missmarple Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 Blake emailed me today. Okkkkkk.... but why aren't you talking to me? Have I done something to you? I didn't reply. I'm sure he can find other friends/potential customers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 What a dense dillhole. Sent from Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I didn't apply for a divorce for several years after leaving my husband. I started to do it a couple of times and found it very traumatic. I didn't go out with anyone more than a couple of times for a few years, and then eventually, I did it under a lot of pressure from a guy I was going out with. He said his mother pointed out to him that I could go back to my ex-husband anytime. That guy turned out to be the worst cheater I ever knew. For me, I struggled on and off many years with guilt of having broken up the family by leaving my husband - meant my son didn't see his father every day. There was no third person although he is gAy and hadn't come out at thT time. I honestly couldn't see a good enough reason to be bothered with the official divorce except this guy said he wanted to get engaged and marry me. I suppose eventually I would have done it. I think it just shows that people have all types of reasons for not official using marriages and divorces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luminousone Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 For me, it took about 4 years before we filed for divorce because right when my husband left me I found out I had breast cancer (which is gone now). I needed the insurance. I was amazed at how many women went out with my husband. Well, the first one was a vulture that broke up our marriage so she certainly didn't care. Part if it was insurance and part of it was financial- we own a business and all of our cash was (is) tied up with that- and the cancer treatments wiped out the rest. I also think that deep down my ex had me in his back pocket as a plan B - I felt like he was still emotionally tied to me even while dating all kinds of women. I had to set boundaries. When we finally got divorced it was a relief. I'm on Obamacare health plan now, so no problems there. But while married, I did not date. It just would have been too weird. We still had to go through those final layers of letting go and finalizing the divorce. Not a good time to start dating, because the focus was on letting go, healing, and extricating ourselves financially. No matter what that guy says, there is still a connection with his wife on some level. In my exes case, I really think he stayed married partly to keep from having to commit to women along the way. He says he will never get married again, but he is living with a woman now. So two things I caution you about that one- he could be a commitment phobe and/ or still emotionally tied to his wife, in which case you would be the third one in that relationship... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 Well, 2 hours before our date, Josh called and said we'd better 'leave it' because we are 'incompatible'. I was very surprised as I thought we'd communicated very well on the phone. The only differences between us were that I'm a smoker and he's not (but that is on my profile and he already knew it when he messaged me) and that he's more into sports than I am. Anyway, I wasn't expecting anything from this date but, still, it's always unpleasant when your plans get cancelled at the last minute! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Sorry, but I really think that you dodged a bullet on this one. Not divorced means unfinished business no matter how you slice it. When you have unfinished business, this kind of abrupt about face and other assorted knee jerk moody reactions are also not unusual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 Sorry, but I really think that you dodged a bullet on this one. Not divorced means unfinished business no matter how you slice it. When you have unfinished business, this kind of abrupt about face and other assorted knee jerk moody reactions are also not unusual. I think you're right. Guess I'll stick to my single/divorced guys..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Sorry, but I really think that you dodged a bullet on this one. Not divorced means unfinished business no matter how you slice it. When you have unfinished business, this kind of abrupt about face and other assorted knee jerk moody reactions are also not unusual. Exactly right! He definitely wasn't right for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 I just had a short email exchange with Seth, the 40yo single fireman. He told me about his job and his hobbies (which include the gym - seems like many gym goers choose to talk to me...and I hate the gym..LOL), I told him a few things about me, too and then he had to leave to go...to the gym Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I've been competing pretty much all my life and I've never once wanted an SO to join me in my training and athletic pursuits. Quite the opposite in fact, I actively avoid those who want that. Training is "me" time and I like to devote my focus entirely on that. It's like my little sanctuary. Having an SO tagging along would drive me nuts. All I ever really want from the SO is to be supportive and understand that my sport is vital