annie24 Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Do you flirt with them? i.e., touch them on the arm, laugh at their jokes, etc... You may be pleasant and nice, but maybe too business-like (i.e., meaning that you would interview well, but they're not feeling the chemistry?) I remember watching some terrible VH1 dating show a while back, don't remember which one. The woman had to choose a "sexy outfit." This woman, tall and classy, chose what I thought was a really nice classy outfit, something kind of business casual. The male panelists said that they would hire her to be their tax accountant, but didn't feel excited about taking her on a date. I'm not saying "let it all out" but maybe play up the sex appeal more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 7, 2014 Author Share Posted July 7, 2014 Do you flirt with them? i.e., touch them on the arm, laugh at their jokes, etc...? I do flirt when I like someone and I feel comfortable with them. I touched Chad often the other day...I also touched Eddie a couple of times tonight. I didn't touch Kane at all last night or even flirt with him...and, well, Chad hasn't gotten in touch yet and Kane has already texted me 4 times today (he texted me during the date with Eddie, too). Go figure. By the way, Eddie just messaged me on the site. He complimented me on a new pic that he hadn't seen before, he told me it took him a while to get a taxi, we talked for a few and then he went to take a shower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 You don't have to be doing anything "wrong" as such. It's just how a lot of dating goes for everyone - those you like, don't like you back and those you don't like, want you. When all is said and done, you don't need a hundred second dates, you just need one right one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 You don't have to be doing anything "wrong" as such. It's just how a lot of dating goes for everyone - those you like, don't like you back and those you don't like, want you. When all is said and done, you don't need a hundred second dates, you just need one right one. Well, I disagree with that. I'm not talking about miss marple or anyone in particular, but if a person has 100 first dates and few follow ups, I'd say that there is some sort of problem. I read once somewhere, kind of an interesting idea - the purpose of a first date is to get a second date. Some people might say that it's to get to know each other, but you can't really get to know each other in 1 hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Well, I disagree with that. I'm not talking about miss marple or anyone in particular, but if a person has 100 first dates and few follow ups, I'd say that there is some sort of problem. I read once somewhere, kind of an interesting idea - the purpose of a first date is to get a second date. Some people might say that it's to get to know each other, but you can't really get to know each other in 1 hour. I think going on second dates with men you have no interest in is a complete waste of time. I can tell if I want a second date within 10 minutes...although sometimes, I meet a guy, think "yes" and then they talk and ruin it but I've never thought "no" and the guy convince me "yes". I think missmarple's in a streak of one and dones right now...because before she was going on second dates...and I'm sure she'll meet more guys she wants to meet again soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 I have a friend who (claims) to have a 100% success rate with men asking for a second date. She doesn't necessarily want a date with all of them, but they all want to see her again. I've not been on a date with her so I don't know what it is she is doing right. I can say that she is pretty, slender, fun to talk to, and she says she compliments the guys and acts enthusiastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Well, I disagree with that. I'm not talking about miss marple or anyone in particular, but if a person has 100 first dates and few follow ups, I'd say that there is some sort of problem. I read once somewhere, kind of an interesting idea - the purpose of a first date is to get a second date. Some people might say that it's to get to know each other, but you can't really get to know each other in 1 hour. It's not that she is not being asked for second dates, it's that those asking are not to her liking, so no she is not really out of the norm imho. It just happens. It's not like she is going out with a 100 guys getting 0 second dates. Then I would agree with you that it's a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 I was asked out on a first real date after a first meet a little more than half the time (I met over 100 men in person). My take on it is that Miss Marple is coming accross perhaps a bit jaded/cynical even if she smiles a lot and perhaps a bit too "suspicious". Another thought I had was perhaps the teacher personality is coming through - I mean the type of teacher who might not be so flexible -perhaps a bit too rigid. (I was a teacher- I know it's not a given to behave that way -I'm talking about the stereotypical attributes). I also wonder if it has to do with the age range and life stage. She's pursuing men who are middle aged and who are not looking to have a child or more children. Perhaps the urgency to find someone is not as strong as for those people looking to marry and start a family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 On the topic of second dates I have noticed that men I really like rarely ask me out on a second date. Men I'm so and so about or don't like ask me much more often (or try to ask me and I make sure they don't - it's a talent ). I don't know the reason but, yeah, I have noticed it, it's happened often enough to make me wonder. With men I don't like I do come accross cynical, indeed..almost detached..thinking that this will show them I'm not interested....and it doesn't bother them at all, so, I don't think it's about me. Maybe it's what Batya says...that middle aged men aren't in such a rush to meet someone...at least, not like a guy in his 30s, for example, who would want to start a family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 UPDATE Ok, this I didn't expect. Do you know who contacted me after....8 months I think??? I had made a thread about this guy back then, I think I had titled it my very own Mr Big...lol So, let's call this guy James. He's 1 month older than me, rich, very tall, handsome, sweet, divorced with a 19yo daughter....and he (almost) broke my heart back in October (I think). Ok, he didn't break my heart (it was just one date and a few phonecalls) but I had really liked him. What had happened in a few words was that we had gone on one date, we had a great time, then he called me every day for the next 3 days and he had even asked me to go to Italy with him when some deal he was working on would close. That was the reason for that thread at the time. So, 3 days after the date, he asked me to meet again....2 hours before the date he messaged me that he couldn't make it because of work...and he disappeared. After waiting for a few days, I had deleted him and forgot about him. I had noticed, though, that he had deleted his profile, so, I had figured he met someone else. Fast forward to today: I get a friend request by a guy without a pic (he didn't have one back then, either..I had taken a risk going out with him without a pic because I liked his phone persona very much) and his first message is 'we've met before'. It turned out to be him. He told me that back then his mum had gone to hospital (he had told me, during the date, that she already had 2 surgeries in the summer) and, eventually, she died and that's why he deleted everything from the site. Then (according to him), a couple of months after the funeral, he wanted to get in touch with me (he kept my phone number) but he was embarrassed and didn't know how I'd react. Finally, today he made a new account on the site and decided to try to talk to me. I won't lie...I was thrilled he got in touch. He's been one of the very few guys I had really liked (money, expensive car and good looks aside, I had really enjoyed our time together) and his excuse seemed possible. I know that if I lost one of my parents, online dating people would be the last thing on my mind. So, anyway, he called me, too (proof that he has kept my number) and we talked for a while. He apologised over and over for disappearing and he said he had liked me very much and asked what I've done since then. I told him I've met some men from the site but nothing has come out of it and he said he's surprised I'm still single..and I said so am I....lol He told me he definitely wants to see me and I told him that this week is a bit busy for me but next week I have nothing to do (until the 25th when I'm going away with a friend for a couple of weeks) and he said he'll call me in the weekend to arrange a date. Needless to say I have a huge smile on my face....but don't worry, I know that it's too soon to get excited. