missmarple Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Do you have a first official date planned? No..neither official nor un-official...I've no idea when he'll be back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 No..neither official nor un-official...I've no idea when he'll be back. Then I'd put him entirely off your radar for now -he's someone you met once who might ask you out on a real date in the future. If he is serious about seeing you again he will make the effort to make a plan in advance with you. Hopefully you won't text with him a lot and get attached until you have that actual plan since it upset you so much the first time you thought he wasn't that interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Hopefully you won't text with him a lot and get attached He never texts. He only emails/calls...and I never call him first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 He never texts. He only emails/calls...and I never call him first. That wasn't my point. I meant that being in contact with him (whether by text/email/phone/smoke rings) if he has not asked you out on an official first date doesn't sound like a good idea for you since you got so attached just by meeting him in person. Make him put in the effort to look at his calendar, make a plan to come to town and ask you out. You can reciprocate and travel to him once you are dating regularly (not a big deal if you wanted to do that sooner but then I'd get my own hotel room since you've only met him once). It doesn't matter if he does all the calling. The point is that if he wants to date you then he needs to be the one to make the plan since he is the one traveling/making the arrangements- and he knows that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 I know what you mean, I just don't know how to avoid talking to him when he calls. I could say I'm busy but I can't say that every time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I know what you mean, I just don't know how to avoid talking to him when he calls. I could say I'm busy but I can't say that every time. "Hi Pedro! Great to hear from you! I can only talk to you for a short time today -busy day". Then talk for 3 minutes (look at the clock -don't get all caught up). After 3 minutes respond in context and then say "so when do you think you'll be in town again - it would be great to catch up in person". If he is completely vague say "I understand -well, why don't you get in touch when you know" and if he is partly vague follow up with "great, so, do you want to touch base next week (or in three days, or by whenever he says he will know) and see about making a plan? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 "Hi Pedro! Great to hear from you! I can only talk to you for a short time today -busy day". Then talk for 3 minutes (look at the clock -don't get all caught up). After 3 minutes respond in context and then say "so when do you think you'll be in town again - it would be great to catch up in person". If he is completely vague say "I understand -well, why don't you get in touch when you know" and if he is partly vague follow up with "great, so, do you want to touch base next week (or in three days, or by whenever he says he will know) and see about making a plan? LOL..Batya, you're great at this! I can definitely say those things. IF he calls tonight (or ever again ), that's what I'll say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 He just emailed me. Hi, missmarple, how are you? I started feeling sick yesterday. I start believing that the climate here isn't good for me. Awful headache, shivers and I don't feel like doing anything. Same thing had happened a month ago. How are you? Everything ok with school? Lots of kisses Pedro I haven't replied yet, I'm thinking what I should say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Thank you Miss Marple! I would respond "Sorry to hear you're not feeling well. Doing fine over here. I hope you feel much better soon". Then, in 2 days from now, if you don't hear from him send him a quick email that does not require a response especially if he truly is that sick "Hi Pedro -just checking in to say I hope you're feeling better by now. All the best, (I would not return the kisses or be flirtatious -he doesn't get that side of you unless he makes a plan to see you). Oh and I completely believe he is ill - I didn't read your post to mean that you doubted him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 I replied in the way you said, except I added kisses..I use that word with everyone and he knows it...female friends, male friends, etc. I don't know if I believe he's ill...he could be ill as he had told me since the first time we talked that the house he's renting there is very cold...on the other hand, it's Wednesday evening and it could be a nice excuse for not coming back this weekend....we'll see. I'll take your advice if I don't hear from him by Saturday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I would not write to him at all over the weekend because you are a busy, social, popular person with no time to email men you've met one time. Email him Friday before 6pm and then wish him a good weekend so he understands that you don't plan on being in touch again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 I would not write to him at all over the weekend because you are a busy, social, popular person with no time to email men you've met one time. Email him Friday before 6pm and then wish him a good weekend so he understands that you don't plan on being in touch again. Friday it is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I don't get a good sense of Pedro and it sounds a lot like he's setting the foundation for being unavailable . .again. Once we start justifying and making excuses for someone we are tipping over in the red flag zone. I would put this one off your radar. It's easy to say when a guy is interested he will make the time. It's another to experience it and it reminds us of what it feels like when you can say. . yah, this one is interested because he locks down a date in short order. I met some guy once and our first meeting was magical. He was intense and charming. I remember him pulling the bottom of my chair closer to his and our legs touching and it took my breath away. I was woozy with attraction but once back in my car I checked myself. This guy didn't know me and if he's that charming with me, he's likely that way with others. It wasn't about 'our' magical connection. I listened to that little voice. .the voice I didn't listen to until I was mature enough to know