Realitynut Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Oh.....sorry MM. His loss! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 4, 2014 Author Share Posted May 4, 2014 I saw Gael (the teacher) on the site and, after a few minutes, he called me. We only talked for 10 minutes (I had to go) but he told me he was at home with a friend, also divorced and he was showing him the site..lol. I don't think he's interested in anything other than friendship because he suggested an outing with his friend and a friend of mine (he knows my best friend is also divorced)...I told him I'l talk to her and let him know but I'm sure she won't mind, she's very sociable. Oh well, friendship is good, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Sounds like he wants a 'double date'....lol Some people like to start off as friends also....and let it grow. But of course you know this..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 5, 2014 Author Share Posted May 5, 2014 5 months ago I had talked to a guy named Dale for a few days. He is 49, divorced with 2 daughters (17-19) and owns a business. Very good-looking and with an interesting profile. I was the one who had sent him a friend request and I had carried the most part of our conversations until December 31st when he had basically ignored me when I tried talking to him, so, I ended up deleting him and his phone number (I had texted him once, he had never responded). Today he emailed me on the site asking how I'm doing and if there was some other way we could communicate (obviously he's deleted my phone number, too - not that he had ever used it!) I gave him my email and we're currently writing back and forth and we'll see if this time it will lead somewhere (he was out of town the first time - he is in town now). Another guy I talked to for the first time today is Devin, 43, single and works for a bank. I've no idea what he looks like, he just signed up for the site yesterday and no pic yet. He told me he'll send me some. He is out of town currently (his bank is making him take some seminars or something) but he'll be back for good in a month. He seems nice and can write very well. He said we should meet when he's back and I told him that, as long as I get some pics in the next 2-3 days, sure, why not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 5, 2014 Author Share Posted May 5, 2014 Dale emailed and asked me to meet sometime this week. I replied later that only Wednesday is good for me this week or we have to do it next week. I sent a friend request to a new guy after a couple of emails. Ricky is 43, single, no kids, 6'2, brown hair, green eyes, goatee, good looking and a musician. I first emailed him asking something about his music and he replied with a couple of links and said he likes my profile and would like to talk. According to his bio in one of the links he's a teacher as well as a musician. His songs are very sensitive which didn't surprise me as he's a Cancer He likes restaurants, the cinema and theatre. That's all I know for now. Hopefully, we'll both be online at the same time tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 6, 2014 Author Share Posted May 6, 2014 Well, that was that for Devin. We talked for a second time today and he asked for my phone number and called me. First of all, he got on my nerves because he asked me if I've had a relationship with someone from the site and when I said no he said 'all you women say the same thing, that nothing has happened'. I told him he was insulting me and he apologised but I was very guarded after that..so, when I saw that he kept talking (and I was very tired as it was right after work) I asked him when he plans on sending me some pics..and, this time, he said 'I won't...you'll have to risk it like I will' (b/s as he's seen all my pics on the site). I was so exhausted and annoyed that I just said 'goodbye', turned my cell off and deleted him from my list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 6, 2014 Author Share Posted May 6, 2014 Marvin emailed me with a second You should be ashamed of yourself ...and it's been a whole week since we last talked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigKK Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Devin sounds like a bitter loser! He may or may not be attractive, but the attitude comes off like women owe him something. (have a 'friend' like this...) And Marvin... I didn't know people still use old pics, that's so late 90's early 2000's... you dodged a bullet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quirky Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Do these experiences get you down at all or do you just brush them off? How long have you been single? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 6, 2014 Author Share Posted May 6, 2014 Do these experiences get you down at all or do you just brush them off? How long have you been single? Single for almost 3 years...and, no, they don't get me down. I'm resilient and I have a bad memory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Single for almost 3 years...and, no, they don't get me down. I'm resilient and I have a bad memory I'm with you. I've only been single for half the time as you, but it became real easy, real quick to not care much about people you've had less than 3-4 dates with, much less be bothered by their actions. Especially when you see how common their weird, inconsiderate or flaky behavior patterns are! As Elvis Costello said "I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 New guy. Barry is 55 but looks younger and very attractive in his pics - 6 ft tall, grey hair, green eyes. He has an engineering