missmarple Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 By the way Miss Marple, what were you cooking? Any leftovers? Spaghetti carbonara and no, nothing, sorry..haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Skirt Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 About Simon, it wasn't about rules, I just couldn't meet him as I was cooking and I'm meeting friends later as I said. If I was sitting at home doing nothing, I might have accepted the offer...when I said I hope he took the hint I meant I hope he realised that people have obligations and that, if he wants to see me again, he has to ask a bit sooner than at the last moment. That is exactly how I read your post about the hint, people have other plans and obligations. Oh my God, 3 new guys in the pipeline. Dating seems like a fulltime job to me. Have fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I rarely accepted last minute plans from a new person when dating. I used to do the more lecture-y "I like to make plans in advance" because it does hint that the other person is being impolite or should know better in general (and they might be rude or it might be a one-time thing because the sun was out) but typically I'd simply say "I'd love to but I'm busy then, I hope we can reschedule". I don't think people need to be spontaneous with a near stranger about going on a date at the last minute. As Notalady wrote I think it's great to be spontaneous about changing the activity at the last minute, depending what comes up. If it were me I would have declined even if I had no plans - I'm not sure at all why people call it "sitting at home doing nothing". Sitting is underrated sometimes, as is time alone. And if the person wants plans the person doesn't have to settle for being a last minute afterthought. Certainly Simon at least could have asked while they were on the first meet. And of course if he makes advance plans then I think MM shouldn't give a second thought to his initial last minute offer. I once dated a guy I met through OLD who, two weeks in a row asked me out for Friday night on a Thursday night (not cool with me -too last minute -didn't want that pattern). The second time I did explain about making advance plans so he did and then asked what I was doing on a particular date a year in advance so he could book our wedding reception. A month later he did a 180, got drunk on NYE in front of me and his parents (after 2 months of dating, first time I met the parents), treated me rudely and called the next day, hungover and apologetic, after blowing me off for brunch at his parents. Nothing to do with advance planning but MM I can relate to the downsides of dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Skirt Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 If it were me I would have declined even if I had no plans - I'm not sure at all why people call it "sitting at home doing nothing". Sitting is underrated sometimes, as is time alone. Batya33, I really like what you wrote here. I am more of a home person. I like to be at home, I don’t need to go out all the time and yes, I also need time alone. Now back to Simon, the date sounded really nice, so I assume he also enjoyed it and simply wanted to see Miss Marple again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I'm going to be the oddball here. I love last minute adventures! When a guy has a neat place he wants to take me and he calls me just before, if I'm not doing anything I always say, yes! YOLO, that's my mantra. Why sit home? But I do understand when you already have plans. That is just common sense, you politely decline and make plans for another time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I'm going to be the oddball here. I love last minute adventures! When a guy has a neat place he wants to take me and he calls me just before, if I'm not doing anything I always say, yes! YOLO, that's my mantra. Why sit home? But I do understand when you already have plans. That is just common sense, you politely decline and make plans for another time. I agree if it is something that has to be last minute -he just got tickets to something, just heard about an event, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 I agree if it is something that has to be last minute -he just got tickets to something, just heard about an event, etc. Yes, I agree with that. But just to enjoy the sun with a guy I just met the night before...not good enough reason to cancel plans with my friends (or not eat my carbonara..lol). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 I just talked to Nigel...first online and then he asked for my phone number and called me...and, well, on phone, he's definitely not my type. He was open, talkative and all that but he has this 'lecturer' style that I don't like in men. He started lecturing me about the internet and how he doesn't like online dating and he just 'happened' to be there And then he told me we should meet some day and added that 'he's allergic to coffee and we should just go for a walk'. Yeah, ok..I don't think so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 He sounds like a bore, haha. I would pass up too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Ew. My last boyfriend was allergic to mayonnaise. I was flabbergasted.... because I LOVE mayonnaise. Was he allergic to coffee itself or to the caffeine in it?? Guy's probably dull at parties. Next! