notalady Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 If I have nothing better to do, yes. He wasn't boring, just not my type. From your description, to me he sounds like a decent guy that's worth seeing again. Just because you like different things initially, doesn't mean you're not compatible or won't work. When I first met J, I was concerned that we like different music (I like more the top 40 pop stuff, and he likes old school, 90s 80s music), he likes sports and I don't, many of the movies I like he hasn't seen before (which I was surprised by because they're really popular movies), because thriller isn't really he's go-to movie when he watches them. we didn't joke much either on the first and second date and I didn't feel chemistry as such, just a friendly feeling. Of course as you know that all changed after the third date, and as I got to know him, I realised that he always keeps an open mind and are more than willing to do things that I like, eg watch movies that I like (and enjoy them), listen to pop music, he doesn't make me watch sports but I'm more than happy to do things he likes with him as well. He also tries things I like that he's never tried before and end up liking it. All those things I was concerned about wasn't an issue, because it comes down to simple as a willingness to try and wanting to do things your partner likes. The only thing I'd be concerned about your case is you didn't get each other's jokes. But sometimes it could just be first meet jitters (even if just a bit) and not finding each other's rhythm yet. But from the sounds of things, he's one of the rare guys who seem decent, not boring (important), and I assume so far no red flags. I'd give it a couple more dates if he asks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Just to add to Notalady- yes, but you had me at handsome with blue eyes..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted March 10, 2016 Author Share Posted March 10, 2016 Well, it's not like I won't see him again if he asks..it's just that I couldn't feel any connection...on more levels than the ones I mentioned last night. I mean if it was just music and sports (he's VERY athletic), I wouldn't mind...but it's more..some things that are very different to my way of thinking. For example, the only serious relationship he's had since his divorce was with a 25yo girl when his own daughter was 20. He stayed with that girl for 2 years, lived together, etc. Nothing wrong with that but I can't imagine what someone over 40 can have in common with a 25yo who he admitted had been very immature but 'hot'. Or he doesn't care about any of the things I like..not just music but also movies, books, chess, travelling....in general, he didn't seem to like anything that doesn't have to do with sports. Our conversation was mostly about holidays, the gym, his job, the weather and politics....most of them initiated by me..I'm a better conversationalist than him and it didn't have to do with nerves or anything, it's just who he is...he said himself he's more about actions than words...whereas I'm a person who loves talking and sharing. My favourite thing in the world is to bond over a cup of coffee (or chocolate)...his favourite thing is to exercise at the gym. Decent, yes. Handsome, yes. Polite, yes. Open, yes. But those are very few of the qualities I'm looking for in a partner..there was no wit, humour, quick thinking, ability to talk about different things...and all that is important to me if we're talking long term (which is what I want). Chemistry wasn't right but I don't care about that, I know chemistry can build up. Anyway, I think that he felt the same way I did..that things weren't right...so, I'll be surprised if he contacts me again but if he does, I'll go out with him once more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 If he married someone just because she's young and hot, and only interested in gym, then yea he doesn't sound like your type. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 If he married someone just because she's young and hot, and only interested in gym, then yea he doesn't sound like your type. How about bonding over talking while power-walking or just brisk walking/hiking? (in general I mean?). Most people I know are into some kind of physical fitness/sports especially in their 40s when it gets harder to stay in shape. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted March 10, 2016 Author Share Posted March 10, 2016 How about bonding over talking while power-walking or just brisk walking/hiking? (in general I mean?). Most people I know are into some kind of physical fitness/sports especially in their 40s when it gets harder to stay in shape. We did talk about exercise but there's only so much you can say about a topic like that..unless you're exercise crazy, which I'm not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 We did talk about exercise but there's only so much you can say about a topic like that..unless you're exercise crazy, which I'm not. I meant that you can enjoy the long talks you like while doing an activity like walking/hiking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted March 10, 2016 Author Share Posted March 10, 2016 I meant that you can enjoy the long talks you like while doing an activity like walking/hiking. We could..if we had something to talk about. The problem is we don't have many things we both like to talk about..lol In any case, he hasn't contacted me at all after the date and I think it's safe to say that he felt the same way