to me and who I am, aka don't ever get in my way of doing it. Outside of that, I've never had an SO complain that they feel neglected or competing for attention. It actually gives us both a nice amount of personal time and space. I guess what I'm saying is don't assume that people are seeking a mirror image of themselves. Some do and some positively do not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Hope you don't mind this post, but just wondering what was different about Theo to a lot of us these other guys. I know there were some things about him you didn't like, and of course, I don't think you should settle, but in more ways than these guys, Theo seemed compatible and he was interested in you. He definitely seemed like a much nicer guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 He wasn't that interested from what I remember. If we mean the same guy. Plus I wasn't attracted to him at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 New guy. Jacob is 45, single, no kids, a computer programmer, 6'2, with short black hair and brown eyes, very athletic body. We've only talked on the site so far and we've added each other on f/b, too. He told me a bit about his past relationships, he was close to getting engaged once but didn't go through with it. He's an only child like myself and we seem to have some things in common....we like the same music, books, etc. He's gone out with 2 women from the site but he felt there was no connection. He also said he's the kind of person who needs encouragement from the woman to ask her out on a second date (no problems there..if we meet and I like him, that is). To be continued... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 I just got a text message from an unknown number good afternoon, would you like to meet today? I imagine it's from Jack (I've deleted his number) and I'm not going to reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 He wasn't that interested from what I remember. If we mean the same guy. Plus I wasn't attracted to him at all. I thought he did seem interested, but I recall something happened - one of you had the flu. I was hoping you would at least have a friendship with him as I recall you saying he seemed like a nice guy, and he was also a teacher, and that you could see yourself having a friendship with him. Was he ugly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 I thought he did seem interested, but I recall something happened - one of you had the flu. I was hoping you would at least have a friendship with him as I recall you saying he seemed like a nice guy, and he was also a teacher, and that you could see yourself having a friendship with him. Was he ugly? No, he wasn't ugly, just not my type at all. From what I remember, he took like a week to contact me and when he did, it was in 2word sentences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 New guy. Sheldon is 55, an aircraft engineer who's about to retire, divorced with 2 kids (boy 22/ girl 18 ), who live with mum and are both in the university. He's shorter than my usual type (5'8 ) but nice looking, with brown hair and eyes and a big smile. We talked online and then on the phone and it was a pleasant conversation. We found out we like very similar things - he loves travelling but usually by car (great for me as I'm afraid of airplanes), he likes atmospheric clubs with soft music, taverns and he's even good at chess which I love. He's been divorced for 14 years and his last relationship (that lasted for 7 years) ended a year ago because the woman was much younger than him and wanted to have kids. He doesn't want to have any more kids - another thing we agree on. Our differences are that I'm a smoker (he used to smoke a lot but has quit) and that he lives about an hour away. He actually has 2 flats, one in the city, one in the country..but neither one is close to me. I asked him if that's a problem because I don't drive and he said no, he doesn't mind driving (he's been all around Europe in his car). He also doesn't mind that I smoke. In general, he sounded like a guy who knows what he wants. I asked him how he feels about animals, he told me he'd never had one but when I told him I have a cat it turned out that his ex gf also had a cat, white and male, like mine...he thought it was a very funny coincidence. Anyway, he's used to cats because of that (they lived together). By the end of our conversation, we both said we'd like to meet and see if anything can develop between us and he's going to call me on Friday to make plans for the same night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 By the end of our conversation, we both said we'd like to meet and see if anything can develop between us and he's going to call me on Friday to make plans for the same night Sooo.....why didn't you just make concrete plans to meet on Friday. Why leave it hanging like that? Sorry I just find that mind boggling. Let's meet. Great. How about the pub on the corner of B&C street at 7pm on Friday. Then you have something real. Now you just have a flaky maybe that's left you hanging hoping he'll call and firm up..... *shakes head* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Sooo.....why didn't you just make concrete plans to meet on Friday. Why leave it hanging like that? Sorry I just find that mind boggling. Let's meet. Great. How about the pub on the