company, has been divorced for many years and has 2 adult kids (son 27, daughter 25). He lives 45 mins away but he claims distance isn't a problem for him. We've exchanged a few emails and today he asked for my phone number. I'll update after he calls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 Barry called and our conversation was going very well until I asked him how old he is. I never used to do that in the past but after a lot of age-related lies, I've started asking just to see if the person would say the age he has on his profile. And....he told me 58. I asked him what was the point of lying, both on his profile and in his emails to me and he didn't know what to say. After that, I just didn't really feel like talking at all so I said some excuse and hung up. I think I'll stop corresponding with men over 50...99% of the time they hide at least 3 years! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Hmmm....if he looks great, has his life together, is fit and energetic, etc. is three years plus or minus really an issue? I guess what I'm getting at is that if you had met him in real life, would you focus on how he is or just stop cold with asking for his age and walk away? I mean some people even as early as their 30's already look like they've been rode hard and put away wet, so not sure it's worth rejecting someone who might be on the opposite spectrum over age. At the same time, I totally get your frustration. All these little white lies and fibs get really old and annoying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Hmmm....if he looks great, has his life together, is fit and energetic, etc. is three years plus or minus really an issue? I guess what I'm getting at is that if you had met him in real life, would you focus on how he is or just stop cold with asking for his age and walk away? I mean some people even as early as their 30's already look like they've been rode hard and put away wet, so not sure it's worth rejecting someone who might be on the opposite spectrum over age. At the same time, I totally get your frustration. All these little white lies and fibs get really old and annoying. When I met men through dating sites I would not date a man who lied about age/marital status or level of education -all items on the profile that required an honest answer. If he chose to lie I had the impression that he most likely would feel comfortable and justified lying about other things -and who needs that. Some men were 2 inches shorter than they wrote on the profile but I cut slack there because I've seen people get measured with shoes on, etc or make a 2-inch mistake. I was 100% accurate about everything asked on the profile and also supplied my exact height and weight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Am dating a man who lied about his age on his profile, and I when he finally told me my voice grew hard in my response to him: "You shouldn't have lied"; "I know". In truth, I see why he does: he easily passes for someone ten years his junior in interests looks and athleticism. And by his own admission, it was in part to manipulate the search engine, and in part because he is coming to terms with his own age. The rest of him is transparent. I've met family, friends, etc. If he weren't so traditional and predictable in other respects, I would have walked. And he lets me make age jokes ever since, as he knows he earned them. On the other hand, I can't abide lies about height. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 Hmmm....if he looks great, has his life together, is fit and energetic, etc. is three years plus or minus really an issue? I guess what I'm getting at is that if you had met him in real life, would you focus on how he is or just stop cold with asking for his age and walk away? The problem isn't his age. The problem is that he lied about it...and on the one hand, I can't stand the insecurity that this conveys...I want someone with confidence. On the other hand, someone who lies on his profile about age, could easily have lied about other details that didn't 'suit' him...like putting 'divorced' instead of 'separated', 6ft instead of 5'6, no kids when he has 3 kids, etc etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Am dating a man who lied about his age on his profile, and I when he finally told me my voice grew hard in my response to him: "You shouldn't have lied"; "I know". In truth, I see why he does: he easily passes for someone ten years his junior in interests looks and athleticism. And by his own admission, it was in part to manipulate the search engine, and in part because he is coming to terms with his own age. The rest of him is transparent. I've met family, friends, etc. If he weren't so traditional and predictable in other respects, I would have walked. And he lets me make age jokes ever since, as he knows he earned them. On the other hand, I can't abide lies about height. We all have our standards. A friend of mine married one of the guys I passed on because he lied about his age. I never liked that excuse of "manipulate the search engine" - I was in my mid 30s when I did most of my online looking and I looked 10 years younger but I knew it would be terribly unfair to lie about my age especially to a guy who was looking for an eventual family like I was. I didn't stand for lies about height either that were more than a negligible amount (i.e. where it could have been an honest mistake) . No mistaking age. It's good that he was able to find someone who was ok with that lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 We all have our standards. A friend of mine married one of the guys I passed on because he lied about his