Batya33 Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 That's so rude! I'd do the one more chance thing -if he misspoke and then calls you properly, then I'd cut him slack . Otherwise -give me a break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 Kane, the fireman, called me last night while I was out with friends. Once more I didn't pick up. I wonder how long it will take for him to take the hint..it's the first time I've had someone persist so much after just one date..2 months ago! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 And he just called again. I really don't want to tell him to stop calling but what can I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 When was the last time you communicated with him? Sent from Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 When was the last time you communicated with him? Sent from Tapatalk Over a month ago. He had texted me the day my holiday was starting and I had just replied with thanks, etc. I haven't replied to anything since then. On other news, I had a missed call by Alvin...at 6.30pm. I'm not going to call back. I'm so done with guys who call whenever they feel like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 After a couple more calls by Alvin, that I didn't want to reply to, I texted him 'We have nothing to say. Good luck and, please, don't call me again'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 New guy. Simon is 50, an IT manager, divorced with 2 kids (23 and 25, both live abroad). He's 6'1, with brown hair and eyes, rather athletic (he did tell me he's been working out for years) and good-looking. He lives close to me, too. We've talked twice on the site and he seems to be my type, at least in written form. He writes well, answers all my questions, is an only child like myself and gets my sense of humour. Tonight he asked for my phone number (gave me his, too) and he said he'll call me in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Was Alvin supposed to call you earlier to make a plan? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Was Alvin supposed to call you earlier to make a plan? Yes. We had specifically said we would meet at around 8pm and I had told him (in these exact words) 'don't call me at 6 when we're supposed to meet at 8!' and he had said 'of course not, I'll let you know in time if I'm going to be back'. Last night he emailed me asking what happened and why I reacted like that etc...I emailed back saying that he was supposed to have called much sooner and that I want to meet someone who does what he says. Today I found another email by him. Very aggressive. did you expect me to call you first thing in the morning? i had said i'd call you when I'm back (no, he hadn't)..I lost a day of my holidays because of you! He's a clown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 I have a date with Simon tomorrow. We just spent half an hour talking on the phone. We talked about many things, he's very talkative and open. He told me about his kids who live abroad (the girl working, the boy studying), sports he likes to do (diving, skiing, etc etc), his best friend, animals, holidays..and other stuff. He also shared some of his OLD experiences, most of them bad according to him. Lies about age/weight/height etc etc. I asked him about his last relationship. It had lasted for 3 years and it ended a year ago..I asked him if he's in touch with her, he said no, when a relationship ends, he doesn't believe in staying friends with the other person. Finally, we agreed to meet tomorrow and see what happens. He wanted to call me tomorrow to schedule time and place but, because I've been burned before (lol), I made sure we already have a time and place and we'll call each other if anything changes. Sooooooo, to be continued.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Yes. We had specifically said we would meet at around 8pm and I had told him (in these exact words) 'don't call me at 6 when we're supposed to meet at 8!' and he had said 'of course not, I'll let you know in time if I'm going to be back'. Last night he emailed me asking what happened and why I reacted like that etc...I emailed back saying that he was supposed to have called much sooner and that I want to meet someone who does what he says. Today I found another email by him. Very aggressive. did you expect me to call you first thing in the morning? i had said i'd call you when I'm back (no, he hadn't)..I lost a day of my holidays because of you! He's a clown. Wow, some people don't have the least bit of manners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Yes. We had specifically said we would meet at around 8pm and I had told him (in these exact words) 'don't call me at 6 when we're supposed to meet at 8!' and he had said 'of course not, I'll let you know in time if I'm going to be back'. Last night he emailed me asking what happened and why I reacted like that etc...I emailed back saying that he was supposed to have called much sooner and that I want to meet someone who does what he says. Today I found another email by him. Very aggressive. did you expect me to call you first thing in the morning? i had said i'd call you when I'm back (no, he hadn't)..I lost a day of my holidays because of you! He's a clown. What I would do differently is forget about the lecture part -or mentioning at all what your general standards are - because he can harass you if he gets angry and it's not worth it -he's not going to learn anything from a stranger. I'd simply respond "you didn't call when you said you would so I assumed the plan was cancelled. Take care". He'll get it just fine and he won't have ammunition to annoy/harass you.". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 I'd simply respond "you didn't call when you said you would so I assumed the plan was cancelled. Take care". In that case, he would write back with 'ok, let's make another plan'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 In that case, he would write back with 'ok, let's make another plan'. And that's when you write "thank you for the offer but on reflection I don't think we have enough in common for it to make sense to meet" -keep it vague and non-preachy so you avoid the aggressive response(responses) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 And that's when you write "thank you for the offer but on reflection I don't think we have enough in common for it to make sense to meet" -keep it vague and non-preachy so you avoid the aggressive response(responses) He would say 'but it made sense until yesterday..what changed?'