missmarple Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 What's with all these Latin-sounding hotties?? Well, English names didn't work for me, so, I figured I'd use Spanish...haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I would not meet Gabriel -if the stress of ivf was that bad he could have left the marriage, sought counseling -absolutely no justification for cheating and if he linked it that way in his explanation I'd run for the hills even though you do not want kids. What if you get sick or need some regular procedures done and he gets stressed out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 so..... does he still want to have kids? or not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 He doesn't want to have kids. He had stopped wanting kids after the 5th-6th IVF...he had suggested adoption because his wife was adamant about having a kid...I don't know how he feels about adoption now but it's not something I'd want at my age, anyway. Batya, he didn't link cheating to the IVF but to the fact that because of all the failed attempts, the marriage was suffering. He told me that the woman he cheated with (once, according to him) was an old time friend and he was also so drunk that night that he didn't even return home, he slept at that woman's place. The next morning he went home, told his wife what had happened and they both decided it was over. It made sense to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I would give Gabriel the benefit of the doubt for now. Yes there are no excuses for cheating, but people do make mistakes and if through meeting and getting to know him, MM decides he does in fact appear honest and genuine, and shows genuine remorse about the cheating then I think it's not a big deal. I have guy friends who may be nice people otherwise but you just know they are prone to cheating / aren't faithful people just by the way the talk and act. I think MM would be able to tell upon getting to know the guy a bit (if it progresses). Just on that subject, some of the big telltale signs I've picked up through witnessing these guys in relationships are selfishness, cowardness/avoidance style communicators (preference to avoid problems than communicate or do anything about them, refusal to leave a relationship despite constantly complaining about how unhappy they are with the partner and/or the relationship itself or even expressing intention to leave to friends, but don't actually do it), relatively low moral standards not just with the relationship but in general and lack of remorse to having done the wrong thing (eg cheating. Seriously none of them expressed how bad they feel about it, or how it's eating them up inside, because they are clearly morally ok with it, that's a big one I think. If you dont feel bad about it, there's nothing stopping you from doing it again), these traits I've seen in all of the men I know that are repeated cheaters or prone to cheating (which is sadly not a very small number). They could also be the flirty/attention seeking type but not necessarily (just two of the ones I know are like that). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 He doesn't want to have kids. He had stopped wanting kids after the 5th-6th IVF...he had suggested adoption because his wife was adamant about having a kid...I don't know how he feels about adoption now but it's not something I'd want at my age, anyway. Batya, he didn't link cheating to the IVF but to the fact that because of all the failed attempts, the marriage was suffering. He told me that the woman he cheated with (once, according to him) was an old time friend and he was also so drunk that night that he didn't even return home, he slept at that woman's place. The next morning he went home, told his wife what had happened and they both decided it was over. It made sense to me. It's your choice and your standards. If (big if) it is true that he ended the marriage right after he chose to get drunk and chose to have sex with another woman then at least he didn't try to cover it up or justify it as "just once" or worse "I was drunk". What likely happened is he returned home, she quickly figured it out and understandably kicked him out. So the guy has to call you on time or else he's history but can get drunk and cheat on his spouse and that's not a dealbreaker? I really do mean that tongue in cheek -we all have personal standards that might not make sense to everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 So the guy has to call you on time or else he's history but can get drunk and cheat on his spouse and that's not a dealbreaker? I really do mean that tongue in cheek -we all have personal standards that might not make sense to everyone. Well, not everything is black and white. I can understand someone who made a mistake because he was at a bad place psychologically - I've been there myself when my own marriage was falling apart..I didn't cheat but if I had been drinking, I might just have..my then husband did cheat and told me and it was then that we decided to get a divorce..not because of the cheating but because I realised I didn't care that he had cheated...the marriage was over. From what Gabriel told me, I felt that it was a similar situation..a marriage that was about to end and what he did just gave things a final push. Of course, he could be lying but, really, he had no reason to, it's not like I would ever know what happened..he could have just told me 'we were fighting all the time' or some other excuse. I can't compare this to someone who says he'll call and then re-appears 4 days later without as much as a sorry, I see no comparison between the two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 It sounds like you're ok with cheating right before asking for a divorce (assuming that's what happened - I have a feeling that's not typically what happens but you'll find out soon I assume -you're good at ferreting out the truth!). The comparison I am making is that both cheating (lying) and making good on a promise to call someone are both indications of character and integrity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 The comparison I am making is that both cheating (lying) and making good on a promise to call someone are both indications of character and integrity. That's where we disagree. I see the second case as lack of interest/integrity...not the not-calling, but the lack of even a 'sorry, i couldn't call'...I can't find ANY excuse for someone who says he'll call, then disappears and then re-appears as if nothing happened...none at all except he's a selfish jerk. Cheating on the other hand (as long as we're not talking about a serial cheater), I can understand and forgive in some cases...people make mistakes when they're under stress..as long as they learn from them, I can live with it. The cheating I don't understand is when everything is supposedly fine in your relationship and you go and sleep with someone else just because..and, like I said, if that was the case, he had no reason to tell me. The mere fact that he told me about it tells me that he's basically a honest person who made a mistake during a bad period in his life, admitted it and ended the marriage. Of course, if/when I meet him in person, I''ll have a better understanding of his character. