missmarple Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 Simon, 56 (more about him on page 441), keeps texting or calling every few days. Thankfully, he doesn't say much but, still, I don't understand why he does it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 New guy. Adam, 53, 5'8, brown hair/eyes, ok-looking, divorced for many years with 2 kids (28/26), has lived abroad for many years (10 in America and 7 in another European country), he's been back for 2 years, he has a construction company and lives 15 mins away from me. We talked online for about half an hour and he was very polite..too polite for my taste I could say...he kept asking if it's ok to ask a question..eventually I told him 'just ask and get it over with!'...lol. He asked what I'm looking for, he said he wants a serious relationship based on honesty, respect, blah blah, I said I'm looking for the same and then he asked when I'm free for dinner. Asking someone to dinner for a first meeting is extremely rare over here...I imagine he's more used to the American way (from what I've been reading on this forum, dinner isn't uncommon for a first date - whereas we usually get asked for coffee or a drink). Anyway, I told him I'd rather we went for coffee, he said ok but if we get along, we can have dinner afterwards..lol. He asked for my phone number and he's going to call me tonight to talk about the details but it will probably be Saturday as I'm busy both tonight and tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Enjoy! He doesn't sound too polite at all - just insecure. In the city I did my dating (U.S.) most first meets were not for dinner but first dates often were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 He seemed insecure to me, too, until he made a joke and I was shocked..lol. He had asked 'what does someone have to do to get you to accept a dinner invitation?' and I had replied 'well, to ask me politely and not at the last minute'...and then I continued with what I said above (that I'd prefer a coffee meeting)..and he goes 'ok, but you'll have to ask me politely'...lol. I found it funny coming from him as he had not made the slightest joke until then! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 In my part of Canada it's coffee/drinks for first meets...usually. Although new online daters often invited me for a meal. Jay did. I was his first online date...and he invited me to breakfast. I usually find eating on a first meet and even for a few dates to be awkward. Most of the people I met were nervous...and that doesn't make hand/mouth coordination easy ha! Not to mention- hard to talk with a mouth full of food. ______________________ Learn to be all that you are, and accept with good grace all that you are not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 The most fun I ever had eating on a date was when I met a guy for coffee who was obsessed with his body fat percentage and diet/calories (he was skinny)- I think it was 8% and he shared (bragged?) that he'd been chosen for a series reviving one of the popular 70s sitcoms (but it was cancelled even before the pilot). Anyway on purpose I ordered a crunchy biscotti and offered to split it with him -he looked horrified both at the prospect of letting a bite of cookie pass his lips and that I was eating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 The most fun I ever had eating on a date was when I met a guy for coffee who was obsessed with his body fat percentage and diet/calories (he was skinny)- I think it was 8% and he shared (bragged?) that he'd been chosen for a series reviving one of the popular 70s sitcoms (but it was cancelled even before the pilot). Anyway on purpose I ordered a crunchy biscotti and offered to split it with him -he looked horrified both at the prospect of letting a bite of cookie pass his lips and that I was eating. HA HA That is funny! Dating is so much fun isn't it? I live in the US and we usually do drinks/coffee for the first meet up. I have been on a drink/coffee meet up that turned into dinner several times. That usually happens if you are enjoying yourself and decide to keep getting to know each other and someone is getting hungry. I have never found eating in front of someone a problem, but I guess it could be if you are really nervous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 Adam called and on the phone he sounded much more assertive than online. Also, a talker. I told him that I'm not the type to spend hours talking on the phone and I'd rather we said more in person (he had started telling me stories about his car and job and stuff). Again, he asked for dinner, again I told him no and, eventually, we agreed on something in the middle. We'll be going to a snack bar near my neighbourhood...he can have anything he likes and I can have my coffee..lol. It's a nice place, something between a bar and a restaurant, with nice music, too. The date is for Saturday at 9. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Adam called and on the phone he sounded much more assertive than online. Also, a talker. I told him that I'm not the type to spend hours talking on the phone and I'd rather we said more in person (he had started telling me stories about his car and job and stuff). Again, he asked for dinner, again I told him no and, eventually, we agreed on something in the middle. We'll be going to a snack bar near my neighbourhood...he can have anything he likes and I can have my coffee..lol. It's a nice place, something between a bar and a restaurant, with nice music, too. The date is for Saturday at 9. Full report!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Excited to hear more! Hope it's an enjoyable meet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Adam called again today. I told him pretty soon that I had to go in 10 minutes...I didn't but since he, obviously, didn't pay attention to what I told him (that I'm not the phone type), he left me no other option. Again, he told me about some car troubles he had, then about his mum and then about an old story from when he lived abroad and asked almost nothing about me. IF he's the same in person, I don't think I'll enjoy our date tomorrow..