...and the outcome would be the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 He would say 'but it made sense until yesterday..what changed?'...and the outcome would be the same. My usual excuses are there's no chemistry (if we had gone on a first date and I didn't want a second), or I had met someone I wanted to date and I didn't want to date more than one person at a time, or my latest invention - I thought about it and feel like I'm not ready to get back into dating. I'll use the first one when I can (which is often the truth), and the second excuse if I can't use the first one lol, and the third one, well, I had agreed to go on a second date with a guy and some of his behaviour between the first and second date raised red flags with me so I wanted to turn him down, but couldn't really use the first two excuses, since we had been texting and making meet up plans for the second date lol.. I would only resort to the third excuse if I really have to haha.. But ultimately, I want a rejection message that is not debatable but polite (it's not you, it's me type of message lol) so to eliminate any kind of potential negative response or aggression. Your situation here was a bit unique, since you had already agreed to meet. I agree with Batya's first suggestion, to say you assumed the plan was cancelled since he didn't contact you in the agreed time. If he ask to reschedule though, I would just ignore it, or respond really slowly, like leave a day or two in between. And if it was me, I would then use my second go-to excuse ( ), if he doesn't give up. I know that guys will still see that you are still on the online dating website, but for me, so far no one has ever questioned me about it. I don't think any of them actually followed up by checking (as all they needed to know was that there was no chance with me), even if they did check and question me about it, I would have just ignored them, since it's none of their business what I do with my profile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 The way I see things, if someone is the aggressive type, it doesn't matter HOW you reject them. Just that you do is enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 "Your situation here was a bit unique, since you had already agreed to meet. I agree with Batya's first suggestion, to say you assumed the plan was cancelled since he didn't contact you in the agreed time. If he ask to reschedule though, I would just ignore it, or respond really slowly, like leave a day or two in between. And if it was me, I would then use my second go-to excuse ( ), if he doesn't give up. " Yes - I like what she wrote as far as responding to rescheduling. I think the lecture approach triggers too much aggravation with no pay-off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 And to think I did my best for it not to seem like I was lecturing him...must be because of my job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 My date was Simon was good...not excellent but good. He looked ok, not exactly my type but not ugly. We talked mostly about our online experiences and some bad dates we've had and a little bit about relationships, too. I had an ok time...I'm not thrilled but I'd see him again if he asked. He said 'we'll talk' which usually means we won't..lol..and I'll be ok with that, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 Simon messaged me on the site and we talked for a few about work, the weather, etc. Then he had to go, he's having dinner with a friend. What an interesting conversation this was...not...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Simon messaged me on the site and we talked for a few about work, the weather, etc. Then he had to go, he's having dinner with a friend. What an interesting conversation this was...not...lol I was falling asleep just reading that summary why would he message you on the site, doesn't he have your number? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 I was falling asleep just reading that summary why would he message you on the site, doesn't he have your number? He has my number. I guess he just wanted to kill some time online? I have no idea but it was very boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 New guy. Tristan is 45, an engineer, divorced with a 8yo son, 6'4, brown hair and eyes, nice looking. We only exchanged 2 emails and then he called me. We talked for about 20 minutes. He told me he had gotten married after a very brief relationship and the marriage lasted less than a year. They got divorced when their son was 3 months old. He said she was a nice person but they were very different and his mother in law got in the way etc etc. He sees his son often but he's not happy with the quality of their communication..he said his mother in law has been telling the boy all sorts of things about him and then his son asks him and it's a problematic situation all around. After his marriage ended, he had a 2yo relationship and he wanted to marry the girl (he said he likes marriage, in general) but they broke up - he didn't tell me details but he said she didn't treat him very nicely. He's been on the site since last Christmas and he's had one relationship from there, it lasted 3 months. She was a good woman and he liked her a lot but she had big debts plus 2 teenagers and she was always stressed, that's why they broke up. He asked me about me, too, when did I get divorced, how long my marriage had lasted, about my family, etc etc and, in the end, he asked if I have any plans for tomorrow. I said I don't and we have a date for 8.30pm...he's coming over here (he lives about 45 mins away). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 6, 2014 Author Share Posted September 6, 2014 Tristan called to cancel the date...40 minutes before we were supposed to meet...with a stupid excuse...his mum called with an emergency and he had to go check on her blah blah. He said we'll talk. Yeah, right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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