better. . and about that guy. . I was right. As for M - I go into these type things saying `I can't have too many friends' No expectations and honestly I have made some nice friends along the way. I say put Pedro off your radar until which time he makes a genuine effort for some face time and you aren't left wondering. . That's my take on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Well, it's not like I do anything to keep him on my radar. I mean, he's always the one who contacts me first and if I can reply, I do. If another weekend goes by (I mean apart from this one) and he finds some excuse not to visit, I'll stop replying to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I'd tell him that I am looking for a `real friend' not an 'electronic' one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Well, it's not like I do anything to keep him on my radar. I mean, he's always the one who contacts me first and if I can reply, I do. If another weekend goes by (I mean apart from this one) and he finds some excuse not to visit, I'll stop replying to him. Yes, by replying you are keeping him on your radar (which is fine for now of course). Are you keeping your options open as far as other guys? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Yes, by replying you are keeping him on your radar (which is fine for now of course). Are you keeping your options open as far as other guys? Of course...but there's just no other guy around at the time being. If he lived in the same town, it would be different...but when someone is 2 hours away, you have to allow for some time between the first and the second date..that's why I've set a limit of 2 weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Here's a question I have - when it comes to OLD, for myself, I've decided to go with a free one, for now, because I honestly don't know if I really want to 'rush' into another relationship right now. To me, paying for one makes it seem as if you're actively looking for a significant other, and I don't believe I am right now. Am I smart to keep it to the free one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Here's a question I have - when it comes to OLD, for myself, I've decided to go with a free one, for now, because I honestly don't know if I really want to 'rush' into another relationship right now. To me, paying for one makes it seem as if you're actively looking for a significant other, and I don't believe I am right now. Am I smart to keep it to the free one? What is it that you are looking for then, casual dating? Or serious but want to take it really slow. I've always used free ones, but there is a bit more screening and weeding out to do with free ones. I've been told paid ones have more quality people and less screening to do, probably would be looking for something serious. If you want something serious but just want to take your time getting to know them and take it slow, I'd say still give paid sites a try? Which free site are you using? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 MM, I don't have a good feeling of Pedro's interest level. But I guess it's just more wait and see for now (don't you just hate that)! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Of course...but there's just no other guy around at the time being. If he lived in the same town, it would be different...but when someone is 2 hours away, you have to allow for some time between the first and the second date..that's why I've set a limit of 2 weeks. Of course I just hope you're not closing off other options for someone you met in person one time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 MM, I don't have a good feeling of Pedro's interest level. But I guess it's just more wait and see for now (don't you just hate that)! But that's not surprising at all -she met this person one time in person so if there is an interest level it would be interest in another date. Right now the assumption is no interest in another date because he hasn't scheduled one. If he does, then she'll know that he is interested in another date. Other types of interest are anyone's guess- they're basically strangers for that purpose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 What is it that you are looking for then, casual dating? Or serious but want to take it really slow. I've always used free ones, but there is a bit more screening and weeding out to do with free ones. I've been told paid ones have more quality people and less screening to do, probably would be looking for something serious. If you want something serious but just want to take your time getting to know them and take it slow, I'd say still give paid sites a try? Which free site are you using? I agree with this. . I started much like you with the free sites and got tossed around by so many bottom feeders it was turning me off to dating period. My opinion, go to link removed and set your own pace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Of course...but there's just no other guy around at the time being. If he lived in the same town, it would be different...but when someone is 2 hours away, you have to allow for some time between the first and the second date..that's why I've set a limit of 2 weeks. But this potentially unavailable person (may be it the only one for right now) is taking up some valuable head space, not to mention some emotion that might be better spent else where. What's that saying . .needing to close a door before another opens I believe that dabbling in something like this changes your emotional availability. It seems to me if you closed this door shut (when you are ready) something else will show up a little faster on the other end and you will be more open to receive it. At least that how it works for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I think it depends on what your target demographic is and what city you live in. My friends all had great luck on Match. They are all childless, and very career driven. I had no luck on there- but on eH, I had to beat them off with sticks- the men on there loved that I was super domestic and wanted more kids. My friends...had very little luck on eH. It's all about testing out as many markets as you can...changing your profile and pictures often to see what works (and keep you in their feeds)...and lucking out. Sometimes it's the time of year too. I found men disappeared in the summer and around Valentines Day. Christmas...that was the time to meet a guy. Spring was pretty good too. Different things for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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