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Yes, good luck! I had a number of experiences like that and typically I got flaked on again even when the story was that compelling. I am not saying he is lying in the least but I would have zero expectations until you are actually with him in person -for your sake! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I remember that thread! Your Mr. Big! lol I was one that said...GO TO ITALY! Good Luck! I've been there. Didn't talk to someone, than embarrassed to go back and see if they were still around! If he's willing and able...and you're willing and able....that's all you both need to know!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 It's interesting that you are willing to forgive James' behavior which most certainly was inconsistent at that time. If Jon was able to contact you again in another way would you be willing to listen to a similar type of excuse -that he had chaotic situations going on and then was too embarrassed to contact you till months later? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I am with Batya. I know you've passed on many guys for a lot less. There must be something about James which makes you willing, no, happy, to give him a 2nd chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I am with Batya. I know you've passed on many guys for a lot less. There must be something about James which makes you willing, no, happy, to give him a 2nd chance. Well yes I agree with this. There seems to be inconsistency on Miss Marple's insistence on consistency. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 It's interesting that you are willing to forgive James' behavior which most certainly was inconsistent at that time. If Jon was able to contact you again in another way would you be willing to listen to a similar type of excuse -that he had chaotic situations going on and then was too embarrassed to contact you till months later? Of course I'd be willing to listen. I'm always willing to listen and I always give (some) people a second chance..as long as they haven't done something really unforgivable (like being rude or lie to my face). The fact that I appreciate consistency doesn't mean that I don't know that life sometimes can get in the way....that would be stupid. Batya, the fact that I've deleted Jon doesn't mean that I hate the guy or that I wouldn't talk to him if he talked to me. It means that, for the time being, I don't feel there's a reason to keep him on my list...I've done exactly the same with James and other guys....and a couple of times some of them did contact me again. I had deleted James, too...and I had deleted Eddie, too..but when he approached me in a reasonable (for me) way and was willing to meet at a normal time, it all went fine. I am with Batya. I know you've passed on many guys for a lot less. There must be something about James which makes you willing, no, happy, to give him a 2nd chance. When you say 'I've passed on many' what you mean is I delete them from my list and that's what I had done with James, too. If you've been following my journal, you'll see that I never really pass on someone I like except when I've already given them a second (or a third) chance and they're still doing whatever it was that had made me delete them in the first place. Just off the top of my head I remember at least 4 guys like that...I mean guys I had deleted but did talk to them when they explained (granted, I've always regretted it but I'm an optimist deep down...lol). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I guess I don't know what impact deletion has -if someone blocked me I'd probably never contact the person again even if I had another way of doing it but if deletion is less draconian than blocking then I understand. I'm not sure what deletion accomplishes - other than "well I'll show them"! Certainly if the person is offensive or harmful then you do all you can to block them but I know you don't find "MIA" either one of those situations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 I guess I don't know what impact deletion has -if someone blocked me I'd probably never contact the person again even if I had another way of doing it but if deletion is less draconian than blocking then I understand. I'm not sure what deletion accomplishes - other than "well I'll show them"! Certainly if the person is offensive or harmful then you do all you can to block them but I know you don't find "MIA" either one of those situations. Deleting isn't the same as blocking. It just means he's not on my list anymore. He can still email me on the site, or in my personal email or call me, of course. What deletion accomplishes is that I don't have a list full of people I'm not interested in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I just went to a myers-briggs type indicator workshop. Do you know your type (I think this is far more informative than astrological signs). It sounds to me, based on what you've said, that you are a Judger, not a Perceiver. You like a planned approach to dating, like to have plans nailed down in advance (Judging type). This is different than a Perceiver, the type of person who goes with the flow, makes last minute plans. Neither is right or wrong. I'm a Judger, I like to have my schedule planned out, even on vacation, I like to know which cities I will be in, on what days, and what sites I will visit. Perceivers might not make any vacation plans, just kind of take off one day without really working out a hotel or tour schedule until they arrive. It helps to be aware of these things, and how maybe a guy could be kind of wishy washy with plans, without meaning any actual harm by it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I see, thanks for clearing that up. I thought deletion was the same thing as blocking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Deleting isn't the same as blocking. It just means he's not on my list anymore. He can still email me on the site, or in my personal email or call me, of course. What deletion accomplishes is that I don't have a list full of people I'm not interested in. But he knows you are "not interested" anymore, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I'd fall into the Judger camp but I think that has to do with not tolerating flakes/unreliable people as opposed to requiring that someone contact you within a speciic period of time where the other person has not promised to contact within that time period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 LOL...just a few days ago, someone else here had told me that she can't understand why I never nail down dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 But he knows you are "not interested" anymore, right? He knows he's not on my list, of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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