missmarple Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Andrew texted me to confirm the date, so, we're on for tonight. About Tristan, the conversation was like this 'have you met anyone from the site?', 'yes, 4 women', 'and how did it go', 'it went fine', 'fine meaning..?' and then he insinuated he'd slept with all of them (in a way that was clear what he meant) and I asked if he ended in a relationship with any of them, he said no, it just didn't happen. I'm on the fence with him...I'll know more if/when we talk again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Oh, I think you brought that one on yourself..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Maybe, I don't know. I don't mind that he told me about it...I'm only sceptical because I wonder if it means that he's only interested in casual sex. We'll see.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Oh, I think you brought that one on yourself..... I think I agree. He could have said "fine, they were very nice but things never took off" but you did also push for details. Though like you said, you didn't mind the sharing. Lots if people these days do want relationships but sleep with their dates before being in an official relationship. Most of the people on here seem to sleep with people before they have the bf gf talk (often they are exclusive but not "in a relationship"). Not sure if most people consider that casual sex. Of course it could be a deal breaker for you for someone to behave that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I don't even bother asking how things went. If they went well, he'd be planning his wedding right now to one of the previous women, right? The answer is that he's dated other women but it didn't work out. My take anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 UPDATE The date with Andrew gave me lots of food for thought. First of all, he was at the meeting place half an hour early (he texted me when he arrived). I liked the way he looked, I'd say he's my type looks-wise. He has black hair, light skin and very unusual grey eyes. He laughs a lot..we laughed our butt off together. He also wore a great cologne and was dressed nicely but not over the top. The conversation flowed, there were no awkward moments. He opened up easily, told me about his marriage...basically, he was never in love with his ex wife, he married her because she was his first serious relationship and the first woman he slept with (and he was 24 when he met her) and parents got involved. They only stayed married for 4 years and got a divorce when their daughter was only 1 year old but they are on good terms, mostly because of their child. He told me that he was extremely shy when he was younger..he still is, I think, but not to an alarming degree. After his marriage broke down, he had a few long-term relationships and the last 'serious' one was like 10 years ago. Since then, he's had a few more but none that lasted. The last one was a year ago. He also told me a lot about kick boxing and karate that he also does - he's been trying to lose weight (he looked fine to me, apart from a bit of a belly) and to live a more healthy life...he used to smoke 70 cigs a day until he stopped 15 months ago and changed his whole lifestyle. Those were the 'good' things about him. Things I found not so attractive, let's say, were that he doesn't have any close friends..he said all he wants is a woman in his life and he doesn't need friends, which I found a bit odd....also, that he's never gone on holidays anywhere else except his father's house on an island (I love that island but, still, at 46, never to have been anywhere else, seemed weird)..and the most alarming one that he hates using condoms (he didn't just share that detail, I asked him)..he said he has medical exams every 6 months but, still, we all know how easy it is to catch something and some things are untreatable...so, yeah, that worried me a lot. I mean, you quit smoking and start exercising and eating better and, on the other hand, you have unprotected sex? Anyway, by the end of the date, I had had a good time and wanted to see him again so, I just asked if he'd like to meet again. He said of course but made sure to tell me he's only interested in a relationship, not friendship, I said I do like him and want to see how things will evolve. Then he said something strange..he said 'is phone the only means to contact you?'...I said 'what do you mean?' and he asked if I have facebook. I found it strange because, well, phone is easier than facebook..lol..but, anyway, I said I do and he gave me his name there to add him when I get home. When I did get home and about an hour after the date he texted me 'hey, where's that friend request?'. I said hold your horses, I'm not on the computer yet, I'll send it later and he said ok, that he had enjoyed the date and wants to get to know me better and sent kisses, I said me, too, and we said good night. So, overall, I'm on the fence about him, especially about the sex thing (I can't even consider sleeping with someone without a condom in this day and age)...but I'l give him a chance and see if I can change his mind IF our next dates look promising (because I've had many good first dates that never went anywhere). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quirky Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Regarding the condom..see how you feel with him if you decide to go on more dates and if things develop well you can both get tested before sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 How do you feel about him being pushy with FB? The no friends only need a woman, never gone anywhere and being pushy with FB would actually alarm me as a combination. Something not quite right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I think he wants your Facebook to find out more about you (and I don't mean that in necessarily a good way because i don't like how pushy he was). As far as condoms I think it could work if you were willing to make an exception to your desire to have sex early on in a dating relationship -if you waited until you knew he had abstained for at least 3-6 months, and got tested and you knew him well enough to trust him to be monogamous then you could use other forms of birth control. I would not, if I were you, have sex earlier than that without a condom. I'm glad you're going to see him again -I think you'll learn a lot more. I wouldn't like the no friends/no traveling/married someone I wasn't in love with, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 quirky, I thought about that, indeed. But, even if we do get tested, I still wouldn't feel comfortable about it. I'd only feel comfortable about the condom thing if I already was with someone for a long time and knew I could trust him not to sleep with someone else...well, to the best of my knowledge, anyway, because you never know..lol DancingFool, I did feel a bit strange about the FB thing in general. I don't know if it means he's pushy because of his character (he didn't seem pushy at all in person) or if it's insecurity on his part..you know, something like 'how many friends does she have on facebook?' 