missmarple Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 He just called me again. He asked if I feel better...when he called the first time, I had just woken up (I came back at 3am last night..well, this morning..lol) and hadn't had coffee yet. I said I do and he said he called his friend and arranged to meet him after 8, so, we could meet after 6 if I wanted. This time, because I felt better (coffee always helps) and because it seemed like he made an effort, I said ok...so, we're meeting at 6.30. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 See, that's why I like to agree on a date AND time right then and there so you know that time is set aside to meet you. I'm actually a bit surprised, don't you normally agree on the time right away when you agree on the date? Also I don't know how the conversation to set up the date went, but just reading the post, I would've interpreted it as he said any time on Sunday is fine, while expecting you to suggest a time that suits you right then, at this time, he may genuinely not have any plans for Sunday. You then said you'll agree on something at 11 or 12 on Sunday. And he went along. Yes it would've probably been smart if he confirmed with you when he made plans with his friend. But I think if the role reversed, if you asked a guy to give you a time to meet while indicating you're free the whole day, and they say let's decide on Sunday at 11 or 12, I didn't think you would have checked with him beforehand, if a friend wanted to meet that night? wouldn't it sound like you're planning your day around him? From my understanding of your approach, you would've went ahead and made a plan (or declined the plan) without consulting the guy. But I might be wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 New guy. Gerard is 49, 5'10, grey hair/green eyes, very good-looking, a civil servant, divorced for 2 years, no kids and lives 30 mins away. We talked online for about half an hour and it was a very interesting conversation. He comes from the town of my university and he came to work over here the same year I finished uni....and, apparently, he stayed. Seems very clever and a bit sarcastic which I like..unfortunately (or, rather, good for him..lol) he doesn't smoke and is very athletic..he had to go because he was going on a bike ride and a long one at that (he has a few pics with his bike on his profile). Next time we talk I'll remind him I'm a smoker and find out if he's ok with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 See, that's why I like to agree on a date AND time right then and there so you know that time is set aside to meet you. I'm actually a bit surprised, don't you normally agree on the time right away when you agree on the date? Usually, yes, but he had just said he'd be free all day and because I had this outing on Saturday and I knew I'd come home late, I didn't want to commit to a specific time (not that he had suggested one, mind you) and said I'd call him in the morning to confirm the time. I had thought if I was in a good state (lol), I'd suggest we meet early in the afternoon, if not, later. From my understanding of your approach, you would've went ahead and made a plan (or declined the plan) without consulting the guy. But I might be wrong! You're wrong. If I had told someone (not just him, anyone) 'I'll be free all day, we'll agree on the time when you call', and, some time before that day, I found out I have to do something at a specific time, I'd let them know immediately. I'd text that, you know what, something came up for Sunday evening, are you ok if we meet earlier?' or something like that. On the other hand, I would never tell someone we'll meet any time you like because I'll be free all day..because I know stuff happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 With a new person I would only make a plan for a specific time and place because you don't know the person well enough to be looser about it. Now, if you were already going to be at a specific place all afternoon let's say (coffee shop working, museum or park, etc) then sure you could decide to let each other know the specific time at that place you were already going to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 The second date with Simon was so and so. He was still attractive and interesting and all but he talks too much and mostly about himself...not boring stuff but, somehow, it all came back to him. He didn't ask me a single question about me...he did listen every time I said something but he hardly commented on what I had to say and a few times he just went on talking as if I hadn't spoken at all (very annoying). This time I insisted on paying (both for my coffee and his beer) because I'm not sure I want to see him again. If he does come up with a SPECIFIC time and place, I may meet him once more..but that's about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 The second date with Simon was so and so. He was still attractive and interesting and all but he talks too much and mostly about himself...not boring stuff but, somehow, it all came back to him. He didn't ask me a single question about me...he did listen every time I said something but he hardly commented on what I had to say and a few times he just went on talking as if I hadn't spoken at all (very annoying). This time I insisted on paying (both for my coffee and his beer) because I'm not sure I want to see him again. If he does come up with a SPECIFIC time and place, I may meet him once more..but that's about it. I am now many years into a friendship that lasted after a broken romance, that started with dates like this. He's the most annoying conversationalist but crazy smart. I figured out that I like his brain, I just don't like how it cones out. So for one of our early dates, I brought a game to play at a bar. It is one of my all time favorite dates. Focusing on scrabble tiles quieted him, and we had many giggles about words we made etc. Once he became more secure in our connection, his manner of conversation changed entirely. Softer voice, eminently helpful, always has my back. I find him very strong, self disciplined, and resilient. I also find him with some sort of self esteem issue, a chip on his shoulder, mommy issues - I am not sure what. It doesn't show when in his social comfort zone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 John just texted me 'don't say that I just want to talk...but I'm still at work and wanted to tell you good afternoon..hehe'. I replied 'of course not..lol..good afternoon from me, too, I'm getting ready to go to the gym' and he said have fun, dear missmarple, I thanked him and wished him a good evening. I'd be lying if I said I'm not glad he got in touch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 This morning we texted each other at the same time to say good morning and stuff..at exactly the same moment..spooky! Anyway, he just texted again saying let's have coffee any day you can and asked if he can call later (he knows I'm leaving for the gym). I said he can call after 9 and we'll talk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 So, he called me. He had just gotten home from work and was very tired but the conversation was just like it had been before the 'incident'. He didn't mention anything about what had happened and neither did I. We just told each other our news etc and then talked about meeting..he suggested Thursday or Friday, I suggested Wednesday because of gym but I said that I could manage Friday, too. Eventually, he said he'll message me in the morning as soon as he knows his work schedule for tomorrow (they may have