Fudgie Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I like annie's suggestion. Leave it open ended. Saying "it was nice knowing you but I don't see any reason in continuing our conversation" sounds negative and if he was going to ask you on a date for sure, it would put him off. Having something open ended like annie suggested isn't offputting but you also make him aware that you are expecting an invite out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Yeah but in reality, he's had a number of opportunities to ask MM out before now. It's like, if she leaves it open-ended, she's basically saying "I really dislike that you haven't asked me out yet, but I'm giving you on last chance to do so". When he should have already asked her out again. Idk, for me personally, his lack of planning makes me think he's ultimately wishy-washy when it comes to making decisions, and I'm a pretty decisive person. So I'd tell him thanks but no thanks and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 What I finally did was take the direct approach...although not exactly as Larkin suggested. He messaged me on the site when I was back from the gym..before I had time to email him..we talked for 5 mins and then I told him straight out that my purpose for being on that site is to meet people..not to chat for endless hours..and because I can see that, for whatever reason, you don't plan on meeting me again, we'd better say goodbye and good luck. He said that he had texted me good morning, are we on for tomorrow, I didn't reply and that's why he texted me later with something irrelevant. Did I believe him? Nope. I said, well, I never got that message and, after all, I was the one who had asked you about tomorrow..twice..so, I have no reason to lie about it. After that, he acted all upset and offended and blah blah and he almost called me rude and said it's no use to continue the conversation and good luck..and I said same to you. What I think happened was, well, that I just met someone who was full of it and I'm lucky I got rid of him fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecaryn Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 IF he calls/messages you TODAY and IF you still have any interest in him left, I would indirectly remind him that you suggested a date on Saturday without actually asking him out yourself. Something like... So, what do you have planned for the weekend? If he can't take that as a hint to confirm plans with you, then, yeah, he's wasting your time. Thank you, please don't come again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecaryn Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Well there you go. Done deal. Crappy way for him to handle it though. Onwards and upwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 What I finally did was take the direct approach...although not exactly as Larkin suggested. He messaged me on the site when I was back from the gym..before I had time to email him..we talked for 5 mins and then I told him straight out that my purpose for being on that site is to meet people..not to chat for endless hours..and because I can see that, for whatever reason, you don't plan on meeting me again, we'd better say goodbye and good luck. He said that he had texted me good morning, are we on for tomorrow, I didn't reply and that's why he texted me later with something irrelevant. Did I believe him? Nope. I said, well, I never got that message and, after all, I was the one who had asked you about tomorrow..twice..so, I have no reason to lie about it. After that, he acted all upset and offended and blah blah and he almost called me rude and said it's no use to continue the conversation and good luck..and I said same to you. What I think happened was, well, that I just met someone who was full of it and I'm lucky I got rid of him fast. I think he's full of it too. If I send someone a message regarding making plans and never got a reply, I would check if they saw my message earlier rather than talking about something irrelevant. Or even if that was in fact what happened, once you replied to his alleged second message, he would've asked again about meeting the next day. OR, alternatively he is so passive and scaredy to ask you about meeting again, despite you had asked him twice, that he sent that first message and was afraid you're rejecting him that he didn't want to ask again. Not likely but also a possiblity. I think he was probably just keeping you on the sideline while meeting others, and probably got upset that you aren't playing along. Disappointing but glad that you got rid of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Yeah, it's weird that he said he sent you a text, but didn't ask you about receiving it when you didn't answer it or bring it up. Instead he went a roundabout way of trying to see if you had received it, instead of just asking! Very childish. Seems like the sort that likes to play head games. Ain't nobody got time for that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 I have a date with a new guy for tomorrow. Steve, 53, 6'3, grey hair/goatee, attractive, divorced with 2 sons (24/26), lives close to me and works at an office. We first talked online today, he asked for my phone number, called me and asked if I'm free tomorrow. To be honest, I wasn't in a mood for a date but I figured what do I have to lose..and we agreed to meet at 6pm since he has to go to his country house later. I expect nothing at all from this date as our conversation was just ok but who knows, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zuri Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 How tall are you? 6'3" is TALL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 " If I send someone a message regarding making plans and never got a reply, I would check if they saw my message earlier rather than talking about something irrelevant." (What Notalady wrote).And, especially, when it's a man texting about a date of course he would make sure you received the text if he really wanted to see you. On the other hand, it's a downside of texting but not a downside that is easily rectified by someone who is straight up. Onwards and "up"wards since new guy is 6"3! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 30, 2016 Author Share Posted January 30, 2016 How tall are you? 6'3" is TALL! LOL I know. I'm 5'7. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 30, 2016 Author Share Posted January 30, 2016 I cancelled the date. The more I thought about it, the less willing I was to go. Last night I think I was so disappointed that I just agreed to meet him to take my mind off the situation..but the thing is I have nothing in common with this guy..not even to have a cup of coffee with him...so, I called him and said sorry, I can't make it tonight...I didn't ask to reschedule and neither did he. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 30, 2016 Author Share Posted January 30, 2016 Well, as it turned out, I do have a date tonight. Simon, 56, 5'9, brown hair/eyes, good looking (unless his nice hair is a wig..lol), divorced, no kids, works at a company and lives about 30 mins away. He is the funeral guy..lol. Since he finally called and asked me out 'officially', I thought let's see how boring he is in person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Skirt Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 Have fun with funeral guy Simon Miss Marple! You might be amazed how awesome he is, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 Careful. Dating 'funeral guy' could be a grave undertaking... