Batya33 Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 I relate to that balance you suggested. I think that balance can be achieved without using that kind of language. I don't think her language had to do with what types of guys she was attracted to -it was just hurtful comments about another person's physical features. The comments said far more about the writer than her targets so I would hope that men who are skinny or short don't find anything helpful or relevant about that kind of criticism. I think it's really helpful to read "I'm not attracted to men who are skinnier than I am/shorter than I am" etc. That gets the point accross just as well and without being unnecessarily hurtful or irrelevantly harsh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 9, 2014 Author Share Posted April 9, 2014 About John...what I meant by 'skinnier' was that in his profile pics he looked to be of an average build..in person he looked very thin. I asked him about it but he insisted he weighed the same as in those pics so, who knows? Personally, I don't care about someone's build, I don't have a body type, as long as someone isn't shorter than me. The only reason I mentioned it was the difference to his pics and it had nothing to do with my not being attracted to him. Apart from the clothes, he looked pretty decent. When I said I felt like I was out with my nephew I meant that he acted like a teenager..from the way he was sitting, drinking his beer, the subjects he talked about (the gym, some bands he likes that my students like and I barely know), his clothes and his general demeanour. If I didn't know he was a doctor, I would guess he was an artist or something. Next to him I think I looked like an aunt...lol...I was wearing a long, black dress, high heels, full make-up, etc...and he was in jeans from top to bottom and in sneakers...not a match made in heaven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 Apparently you've never seen HAROLD & MAUDE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 Lol!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 Speaking as a skinny runt (though 5'11"... whew!), there's no question that realitynut's statement was derogatory. But I wasn't offended, and I would hope that any short and/or skinny guys reading this forum would have enough self-respect to not be bothered by an online comment made by someone they don't even know. I'm not offended, either. (5'6 and 120, for the record.) People like what they like; you can't control attraction. I just wish that this "attraction logic" always went both ways. Unfortunately, I've come accross quite a few women that were angry about what I'm attracted to (or not attracted to, as the case may be). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'm not offended, either. (5'6 and 120, for the record.) People like what they like; you can't control attraction. I just wish that this "attraction logic" always went both ways. Unfortunately, I've come accross quite a few women that were angry about what I'm attracted to (or not attracted to, as the case may be). I agree - I just didn't think it was necessary for RN to add the derogatory comment about their looks -she got her point accross just fine explaining that she is not attracted to short men (and felt that that particular man had lied about having an athletic build). I was never angry about not being a man's physical type -that would make no sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 Tom (the gynecologist who talks too much) texted me this morning: A sweet good morning to the beautiful teacher who forgot about me! I texted back that I had been waiting for him to call (he was supposed to have called on Tuesday evening to make plans for Wednesday) and he called me immediately. We talked for exactly 2 minutes and he said he had a phonecall from his daughter and could he call back? I said sure. He called back 10 minutes later and said he has a splitting headache and could he call back in half an hour? I said ok...and that was 3 hours ago and he still hasn't called I don't care about him, I'll only meet him for the entertainment factor if I meet him at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Tom (the gynecologist who talks too much) texted me this morning: A sweet good morning to the beautiful teacher who forgot about me! I texted back that I had been waiting for him to call (he was supposed to have called on Tuesday evening to make plans for Wednesday) and he called me immediately. We talked for exactly 2 minutes and he said he had a phonecall from his daughter and could he call back? I said sure. He called back 10 minutes later and said he has a splitting headache and could he call back in half an hour? I said ok...and that was 3 hours ago and he still hasn't called I don't care about him, I'll only meet him for the entertainment factor if I meet him at all. Seriously, what is it with these people? If he treated his business/patients like that he'd have no business! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 Seriously, what is it with these people? If he treated his business/patients like that he'd have no business! I know, Batya..it's a good thing that I don't care about this one so I can observe the situation from a safe distance and laugh but it goes to show how many people join a dating site and don't even know how to treat a woman, not even in the simplest situation like a phonecall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I know RN and she is never mean - LOL maybe a bit of a loose canon at times, but she never means things in a way to be hurtful. Well. Yeah I'm beginning to learn first-hand how you are putting yourself out there for people to let you know that you probably don't measure up physically to what they are looking for. I have a profile for friendship and getting to know people, but took my photo down after a couple of days. I have been writing brief diaries at the site and one guy contacted me saying that my diary entry of what I like to do, etc, sounds just like him, and too bad we live in different states, but also my profile listed my body type as "a little curvy". His exact words were "that could be a deal-breaker for me" and he wanted me to give more info about my body shape. he had 6 or 7 photos of himself up, mostly in various action poses, and wearing his fire-fighters uniform in all of them.had another guy write and say he read my diary and he wasn't going to look at my profile until I put a photo up. LOL. At this risk of sounding mean-spirited myself, this guy was quite a lot older than me and I. His pic looked a lot like a garden gnome. I did have one long telephone conversation with a guy tonight who is looking for friendship, says he has met quite a lot of nice ladies at the site, and sounds like he is nursing a broken heart himself, but putting himself out there for friendship and outings. My gut instinct about him is that he is a nice guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I don't think your comment was mean-spirited at all. I think that many men have been burned by women who write "a little curvy" and are obese. I heard many many stories like that when I did on line dating. My favorite was a guy who took a woman out on a first meet to a restaurant. He said to her -in a mean spirited way sounded like - that he didn't appreciate that she had lied about her weight (apparently she was very obese) so she said loudly something like "well you lied about your very small [male anatomy]" LOL. I don't see why you would need a photo if you write that you're just looking for friendship. Once it became easy to post photos I declined to meet anyone who didn't post one mostly because I was afraid that the person was married. Some men didn't post because of professional privacy reasons but would e-mail a photo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Seriously, what is it with these people? If he treated his business/patients like that he'd have no business! Not really... in my experience, this is EXACTLY how most doctors treat their patients! