer wish for the sympathy and love that used to be there. Now I'm going to provide me with that sympathy and care myself. I'm not going to settle for anything less I want and deserve. I'm great and I want someone as great as me to be my partner. I'd rather be alone and happy than compromise and go for anything less than I want. I'm content being on my own. I have awesome friends and relatives. I'm young, healthy, kind and able to do hard work. I can bring good into this world, and it will make me happy and those around me. The life will pass quickly and I don't want to have any regrets at the end. The world is beautiful and full of nice people. They are not as selfish as my ex. It is funny how he thinks he is so righteous because he is vegan and nice to homeless people and donates to Amnesty International. It is all fake and a facade. Inside he is just scared and full of fears. He most likely thinks he is better than most of the people. When his granny was in hospital, he was complaining about that he has to go there. It is like he did things because he is supposed to do not because he wants. I wonder if he did things with me just because as a bf he was supposed to? I only wish him the best and I accept that we are not compatible. We were compatible for first love thing and if I met him when I was at school it probably would have lasted just this long. I'm a grown up now and he is too, we have different paths in front of us. I just want to be real me, authentic me. I know I'm a good and strong person. I believe I can do great things in this life. I want to be a good friend and a companion, good daughter and sister. I'm not scared anymore like I was several years ago. I have less worries. I'm able to step out of my comfort zone. Only when I do that I'm able to be my real self. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 feeling so sad, tears rolling down. I'm so tired of this pain. I wish it would stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 Everything will be ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 It is just right now I feel very sad, but tomorrow comes a new days and it will be daylight again. I got into this habit of sleeping during the day which makes me even more depressed. Now I should do what will make me feel better - concentrate on my work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 so yeah he went to this festival with her. he is doing his own thing. and no one is guilty but you of bringing pain to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted February 10, 2014 Author Share Posted February 10, 2014 I was a bit reluctant to post here, because there journal brings back so much pain and I wanted not to focus on him. But I'm thinking about these things any way so I guess it is better to pour my heart out here. I don't know where I would be without this website. It's so comforting to know that I can post here and people will help me. What bothers me is that they are having a honeymoon phase right now. It's hard knowing that they are so excited about each other. It makes me so scared and so lonely that he forgot about me so easily? I was so sure of his emotions to me. It makes me question everything about myself, was I not good enough, was he not excited about me any more? But I know that I'm a good person and I can give so much. Then I think maybe he didn't love me as much as I did? He was not that into me all the time? I thought he was. All seems so fake now. I trusted him more than myself. I guess from now on I will rely only on myself and never will adore and trust someone as much. I was so sure of his good qualities, I called him an angel. Pfffffff. Sounds so cheesy now. I really loved (?) him so much. I'm not even that mad that he is with her now. It is just very disturbing how quickly you can be forgotten. Disposed. It's funny how they are listening to songs about getting high together, planning their trips. I bet the fact that she has two jobs and is so busy, and the fact that she is on a different continent adds a lot of excitement for him. It's ironic that we are an hour apart but he is excited about someone on a different continent. I inevitably compare myself to her. She just looked plain awful on her earlier pics. The last time I looked them up and when they met each other, it seemed she lost a lot of weight and got prettier. I know all this is shallow and it still affects me. As I'm typing this I'm realising how silly my worries are really. No matter, how great she is, if he is able to forget me so quickly and forget what we had so quickly, there is clearly something wrong with him. I don't know any more if he's good or bad, he is just a human I guess. But I never would treat someone with whom I shared so much, I would never treat anyone this way. I guess in the end we are all replaceable. People are selfish and he is got someone else to be excited about so he is not worried about me. I wonder what will happen to them when the honeymoon phase ends? But that's not my problem. I hope that with time I will spend less time thinking about their relationship. I'm just tired. M, I never expected this from you. I never expected this from you. I remember when we went to H. and had a nice dinner. It was so nice to be with you. I remember taking pictures of you in front of that horse. That evening was so lovely. We were standing outside and I was tossing your hair, and man passing by surprised us and said that we are such a lovely couple. I wonder if they will say that about you and her? They probably will. That doesn't even make me that sad, I'm not that impatient wild child any more who wants to get what she wants. I accept that you are with her. I even hope you will be happy with her. Just wish it didn't get this stinging pain in my chest. You were probably laughing inside at how terrible this break-up was for me. It was easy for you. You had no feelings. You weren't rejected by someone closest