missmarple Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 Simon just called. We hadn't talked since last Sunday (the second date). I was on my way out, so, we just talked for 5 mins. said our news, how nice the weather is today...and that was it. Also, an old friend called that I hadn't heard from in years. I imagine by the end of the day everyone will have called me..except John...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 That's what I want to do, Batya, I just don't know how. This morning I realised it's been over a week since we got back in touch and he lives like 20 mins away and we still haven't had that second date despite all his nice words. Ok, he had to go abroad..but he's been back since last night (I imagine!) and it's Sunday. I'm pretty sure he'll text me at some point today...if he asks to meet, fine. If he doesn't and just starts chatting again about this and that, I have no idea how to handle it. How do people give polite brush offs without saying 'dear, I'm sick of chatting, are we going to meet today or not?' lol It's not about a person "not understanding" - a person who wants to see you in person, who is motivated to continue a conversation, to get to know you, won't need to "understand" why you are not interacting enthusiastically by text. All that person will know is "hmm, I really want to talk to her and get to know her and she is too busy to text right now so let's see if she's free for a coffee". So if he gets chit chatty you might give a polite answer that doesn't invite further conversation or "got your text - would love to chat but today is busy - I'm sure you'll be in touch when you're free". I might not even go that far. No need to hit him over the head with it -he is a businessman, he knows you're VERY interested in seeing him since you texted him again after he flaked and you've been available for flirty texts - and he's said nice words about wanting to see you again. You've been more than decisive. He is a person whose feet don't match his lips - he loves the flirty texting (even with your non-flirty responses -again, good for you!), and who knows if he ever was out of town -maybe he did that to build anticipation and see if he could do sexting while his wife/girlfriend was out of town. I think you feel comfortable and good that you gave this another shot and I see that you feel equally comfortable and good that the ball is in his court now completely. Good for you! (And in my opinion unless there was a true emergency such that he could not make a time/place plan with you at this point I would write him off). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 Finally. He texted me at 6pm saying his flight got delayed because of a strike at the airport and he arrived home at 10am and he'd been sleeping since then and asked how I'm doing etc. I replied I'm fine, I'm watching TV, and welcomed him back. Then he texted 'can I call you?' I said sure and he called me. We talked about his trip, the job he did over there, the weather, the food and all that, he asked about my news, too, and then he asked when he can see me. I said, well, my schedule is more flexible than yours, so, tell me which day suits you and I'll arrange it. He said every day except Tuesday and we made a date for tomorrow at 7.30pm at the same cafe we had met the first time. I said ok, see you then and he said he'll text me good morning, too, and then we said good night. Naturally, until I actually see him tomorrow, I'll be wondering if he'll cancel..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 That sound promising! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 I'm really glad he stepped up and asked you out again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 I'm not sure how I feel about it. Hard to explain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 I got the feeling from your posts that you are kind of glad but kind of uneasy too. Am I right? Just a feeling I'm getting, like you're not really sure if he is who he says he is. I noticed you talked about "Well he could be in another country or maybe he's lying" and looking for signs that he was. I can definitely understand your mindset and would be the same way, considering you two had a tiff and you didn't talk for a while. I hope he goes out with you on the date and you can get more clarity, for better or worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Maybe MM is feeling uneasy, because she doesn't want to get hurt. I know, I know...it's only the second date...but sheesh. Like she said, it's the best date she had been on in 3 years! (don't ya like it MM that I talk about you...as if you're not here?? lol) Anyway, I think you may be on guard, cuz he disappointed you once....and you don't want to be disappointed again. I know it's RARE to find someone you feel connected to! His texts sound VERY promising. Sounds as if he's as into you...as you are to him. Just be open. Maybe I'm different, but if a guy backs off, and is cool at the beginning...I totally am turned OFF. Some guys think if they play hard to get, the girls want them even more. And visa-versa. Not so with me. I want to KNOW they are into me. (that is...if I'm into them! lol) Good luck on your date...my finger's are crossed. Has he kissed you yet? When he does...let us know all the details. Kissing make it, or breaks it for me. Now if I could only get a date....sigh. Happy Valentine's Day MM..