missmarple Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 It depends on the face. With his face, he looked 20 years older than his age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Batya, the guy is SKINNY...not thin, skinny. I'm not sure why you think that you can't see size in a photograph? For his smile, I agree, maybe it was just the pic. Because the camera does interesting things to bodies (granted, usually adds weight). And people can gain weight, etc. It's fine if he's not your cup of tea. I would be turned off if the guy looked unhealthy/sickly but if he was too thin for my taste but someone raved about him as a person I would meet him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 He didn't look unhealthy, just too skinny for my liking. Combined with his face that I didn't like and his white hair, I saw no point in meeting him. There has to be some basic attraction to meet someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 He didn't look unhealthy, just too skinny for my liking. Combined with his face that I didn't like and his white hair, I saw no point in meeting him. There has to be some basic attraction to meet someone. If you are repulsed then sure -but if not then given the referral from your friend I would meet him. I think you can be repulsed by a photo but basic attraction is an in-person thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 I haven't written here in a while...mainly because nothing is happening...it feels like I've met everyone there was to meet from those online sites and now all I get is messages from the same men over and over. The only 'news' is that this Friday I'll be going to one more singles event. This one is close to me, it's at a bar with rock music, ages 29-52 and my friend will be going with me. I'm not even hoping to meet someone there, I just hope it will be a fun evening. I'll keep you updated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 keep at it!!!! have fun this weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Have fun mm! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 I just came back from the event. It was a very good evening, in general. My friend didn't come along, so, I went on my own but I already knew the girl from the site (she's always at the events) and some guy I'd talked to before and that made things easier. The club was big, the seats comfortable and the live band excellent...but what was more important was that I finally met someone I liked and who seemed to like me back. He was 53, tall, with grey hair and blue eyes, very attractive, talkative, good sense of humour, lives close to me, works even closer....and...of course...there HAD to be something wrong with him. At first he told me he's twice divorced and has 3 kids..an older daughter from the first marriage who lives abroad and 2 younger boys (17/15) from the second marriage who he lives with. The problem, as he told me later, is that he's still living in the same house with his second wife and, apparently, they haven't even told the kids they're getting a divorce yet. He said he's been sleeping in the living-room so the kids know they don't get along and that in May, when the older boy takes his exams for uni, he'll move out and they'll start divorce procedures. Needless to say that that left me speechless. I didn't know what to say or how to react, so, I said nothing and a few minutes later I said I had to go. He offered to drive me home, I said thank you but I'd rather take a taxi and he said he'll contact me on f/b..you see, we had already exchanged f/b details (he had asked and it was before he told me all the details about his second marriage, so, I had given him my f/b name). Anyway, he just sent me a friend request on f/b and I don't know what to do. I meet someone I like after such a long time and he's still married AND living in the same house with his wife. Just great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 I would accept the friend request. And if he asks you out, tell him you are not comfortable going out with him until he's divorced, tell him to ask you out again when he's divorced and leave it at that. Since you like him, maybe if the stars align, when he gets divorced and if you are available, maybe something could happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 He's not going to be ready to date for at least a couple of years...it sucks, but I would let him go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 I agree with Notalady but be careful about what you type to him on FB in case his wife is monitoring it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 I didn't accept his request. I slept on it and this morning, with a clearer head, I decided that I don't want to get involved in such a strange situation. It's a good thing he hadn't asked for my phone number and just my f/b name. I thought that I'll definitely see him again at some event...it was his third event, too, from what he told me and when the girl from the site told us about a day trip the site is planning for January 25 (day before my b/day) to a very pretty town 2 hrs away that happens to be my favourite town, we both said we'd go...so, if I see him there or at some club before that I'll be able to evaluate the situation a bit better. By the way, the other guy I talked to (who I'd seen before) was also interested in me and that one is single and also nice (not as attractive as the married one, of course) but that one is 38..lol Yeah, someone has put a curse on me, I'm almost sure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 After a long time, I finally got to talk to 2 new and seemingly normal guys today, from different site each. Guy no1: Mateo is 56 (looks younger in pics, hopefully the pics aren't old..lol), 5'10, black hair, brown eyes, good looking, has his own company, divorced for 20 years with 2 grown up kids (boy 28/girl 26). We exchanged a couple of emails yesterday and he called me today. We talked for about 20 minutes, he sounded ok on the phone, told me a lot about his life, seems to be very open. He said he's looking for a serious relationship, that he never got married again because the kids were very young and he worked a lot and now he feels ready for something permanent..and that he'll call back tomorrow and we could arrange to meet in person and see what happens. Guy no2: Victor is 54, also looks younger (again I hope the pics are recent), 5'9, brown hair and eyes, even better looking than Mateo, is the manager of a company, divorced for 9 years with a grown up daughter and he lives alone (as does Mateo). With this one, we only exchanged 4-5 emails today and he gave me his phone number. I gave him mine, too, and said I'll call him tomorrow. From the emails it seems like he could be more my type (sense of humour, writing style, etc) but I can't tell for sure before I've talked to him. At least, something is moving! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 *fingers crossed* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Good luck MM, both sound good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Victor surprised me this morning with a cute good morning text. I replied to it and we exchanged a few text messages until he said 'let's meet' to which I said 'let's talk on the phone first'. I don't know, he sounds too eager and he hasn't even heard my voice yet. Anyway, we'll see this afternoon when I call him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Not everyone has to talk on the phone before meeting? Maybe he's just used to meeting straight away rather than going through the extra step? I certainly don't talk on the phone before meeting but I know different people have different approaches, but I don't find him too eager just because of asking to meet straight away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I would never meet anyone in person without talking by phone -you gain a lot of information based on voice tone/quality/how he has a conversation when he can't hide behind a computer screen. I think it's ok that he asked to meet ASAP but if he refuses a phone call I'd refuse to stay in contact. To me that probably means he has something to hide -you don't have to be a phone person to have a short phone call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 I know that not everyone is a phone person but, well, he was the first one who suggested to talk on the phone and gave me his phone number. Anyway, that's just a detail...in a few hrs I'm calling him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I agree with Batya. I have never met anyone without talking on the phone first. Doesn't have to be a long call. But you can glean so much more hearing their voice. Some people who are positive and upbeat online actually sound more negative in real life. I'd rather find a deal breaker via a phone conversation and cancel the coffee date than waste my time meeting the person. Also, I think if someone can't manage a phone call to you prior to meeting, they are hiding something. Like being married. Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I spoke on the phone with 2 men...out of all of them. I preferred to meet straight away, almost every guy I met was like victor. I think people can have reasons other than being married or wanting to hide something, as their primary reason for not wanting a phone conversation. For me, at one point my iPhone was dying and everyone complained there was a lot of interference...so until I bought a new phone, I didn't really talk on mine. I also didn't like talking on the phone because I ran a Dayhome....so 12 hours of everyday was really loud and those few hours that I had off everyday, I wanted to spend with my daughter- not talking to some random guy I've never seen. *shrugs*. I still don't like the phone. Lol Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I agree with Fudgie. Luckily I saved myself from some potentially horrific first meets by having a quick phone call. Sometimes the man would curse on the phone (after polite emails)or be basically mute after chatty emails ;once I was yelled at "how did you get this number???" (he gave it to me) and another time he spent our phone call interrupting me to read from my profile, out of context. And on and on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Well, I called Victor on the time we had said and he didn't pick up but a few mins later sent me a text message that he's at a meeting with clients and could he call me in 2 hours? I replied that he could but I don't know....if I expected a phone call at a specific time and a meeting came up, I would let the other person know, I wouldn't wait for them to call me first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I agree with Fudgie. Luckily I saved myself from some potentially horrific first meets by having a quick phone call. Sometimes the man would curse on the phone (after polite emails)or be basically mute after chatty emails ;once I was yelled at "how did you get this number???" (he gave it to me) and another time he spent our phone call interrupting me to read from my profile, out of context. And on and on. Not everyone is good with phone conversations, if they curse or be rude then sure they should be written off but I can see myself having awkward silences on the phone with a stranger and struggle to find things to say even though I'm actually very talkative in person. I don't think phone conversations is good for judging that kind of stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Not everyone is good with phone conversations, if they curse or be rude then sure they should be written off but I can see myself having awkward silences on the phone with a stranger and struggle to find things to say even though I'm actually very talkative in person. I don't think phone conversations is good for judging that kind of stuff. Yes, it sounds like it would not be for you. I did it mostly for safety reasons. I avoided some potentially dangerous situations by having a phone call. And there were some men who refused to give me a number (this was back when cell phones were not as common). I knew then that I needed to move on. I think it's a good idea to rehearse before a phone call -not to sound fake but to be at ease and natural -do deep breathing, think in advance of three questions to ask -and keep it short with the ending being making some sort of plan to meet if it goes ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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