Patrick974 Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Seems you have much less luck with French names. Maybe try Spanish names now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 6, 2014 Author Share Posted September 6, 2014 Seems you have much less luck with French names. Maybe try Spanish names now. LOL, thanks, that made me laugh. I just might. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 I'm baffled by how so many flaky men contact you...it's just not fair to you...wth...that sucks Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 6, 2014 Author Share Posted September 6, 2014 I'm baffled by how so many flaky men contact you...it's just not fair to you...wth...that sucks I know. I'm thinking that with the next one, I'll talk more before we go out. I can't take any more flakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Tristan called to cancel the date...40 minutes before we were supposed to meet...with a stupid excuse...his mum called with an emergency and he had to go check on her blah blah. He said we'll talk. Yeah, right. Well..... again I think you should do the typical one more chance -IF he calls promptly, apologizes. and promptly reschedules time and place then I would do one more chance. Anything less than next him. I am really sorry you encounter all these flakes. I feel your pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 7, 2014 Author Share Posted September 7, 2014 New guy. Juan (taking the Spanish route..lol) is 51, in business consulting, divorced for 2 years with 2 sons, 13 and 14yo, 5'11, brown hair and eyes, goatee, distinguished-looking and a Leo. He first contacted me yesterday and today we exchanged a few emails, mostly about our hobbies. He plays basketball and loves cycling and he also loves animals (used to have a dog). His purpose is to find a life-partner, from what he said. I'm taking this one slow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 7, 2014 Author Share Posted September 7, 2014 Juan asked for my phone number and he called me. We talked for 40 minutes. He told me he lives with his sons...apparently his ex wife is an artist and she agreed that the kids were better off living with him. He told me that both boys are well-behaved and good students and they all share house chores, etc. They live in his family's house and his mum lives on the first floor...she's 87, so, she can't be of much help with the boys. He's lost the rest of his family, both his dad and his sister have died. He really sounds like a very nice guy. I liked the way he talked about everything, in an optimistic way and I was touched by the way he talked about his sons...and I'm not easily touched. He used to work at a bank for many years until a few years ago when he decided to start his own business. He told me he worked very hard at the beginning but the business has now taken off and he can work flexible hours which is very important to me. He didn't ask many things about me but that was because I kept asking him questions. He did tell me that he thinks I'm very beautiful and that he'd like to meet me, I said sure, we'll meet some day. After my latest flakes I stopped myself before saying 'ok, I'm free tomorrow' or something like that. Then, I had to go (a friend is coming over for dinner) and he asked me to call him tonight for 'a quick goodnight'. I said ok. I have a good feeling about this guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 The spanish name is clearly working Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 *fingers crossed* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 I called Juan for that goodnight last night and we ended up talking for 20 more minutes. Again he mentioned meeting and again he didn't ask when I'm free or anything specific..so, we'll see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 When he mentioned meeting, how did you respond? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Sounds like he is wanting more of a green light from you than just a "sure...someday....". It sounds very lukewarm and not at all encouraging to ask you out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 I doubt he's going to ask you to meet if you've already given a "yeah, someday" answer. Not very compelling. I know you want to take this slow but you've had a couple semi-lengthy phone convos by now and he seems very nice and eager. I would suggest a meet-up at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 I would not meet someone who said "sure someday" - (I did not see where she said that). It does not have to be "ok, I'm free tomorrow what about you" but certainly an enthusiastic "yes, I'd love to - what did you have in mind?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 I didn't just say 'sure..someday' in a lukewarm way. I said (verbatim) that's a very good idea, we should indeed meet some day. The next logical step would be for him to ask when I'm free or suggest a day...but he didn't. Don't forget that I was the one who called last yesterday...granted, he had asked me to but the point is I did and, again, the convo went just like before. When I had to go to bed I even told him he could call me this morning if he wasn't too busy at work or email me. He's done neither so far and it's evening of the next day. In my opinion, I've been nothing but friendly and encouraging. If, for whatever reason, that's not enough for him to ask me out, so be it. I said ok, we should meet. If he can't take the next step, it means he's not the guy I'm looking for. I just can't handle any more passive guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 Simon, the guy I went on a date with a week ago, messaged me on the site and we talked for a few about this and that. I think I'm going to take him off my list..I don't see the point in chatting if he doesn't plan on meeting me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 I think that's basically fine what you actually said. I would make this next chat the last time you speak unless you and he firm up a