'is she dating someone else, too?' etc. The only need a woman thing worried me more...I mean I'm also on the site for a relationship but I do have friends and I don't plan to devote all my free time to a man.. Grrrrrrrrrrrr those Cancers (he's a Cancer, I'm an Aquarius..not a good match, astrologically speaking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I don't know. Could be he is just really excited to get to know you better or could be the first signs of a 10 star clinger who expects his gf to be his life. Hard to tell at this point. So, what are you going to do? See him again or run away screaming? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 So, what are you going to do? See him again or run away screaming? Right now, I want to see him again. Of course, if tomorrow I get 20 text messages and other 20 fb messages, I may reconsider Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quirky Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 The only need a woman thing worried me more... Same here. Someone I have been dating on/off said something similar and I am not gonna lie, I found it hard to respect it. I also felt pressure to meet more often than I wanted since he didn't have friends/hobbies etc. Very successful guy in his job btw, oh now I remember you had posted on my thread, it was that banker! Regarding the travelling, I don't think it's a bit deal. The condom issue again, I personally use them for the first month and then I ask we both get tested because I get allergic to the condom material, I have to use other expensive ones and once I know we're just dating each other most guys are happy to get tested and abandon the condom. From all you said my biggest concern is the not enough friends. FB is a bit weird too..why do people want fb friendship so soon?! It's all speculation at this point though, try not to overthink and go with the vibe, see him a couple more times, things might clear themselves up in time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 I need some advice... I don't know if you guys remember Ethan...he's the 40yo guy who I went on a date with 2 weeks ago, we had had a great time, he asked me to meet the very next day but then acted all weird (the weather wasn't good, he was in a bad mood blah blah) and we didn't meet, then he called me a couple of times and then disappeared. Well, after about 10 days of hearing nothing from him I deleted him from my list. I saw today that he's sent me a new friend request and I don't know what to do. I had really liked him and I had thought there was some spark between us and was disappointed he didn't keep in touch and I'd like to talk to him again..but, on the other hand, I'm thinking that he could have called or emailed me if he had something to say after 10 days of no contact. What do you think? Give him one more chance or not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 MM, I got a friend request from a guy who googled me after sharing emails. I thought what the heck and added him. it freaked me a bit when he mailed me back a couple of days later saying that he had looked at my photos and read everything I have written, that he will travel anywhere to meet me. I don't think he is a stalker, but I forgot how much other people can learn about us in FB, I have high security settings, but it bothered me that he has seen all my family photos. I should have thought it through more before I added him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 I didn't mean he sent me a friend request on facebook...my mistake for not explaining. I meant on the dating site where we had met (we had never added each other on f/b). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I vote for one more extra-cautious chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 I vote for one more extra-cautious chance. That's what I was thinking, too. I accepted the friend request and we'll see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Maybe it's cuz I'm from the midwest...but I've never been with a guy who used a condom! Well...my first bf did a few times before i was on birth control. But i got married right when aids was starting...and was married 20 years. But since then....the few guys I've been with (besides Dan) none of them pulled out a condom. Maybe it's cuz we are so old....10 years older than you MM....that we grew up before all the diseases were so prevalent. I dunno. I can see why a person should....but i had always thought condoms were for preventing pregnancies...not std's. It's a mindset now that I'm menopausal and can't get preggars.... I know i said on this forum before that I've never been with a guy who used condoms...and people were shocked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I always assumed condoms were more for preventing STDs than pregnancy -when I wanted to use them as more fool-proof birth control there always was another method used in addition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 About condoms, when I was younger, I only used them to prevent pregnancy. Nowadays, I'm terrified of STDs. People sleep around much more than they did when I was in my 20s or even 30s and I've heard many horror stories. Plus, regarding Andrew, he told me he's only had 2 one-night-stands but the last one was a few years ago with a woman he had met online and he never saw again (her choice, not his) so, he IS capable of sleeping with someone he knows nothing about and that scares me. I've had one-night-stands myself but that was over 20 years ago, when I was in university, and never with a complete stranger. Anyway, he texted me a few hours ago (I was sleeping and had the phone off) Where are you? Are you ok? Can I call you? No idea why he was 'worried' if I was ok...lol. Anyway, I texted back that I'm fine, I'm at home and he can call anytime he wants...but I know he's at his kick-boxing class right now so, he may call later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 He was 'worried' that you weren't gonna talk to him...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Andrew called me and we talked for a while. He was his usual, upbeat self but this time I found him a bit boring. He went on and on about his kick-boxing and his diet and his protein shakes..I realise that people who start an exercising/diet program sometimes get carried away but, come on, you're talking to a woman you (supposedly) want to date, not to your buddy. Maybe it's because he doesn't have friends and noone to share that stuff with, I don't know. Anyway, he said he'll call me in the morning, too. He didn't mention anything about meeting tomorrow (as I know that his next class is on Thursday) and neither did I..frankly, I've started re-thinking the whole thing about him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I would avoid being a chat buddy with Andrew -if he calls you in the morning keep it short so that he knows if he wants to continue the conversation he has to make a plan to see you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 OH NO! I was in a relationship with a guy who became a gym junkie, then body-builder. It is so BORING Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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