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Was he allergic to coffee itself or to the caffeine in it?? HAHAHA, no, he's not actually allergic! He meant he doesn't like going to cafes, not that he doesn't drink coffee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 HAHAHA, no, he's not actually allergic! He meant he doesn't like going to cafes, not that he doesn't drink coffee. I get that coffeehouses aren't everyone's cup of tea but it seems weird to me that he would be so averse to the point that he would say "no, let's just go for a walk". Makes you wonder if he's sort of a difficult person who dislikes a lot of things and isn't very easygoing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Maybe he's one of those people that hates on streamlined things and is a "hipster" where he liked all that stuff before it became "cool". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 I think he's just cheap..because it's not like I suggested coffee..he said 'we should meet some time', I said 'I'm rather busy this week' and he continued 'but it has to be a walk, I'm allergic to coffee and stuff'. He was talking and answering himself..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Maybe he likes walking, and appreciates how it loosens up the conversation as opposed to sitting still across the table from one another, two strangers who may appreciate some distraction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Maybe he likes walking, and appreciates how it loosens up the conversation as opposed to sitting still across the table from one another, two strangers who may appreciate some distraction. If so, there are many more pleasant ways to say that, no? Like saying something similar to what you said or simply asking if MM would like to go for a walk for the date, rather than saying it HAS to be a walk and that he's allergic to coffee and stuff lol... Sounds like a difficult guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 He THOUGHT he was being funny by saying he was allergic to coffee (joke) and would rather walk. I messaged a guy last Monday, because in his profile he said he liked hiking. So I emailed him, and he suggested we meet for drinks. I said I wasn't into drinking, but I'd like to go for a hike on Sunday. I said I hated weekends alone. So we talked a few days on the site....then by Thurs. I didn't hear from him. Later he just said...Hey Girl. I answered Hey guy. (I mean...we had been txting a lot) I asked what he was doing...he said, getting ready to go to bed. (it was early) then 'sorry I have to cut you short...'.....So I ended by saying, I hadn't heard from you, so hope we're still on for the hike on Sunday. Sat. he messages me. "sorry I have to cancel". That's it. He had just joined the site the day before. So another case of, unless you jump on it right away...you lose out on someone quicker and 'younger'...lol MM...you're lucky you have so many to chose from. This was the first guy in YEARS that even came close to looking or sounding like anyone I'd like. Except that he's getting divorced THIS WED. lol But the reason I stole your thread.....I'd go for a coffee...unless he doesn't like coffee. Neither of my last 2 boyfriends would touch the stuff. And I am just so NOT into going to a bar. I'd MUCH rather go for a walk. Much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 'but it has to be a walk, I'm allergic to coffee and stuff' so weird.... was he trying to be funny?? Is he aware that coffee shops sell things other than coffee....? or is it the 'stuff' he is allergic to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 2, 2016 Author Share Posted February 2, 2016 so weird.... was he trying to be funny?? Is he aware that coffee shops sell things other than coffee....? or is it the 'stuff' he is allergic to? He wasn't trying to be funny, he actually said he doesn't like 'coffee and stuff' in a disgusted way. My issue wasn't so much with walking but the fact that he was the one who asked to meet me and he didn't even ask if I like walking...and let's not forget it's winter and we live in a big city...walking around town in the cold is NOT my cup of tea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 oh....if he wasn't trying to be humorous....then poo-poo on him! And yes....walking around in a large city in frigid weather...not my cup of tea either! ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Maybe he just got out of the nuthouse and wants to feel free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 2, 2016 Author Share Posted February 2, 2016 Frank, the guy I was supposed to meet tomorrow, messaged me on the site today. I cancelled the date for 2 reasons...first because I just didn't feel like seeing him and second because he didn't contact me at all in the 4 days since our first and only chat (if he had, I might feel more inclined to meet him tomorrow). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Decided to delete Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 2, 2016 Author Share Posted February 2, 2016 So if a man makes a plan to meet you for the first time you expect him to be in touch again to chat before he meets you? Not at all...but I was ambivalent about him and, perhaps, if he had kept in touch, I might have changed my mind or he might have said something that made me see him different, I don't know. That's what I meant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Not at all...but I was ambivalent about him and, perhaps, if he had kept in touch, I might have changed my mind or he might have said something that made me see him different, I don't know. That's what I meant. I understand. I can't relate to why someone you plan to meet for the first time should keep in touch with you before you meet- isn't it sufficient interest that he made a plan to meet you in person? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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