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveSoDeep Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Adam called again today. I told him pretty soon that I had to go in 10 minutes...I didn't but since he, obviously, didn't pay attention to what I told him (that I'm not the phone type), he left me no other option. Again, he told me about some car troubles he had, then about his mum and then about an old story from when he lived abroad and asked almost nothing about me. IF he's the same in person, I don't think I'll enjoy our date tomorrow..lol Isn't it funny how some men are just "talkers"? The guy I'm dating is such a talker on the phone. In person he's still a talker, but it's different. Then I've dated men where talking on the phone seemed like torture to them (probably more of the men I've dated fall in this category). Adam could just be nervous because he thinks he'll really like you, so I agree it's worth a first meet to see. Although I'd be a bit put off that he didn't ask anything about you at all and just went on and on about himself. If that continued I'd be moving on pretty quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Robert (the triple-chin guy) messaged me happy new year on the site and asking how I am. Although I'm usually polite, I decided not to reply at all and, hopefully, he'll get the message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 The guy I had talked on the phone with (the one with the many funerals) keeps texting. He just texted asking how I am and how my weekend is going. This time I'm not replying at all. What's with all the guys I'm not interested in contacting me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 If you don't talk on the phone, how on earth do you communicate with people? Please don't say texting, please. My teenage students won't talk on the phone but love texting. I text, but only business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 If you don't talk on the phone, how on earth do you communicate with people? LOL I do talk on the phone when there's a reason to. But I'm not the type to chat on the phone for hours unless it's with someone who lives abroad, we can't meet for some reason, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 The date with Adam was interesting but I don't plan on seeing him again. Here's what happened. He looked much better than his pics...short but with a sweet face/smile and he was very polite. He tried hard to impress me (or that's what it looked like to me) by talking about every place he's been to (in detail) and by ordering half the menu (most of the food was left on the table as he ate very little and I couldn't eat all that). He lit my cigarette all the time (he's a smoker, too), he kept filling my glass, asking if I'm ok, etc etc. He even asked a few things about me. Also, his style is a lot like mine (he's a fellow Aquarian after all...lol)...he likes talking about ideas and we communicated very well. Finally, he expressed his interest very clearly and asked me to meet him for coffee tomorrow morning. But (and this is a big BUT) he has a problem that I can't overlook. He drinks. A lot. By the end of the date (less than 2 hours) he was so drunk that he was slurring his words. I told him that he shouldn't drive in his condition and he said he'd take a taxi. Thank God for that. Now, if someone drinks that much on a first date, I can't imagine what he'll do on a tenth date...and I don't want to know either. My ex husband used to drink (not on our first date though!) and I don't want to deal with something like that again. So, I made up an excuse for tomorrow morning, said 'we'll talk' and left. I did try to pay for my half of the bill but he insisted to pay all of it (an expensive bill, too). I expect he'll call me tomorrow and I'm already wondering if I should email him first just to let him know I'm not interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Getting drunk on the first date is certainly not good! Was he maybe trying to calm his nerve? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Getting drunk on the first date is certainly not good! Was he maybe trying to calm his nerve? This was my thinking. Some people do a little "liquid courage" and they accidentally do too much. It's a first date so it's hard to tell: is he a heavy drinker or did he make a mistake because he's nervous and hasn't been on a good date in a while and was just eager to please? Personally, if I were in that situation and clicked with a person, I think I'd give him another chance and see if he does it again and what are his views on alcohol but it's your call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 Getting drunk on the first date is certainly not good! Was he maybe trying to calm his nerve? Well, I had suggested to meet for coffee and he was the one who had insisted on dinner. Also, when the waitress came, I told him that I don't drink but, again, he insisted on ordering wine...which he kept ordering, of course. In any case, he's a 54yo man..if he can't calm his nerves and has to get drunk just to go through a first date, he's not the guy for me. As I said, this wasn't a case of getting tipsy...if that had been the case, I'd give him one more chance...but the guy could hardly walk by the end of the night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 Oh boy. I just turned my cell on and found 3 missed calls by him...they had been at 9am! And a text saying he hopes I had a great time. I replied that I had a good time but I don't think we have enough things in common for something more...wished him good luck and left it at that. I hope he won't contact me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Well, I had suggested to meet for coffee and he was the one who had insisted on dinner. Also, when the waitress came, I told him that I don't drink but, again, he insisted on ordering wine...which he kept ordering, of course. In any case, he's a 54yo man..if he can't calm his nerves and has to get drunk just to go through a first date, he's not the guy for me. As I said, this wasn't a case of getting tipsy...if that had been the case, I'd give him one more chance...but the guy could hardly walk by the end of the night. Yea if he got that drunk, it's definitely not good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 He just called me. I didn't pick up. Why can't some people accept no for an answer? What more could I possibly tell him?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Well, I had suggested to meet for coffee and he was the one who had insisted on dinner. Also, when the waitress came, I told him that I don't drink but, again, he insisted on ordering wine...which he kept ordering, of course. In any case, he's a 54yo man..if he can't calm his nerves and has to get drunk just to go through a first date, he's not the guy for me. As I said, this wasn't a case of getting tipsy...if that had been the case, I'd give him one more chance...but the guy could hardly walk by the end of the night. I had a situation like that where I told the guy (third date maybe) that at most I would have half a glass of wine so not to order a bottle. I had half a glass (if that) and he finished the bottle he decided to order and was fairly out of it. It's just poor manners at the very least. (He was already going to take a taxi home). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 I wish you could of at least gave him a second chance. It might of been nerves and yes even us older folks get nervous on first dates. I accidentally overdid it on a first meeting with a guy. I forgot to eat before I went and had 2 beers, yes Im a lightweight, and got a bit tipsy. I was really nervous on this meeting too. I finally ate something and was able to drive home. Since everything else was good, I would of gave him 1 more chance and maybe even brought it up if you were worried about it. You don't seem to give anyone chances and dismiss them to quickly in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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