missmarple Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 Thank you, girls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 I'm a cancer and tend to love scorpio men. Not that i put stock in it either. Happy birthday MM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Happy birthday MM!!! John sounds promising! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Hippo, birdie, two ewes, miss m! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 Thank you all! Hopefully, this will be my year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 I texted John good morning (we had exchanged some smileys on the site since we weren't online at the same time) and asked if I should call or text tomorrow morning (to arrange time/place for the evening) because he would be at work, he said I can call or text any time I like and he added 'I take care of my women' (it's a joke between us..I had told him about the guy who had told me that during a date...lol...and yes, he had been serious!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Happy Belated Birthday, MM!! Hope your day was grand!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 Happy Belated Birthday, MM!! Hope your day was grand!! Thank you, WL! It was ok, I didn't do anything special..I'll be celebrating on Feb 6th...long story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 John messaged me on the site and we talked for about 15 mins...lovely chat as always and we talked about tomorrow, too..time, place and stuff...he also asked me to text him good morning again, he said it makes his day It all seems so natural and effortless with this guy I'm almost scared something will go wrong! PS We also exchanged emails (we hadn't before now). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 John It all seems so natural and effortless with this guy I'm almost scared something will go wrong! And that's exactly what you everyone should be on the look out for. . an effortless connection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 yay!!! hope things keep going easily! yes, it's supposed to be like that, isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 And that's exactly what you everyone should be on the look out for. . an effortless connection. I don't agree when the two haven't even met yet -sure it's nice to have that over the phone but it's also totally normal to be nervous, for things to be a bit awkward -and then in person you might find a very different story - too early to tell. Same with the other way -I had effortless convos with strangers before the first meet and a disastrous first meet. Certainly things should feel comfortable after you've gone out on a few real dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I don't agree when the two haven't even met yet -sure it's nice to have that over the phone but it's also totally normal to be nervous, for things to be a bit awkward -and then in person you might find a very different story - too early to tell. Same with the other way -I had effortless convos with strangers before the first meet and a disastrous first meet. Certainly things should feel comfortable after you've gone out on a few real dates. They did meet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 They did meet Great! I still feel exactly the same that the connection on early dates need not be effortless - people get to know each other- and to click- at different paces and the resulting connection can be just as comfortable and effortless even if the two have to hang in there for awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I texted him good morning...it's been 3 hrs and he hasn't replied. We do have a time and place for the date today but I can't help wondering why he didn't reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I wouldn't think about it too much, just wait till the date and see how that goes. That's kind of the reason why it actually really helped that I didn't routinely text with J when we first started dating, it makes you over think and doesn't help in a period of uncertainty Also, have fun at the date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I am trying not to overthink but it just seems strange. Anyway, we'll see what happens tonight..and thank you, notalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I texted him good morning...it's been 3 hrs and he hasn't replied. We do have a time and place for the date today but I can't help wondering why he didn't reply. He is someone you barely know so you know so little about his daily routines, things that come up for him, etc. For example, I am busy for about 2 hours this morning and not able to access my phone much which is unusual for me. My close friends who contacted me this morning/last night know my plan - no one else does, nor should they. Haven't you had many situations where your phone was off/not available and you expected the new person in your life to remember your phone schedule? For all you know he thought he mentioned something to you about today and forgot, etc. If you have a date planned as you do then I would think the most you can expect is that he shows up for the date at the right place and in a timely way. You're not a couple at this point who checks in with each other. If you texted him to change the plan then of course he should get back to you promptly if it was time-sensitive/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 He just texted me and cancelled the date. He said he's very busy at work and he thought he would be free by 7 but he sees he won't be able to make it and asked if it would be ok to meet some other day. I replied that there's no problem and that I've got to go to the gym tomorrow but I'm free Saturday. He said 'may I say something?', I said 'what' and he said 'you're very sweet'..but nothing about Saturday. So, I texted back 'thanks, you're sweet, too..I'll let you get back to work, just let me know about Saturday'. His text was 'thanks, I'm ok..lol'. So, for now, I take that to mean I'm free on Saturday. Pfffffft, I knew it seemed too good to be true. PS Batya, you've said that before and I've explained again and again that I never expected anyone to 'remember my phone schedule'...it was a case of a guy who only called during work hours when he knew I'm a teacher and I work mornings or early afternoon when he knew I had my phone off..because those were things we had talked about both online and on the phone...yes, when I tell someone 'I can talk after 5pm' I expect them to remember it...or if their memory sucks that bad, they can date someone who has an equally bad memory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I understand that is your standard with a new person and that you judge a new person who is meeting lots of new people (assumed, the person is on OLD) who doesn't remember your work schedule and dares to call when your phone is off- as someone with a bad memory. I agree with others who have posted that in certain instances (definitely not all!) you might be getting in your own way with standards like that. Obviously you're entitled to limit your dating pool as you please but I also see how frustrated you're getting with these multiple dead ends -perhaps time for reevaluating certain standards (i.e. like expecting a text back within 3 hours because you choose to text good morning?). Sure- in this case it might -might be a sign that he was going to cancel the date and not reschedule but IMO it's a waste of angst on your part and just increases the risk of jadedness, etc. As far as Jon -unless and until he calls to arrange at time/place assume you are not going to hear from him again so that you'll be pleasantly surprised if you do. I don't have an opinion on whether you will but in general things can change on a dime when you've only met someone once and haven't even had a proper date yet, let alone several dates. Hope for the best/expect the worst. Hang in