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 You're both right, I'm glad but uneasy, too. After I got back in touch with him, it just seems like we never had that 'argument' but the thing is we did and if he's being honest now, I don't know why we had had that argument at all...I mean, if he's as interested as he seems, why did I have to be the one to contact him again? That's what confuses me. A friend of mine who knows the whole story says I should go on the date with an open mind and I'll try to do that. IF the date happens...yes, as I said before, I won't believe it until I see him waiting for me. PS No, of course he hasn't kissed me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 It's understandable that you're uneasy with a person who behaved that way. But, since he did make a time/place date, hopefully he'll follow through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 I texted him good morning first today as I had a little free time at work. He responded with good morning and kisses and stuff and added he's soooooooo busy. I said ok, have a nice day and see you in the afternoon. Hopefully, he won't use the 'too busy' excuse again. If he does, and unless he reschedules in the same message, he won't hear from me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I texted him good morning first today as I had a little free time at work. He responded with good morning and kisses and stuff and added he's soooooooo busy. I said ok, have a nice day and see you in the afternoon. Hopefully, he won't use the 'too busy' excuse again. If he does, and unless he reschedules in the same message, he won't hear from me again. Great plan -and I hope you don't have to implement it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Kyle (he's a guy we'd talked a couple of times but I'd decided I wasn't interested enough to meet) just called. I didn't even pick up the phone but, until I saw his name, I was sure it was John cancelling..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Soooooooo...we finally had our second date. 1 hour before the date he texted me 'so, are we on for 7.30?' I replied yes and he said 'excellent'. Then, he texted me 'I'm here' when he was at the cafe...2 mins before I got there..lol. At first, I felt awkward and uneasy..for the first 15 mins or so. Then, gradually, I relaxed and we had a great time...even better than the first date. We laughed, like, A LOT. We exchanged online experiences, childhood memories, funny stuff from work, etc, etc, etc. At some point, he looked at me and said 'I don't know how you could have thought I didn't want to see you again..because I did and I do...I swear I had sent that message'...I had decided not to bring that up but, since he did, I said 'well, I hadn't received it' he said he has no reason not to believe me and we kinda left it at that. He paid me some compliments, he said I'm beautiful and he likes my smile, he said a few times that he's having a great time with me, there was definite chemistry between us and when I paid for our coffee (I said, well, it's for that b/day..lol), he said next time he's getting the bill. He drove me home afterwards, we kissed each other on the cheek and said he'll text me in the morning. Still, half an hour later, he texted me that he had had a great time and thanked me...I emailed him some joke about his star sign that he found hilarious and we said good night. Everything seems fine...however, I can't help noticing that, although he said we'll meet again, he didn't say when or ask when I'm free again or something. Maybe he will by the weekend...we'll see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luminousone Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Yay! Glad you had a good time. It sounds like he did send that text- I wonder who he accidently sent it to... Hope he firms up plans soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Sounds like a great date MM!! I'm sure he'll call to arrange for a date again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Sounds like a great evening. I think he will call to make specific plans soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Miss M, sounds like you two had a great date! Hope he calls again soon for your next date Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 What I finally did was take the direct approach...although not exactly as Larkin suggested. He messaged me on the site when I was back from the gym..before I had time to email him..we talked for 5 mins and then I told him straight out that my purpose for being on that site is to meet people..not to chat for endless hours..and because I can see that, for whatever reason, you don't plan on meeting me again, we'd better say goodbye and good luck. He said that he had texted me good morning, are we on for tomorrow, I didn't reply and that's why he texted me later with something irrelevant. Did I believe him? Nope. I said, well, I never got that message and, after all, I was the one who had asked you about tomorrow..twice..so, I have no reason to lie about it. After that, he acted all upset and offended and blah blah and he almost