Realitynut Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 wow....even all that was a little too much for me! hahahaha Maybe you should have texted him..."you're making me gag".....STOP IT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 I emailed him just now. I said I'm sorry but I don't think we're compatible enough and I wished him good luck. Meanwhile, during the morning, he had sent 3 more text messages.. how are you, my sweetie how is my beautiful fairy doing and I've been thinking about you Those messages were the last stroke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 He just replied: don't worry, it's ok...maybe you can introduce me to some friend of yours Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Yeah, with all those text messages, it sounds like he's just not the guy for you. After you talked about the date and I read about the first few messages, I thought "well maybe he's just nervous/rusty, go on another date" but I think you ended up making the right call here. Oh well, on to better things! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 Just like I thought, Eddie never called to tell me about tonight. Jack no2. I bet he'll text later with some excuse...but I've had enough. He's off my list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I had a few "smotherers" too...it sucks, because generally they seem like good guys...just lost or something...they just want too much too soon....it always made me feel like...it didn't matter if they were texting me or someone else, they treat any woman that will talk to them...with this complete adoration devotion sometimes even before meeting. There's nothing that could have been done about him. I'm a really straight shooter and always say something like, "dude, that's a cheesy line if I ever heard one" or"you're smothering me" and they still don't stop...it's weird. As for the no call...I still stand by the idea of booking things out in advance. I used to plan meetings at least a week in advance, with a date, place and time and I never was stood up on. When you act like you value your time more, so will the men you date. Just my 2 cents Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 faraday is right. Schedule your dates in advance, a specific date/time. I really think you will have fewer flakes. Just schedule the date when you talk on the phone, not "call me later". I really think you will have more success this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 I had 2 missed phonecalls from Todd. I wish he would stop calling/texting altogether...or I'll stop being nice to him. Regarding Eddie, faraday and Fudgie, I don't think you understand. He WON'T SCHEDULE (or wouldn't as I won't bother with him any more). Every time I tried to book in advance or told him about a specific time/place, it would always be 'I'll let you know', 'I don't know', 'I'll text/call you' 'I may be busy that evening' and, when I insisted it was 'I don't like to plan in advance'. There's nothing I could have done different with him. And, speaking of him, he texted me at 4.30 pm with an excuse about tonight, just like I expected. hey missmarple, sorry for the delay but I was very busy at work...I can't make it at 8...I have to be at a friend's house for dinner at 9pm but if you think we can meet earlier, let me know Same old thing. He will never commit for the evening and he lives just 15 mins away. I believe that, just like Jack, he has a gf or something and his evenings are always booked. I didn't reply to the message at all...I'm done with him. When someone is single (or says he is) and lives 15 mins away and he can't plan a date in a whole month, something is very wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 What a bunch of weirdos. Ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I would just cut the guys off completely if they don't schedule in advance. Like, when you talk to them on the phone for the first time. If they can't schedule a meet-up with a firm date/time within the next 1-2 weeks, then say "I'm sorry I don't think we are compatible" and hang up and DON'T text them or consider them. This back and forth business is exhausting. Just ask over the phone or via text and if they don't give you a firm date, then cut them off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 This back and forth business is exhausting. Just ask over the phone or via text and if they don't give you a firm date, then cut them off. Yep. That's what I'm going to do from now on. After Jack and Eddie, I really have no patience left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Regarding Eddie, faraday and Fudgie, I don't think you understand. He WON'T SCHEDULE (or wouldn't as I won't bother with him any more). Every time I tried to book in advance or told him about a specific time/place, it would always be 'I'll let you know', 'I don't know', 'I'll text/call you' 'I may be busy that evening' and, when I insisted it was 'I don't like to plan in advance'. There's nothing I could have done different with him. To "I don't know/I'll let you know/I'll call you" I would reply, "Listen if Saturday doesn't work, I can do the following Saturday, or Monday. What works best for you?" And if he gives you the "I don't like planning" talk, I would thank him for his time and tell him you're not a match. Either he'll commit to a time, or you've just lost a flake...without wasting more of your time. If this had happened to you once or twice, where a guy won't pin down an exact time or place, I would think it was him...but since it's happening with pretty much every guy...they can't all be like that. You're the common denominator. Do you know what I mean? So either change the way you're doing things...or expect that you'll be dealing with last minute plans from the majority of your dates. It would stress me out...I don't like not