missmarple Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I don't disagree, Batya. I just don't think I'm in any type of negative cycle. Everyone I know (including people on this forum, too) tells me that they don't know how I can still date online after...ahhhh...300..maybe more...first dates that went nowhere. I may seem very excited or very disappointed at times but I really don't think it affects me in the long run...because out of all those dates, I've been excited about, maybe, 10..and disappointed an equal number of times. Most of those dates have been with people that I didn't like or I just found nice. Sure, there was something different about my encounter with John....we seemed (seem?) to be very compatible and that's just so rare for me...to meet someone that seems nice and interesting and be attracted to them at the same time....especially after my last 3 dates (awful guy/guy who got drunk/serlal cheater)! It doesn't mean that I will be so disappointed if nothing comes out of this that I'll carry the disappointment on to the next date. I'm a very sceptical person by nature...I'm not the sort of person who has unrealistic expectations or expects to fall in love after a date (or 10)..but I'm human, too..and I don't know anyone who wouldn't feel disappointed after what happened today. My only expectation was a second date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I'm not saying it's not normal to feel disappointed - I am not thinking or writing in black and white -I would be disappointed too. But my expectations going in would have been far different from yours, as I wrote -it never would have occurred to me to think - much less express out loud - after a first meet "we seem so compatible!" -perhaps I would have thought "so far so good, we'll see". My level of expectations and level of corresponding disappointment helped me immensely in becoming the right person to find the right person. So did regularly reevaluating my standards and keeping an eye out for rigid tendencies. Just sharing what worked for me -your approach is just different, not wrong or right. I too would have expected a first official date because he made a time/place plan with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Don't write him off just yet, MM.... at least he had the foresight to cancel in enough time, instead of waiting til the last moment and finally admitting that he wasn't going to make it. Things happen, life happens... and I would think you'd rather see someone that will make time for you later, to completely concentrate on you, rather than someone that would have been harried by coming right from work/blowing off work for a date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I'm not writing him off...but if/when he contacts me, I certainly won't mention Saturday again. It's up to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Yes, that's fair. He canceled, therefore it's up to him to reschedule. I hope he does! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I'm not writing him off...but if/when he contacts me, I certainly won't mention Saturday again. It's up to him. Oh yes. He should have made at least an attempt to reschedule right on the spot. Ball in his court and if he is smart he'll call today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 He just texted me and cancelled the date. He said he's very busy at work and he thought he would be free by 7 but he sees he won't be able to make it and asked if it would be ok to meet some other day. I replied that there's no problem and that I've got to go to the gym tomorrow but I'm free Saturday. He said 'may I say something?', I said 'what' and he said 'you're very sweet'..but nothing about Saturday. So, I texted back 'thanks, you're sweet, too..I'll let you get back to work, just let me know about Saturday'. His text was 'thanks, I'm ok..lol'. So, for now, I take that to mean I'm free on Saturday. Pfffffft, I knew it seemed too good to be true. PS Batya, you've said that before and I've explained again and again that I never expected anyone to 'remember my phone schedule'...it was a case of a guy who only called during work hours when he knew I'm a teacher and I work mornings or early afternoon when he knew I had my phone off..because those were things we had talked about both online and on the phone...yes, when I tell someone 'I can talk after 5pm' I expect them to remember it...or if their memory sucks that bad, they can date someone who has an equally bad memory. Ahhh that sucks! I don't think his evasive answer and lack of rescheduling is a good sign, so I wouldn't get my hopes up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Well, he messaged me on the site. A friend I had talked to earlier had suggested asking him to talk on the phone as we had never talked on the phone at night (to eliminate the possibility that he's married/living with someone), so, I did..and he called me. He told me a lot about his job and what he did today blah blah, that he just came home, had a shower, ate something and he's about to go to bed and then he mentioned that his boss had asked to meet on Saturday to talk about something job-related but he said he told him 'no way, I have other things to do on Saturday'...I said something like of course..but he said nothing more...and neither did I. I wasn't about to ask him a 3rd time. So, after about 15 minutes I said I have to go to bed and let you rest, too, he said ok, we'll talk, kisses etc and good night. I'm not thrilled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Ugh.... I'd be upset, too. Well, Saturday is still open, then. If you get asked out on a date by someone else, will you book it for Saturday? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Well, Saturday is still open, then. If you get asked out on a date by someone else, will you book it for Saturday? Of course. As long as it's someone I like...lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Well, he messaged me on the site. A friend I had talked to earlier had suggested asking him to talk on the phone as we had never talked on the phone at night (to eliminate the possibility that he's married/living with someone), so, I did..and he called me. He told me a lot about his job and what he did today blah blah, that he just came home, had a shower, ate something and he's about to go to bed and then he mentioned that his boss had asked to meet on Saturday to talk about something job-related but he said he told him 'no way, I have other things to do on Saturday'...I said something like of course..but he said nothing more...and neither did I. I wasn't about to ask him a 3rd time. So, after about 15 minutes I said I have to go to bed and let you rest, too, he said ok, we'll talk, kisses etc and good night. I'm not thrilled. I would be a little confused -why do you think he made that comment if he didn't mean he was busy with you? On the other hand, if that IS what he meant then why not follow up right then and confirm a time/place for Saturday. Does he really think he can call you tomorrow or Saturday to make a plan?? He never definitively told you he was seeing you Saturday -he has to know that! I completely agree with you -if this hadn't been the third time then sure, you just straight out ask if he means he is seeing you but you've done enough. More than enough. I'm not thrilled with his behavior either, on your behalf. Do something fun Saturday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 ok so he has some plans on saturday that he is being purposely vague about. Could be anything - meeting with friends or a date with another woman. I'd just see what happens and keep talking with other men online. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpexpressme Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Oh most certainly cut him loose. Moaning about his "saturday" to the woman he should be asking out is just so bad form. NEXT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 ok so he has some plans on saturday that he is being purposely vague about. Could be anything - meeting with friends or a date with another woman. I'd just see what happens and keep talking with other men online. The thing is he won't say anything...he could have said 'I'll get back to you about Saturday' or something like that. I feel almost insulted by the way he's handled all this. Unless his next message specifically mentions our meeting (or not) on Saturday, he's not going to hear from me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 The thing is he won't say anything...he could have said 'I'll get back to you about Saturday' or something like that. I feel almost insulted by the way he's handled all this. Unless his next message specifically mentions our meeting (or not) on Saturday, he's not going to hear from me again. I agree with this. He could've at least acknowledged your suggestion to meet on Saturday instead of completely dodging it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I was hoping this was going to go well for you, but since he cancelled and hasn't made any effort to reschedule, you were right in thinking something isn't right. Let him do all the work for now. Actions speak louder than words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 He messaged me at about 3pm asking a question..not about Saturday..about something irrelevant we had talked about last night. I answered politely, he wished me a nice day, I did, too and that was that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Damn. Had hopes for this one, but he's disappointed me, too. Wish him well and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 Well, I am leaving for the gym in about half an hour and he just messaged me on the site. He said he got off work at a normal time for a change, we talked about this and that, he said have fun at the gym and, of course, nothing about the weekend. Later tonight, I'm going to email him that it was nice knowing him etc but I don't think there's any reason to continue our communication. If anyone can help me word it in a better way, please do. I'm not sure if I should mention the reason..I think it's pointless but I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I'd just say something about how you're not interested in continuous messaging and that you wish him luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Well, I am leaving for the gym in about half an hour and he just messaged me on the site. He said he got off work at a normal time for a change, we talked about this and that, he said have fun at the gym and, of course, nothing about the weekend. Later tonight, I'm going to email him that it was nice knowing him etc but I don't think there's any reason to continue our communication. If anyone can help me word it in a better way, please do. I'm not sure if I should mention the reason..I think it's pointless but I don't know. I would just say it was nice meeting you but I don't wish to continue communication any more unless you want to meet again. Best wishes. Something along those lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 miss m, you could always take the direct approach and say, Look, Butthead, I told you I was free on Saturday. Do you want to get together or not? Then, based on his answer, decide if you want to cut him loose. That is, if you're still even interested.....and maybe leave out the "Butthead" part.....maybe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 miss m, you could always take the direct approach and say, Look, Butthead, I told you I was free on Saturday. Do you want to get together or not? Then, based on his answer, decide if you want to cut him loose. That is, if you're still even interested.....and maybe leave out the "Butthead" part.....maybe Haha I laughed. Yes a direct approach could also work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I would just say it was nice meeting you but I don't wish to continue communication any more unless you want to meet again. Best wishes. Something along those lines. I think you should only mention "unless you want to meet again" if you truly would be open to it. If not, just say you don't want to continue communication, and then block him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Well, I am leaving for the gym in about half an hour and he just messaged me on the site. He said he got off work at a normal time for a change, we talked about this and that, he said have fun at the gym and, of course, nothing about the weekend. Later tonight, I'm going to email him that it was nice knowing him etc but I don't think there's any reason to continue our communication. If anyone can help me word it in a better way, please do. I'm not sure if I should mention the reason..I think it's pointless but I don't know. I would keep it more open ended. Like, "Hey - glad to hear that work has calmed down. Let me know when you are free to meet again." Then if he emails you about something that isn't a date, ignore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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