called me rude and said it's no use to continue the conversation and good luck..and I said same to you. What I think happened was, well, that I just met someone who was full of it and I'm lucky I got rid of him fast. Well here was your fight. I thought maybe you had misconstrued it....but him almost calling your rude (what did he call you?) and DID he say it's no use to continue the conversation and good luck. If he acted all upset and offended...maybe he was! Now it was a couple of weeks...and he's cooled off and now thinks you're the next best thing since sliced bread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 oops...i'm so sorry. I looked up your fight and posted it before I read about your date. I too thought maybe he THOUGHT he sent it, and didn't. Hell...I've sent many a txt to the wrong person! lol But I'm glad you had a great time. Him not firming anything up for the next date....maybe he's not the type. Maybe it's different over there...but I don't think I've EVER had a guy take me out on a date and then firm one up before he left. It was ALWAYS...and I mean ALWAYS.....talk to you later. Or See you later. He's probably thinking it's just a given that you're going to see each other. He's just a little more spontaneous than you are!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 oops...i'm so sorry. I looked up your fight and posted it before I read about your date. I too thought maybe he THOUGHT he sent it, and didn't. Hell...I've sent many a txt to the wrong person! lol But I'm glad you had a great time. Him not firming anything up for the next date....maybe he's not the type. Maybe it's different over there...but I don't think I've EVER had a guy take me out on a date and then firm one up before he left. It was ALWAYS...and I mean ALWAYS.....talk to you later. Or See you later. He's probably thinking it's just a given that you're going to see each other. He's just a little more spontaneous than you are!!! Regarding the argument, I've thought about it many times...talked to my friends about it, too..and I still don't think I had done anything wrong under the circumstances. I had been the one who had suggested the first meeting. I was also the one who had suggested the second one, which he cancelled and then he wouldn't say yes or no or even 'I'l let you know' to my effort to reschedule. He had cancelled on Thursday saying let's do it some other day, I had suggested Saturday and when I finally snapped it was Friday evening and I still had no idea if we would meet on Saturday or not. I still don't know what happened back then..maybe he was dating someone else, who knows? As for the next date plans, etc, I think the reason I'm wondering about it is exactly because of what had happened the first time. When we had met, I was sure he was into me (judging from his behaviour, texts, phonecalls, etc) and then I couldn't even get a yes or no from him about when we would next meet. So, this time, I don't expect anything from him, regardless of what he says. It will take a long time to really believe he means what he says..IF we continue seeing each other, that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I think it was just a misunderstanding....if he TRULY sent the text....are we on for Sat. Who knows. I guess all you can do is believe him. Start fresh. He seems as if he is into you....and you into him. Enjoy it while it lasts I always say!!!! lol It's nice to find someone who makes you laugh. Who makes you feel special. Hope he keeps delivering.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 "So, this time, I don't expect anything from him, regardless of what he says. It will take a long time to really believe he means what he says..IF we continue seeing each other, that is." I agree -one date at a time with any person you've only had one real date with. If there's not a time/place plan for another date, there is no other date. People who want to see someone change their habits if it's more effective - a person who is habitually late will change that for someone he/she is interested in getting to know and who won't put up with that, for example. I would not text regularly with him without specific plans for another date. If he wants to continue talking with you and spending time with you he has to follow up on his desire to see you again and make it happen. Maybe after 4-5 real dates you can do more of the asking but so far he's been a bit sluggish in making sure you're not snapped up by another guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 He texted me ' have a beautiful day and good morning dear missmarple' and I responded in a similar way. Batya, that's what I plan to do. If he wants to keep talking with me, he has to ask me out. Texting is fine for a good morning/good night..anything more than that has to be in person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 He texted me ' have a beautiful day and good morning dear missmarple' and I responded in a similar way. Batya, that's what I plan to do. If he wants to keep talking with me, he has to ask me out. Texting is fine for a good morning/good night..anything more than that has to be in person. Awesome plan -way to go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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