I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted March 13, 2016 Author Share Posted March 13, 2016 I talked to a new guy online..he sounds quite interesting but, unfortunately, lives over an hour away (same city but, well, it's a big city). Paul, 52, 6ft tall, brown hair/green eyes, attractive, a civil engineer, divorced with a 10yo son who lives with his mum (she's moved back to her home town, about 4 hrs away, with the kid), writes very well, has a good sense of humour and we hit it off, at least in writing. Not sure if we can ever meet (lol) but I figured he was worth a mention, as, after John, he's the first guy I found interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 If you find him interesting, why not meet him once to see if he's worth the one-hour drive? I live in a big city too and it takes forever to get from point A to point B; granted it IS a HUGE drag but driving (and traffic) just comes with the territory when living in a big city, no? (How about public transit, by the way? Would that make the trip shorter or more convenient??) I understand that you like to wind down after your day at work and don't necessarily like to travel far to meet dates, but still, sounds like he's worth giving a chance When we first met, my husband lived in a city that was two hours away (by car) [or one hour away (by train)] and I was hesitant and first (as was he, I'm sure) to meet. But where there's a will, there is a way! DO consider talking to Paul on the phone and if you hit if off, why not give him a chance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted March 14, 2016 Author Share Posted March 14, 2016 If you find him interesting, why not meet him once to see if he's worth the one-hour drive? I live in a big city too and it takes forever to get from point A to point B; granted it IS a HUGE drag but driving (and traffic) just comes with the territory when living in a big city, no? (How about public transit, by the way? Would that make the trip shorter or more convenient??) I understand that you like to wind down after your day at work and don't necessarily like to travel far to meet dates, but still, sounds like he's worth giving a chance When we first met, my husband lived in a city that was two hours away (by car) [or one hour away (by train)] and I was hesitant and first (as was he, I'm sure) to meet. But where there's a will, there is a way! DO consider talking to Paul on the phone and if you hit if off, why not give him a chance? Well, to get close to where he lives (by 'close' I mean like 20 mins away from his part of town) I'd have to travel by bus for over an hour (too much traffic) or get a taxi and pay a small fortune (taxis are very expensive here). Of course, we could meet somewhere in the middle but I don't know if he would be up for that...he did mention he works long hours and we'd probably only be able to meet on weekends..and I'm not sure you can really get to know someone when you only meet once a week (and not every week, either...people have things they have to do on the weekends). In any case, I will give him a chance if he's interested in meeting, but, because of the distance, and because he's the one who drives and works long hours, I want him to be the one to suggest it...to make sure that he is willing to give it a shot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Yes, yes, as long as he's willing to give it a shot, do consider it, Miss M. My hubby and I were only able to meet once a week as well since during the weekday, we both worked long hours and even if we weren't, it would have been crazy for either of us to travel either 2 hours round trip by train or 4+ friggin' hours round trip by car to see each other for ... maybe an hour at most?! But we made do with phone calls almost every day during the week. Like you, I am not a huge fan of talking on the phone and sometimes (I admit) it WAS annoying because I had stuff to do and I sometimes felt tied down to the phone when I wanted to rest or watch TV or do work or whatever. But it did help us feel more connected during the week and on my part, I did get to know who he was during those phone calls. On a completely different note, I read somewhere that you are in the majority in that MANY many people only want to date people in their immediate neighborhoods because people, after all, lead very busy lives and they'd rather spend time getting to know someone than "wasting" (?) it traveling to meet someone. Makes sense to me. I hope things work out with Paul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted March 14, 2016 Author Share Posted March 14, 2016 On a completely different note, I read somewhere that you are in the majority in that MANY many people only want to date people in their immediate neighborhoods because people, after all, lead very busy lives and they'd rather spend time getting to know someone than "wasting" (?) it traveling to meet someone. No, that's not my case. After all, I was talking to Pedro a few months ago..and he lived almost 3 hrs away and we'd only be able to meet on the weekends. The difference was that he had no kids...Paul has a young son and, from what he said, I got the impression that many weekends he makes the trip to see him..as he should...so, that's one more problem to add to distance. Very different when both people are childless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted March 14, 2016 Author Share Posted March 14, 2016 Ok, well...I didn't have to ask, after all..he did. Paul, that is. After we talked a bit throughout the day, we finally talked