corner of B&C street at 7pm on Friday. Then you have something real. Now you just have a flaky maybe that's left you hanging hoping he'll call and firm up..... *shakes head* I found this strange as well. If it's a tentative plan than either of you can make other plans in the next 5 minutes ,right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Sooo.....why didn't you just make concrete plans to meet on Friday The plan is to meet and we've also said he's coming over here, we'll just arrange the time when he calls...depending on what time he gets back (he's in his country house right now and he's coming back on Friday). I could have suggested Saturday but I've made plans with friends and he has plans on Sunday. Sure, I could have told him let's meet at so and so place at so and so time but if someone is going to flake, they will, anyway. That's what happened with Josh and that's what had happened with Ben, too. Both had cancelled on me a couple of hours before the date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 I just had an 'interesting' experience. This guy messaged me on the site. He didn't have a pic up but his email was very well written as was his profile and I thought I'd talk to him and see if he's willing to send me a pic. So, we started talking, he's 52, a university professor, divorced with a 25 yo daughter and very intelligent. Our conversation was very interesting, we discovered we had many things in common and he had an evil sense of humour. He also lives close to me. However, he was reluctant to send me a pic, he said he's afraid of sending pics through the net because of his job, etc, but I could see him in person if I wanted to meet. Despite my better judgement, I was almost sold and was considering meeting him....I thought what do I have to lose. Then, after we talked some more, I asked for his phone number...and he goes 'no, today we'll only talk online, tomorrow I'll give you my number and we can meet in person on Friday..how's that?'. Well, that was that for me. I told him that I wish him good luck but agreeing to meet him without having seen a pic was the farthest I was willing to go...refusing to give me his phone number because it went against his 'rules' or something was one allowance I wasn't going to make...and deleted him from my list. He emailed me a few minutes later and I deleted the email without even reading it. When am I going to learn that someone who won't send a pic either has something to hide or has issues in general? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Here is the basic human thing. 1) I have a set date at 7pm tonight. Well, I had a long day, I'm kind of tired, kind of don't feel like it, but....well....I do have firm plans, I guess I better go. There is a sense of obligation and it's kind of uncomfortable to cancel firm plans. So you suck it up and go and end up having fun. 2) I kind of said I'll call to firm up plans, but I've had a long day, I'm kind of tired, don't feel like doing anything, sooo....eff it....not like I promised to be anywhere really. Might not even bother calling because there really isn't anything to cancel as such. I mean it's not like we really had a set date. #2 actually invites flaking out and after a few e-mails and a call, there is not enough there for any person to say "omg, I've just got to meet her/him." At that stage you are still just a profile and a voice that may lead to something or turn out to be yet another time wasting dud. The motivation is low when you've left the door open to back out easily. Sure, there is no guarantee that people will never cancel on you when you have firm plans, but I think you'd reduce your flake factor by a lot. When I was dating, I'd pretty much go out on 3-5 dates per week. I never had a guy flake out. So maybe there is something to setting firm plans. Juuuust sayin'....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 I never had a guy flake out. So maybe there is something to setting firm plans. Juuuust sayin'....... I'll try to do it like that from now on although I don't think it will change anything..but I'll give it a shot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Here is the basic human thing. 100% agree with your post. It's human nature. On the first phonecall if the girl seems cool, I'll ask her out before I hang up and I've always gotten a "yes," along with the days we're both available. Then I tell her I'll email some ideas, I send them a few days later, she gives me her choice, and hey presto we've got a concrete plan. Using this method, I've never been stood up once. Granted, it's different since I'm the guy, but if I were a woman I would make sure that the man was doing something similar to my process. Otherwise it'd be like Tony The Tiger with all the frosted flakes... which isn't so "grrrrrrrrreat." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 Sheldon called to ask how I'm doing and confirm that we're meeting tomorrow and we agreed on a time but he'll call me tomorrow afternoon, too, when he gets back from his country house. As I've said before, I believe that if someone really wants to meet you, and you want to meet them, too, they'll make it happen. If they're so and so, you could have all the concrete plans you want and they'll still flake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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