janut1 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I agree, I would accept the date for the weekend and then talk to him on that date about last minute plans if that bothers you. My BF always asks last minute and thats okay with me if Im available Ill go, if not then I tell him that. It doesn't bother me at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 He messaged while I was at the gym..his battery had died, he said. We're on for tomorrow...and we'll see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 It's fine if you don't mind being a last minute plan (and it's different when you're regularly dating -then you already know you have plans for the weekend so the particular timing/plan isn't as important because neither person is expecting the other person to be free last minute) - if you don't mind then that works for you two - you will know if you start to feel taken for granted or resentful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quidam Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 He texted you only to tell you his cell died ... My god at that point take over or walk away that guy is staling you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SophieGrace Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I'm in the minority on this one - I don't think he considers you second choice or is intentionally disrespectful by making last-minute plans; I just think the guy isn't a planner. I don't think he'd bother with the 1-2 nice texts day he sends if he weren't interested. Again, I relate to how I do things. I really do get swamped at work - single focus - and I'm tired at the end of the day. I can text or even have a phone conversation, but after 12 hours at work I don't always want to make the effort of getting ready and doing a 2-hour date and then driving home in the early stages of getting to know someone - even if I like him, sometimes especially if I like him because I want to be at my best. I do on the weekend when I'm recharged, but I don't often think about the weekend until it's upon me. Once we are established and feelings grow, I am more motivated to make week day plans. This is me - he may be different - but I am just trying to point out that because we don't all operate the same way does not equate with lack of interest or taking MM for granted or (fill in the blank.). There is also a possibility that a relationship isn't YET at the top of his list of priorities; I've been there too. Maybe he's just more "go with the flow" until you guys establish more interest. Or maybe he's unsure of himself. Since your last date, he always texts first and you politely/kindly answer in a timely fashion but don't give him much more (I would do exactly the same, btw) - but he may not be on sure footing yet. This, I think, is a good thing! As always, I will be interested to hear how it goes on date #2 (or date #3 - however you count it.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey Pumpkin Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I think I would just go with the flow too Miss M. I don't know how to explain this well, but when people are long-term dating online, they seem to become very much about interviewer/interviewee. Other people are judged against a long list of criteria and if they don't match up, they are struck off quickly and ruthlessly. That's absolutely fine, but it does take the romance out of it. I think you need to start going on a few dates with the same guy, it might or might not go anywhere, but it gets you out of that endless loop of first dates and more into dating. I'm not phrasing this right, I know. I met my partner online dating three years ago and I had an absolute blast when I was dating online. The thing that was offputting was meeting guys who had been online dating a long time - they were almost too business like, and almost too about the checklist. I get that they were valuing themselves etc and avoiding timewasting, but dating is meant to be fun and not angst. It wasn't my job to make them better people or not but it was lovely to meet up with guys and have fun and a giggle. Anyway, fingers crossed that you have a lovely time with this guy today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 "I just think the guy isn't a planner. I don't think he'd bother with the 1-2 nice texts day he sends if he weren't interested." Sure, but the effort to text is minimal compared to the effort to plan to see a person as you yourself wrote. In my experience over about 24 years of dating (not straight through as I had LTRs) the men who were interested in getting to know me with potential for the long term either planned in advance from the get go or started doing that as soon as I was too busy to see them last minute (an 99% of the time without me having to spell it out). Those men didn't just want phone chats or messaging -they wanted to get to know me on dates because of the relationship goal. So, sure, a relationship might not be his priority -totally agree. And that is something for MM to consider if that lower priority (if that is true) works for her. I should add that all of the adult men I dated were employed in full time or more jobs where they had to be responsible/reliable/make business related plans (just like I did) so, not sure if that made a difference. When I was dating and met someone I was really interested in I would never have taken the risk of losing him to another woman because I couldn't be bothered to make plans in advance (in my case, agreeing to the plan -back then the guy did most if not all of the asking out in the beginning). Of course if MM is comfortable with being available last minute to see him on a regular basis then that's fine -I wouldn't assume that she is telling him she's ready to be taken for granted by agreeing to last minute