time/place plan to meet (and not for a date -a first meet -so, yes, you should feel free to respond to his inquiry with "sure, let's make a plan"). If he asks you to meet in person to me that's not being active or passive -it's simply the next logical step after contacting someone on a dating site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 If he asks you to meet in person to me that's not being active or passive -it's simply the next logical step after contacting someone on a dating site. If he does ask, yes, it's not active or passive, it's logical. But if he doesn't ask, and considering he's said twice that 'we should meet', then, it is passive because, obviously, he'll be expecting me to make the actual plan and I just don't want someone like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 If he does ask, yes, it's not active or passive, it's logical. But if he doesn't ask, and considering he's said twice that 'we should meet', then, it is passive because, obviously, he'll be expecting me to make the actual plan and I just don't want someone like that. He could be saying "we should meet" as a way to gauge your interest level. He may not necessarily want you to make the plans but perhaps he's looking for an enthusiastic information and maybe mention of upcoming availability? If he says "we should meet" again, you could fire back with "Yes, we should. I'm free x, y, z...where would you like to meet/like to do?" Put the ball in his court. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 If he says "we should meet" again, you could fire back with "Yes, we should. I'm free x, y, z...where would you like to meet/like to do?" Put the ball in his court. That's exactly what I don't want to do. I've done it for months and it never got me anywhere. Not that that was the reason but I can't think of anything else I can change...except dating guys who know how to take charge and make a suggestion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 That's exactly what I don't want to do. I've done it for months and it never got me anywhere. Not that that was the reason but I can't think of anything else I can change...except dating guys who know how to take charge and make a suggestion. It's just really difficult because it's very well possible that he truly WANTS to meet but is looking for a SURE sign that you want to too. He doesn't want to be shot down. Maybe it would be better to say (in response) "Yes, I'd like to meet. When?" Don't offer dates that you are available, then just ask when. That way you are showing solid interest and it's a way of showing "Yes, I want to meet you. I'm not going to shut you down if you ask me to meet you." It's more forward than "yes, we'll meet sometime" because that could be construed as possible disinterest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 Fudgie, he had many sure signs. I talked to the guy for a whole hour, I asked lots of questions, the second time I called him myself, I told him that I agree we should meet (twice), I asked him to call me/email me today. The only thing I DIDN'T DO was ask about/make plans about when we're going to meet. If he's THAT insecure that all the above isn't enough for him, then, as I said before, he's not the guy for me. I've given too many guys the benefit of the doubt, I just won't do it anymore. I don't expect a guy to chase me. I expect him to know what he wants and know how to ask for it, especially, when I've not just given him indications that I MAY want to meet but I've actually SAID it. Nope, it's up to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hodgeheg Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 I've given too many guys the benefit of the doubt, I just won't do it anymore. I don't expect a guy to chase me. I expect him to know what he wants and know how to ask for it, especially, when I've not just given him indications that I MAY want to meet but I've actually SAID it. Nope, it's up to him. I like this. I see everyone else's point, but I think a change in tack, for now, might be a good thing. I certainly found that I had more success with men who took more of the lead at the beginning. I wouldn't have wanted a man who wasn't confident enough to at least ask me on a date. And I've since found that my boyfriend, who took the lead for our first couple of dates, is proactive in most areas of his life, which is a wonderful quality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 I like this. I see everyone else's point, but I think a change in tack, for now, might be a good thing. I certainly found that I had more success with men who took more of the lead at the beginning. I wouldn't have wanted a man who wasn't confident enough to at least ask me on a date. And I've since found that my boyfriend, who took the lead for our first couple of dates, is proactive in most areas of his life, which is a wonderful quality. Me neither. I never thought that a man who suggested to meet from a dating site was asking me out on a date -he never met me before -obviously he didn't know whether he wanted to date me -or I him. I did let him take the lead in asking me out on a date after we met. I would suggest meeting if the man didn't - no reason to continue phone calls without plans for a specific time to meet (I always went to the phone after one or two emails -to do a proper "screening" for safety and comfort level as far as meeting in person). I do agree that Juan should take the initiative to make the actual plan since he suggested it and she said she'd be interested. But that's not because he's a guy or because this is a date -I'd say that in any situation to make a plan that required initiative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 Kane, the fireman, called twice more today, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Again, I didn't pick up. This is the first time ever that some guy insists so much after just one date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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