some more in the evening, we laughed a lot (great sense of humour and very good vocabulary) and he asked what I'm doing tomorrow...so, we ended up exchanging phone numbers and he said he'll call me after a business appointment he has in the afternoon and I should be ready at about 7.30 as he'll be coming over to my neighbourhood. I'm looking forward to it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Sounds good MM! Have fun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveSoDeep Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 and I'm not sure you can really get to know someone when you only meet once a week (and not every week, either...people have things they have to do on the weekends) I think this too sometimes and then I remember...some of the best dating/ relationship experience I ever had started out with just one date a week for as many as 6-8 weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Hope you have a fun date with Paul! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted March 15, 2016 Author Share Posted March 15, 2016 David (57yo journalist, we had talked a couple of times online, he had called me twice, first time he wanted to meet on the same day, I was busy but told him when I'd be free, second time was while I was at the gym and then disappeared...over 2 weeks ago) left me a message on the site 'when can I call you?' Seriously??? You disappear for 15 days, and, then, you re-appear without as much as a 'sorry, I've been busy/sick/someone died/I don't know what' and all you say is when can I call you as if last time we talked was yesterday??? Of course, I didn't reply at all and I don't plan to, either. What's wrong with these guys?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Seriously??? You disappear for 15 days, and, then, you re-appear without as much as a 'sorry, I've been busy/sick/someone died/I don't know what' and all you say is when can I call you as if last time we talked was yesterday??? Of course, I didn't reply at all and I don't plan to, either. What's wrong with these guys?! to be honest, I've done this myself. It's mainly when I've gotten really busy with work and then dating other guys, and when those didn't pan out, I write back to some that I had previously lost contact with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I would at least reply and mention, diplomatically, that he went MIA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Geez....a man who said...be ready tomorrow....cuz I'm coming. And you said "OK!" WOW! edit it to say...and I meant that in a GOOD WAY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted March 15, 2016 Author Share Posted March 15, 2016 The date with Paul lasted for 4 hours. We had coffee and then we had a beer (he paid for both, he insisted) and I had a good time. He looked better than his pics and he was very talkative..with an attention to detail (he's a Virgo, after all..lol) which I found rather tiring but tried to overlook it. He told me everything about his marriage, his son and his job and didn't ask anything about me...however, when I did say something, he didn't interrupt, listened carefully and made some observations, so, all in all, he had some communication skills. Our sense of humour is what we have in common..he jokes in the exact same way I do, so, we laughed a lot. It was very late when we got up to leave and there were no taxis around...so, he drove me home, said he had a great time, that I'm a good listener and 'we'll talk'...which, usually, means we won't..lol. In general, I could see myself being friends with him...for something more, I don't know..our style is different..I like talking about ideas, he likes talking about everyday stuff...he's much more practical than me and more about the past than the future...I talk very little about the past, especially about bad experiences from my past..he, on the other hand, seems to love whining (I had to hear about 4-5 different fights he'd had with his ex wife..in detail). Anyway, if he asks to meet again, I will..but, unless he was very nervous tonight, if this is what he's normally like, I don't think we have enough in common for a romantic relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 My current XBF whined a lot about his X on our first date. I gave him another chance and that did subside during the date. BUT, it was a constant thing in his life, lots of drama. His name is the same, but I know its not him LOL. If you meet him again, hopefully he won't whine as much and you enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Yea I can't handle whingers, if someone whinges constantly, even just on one date, I take that as that's how their mind works (focus on the most minute negative thing and dramatise it) and I stay away. There's someone like that at work, and I interact with her as little as I can. Not only because I don't want to hear her whinge (got better things to do with my life), and not wanting to have it affect my own mood, but also you know if someone whinges about everyone and everything, they're going to whinge to others about you and whatever little thing you've done wrong (in their mind). Yea no thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 It's always amazing to me when men complain about their exes on a date. Like, do they think that's going to score points with you or make you more attracted to him? Like, wow, his ex was such a witch. I can't wait to get him into bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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