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Oh I can understand cheating too and how people act under stress. To me it's a separate issue whether I'd date someone with an eye towards long term potential who chose to get drunk and cheat on his wife. For me that likely would be a dealbreaker even if I could still associate with that person or even be close friends with the person. I have friends who have cheated in the past on their spouses. I can't find any excuse for someone who cheats on their spouse because divorce (or at least separation) is always an option (just like you labeled the person who doesn't call a selfish jerk -you can't find any excuse either). Let's put aside the rare exceptions where the other spouse is in a coma or so far gone in some way that divorce is not an option and the other spouse is trapped ,etc. He knew he was vulnerable in that way and chose to get drunk while out with a female friend who was also drinking. Obviously some cheating behavior is worse than others. At least you know that if he wants to end things with you he may very well first "confess" to you that he cheated (which means he wanted to burden his wife - he could have kept his mouth shut and just asked for a divorce - so perhaps he had to tell her or selfishly wanted to unburden his guilt) before he actually breaks up with you. And that's assuming how he described it is how it happened. If you're ok with that then you're good to go of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 I sent a good afternoon email to Pedro and he called me immediately. We talked for 20 mins or so and when I told him I had to go, he asked me to talk again before bed. I really enjoy our talks but I'm worried about so much contact before meeting. I realise he feels lonely over there and we do have many things to talk about but I can't help worrying that when we meet maybe the chemistry won't be there and one or both of us will feel awkward. I think tonight I'll ask him when he thinks we can meet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 So, last night I talked some more with Pedro. I asked him about his last relationship. It was 3 years ago and had lasted for 2 years. Astrologically speaking (you know I'm into star signs) the woman was an Aquarius like myself..he's a Pisces and born on Feb 29...first person I meet who was born on that date! He told me that the reason he broke up with her was that they weren't compatible in bed and although he considered her a great person and they had many things in common, eventually, bedroom issues couldn't be overcome. Then he paid me some compliments...that he feels very comfortable talking to me, that he's not an easy person to open up and that he wishes he still lived here and we could meet tomorrow. We talked about when he'd be able to come here but, unfortunately, the roads around his town are in a bad state because of the snow (it snowed for 5 days straight over there) so, he's not sure he can make it this weekend....and the next weekend is my excursion with the singles site...just great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 The singles event was nice but there was noone I liked there. I had a good time because of the music and the food...lol. I talked to 2-3 guys but noone was to my liking. Meanwhile. Pedro emailed me some photographs of trips he's taken (he's travelled a lot) and we talked on the phone, too..briefly this time as I had to get ready. Apparently, he speaks Spanish so the Spanish name suits him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Glad you had fun at the singles event! Sounds like it'll be hard to arrange to meet with Pedro considering the distance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 Sounds like it'll be hard to arrange to meet with Pedro considering the distance. The problem is the weather, basically. Had it been spring or summer, it would be much easier. He's off work at 4pm Fridays, he could be here by 7pm and stay until Sunday afternoon. But as the roads are right now, it's very difficult, yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 Oscar (45, bank) called me and asked to meet tonight. I already have plans with a friend of mine, he said he can bring his friend, too...so, I called my friend, she said ok and we'll be meeting them both. I don't know why but I feel he's going to bore me to death Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 Oscar called me before the date and told me his friend can't make it and asked if he can come on his own. I said no and that we can reschedule when his friend is free. We said we'll talk again mid week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 Pedro has disappeared. It's very disappointing. Last time we talked was over 24 hour ago, he had called me. He had asked me to email him before I went out last night..which I did..and never got a reply. I normally wouldn't email again but because yesterday he had told me he was coming down with the flu, I emailed him this afternoon just asking if he's ok. No reply. I'll never talk to guys who don't live in my city again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Did he read it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 Ok, he did contact me. First, he sent me an email replying to mine from last night, said he's much better today and asked how my night out was. I was letting some time go by before I replied (since he had taken his time)..well, about 10 minutes...when he called me. He said a friend had been visiting him today and he just left an hour ago and he sounded fine, as usual. Still, I got an uneasy feeling. Did he read it? He always does..he doesn't have a computer yet so he uses his iPhone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 so he was coming down with the flu, but then had a "friend" coming over??? hm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 so he was coming down with the flu, but then had a "friend" coming over??? hm. Yes, that didn't sound right to me either...plus he hadn't mentioned anything about a friend coming over when we talked on Saturday afternoon...unless he has the kind of friends who just drop by without calling first..or a g/f. But he can't have a g/f...his profile is full of pics, I don't think he'd be that cool if he was in a relationship. Anyway, the weather is awful again and it's snowing in his town...so, I doubt he can come this weekend. Next weekend (24-25) will be the last one. If we can't meet by then, I'll give up. On other news, Oscar just called me from the bank and I also talked to his friend, let's call him Nick. The friend sounds more like my type..lol. I told him that both my friend and I can meet them on Friday or Saturday as long as we arrange it in time. He said Oscar will call me and we'll make a plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Just talked to Pedro anddddd he's coming this Friday and he'll come to meet me straight from the station. Have to say I'm excited Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 That's great! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 AWESOME!!!! I can't wait to here how your meeting with Pedro goes! Wishing you lots of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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