plans. From what MM has posted ,she makes advance social and other plans and did seem bothered by this person's habit of texting but not asking her out but that might have changed given her level of interest in him. I'll add that if he wasn't a planner but wanted MM to know he was very interested then he would tell her in one of his multiple texts that he is interested but won't know about the weekend till ___ time to make sure MM knew he was interested. I think dating should be fun too. I don't think chatting with someone on line is dating, and meeting someone the first time isn't a date so if you want to get to the fun of dating, then I do think it's best to treat the pre-dating stuff, interacting with strangers, with more "efficiency" to have more time to spend on the fun of going on dates. That's why I didn't date on line - I dated in person after contacting the person through an on line site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 He texted at noon..high fever, throat hurts, blah blah. I responded with 'get well soon' and I'm done with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 He texted at noon..high fever, throat hurts, blah blah. I responded with 'get well soon' and I'm done with him. Are you sure he's not being honest? He wouldn't want to get you sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 Are you sure he's not being honest? He wouldn't want to get you sick. I'm not sure but it's the second time he cancels without asking to reschedule. He didn't even mention the date in his message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I'm not sure but it's the second time he cancels without asking to reschedule. He didn't even mention the date in his message. Well, hmm -I guess that was implied with "I'm sick" and sometimes when I'm sick I don't want to reschedule because I don't know when I'll be better- would hate to disappoint the person again. You have good instincts/judgment -I'm just sharing another perspective. If he actually is sick then I'm glad you didn't see him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Was he sick the first time he cancelled? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 Was he sick the first time he cancelled? No, that time he was 'busy at work'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
einsteins_girl Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I think you should trust your instincts with this one, missmarple. "Busy at work" or not, "sick" or not - this guy seems like too much work/aggravation for someone you're just getting to know. Meh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 this guy seems like too much work/aggravation for someone you're just getting to know. Meh. Exactly. After everything that's happened, I realized today that I'm not even interested in him romantically any more. He's an interesting person to talk to, have a coffee with, laugh with...but he's not the sort of guy I want for a partner. I don't even care what his deal is any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Yeah, you guys have polar opposite dating styles. No right or wrong, just not compatible. Just say "Next!" and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Yea whatever is his deal, cancelling twice without so much as an apology and achknowledgement (eg so sorry I have to cancel again, I'd love to see you again when I feel better), is just plain disrespectful of you and your time. Glad you're over it. I'd block him if I were you so you're not tempted to respond or see him if he tries again in future (which I think he will). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 He didn't even mention the date in his message. Yeah, that seems odd to me, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpexpressme Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 You need to say to him exactly why your ending it. You can't just block him. That's stupid and immature. He needs to know why he's being dumped. It will show him that you are not just an easy target. It will paint you in a powerful light actually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I agree there should be something said before blocking - and that it should be about her, not him. "I am uncomfortable with the changes in schedule that have come up, I need something more predictable. You're lovely to talk with, though I believe we are not compatible as dating partners. I will be bowing out now. I hope you understand. Then do, in whatever way is comfortable for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 I'm not going to block him. I'm not 'ending' anything, either...there's nothing to end.. he's just a person I've met twice and had coffee with. I don't care if he contacts me again or not. I feel as indifferent as I do about Simon (funeral guy). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 So are you going to go dark? How will you deal with his texting you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 I don't know. It will depend on the time, on how bored I am and on what he writes. More or less, like I've dealt with other guys I'd dated and who kept in touch here and there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 I agree with MM - they went on one real date and texted her, he cancelled two of the dates he made with her without attempting to reschedule. No need to have any kind of communication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 Simon (funeral guy) called in the afternoon. I was out with a friend, at a very noisy restaurant, and could hardly hear him. I said I'll call him later blah blah. I didn't. If he wants to call every Sunday to see if I'm still alive (lol), he can continue doing so on his own Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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