age. I never liked that excuse of "manipulate the search engine" - I was in my mid 30s when I did most of my online looking and I looked 10 years younger but I knew it would be terribly unfair to lie about my age especially to a guy who was looking for an eventual family like I was. I didn't stand for lies about height either that were more than a negligible amount (i.e. where it could have been an honest mistake) . No mistaking age. It's good that he was able to find someone who was ok with that lie. I agree with you Batya - despite my acceptance of this man, I have not accepted his behavior. I would not lie on my profile. I just wouldn't. Its a lie. Take me as I am, or overlook me, but I will not lie. People tell me I look younger, that I should have someone younger than I etc etc. So what. Lying about age is just blatant disinformation. If we all manipulate the search engine, then the whole system breaks down. That is a good indication that none of us should. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I agree with you Batya - despite my acceptance of this man, I have not accepted his behavior. I would not lie on my profile. I just wouldn't. Its a lie. Take me as I am, or overlook me, but I will not lie. People tell me I look younger, that I should have someone younger than I etc etc. So what. Lying about age is just blatant disinformation. If we all manipulate the search engine, then the whole system breaks down. That is a good indication that none of us should. Yes, you don't accept his behavior but that non-acceptance doesn't sway your decision to be with him -you accept him but not his values about being honest in how he presents himself factually on a profile (assuming it's limited to that which it sounds like you think it is). Had he lied about his height instead you wouldn't have accepted his behavior or him. Different standards for different people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Yes, you don't accept his behavior but that non-acceptance doesn't sway your decision to be with him -you accept him but not his values about being honest in how he presents himself factually on a profile (assuming it's limited to that which it sounds like you think it is). Had he lied about his height instead you wouldn't have accepted his behavior or him. Different standards for different people. Yes. I wavered, and blogged about it on here to get teh various opinions about being truthful etc. He later signed up for a running race - an environment in which he also gives the wrong age so that he can compete with a younger age group - but gave his truthful age and told me, as a way of acknowledging he is making progress on that topic. It is easier for me to accept a flaw when I can see it in context. OTOH, I declined responding to a profile wherein the pictures looked older than the age. I just didn't believe him and didn't bother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 He later signed up for a running race - an environment in which he also gives the wrong age so that he can compete with a younger age group . Wow, that's straight up cheating. Missmarple, I think you did the right thing by not continuing with the guy. It would be more convenient for many people to lie about their personal info online, but they don't. I admire you for not getting discouraged. Honestly, I get a bit discouraged reading this thread. Hope you meet someone great soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 I admire you for not getting discouraged. Honestly, I get a bit discouraged reading this thread. Hope you meet someone great soon! Thank you, sophie. I have my moments but I also have a thick skin..lol On other news, Gael, the teacher, hasn't contacted me to make plans for tomorrow (we were supposed to meet together with his friend and my friend) but I can't say I'm surprised as I've also seen him on the site 2-3 times and he never talked to me. I'm deleting him tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Wow, that's straight up cheating. Missmarple, I think you did the right thing by not continuing with the guy. It would be more convenient for many people to lie about their personal info online, but they don't. I admire you for not getting discouraged. Honestly, I get a bit discouraged reading this thread. Hope you meet someone great soon! Not to get too far off topic -- yes, except he is an older guy who ends up getting slotted with a group 10 years his junior, so its cheating in the wrong direction. He doesn't place, or even nearly so, so its inconsequential to the money finishers, but to him, he hates hearing, Wow you're fast for someone as old as you" so he doesn't share his age with anyone on his running team. I have chided him for this and I think he is moving towards signing up at the proper age. It is hard for him, a part of addressing his mortality, the fact that he qualifies for retirement, all that noise crowded together. If everyone has baggage, this is his. I can accept it. And as I have been online while dating the man I call my bf on here... it IS discouraging. I just declined someone who signed off with, "Thats okay. I was really just looking for sex anyway." OMG really? I try to remember it comes and goes in waves, and not to let my self esteem get caught up in it. MissMarple does a fabulous job letting it all roll off her back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 If everyone has baggage, this is his. I can accept it. And that's a good thing to keep in mind. In the grand scheme of things, if his difficulty in accepting the aging process is the only black mark against him, he's doing pretty well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.