knowing what's going on...and I hate it when people cancel on me (it's actually my number 1 pet peeve)...so maybe it just bothers me more than you....Maybe you don't mind when they flake out? I just think you seem like such a nice person, and you're time is more valuable than you're letting these men think. You deserve to be treated with respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 If this had happened to you once or twice, where a guy won't pin down an exact time or place, I would think it was him...but since it's happening with pretty much every guy...they can't all be like that. You're the common denominator. Do you know what I mean? So either change the way you're doing things...or expect that you'll be dealing with last minute plans from the majority of your dates. It has happened a few times but not that often to make me wonder if I'm doing something wrong (except maybe give some people too many chances!). I've gone out on over 60 dates in 10 months...that's like 6 dates a month, which is a percentage I'm comfortable with. I just need to cut some guys off way sooner than I do. Oh, and Todd just called again. I didn't pick up but I emailed him that I'd rather he didn't call me anymore...and he texted me that he feels we have gained a friendship..dear God! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I'm not talking about flaking, I'm talking about the "I'll call you tomorrow and we'll set up a time"...it seems like it happens way more than just a few times...but maybe it just seems that way....or maybe you're okay with leaving things loose like that so it doesn't bother you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 Sometimes it suits me to make plans on the same day. What I need to work on is avoiding guys who do that all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 When I schedule meetings with professors, instead of asking them, "when are you free?" I suggest 2-3 time slots and let them pick one. That might work for dating too lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 Todd just sent me this email I hope everything goes well for you, I really wish it from the bottom of my heart..but if you want my advice, you didn't give me enough of a chance to show you what I'm like and also I wish you had called me instead of emailing me. I hope you'll call me some day, I really want to hear your voice again because like I said I feel I've made a friend How he feels he made a friend after a 1.5 hr date, I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Todd just sent me this email I hope everything goes well for you, I really wish it from the bottom of my heart..but if you want my advice, you didn't give me enough of a chance to show you what I'm like and also I wish you had called me instead of emailing me. I hope you'll call me some day, I really want to hear your voice again because like I said I feel I've made a friend How he feels he made a friend after a 1.5 hr date, I don't know. Wow. This guy sounds like he could get scary. I think you made a good decision not to meet for a second date. If he's this clingy after one date, imagine what he would be like after dating casually for a few weeks or a month! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 No wonder his wife ran away!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 No wonder his wife ran away!!!! Maybe they were never even married! Maybe he was pulling a (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Morello from Orange is the New Black! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 Well, Todd changed his tune as I was sure he would. I got this message from him: honest people don't hide behind emails...thank God I'm nowhere near you anymore...that's not how an educated woman should behave...I'm just sorry for any guys you meet in the future Of course, I didn't reply to him. I'm just glad I realised he was bad news and I never went on that second date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Psycho alert!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 That is quite creepy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 It's scary but slightly amusing how he went from "my little flower" to "thank God I'm nowhere near you." Wow, toss that one back in the loony bin... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 It's scary but slightly amusing how he went from "my little flower" to "thank God I'm nowhere near you." Wow, toss that one back in the loony bin... Yep. I am highly, highly suspicious of anyone who contacts that frequently, particularly using terms of endearment ("my little flower"??? Eeek!) with someone he or she has just met. It screams either insecurity/neediness, desperation, control freak, or some combination thereof. I've also come to realize that anyone who pulls that kind of act -- rushing the "relationship" along, talking about future plans when you've just met, going heavy on the pet names, the "good morning" and "good night" texts right away, etc. -- is what Natalie Lue on Baggage Reclaim calls a "future-faker" -- someone who, once he feels he's "got" you, will get bored or freak out and pull a disappearing act. You met the guy ONCE. You didn't owe him anything, and for him to come on that strong hints at instability, particularly as he went from being disappointed to admonishing you in only one e-mail. "Hiding behind e-mail" as he calls it was perfectly acceptable in this case as you had met him only one time. He's lucky you even politely contacted him to tell him things weren't going to work out -- I would have loved it if the last guy I met would have been so upfront with me instead of just disappearing and never responding to my contact. Well, it makes for interesting stories to tell on here and to your friends, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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