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 --wrong thread sorry-- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Not really... in my experience, this is EXACTLY how most doctors treat their patients! Y'know I thought the same thing after I posted. It also sounds like this guy is a bit full of himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 yes, I would be happy to email a photo after I had chatted with a person a bit if they seemed okay, and have done so with someone I had a phone conversation with tonight and will meet up with. Oh Bataya, That is crazy that people do that or maybe that is how they see themselves. I noticed today that some men described themselves as a little overweight and from their photos are clearly obese, and I am sure there are some women Who do that too. Re the married people, do you think after chatting a bit and taking things slowly your antennae would pick up if they are married or in committed relationships. I think I probably would pick things that didn't add up. sorry haven't meant to hijack your journal MM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 No, not always. That's why I did google searches. I didn't have any interest in taking things slowly before meeting in person because I was in my 30s and looking for a husband. I got the safety-related information I needed, met in a public place and I had to feel comfortable enough during our phone call that I thought we could have a pleasant 45 minute conversation in person. I think people who claim to be looking for a serious relationship but insist on typing and talking for long periods of time before meeting often have something to hide or are just telling themselves they're looking for a serious relationship. Looking for friends is a whole different situation IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 do you think after chatting a bit and taking things slowly your antennae would pick up if they are married or in committed relationships. I think I probably would pick things that didn't add up. sorry haven't meant to hijack your journal MM. No problem, Silverbirch...after all, it's about online dating and I appreciate all the comments..they're all relative. Regarding married guys, I'm sure some of the guys I've gone out with could have been married. Not everyone comes up on google searches (I know my name doesn't!) and married people can be very sneaky. But it's not something that has ever worried me as it's so rare for me to meet someone online and have a relationship with him (so far, only once in over 80 cases..lol)..I hardly ever go even on a second date! PS Tom still hasn't called Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 11, 2014 Author Share Posted April 11, 2014 Tom just texted me (over 24 hours after he was supposed to have called me with a good morning and some joke. I didn't bother replying to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quirky Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I think regarding the weight issue just put a picture of you in a bathing suit and then the guy can judge, I had one of mine with a bikini , no point in getting into conversations. Same with the guys, they can put a pic of them in shorts at the beach. Tom sounds like a joke! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 My weekend away was quite pleasant and it was a nice break from all the online guys. Noone contacted me and I contacted noone and I'm too tired to even check my messages on the site tonight. On other news, the only guy who flirted with me (heavily) during this weekend was a 20 yo...lucky me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Almost every one of my female friends over 30 "complains" about the large quantities of 20-something men hitting on them, both online and IRL. Were the situations reversed, men would hardly be complaining... they'd be hooking up with young women en masse. So I have one question for the over-30 women out there. WHAT THE H*LL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!?!?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 LOL ND...well, my friend who was with me is 54 and she was flirting with another guy from the same group who is 21 and they made plans to meet in our city, too...so it's not all over 30s who complain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I'm 43, and I have nothing in common with guys in their 20's, really; they just seem very, very, very young to me. I don't find guys that young attractive, either -- again, they're too young -- they look like teenagers to me! Maybe it's what I do for a living -- I'm a college professor, so I'm surrounded by late teen and early-to-mid-20's male students all day long, and that's what I think of when I think of younger guys. I have been hit on by all age ranges -- from very young (mid 20's) to older than my dad (70's); I guess I should be flattered! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I didn't go for the 20 somethings in my 30s because I was concerned they would not be on the same page with me about starting a family quickly (if we decided to marry) . One of those guys married a woman 4 years older than himself (same age difference as us) and at his wedding (I was a guest) someone commented that the bride and I looked alike. They did have children but I think she had to strongly encourage him to start trying before he was quite ready. But, then he was. I guess you never know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I didn't go for the 20 somethings in my 30s because I was concerned they would not be on the same page with me about starting a family quickly (if we decided to marry) . One of those guys married a woman 4 years older than himself (same age difference as us) and at his wedding (I was a guest) someone commented that the bride and I looked alike. They did have children but I think she had to strongly encourage him to start trying before he was quite ready. But, then he was. I guess you never know! Me too, Batya, but for the opposite reason. I decided NOT to have children, and many -- if not most -- younger guys want them, or at least want that option. I have tended to date older guys, and ones who already have children, for precisely this reason. That, and I find men my age and older more attractive than younger guys. No offense to the 20-somethings and early 30-somethings...it's just a preference of mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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