annie24 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I'd give him a pass on this, because it wasn't too expensive (just a coffee). Obviously, it would have been better if he put down 6 euros, but since you already put down the 5... I'd see how things are on subsequent dates - like if you go to dinner, does he pay his share or offer to pay for yours also? Or if he sits back and says, "Thanks for dinner!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 It's not a matter of tipping/not tipping. It's that I had no intention of paying for him and I only left that note because I didn't have any change. It's not even about money, it's that I didn't like what he did. When I'm out with a guy I haven't met before (or a woman, for that matter), I don't just assume that the other person wants to pay for me, too, and that's what he did. Just to give him the benefit of the doubt... let's say he only had a 10 note, and then you have to wait for the waiter to come back and bring you change, which is sometimes super annoying. I've been in the situation where I've waited and waited and waited...I think that the waiter was hoping I would just leave so he could have the large tip instead of leaving me the change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 Just to give him the benefit of the doubt... let's say he only had a 10 note, and then you have to wait for the waiter to come back and bring you change, which is sometimes super annoying. I've been in the situation where I've waited and waited and waited...I think that the waiter was hoping I would just leave so he could have the large tip instead of leaving me the change. He had enough change to pay for his own coffee. He took them out and picked the one euro coin...and the cafe was half-empty, there would be no waiting for the change. I do give him the benefit of the doubt..as in, I'll go out with him once more if he asks. It's just something that will be in the back of my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 It's not a matter of tipping/not tipping. It's that I had no intention of paying for him and I only left that note because I didn't have any change. It's not even about money, it's that I didn't like what he did. When I'm out with a guy I haven't met before (or a woman, for that matter), I don't just assume that the other person wants to pay for me, too, and that's what he did. I understand but it seems kind of awkward for him because you put down the 5 euros FIRST right away...it sort of leaves him in a quandary "do I put down 1 euro and that rounds off the whole bill, or do I put down 3-4 euros and then we have to go about finding change, etc. etc." You know? Just sort of awkward. Anyway, I think if you go out on another date with him, you'll have a better feel if he's really a mooch or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I think you put your money down quickly and he decided not to "fight" you to pay the bill. I agree, just see what happens next time. For me, my mom is the kind of person who will fight you - to the death! - to pay for the bill. it's actually very annoying. I remember when I was a child, maybe 7 years old or so, I was out with my mom and her friend. We walked by a newspaper stand and I saw a newspaper with a comic strip on it, and I wanted to buy the newspaper. My mom's friend wanted to buy it for me, and my mom said NO NO NO!!! Like, so weird, it's just a newspaper, 75 cents, if that, back in the 80s!! It's not like I wanted some expensive toy. It made me feel really awkward my mom responded like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I would be bothered as well. You putting down the bill to pay for yourself is one thing. Him taking advantage of that and only adding 1 euro to complete the bill was rude and presumptuous. It would be different if he had asked or said something...or you had said that you got it......or anything really....other than just quietly adding only enough to cover the whole bill, effectively making you pay in a passive aggressive sort of way. For me, something like that would be a one and done and over. No second chances on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It is a bit awkward when one person put down a bigger note, maybe he didn't know how to react in the moment and didn't do the right thing. I vote to give him one more chance as well and see if this is a common theme with this guy. On one recent date, the bill was $55, the guy took out $50 and I took out $25 (roughly my share), he gave the cashier the $50 and I chipped in the $5 and offered him the remaining $20 that I already pulled out, he said it's fine and didn't take it. I know my instant reaction was to still offer the remainder of the money anyway and not presume he was paying for me, but it did feel a bit awkward exchanging money. I think he probably felt the same so said no (he hesitated for a brief second lol). I can see how your date may have thought because it's such a small amount and given the awkwardness of exchanging money, maybe he decided not to offer in that split second. I hope he thanked you for coffee though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 The big difference being that you offered to pay your share and didn't presume quietly that he'll pick up the bill. Huge difference, big. Anyway, I'm sure missmarple can judge better than any of us the nuances since she was there. I'm just in the grumpy "us womenz sometimes make too many excuses for bad behavior when it should be nipped in the bud" mode. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Haha, I get how you feel. For me though, sometimes it's hard to tell whether I'm overreacting/overthinking until I see it happen a second time. Then say I should have known this the first time it happened, but oh well. No harm done for giving it a second chance when it's something small like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Him taking advantage of that and only adding 1 euro to complete the bill was rude and presumptuous. meh, but it's just a few euros. I know that a teacher like missmarple isn't a billionaire, but a coffee isn't going to break the bank. Hopefully next time he pays for the bill before she is able to open her purse. I loaned a coworker $6 last month but she never gave it back, but i'm too embarrassed to ask for such a small sum back. oh well, whatever. she had been drinking, maybe she totally forgot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 I hope he thanked you for coffee though! He didn't. He said nothing. meh, but it's just a few euros. I know that a teacher like missmarple isn't a billionaire, but a coffee isn't going to break the bank. Hopefully next time he pays for the bill before she is able to open her purse. If it was more than a few euros, I wouldn't risk seeing him again...lol. Because it was just 2 euros, I'm thinking I'll give him a second chance. It's not even about the money, it's the principle of the thing..not the 'guy takes you out, he should pay' principle but the assumption that I'd pay for his share..which annoys me whoever it comes from. Even when I'm out with my best friend, I always take out money to pay for my share and if she wants to cover the whole bill, I say thank you. I'm about to meet some of my friends and I'll see what they think about this, too. It's never happened to me before and not sure what to think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I agree with you Miss Marple. I agree that he might turn out to be very stingey. I have been with a stingey man, and I think for me to find someone who I really, really like and want a commited relationship with, they can only be someone who is warm and generous. It's not that I want money from them, it's just that stingey is so disappointing. Those sort of men often are too mean to do the little things that mean a lot to most women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Well, I talked to 3 friends of mine and the general consensus was that he does seem to be cheap. 2 of my friends said I should give him one more chance, 1 said she wouldn't bother with him again. I'll decide what to do if/when he contacts me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I would give him one more chance but it's a very close call to me. I think it shows lack of manners (and maybe cheapness too). I would also have felt awkward if you put down the 5 and I would have stumbled as to how to react but I know I would have either offered to get change or if we had to leave for some reason I would have thanked you and said I was treating the next time. I might have felt awkward offering you money after we had left the cafe. Maybe he'll realize how boorish he behaved and follow up with a thank you. A girl can hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It's not a matter of tipping/not tipping. It's that I had no intention of paying for him and I only left that note because I didn't have any change. It's not even about money, it's that I didn't like what he did. When I'm out with a guy I haven't met before (or a woman, for that matter), I don't just assume that the other person wants to pay for me, too, and that's what he did. Hmmmm...wasn't Ebenezer Scrooge also a financial analyst? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 I talked to a new guy on the site tonight. Cesar is 48, an insurance agent, divorced with no kids, 5'9, brown hair and eyes, very good-looking. He's an only child like me, his parents have died, he lives alone and loves animals - I like his writing style although he seems a bit introverted..or maybe it's because he's only been on the site for a few days. Anyway, it was an interesting chat. I asked what he's looking for, he said meeting new people but not interested in one night stands, so, we agree on that. He didn't ask me to meet but we both said we want to talk again, so, we'll see. PS I've heard nothing from the stingy one...maybe he had expected me to cover the whole bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I talked to a new guy on the site tonight. Cesar is 48, an insurance agent, divorced with no kids, 5'9, brown hair and eyes, very good-looking. He's an only child like me, his parents have died, he lives alone and loves animals - I like his writing style although he seems a bit introverted..or maybe it's because he's only been on the site for a few days. Anyway, it was an interesting chat. I asked what he's looking for, he said meeting new people but not interested in one night stands, so, we agree on that. He didn't ask me to meet but we both said we want to talk again, so, we'll see. PS I've heard nothing from the stingy one...maybe he had expected me to cover the whole bill How dare you expect him to cover $1 of the bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 How dare you expect him to cover $1 of the bill $1.27! It was a whole EUR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 Second chat with Cesar, just for a few minutes. He asked what I'm doing tonight, I said I'm meeting a friend for dinner, he said he's going to his cousin for dinner, too, and then we both had to leave to get ready. We wished each other a good time and that was that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 Nothing new to report except Cesar deleted me from his list. Better sooner than later, I guess..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Nothing new to report except Cesar deleted me from his list. Better sooner than later, I guess..lol Is there a reason ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Nothing new to report except Cesar deleted me from his list. Better sooner than later, I guess..lol At least that's better than the crazy guy who kept calling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Is there a reason ? Not that I know of. I just saw he had deleted me. Maybe he met someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 Just talked to a new guy on the site. Andres is 47, works in sales, divorced with a 17yo son, 6'3, black hair, brown eyes, good looking. He messaged me first and we talked for 10-15 mins (I had to go after that). He lives about 20 mins away from me, his writing style is very good, he seems to have a sense of humour and he likes cats. He said he hopes we can talk again, I said we sure will and that was that for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quirky Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I just checked the first page of the thread and saw you started this in mid November last year. So in 2 weeks it'll be 1 year from your online dating adventures, I am curious..how would you reflect on the experience? You seem very resilient and able to brush things off which I think is a great trait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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