I caught him lying...

[annabellevicto]

Hi everyone. My boyfriend and I have known each other for about three years now, and we have been going out for seven months. He recently let me borrow his laptop since mine was stolen, and just today, I found porn on it. I am very open-minded, and I do not mind him watching porn. The problem is that he has told me since the beginning that he doesn't watch porn. So it's not the porn that I am upset about, it's the lying. Also, I have seen him messaging his exes in his history, too, when he agreed not to talk to his exes anymore. So, do I have a right to be upset, or am I just oversensitive? He's told me that he'll always tell me the truth, and now, it's turned out to be a lie.

[superfan]

You have two issues here - one I would be upset about, and one I wouldn't.

 

Re: the porn. It's possible he lied to you because he was either embarrassed (some guys don't like to admit they watch it) or because some women get VERY touchy about their guys watching porn and he wanted to avoid an argument. In that case, I don't think there is an issue with the lie - it was a white lie that harmed nobody.

 

Re: the messaging - this is what sends up a red flag. Now, did he agree just not to talk about them, or did he outright tell you he wasn't going to talk to them anymore? Did you read the messages? Were there a lot of them?

 

I would sit down and have a chat about this second one because this is what seems to be the more critical issue. If he lies to you about the exes, you know you have a problem. If there is nothing going on with them and he is willing to show you the messages, then maybe not.

[Ms Darcy]

He sounds like a liar. Perhaps the porn lie could be understood but the messaging the ex? I think you have a potential cheater on your hands. Good luck with that - I would be gone.

[alohalove18]

I wouldn't be upset about the porn. He was probably just embarrassed.

 

However, talking to exes is a BIG no no. I would confront him about it and if he still continues to lie about it I would throw him to the curb.

[ParisPaulette]

Ditto on no big deal about the porn, but messaging the exes? Red flag alert plus when they really go on about how they'll never lie to you, making a big deal of it, and then you catch them lying--that's another red flag that speaks to the man's basic character and integrity.

[Monkey ai]

I have different thoughts, do you ask him why he is lying to you? lying never good. I am not sure the reason why you are not allow him to talk with ex, is he still having unfinished feeling to her? or he is just afraid of you be upset??

I talk with my exes, but nothing to hide, as we have histories, but I am not in to them any more, they are my friends now, they are married or have GFs, I know them before I know my BF.

I do understand in the beginning you are insecure, or you just not trust him, talk with him, relationship needs respect and trust. maybe you can ask him to introduce you to his exs, be friend with them

[Thorshammer]

To play devils advocate - my ex's do come back- and i do entertain the thought- just to play with them because the immature me wants to come out for vengeance. It all depends on the conversation they had (is he trying to regain lost self-esteem, is he playing a game)- and really, you found out what most people dont find out- many people have a secret side they bury.

 

But, i dont forgive lies. I would have kicked them out.

[shelty24]

Id break up with him. Talking to exes is a big no no. He lied to you about it which means hes hiding something.