you. All that time I had with you feels surreal. I remember running home from the lectures and you would be there waiting for me. I can't remember much, I'm blocking these memories. If I keep relieving them, I'll never get over you. You were so great, how did we end up like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted February 10, 2014 Author Share Posted February 10, 2014 Ohh I just reread some of my earlier entries in this journal and some private messages and I can see clearly that I made a good progress with getting over him.It actually disturbed me reading them because I realise how terribly hurt and scared I was. Really disturbing. I'm getting better though. It happens gradually, we may not even notice the changes, but I'm healing every minute. It only gets better with each day. Wanted to add, I don't even want honeymoon phases, I find them disgusting, probably because of them. Yes, it is fun but it is not real, all ilusion and fantasy. I'd rather get to know someone and settle down. I don't need that teen wet dream any more. I want something stable and mature. But not now. I need to prepare myself for the great man I want to meet. I'm not settling. Not ever again spending weekend sitting home. Were terrible two days. I'm going to get up now and do the laundry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toby4 Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 just stumbled upon your journal and read a ton of it, wow you've progressed so much in your thought process its incredible! I think we both started posting on here around the same time and it's so good to see people coming out of these situations healthier, more mature, and in general just better people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 I know, I'm quite embarrassed to read my earlier entries haha. Panic mode full time. So glad it's only getting better from now on. Today I learned a grade for one of my essays I've written in January, I was thinking it would be a failure and was so surprised and glad that I got a very-very high mark. It really lifted my spirits. I think setting small goals and achieving them will really help me feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 I realise that I'm very vulnerable still though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 I miss you. Hope this will go away. Feels weird to miss someone who is ok with not seeing you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 Argh, I'm still a bit depressed, I find it so hard to get out of the bed. I wish I had a more structured schedule. I really need to go to the gym and do a 5 k and then do some work. I'm so tired of this sinking feeling in my stomach. Just want to be ok again, please. But NC is definitely helping me. I feel so much better. It's the way to go, for sure. Things will get better. I won't feel like this forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted February 15, 2014 Author Share Posted February 15, 2014 So I'm 3 months past my BU. It still feels very recent and at the same time as though it happened in a different life. The difference in how I feel is remarkable. The pain was excruciating first two months and though I still have my bad days and my bad moods, it is not as intense and not as frequent as it was before. Even three weeks ago I was crying almost every day. However, it matters little to you when you are in pain. You don't sit there and think 'Hmm, to yeah I'm in pain but it is not as bad, as in the first week'. But that's okay, now I at least know how to cope. I know I will be okay in the end. Even though it is still very gray, I'm getting used to live with this pain. I still love you but I have no idea how you feel about me. I was so sure of your love, but now I don't know any more. I guess the fact that you have not contacted me at all speaks volumes. I hope you know how I loved you. I really miss you. I wish things didn't end this way. You were precious to me. Did I take you for granted? I don't think so. I really tried to be there for you. I acknowledge my mistakes though. I still worry about you. I hope you will get better and I hope some day we will be able to talk and reminiscence about good times. I know that in the grand scheme of things (I learned this phrase from you!) our break-up doesn't really matter. Everything is temporary anyway. You really made me happy and I will treasure all the memories we made together. I'm so happy I met you and I know that you didn't mean to hurt me. I forgive you for what happened between us and I hope you are feeling ok. I know that you are planning a very exciting summer and I'm getting to the stage when I don't feel bad about it. You don't owe me anything and I don't owe you anything. Thanks to you, I will always appreciate what I have. You are the first one that I lost and I will try my best not to take things for granted. You don't miss your water. 'Till your well is gone. I love you honey and right now at this moment I wish the very best for you, I hope your share of good days will be greater than your share of bad ones. I wish I could send you this letter but I can't. I'm sure you know all this anyway. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChilliRed2013 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Silver, i just read the last few posts. I haven't been on here much lately, but reading your words lifted my spirits a little. It's good to know that there are people out there like you. You type what I think . Don't stop typing. Thankyou so much for sharing your thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silversoul Posted February 24, 2014 Author Share Posted February 24, 2014 Thanks ChilliRed, hope you are ok? I think I'm reaching indifference stage very slowly. I don't think I love him in romantic sense any more. Well at least not today haha. Thanks for encouragement, I'm not gonna stop trying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.