there. It was not too good to be true -he is a person who was interested in meeting you in person, he is a person who you enjoyed your conversations with and meeting in person - but to expect that you would do more than go on one more date is unrealistic -he is practically a stranger. Yes you are right to expect that he reschedule the first date that he planned (i.e. after the first meet)but jumping to the level of "wow this is good!" with someone you met once- maybe a bit of unrealistic expectations that again will harm you emotionaly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 perhaps time for reevaluating certain standards (i.e. like expecting a text back within 3 hours because you choose to text good morning?) I didn't 'choose' to text good morning. He had asked me to text him good morning. And how is it a 'standard'? Did I say anywhere he didn't text back in time, so, goodbye John? If I did, please, show it to me. All I had said was I found it strange and wondered why he hadn't texted back yet and it turned out I was right that something was off. to expect that you would do more than go on one more date is unrealistic -he is practically a stranger. Yes you are right to expect that he reschedule the first date that he planned (i.e. after the first meet)but jumping to the level of "wow this is good!" with someone you met once- maybe a bit of unrealistic expectations that again will harm you emotionaly? If I didn't expect to go on more than one date with someone, I wouldn't go on any dates with them. Isn't the point of dating..to..ummm..date? I don't think I had any unrealistic expectations just because I finally had a good date and got excited about it...again, if you don't get excited about meeting someone you like and who seems to like you back, what's the point? Emotionally I'm fine, a bit disappointed, naturally...not about the cancelled date but about the fact he ignored my Saturday suggestion...but that's dating...the 'too good to be true' comment was referring to the fact that up until now everything seemed so easy with him and suddenly it seems that it's not. I think my reaction was natural under the circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I agree with you MM....I would have been disappointed also! Damnnnn...I'm disappointed for you now!!! One thought....are you regimented in your gym day, that you HAVE to go on Friday? I mean, if you really liked the guy, maybe you could have said, "I normally go to the gym on Fridays, but if that is the only time you have available, I could change my gym to Sat." Give him 2 options...or say...what day is good for you? I would have been nervous also, that after 3 hours that something was amiss. The thing is, if they are txting regularly, and having good conversation with you (plus a good date), anytime that connections shifts....something feels off...it usually is. Damnmit. I had my fingers crossed. Don't write him off yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecaryn Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Ah, shoot. I was excited you met someone that interested you and who seemed to reciprocate! Fingers crossed that he comes through, but geez, I'm with you on this...dates sometimes need to be rescheduled and that's understandable, but his subject-changing evasiveness when you offered a new day is disappointing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 One thought....are you regimented in your gym day, that you HAVE to go on Friday? I mean, if you really liked the guy, maybe you could have said, "I normally go to the gym on Fridays, but if that is the only time you have available, I could change my gym to Sat." Give him 2 options...or say...what day is good for you? Well, see, so far, we may have gotten along great both online and in person but if you look at the facts, I was the one who asked him out both times...and he was the one who cancelled. Even telling him my Saturday is free, was something I wouldn't normally do...when someone cancels, he suggests another day or asks when you're free, etc...at least, that's what I would have done if I had cancelled the date. So, giving him 2 options didn't even cross my mind. I might have mentioned Friday if he had said something (anything) about Saturday, but he totally avoided the question..twice. Unfortunately, from experience alone, it seems like something isn't right. I hope I'm wrong, of course. We'll see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I didn't 'choose' to text good morning. He had asked me to text him good morning. And how is it a 'standard'? Did I say anywhere he didn't text back in time, so, goodbye John? If I did, please, show it to me. All I had said was I found it strange and wondered why he hadn't texted back yet and it turned out I was right that something was off. Next time I would not start "good morning" texts until you are dating regularly. My purpose in dating was to find a husband - the right spouse for me -and hopefully have a child. Lofty goals and even with that goal I will explain to you why I question whether your mindset is helping you. If I didn't expect to go on more than one date with someone, I wouldn't go on any dates with them. Isn't the point of dating..to..ummm..date? I don't think I had any unrealistic expectations just because I finally had a good date and got excited about it...again, if you don't get excited about meeting someone you like and who seems to like you back, what's the point? Emotionally I'm fine, a bit disappointed, naturally...not about the cancelled date but about the fact he ignored my Saturday suggestion...but that's dating...the 'too good to be true' comment was referring to the fact that up until now everything seemed so easy with him and suddenly it seems that it's not. I think my reaction was natural under the circumstances. So, my expectations in early dating were: I am going to hopefully have a good time on this date/first meet. If we don't have a time/place plan for another date by the end of the date then he is off my radar and there is no other date. If he calls again to ask for another date -time and place - I will say yes as long as I'm still interested and available. I think it's great to be excited about a good date and to me being excited about future dates is unrealistic in the early stages. No negativity -just realistic. Compartmentalize: "It was great to meet this guy -shows that I can click effortlessly on a first date with someone. If he asks me out again I'll be excited about seeing him again on that date". One date at a time. "Up till now everything seemed easy" -sure, it's often extremely easy to feel that way when you barely know someone so that is why I cannot relate to the level of excitement and expectations you had. I find that your type of mindset becomes a negative vicious cycle - you experience -unnecessarily IMO - more angst than necessary based on meeting a near stranger one time - and that can bleed over into future experiences -either you overcompensate by shutting down or nearly so --- or you are then looking for the next guy to somehow prove that there are good guys out there. With my mindset, I accepted in advance that until you are dating someone regularly- where there's really no more asking out but an understanding that you will see each other once or twice a week - there's only one date at a time -and you promise yourself to enjoy the heck out of each date. The "so far" you mention is an eensy blip on the dating radar - someone you met one time in your life and never had a real date with. I do hope he calls to make plans. If it were me and he didn't jump to reschedule or at least write "I hope to be able to reschedule later today when I am done with work" I would mostly write him off unless I got a quick explanation within 24 hours as to why he couldn't reschedule sooner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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