some inspection in the afternoon but he won't know before morning). So, we'll see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Good luck MM! I hope the second date goes well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 MM can you please write briefly about who John is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 MM can you please write briefly about who John is? That guy I liked a lot (47, single, lives close by), I thought we were compatible, many things in common, etc, went on one date with, had a great time, he kept in touch after that (texts/phonecalls/talking online) and, then, there was the whole Saturday argument when I waited for him to let me know if we'd meet Saturday, he didn't, I told him it seems you only want to chat and aren't interested in meeting again so let's stop this, he said he had messaged me asking if we're on for Saturday and acted insulted and we wished each other good luck. I texted him again a week after that (last Saturday) during an outing (and some wine..lol), he responded in a very positive way, we texted back and forth a few more times and last night he said we should meet again. He suggested Thursday/Friday, I suggested today, he said he may be busy at work but will let me know in the morning. That's where we're at now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 He texted me that, unfortunately, they're sending him abroad for 3 days and he's leaving this afternoon (I already knew that's a part of his job but doesn't happen often). He said he should be back by Saturday and he'll call when he's back because he really wants to see me. He also asked if it's ok to text during these 3 days, I said of course you can. For now, I'm neither optimistic nor pessimistic about him. I only saw him once, 10 days ago, and, frankly, I can hardly remember his face..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Nigel (the guy I had talked a few times with about 10 days ago and wanted to 'take me for a walk') messaged me on the site and, again, he started talking about the benefits of walking. This time, I flat out told him I'm not into walking and, especially, in the cold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 He texted me that, unfortunately, they're sending him abroad for 3 days and he's leaving this afternoon (I already knew that's a part of his job but doesn't happen often). He said he should be back by Saturday and he'll call when he's back because he really wants to see me. He also asked if it's ok to text during these 3 days, I said of course you can. For now, I'm neither optimistic nor pessimistic about him. I only saw him once, 10 days ago, and, frankly, I can hardly remember his face..lol What kind of work does he do? Last minute notice to go abroad for work seems odd. Anyway, glad that you're managing expectations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 What kind of work does he do? Last minute notice to go abroad for work seems odd. Anyway, glad that you're managing expectations In consulting work or for some multinational corporations, it's not that unusual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Nigel (the guy I had talked a few times with about 10 days ago and wanted to 'take me for a walk') messaged me on the site and, again, he started talking about the benefits of walking. This time, I flat out told him I'm not into walking and, especially, in the cold. I like that you were direct, informative, and non judgmental. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 What kind of work does he do? Last minute notice to go abroad for work seems odd. In consulting work or for some multinational corporations, it's not that unusual. It is a construction company that is currently getting money from the government to do some (big) stuff in my country. He's in charge of the negotiations both with the government and other investors..I imagine that's why he's going abroad (a country 2 hrs away, that is). Those are the things I know from him...nothing is confirmed, he may have been lying, who knows? I have his f/b name and it all seems normal about private life etc (status, pictures, dates, etc) but it doesn't mention his workplace at all. I also found the coincidence strange but, on the other hand, he was the one who called last night and said we should meet, so, I don't know why he would be making up a story today...or why he would mention going abroad...saying he's busy at work would work just the same as I know (from what he's been telling me) that he usually works pretty long hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 I think it's nice that John did let you know as soon as he found out, and asked to keep in touch during those 3 days. If he doesn't make plans to go out upon his return, I'd be likely to dismiss him for good. You don't have to meet up right away, but he should at least make plans. My personal opinion, anyway. I really want to like him for you, MM. But I'm still wary of the tantrum he pulled regarding that Saturday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 If he doesn't make plans to go out upon his return, I'd be likely to dismiss him for good. You don't have to meet up right away, but he should at least make plans. My personal opinion, anyway. I really want to like him for you, MM. But I'm still wary of the tantrum he pulled regarding that Saturday. Considering that our argument the first time was about meeting in person, I don't plan on talking with him indefinitely. When he's back, he must make plans to meet...or I'll be out for good this time. PS. I'm also wary..and watching what he says like a hawk..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 ^ Good for you, MM!! It's hard when you feel a spark with someone to let them go, even when you know they aren't the right fit. I hate it when that happens! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 John texted me saying he wishes he was somewhere with me instead of where he is (at the hotel, according to him). We exchanged a few text messages, he told me a bit about the reason why they've sent him over there and the weather and stuff and now he's taking a bath..lol I spoke on the phone with a new guy. Not too impressed by him. I mean, he's good-looking, good age (49), divorced, 2 kids (20/14) who live with mum in a different city, has a good job, sounds stable and polite and all but he was hesitant about arranging a date (he said we'll talk tomorrow to arrange something for Friday and I wasn't too enthusiastic myself, either) and, in general, he doesn't seem to be my type. If he calls early enough, we may meet on Friday..or not. I want to think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Just wanted to throw some caution at you about getting too attached to John too soon. I know you're well aware of that and everything... but I felt like someone had to say it, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Just wanted to throw some caution at you about getting too attached to John too soon. I know you're well aware of that and everything... but I felt like someone had to say it, lol. Thanks but I don't see how I'm getting too attached. I mean, he's the one who initiates most texts and I just reply. For example, tonight, I didn't even expect to get a text from him, I had no idea what time he was flying...he surprised me. Don't worry, WT, I'm the sort of person who may act all enthusiastic about someone (which I was about John but I'm not any more) but, just as easily, I forget about them if I don't get what I want Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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