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 30, 2016 Author Share Posted January 30, 2016 New guy. Frank, 53, 5'10, shaved head, a litte overweight but sweet face, single, no kids, lives very close to me and is a shop owner. He asked for my phone number pretty soon and we talked for about 20 minutes. He sounds very open, laughs a lot and informed me he's only interested in a serious relationship. He lives in the same house as his 2 sisters (1 floor each) who are both married and much older than him (their parents have died), he loves animals, he's a smoker and, in general, it sounds like he's not boring, at least. He asked me to meet this weekend, I said I can't and, eventually, we agreed on Wednesday but we said we'll talk again by then. He gave me both his home and cell phone number. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 30, 2016 Author Share Posted January 30, 2016 The date with Simon was better than expected. He was as attractive as in the pics and, although he did talk about funerals (lol), he wasn't boring. We talked about our families, holidays and..philosophy..he's very much into philosophy. I'm not but it was interesting. I had coffee, he had a beer and, apparently, he has one every night. I didn't really like that but as long as it's just one beer, I don't mind. He's into healthy foods and exercise (was a footballer for 20 yrs and did bodybuilding for 10) but he does smoke. We have similar taste in music, he likes classic rock and he has a collection of vinyl records (he didn't ask me to go home with him to show me his collection..lol) and he's a biker but also has a car. I couldn't tell if there was chemistry between us, he seemed to enjoy the conversation and he did pay for my coffee but who knows what he was thinking. He mentioned a bar-restaurant with live music near his home and asked if I'd like to 'go together some day'. I said, sure, let me know and he said he will. So, we'll see. The good thing about this date was that it totally took my mind off what happened yesterday and I'm glad I decided to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 hey - glad to hear about the good date! it is nice when your date is a good conversationalist, even if it is a topic that is not really of interest to you, that he can present it in an interesting way is a good quality of his. Hope you have a 2nd date with him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 The date with Simon was better than expected. He was as attractive as in the pics and, although he did talk about funerals (lol), he wasn't boring. We talked about our families, holidays and..philosophy..he's very much into philosophy. I'm not but it was interesting. I had coffee, he had a beer and, apparently, he has one every night. I didn't really like that but as long as it's just one beer, I don't mind. He's into healthy foods and exercise (was a footballer for 20 yrs and did bodybuilding for 10) but he does smoke. We have similar taste in music, he likes classic rock and he has a collection of vinyl records (he didn't ask me to go home with him to show me his collection..lol) and he's a biker but also has a car. I couldn't tell if there was chemistry between us, he seemed to enjoy the conversation and he did pay for my coffee but who knows what he was thinking. He mentioned a bar-restaurant with live music near his home and asked if I'd like to 'go together some day'. I said, sure, let me know and he said he will. So, we'll see. The good thing about this date was that it totally took my mind off what happened yesterday and I'm glad I decided to go. That IS a great date. Two people finding common ground with kindness and conversation. What more can we expect on a first meet? Going to the music spot will be fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 Simon called at about 1pm to tell me it's a beautiful day (it is) and would I like to meet to 'enjoy the sun'? Unfortunately, I was cooking at the time and I have the whole day planned (with friends), so, I thanked him, said I appreciate the offer but I'm busy today and I usually make plans in advance . Hopefully, he'll get the hint for next time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey Pumpkin Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Did you suggest meeting up later or at another time? To me, that sentence in a text would sound like a knockback "I appreciate the offer but I'm busy today and I usually make plans in advance" - like you're not interested. Being spontaneous is a nice trait, not something that he needs hints about changing. If you like him, ease up a little bit on all these rules perhaps? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Skirt Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 She was not texting, she was talking on the phone to him. She was cooking and had her day planned with friends. I also tend to plan things in advance and she just met Simon yesterday for a first date. This has nothing to do with (not) being spontaneous in my view. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 To me, being spontaneous could be not knowing what you're going to do on the date and play it by ear or be open to surprise, or be flexible with the activity, but not knowing the day and time of the meet or only getting short notice / last minute invite isn't being spontaneous to me, it's just rude or general lack of planning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Skirt Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 By the way Miss Marple, what were you cooking? Any leftovers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 About Simon, it wasn't about rules, I just couldn't meet him as I was cooking and I'm meeting friends later as I said. If I was sitting at home doing nothing, I might have accepted the offer...when I said I hope he took the hint I meant I hope he realised that people have obligations and that, if he wants to see me again, he has to ask a bit sooner than at the last moment. In other news...I talked to 3(!) new guys, 2 online and 1 on the phone, too. Ok, let's see: Guy no1. Albert, 45, divorced with 3 sons (25 and twins 18 ), 5'9, brown hair/green eyes/goatee, attractive, lives half an hour away and owns a store. We talked online, he asked if I'm interested in meeting, I said yes and he asked for my phone number. He sounded very nice on the phone and he loves animals..always a plus for me. He has a dog but feeds several cats, too. We didn't make a date as I couldn't think of a day (booked until next Friday) but he didn't suggest a specific day either..which suited me..lol. He was going to work and said I can call him any time I want. Guy no2. Alex, 50, single, no kids, computer programmer, 6ft, light brown hair/brown eyes, also attractive, lives an hour away and we talked online for about half an hour. He wants to meet but didn't suggest any specific day, he just told me where his gym is (I was thrilled..lol). He asked about my phone..not my number but what brand I use (to see how much it would cost to call me) and, in the end, he didn't ask for my number..lol. Guy no3 is the one I found the most interesting, at least online. Nigel, 49, 6'2, long, light hair/brown eyes/goatee, divorced with a grown up son who studies abroad, lives 15 mins away and is a chemist. From our conversation, he seeemed to be my type (in writing, that is), very intellectual, writes very well and has a good sense of humour. I had to end the chat as my lunch was ready but he said he'll find me online again and we'll talk more. And now I'm tired..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.