missmarple Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 So, there's this guy I had talked to a few times a long time ago, I had mentioned him in this journal, I think as Steve (my age, divorced, 3 little girls, accountant, lives 5 mins away). We hadn't met because although we had set a date, he had changed his mind, we had had some argument, I forget the details. Anyway, every couple of months since then he's been trying to talk to me, sending friend requests, emails, etc but I've always been negative. Today he emailed me again, saying I should give him a second chance since, apparently, neither one of us has found something interesting on the site. He also said he still has my phone number and he can call me to talk, etc and I'm thinking about it. Opinions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I've never had good luck trying again with guys like that. You could always see how it goes...it's too bad you don't remember what the fight was about...that would be good indicator as to whether or not you should meet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I've never had good luck either.... but i think meeting for coffee can't hurt (i hope not!). At least then you guys will know for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 I remember we had argued about what time to meet (I think), I'm not sure and it's too many pages back to look for it..lol. However, on the phone and online we had done well..I was the first person he had talked to on that site. Apart from that, I've also never had good luck trying to go back somewhere...but I also think a coffee can't hurt, especially since he lives so close to me and we go to the same places. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecaryn Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Making use of the Advanced Search feature pulls him up as 'S' way back on page 3. You went on to detail your interactions with him for a few more pages. You two didn't seem to be a good match. You mentioned he was rather deadpan without much of a sense of humor and he didn't like animals, among other things. I'd probably pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I dated a guy for 4 months I had met online. He was pretty cool - but there was a red flag in the beginning. On his profile he had stated he had never been married nor had any children, but 2 weeks in, he confessed to having been previously married and has a son! His explanation was that when he divorced, he moved back to our state with his folks, his ex-wife got remarried, and had another baby along with having his son, and they were a happy family and he didn't want to disrupt that. He didn't talk to his ex-wife or son at all - even though his son knows him, it's like he doesn't exist at all. In the end I accepted it, even though I in no way ever understood it. In the end, I guess I should have seen that red flag as a warning that this guy wasn't into family, nor was he into any sort of social gatherings. He hated his family and tolerated mine, but if it was for somthing he didn't HAVE to be at, you can be sure he wouldn't go.That was the deal-breaker for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 When I first signed up for online dating, I was super serious about it...and tried to make people do things my way, and I had all these ideas about how it should work. Maybe Steve is the same...maybe he's had some experiences and loosened up? Or if he is page 3 guy, maybe he's still an idiot. That's a tough one. I would decide based on how cute he is (because I'm dumb like that). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 I went back to page 3 and re-read what I had written about him. On page 6, he was arranging another date while talking to me and wrote in my pm box by mistake and although I eventually 'forgave' him, he decided not to go ahead with the meeting. However, that was a year ago (time does fly) and he was new on the site. I don't know, it's hard to decide. faraday, he is cute..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecaryn Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Considering he was new to the site at the time and multi-dating is generally viewed as the expected norm for online dating, especially the early stages, I don't see his little faux pas in regards to the double dating thing as that big of a deal. I think the incompatibility comes up more in your differing personalities and in that you were always on the fence about him, or something about him, from the beginning. Your intuition perhaps? With that being said, if you're bored and he's close, a quick coffee sounds not totally unfun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Eh, I say go for it cautiously. Just do coffee or something simple. No surprises or frills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luminousone Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I say go for it, MM! But don't have high expectations... It can't be worse than this poor guy's date: link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Read the old posts on S, doesn't sound like you were compatible (the silence on phone when you made a joke bit made me cringe lol, I too would not have been able to stand that). That being said, it could be different in person. No harm just getting a coffee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 I finally made up my mind. I'm not going to meet him. My instinct says not to. I'll block him on the site, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Always good to follow your instinct Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 So, this Friday I'm going to meet my colleague's friend. It will be 4 of us..my colleague, his wife and another colleague (female) who has met this guy before. It will be a jazz night at his cafe/club, so, at least, I'll have a good time even if nothing comes out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Good luck MM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 Well, it was a pleasant evening but not because of that guy. The cafe (lounge cafe) was pretty, the live band was good and I had a lovely sangria. My colleague's friend was not my type AT ALL, at least looks-wise and I didn't get to talk to him enough to see what his personality was like. He only sat with us for 2 minutes..after that, people called him from everywhere and he constantly had to go..which was fine by me..lol. Anyway, after about an hour we decided we were hungry and we left and went and had some great burgers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 My friend who was with me last night sent me a pic of a friend of hers, in case I'm interested in meeting him. Unfortunately, I didn't like the pic at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Maybe he doesn't photograph well?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Not your fault if you aren't attracted to him. Keep hanging out, partying and eventually you find someone you like. In my opinion it's better than online dating. The key is having a good social network. Friends, friends of friends/acquaintances... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 at least you had a good evening and that's what's important Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 Maybe he doesn't photograph well?? No, that's not it. His hair is all white although he's just 46 and that's a major turn-off for me..plus, he's skinny...another one of my turn-offs.. and I found his smile off-putting, too. I didn't like anything about him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 No, that's not it. His hair is all white although he's just 46 and that's a major turn-off for me..plus, he's skinny...another one of my turn-offs.. and I found his smile off-putting, too. I didn't like anything about him. Obviously if hair color is a dealbreaker for you that is obvious in a photograph but a photograph isn't going to tell you if he looks skinny in real life or what his smile is like in real life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 Obviously if hair color is a dealbreaker for you that is obvious in a photograph but a photograph isn't going to tell you if he looks skinny in real life or what his smile is like in real life. Batya, the guy is SKINNY...not thin, skinny. I'm not sure why you think that you can't see size in a photograph? For his smile, I agree, maybe it was just the pic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I guess he's just not your cup of tea physically wise. All white hair...I don't mind at all. Even though I generally like men close to my own age, and it's pretty rare. But I think it can be quite striking/handsome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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