WithLove Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Gag me with a spoon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 LMAO, that's gross. A VERY long time ago. My male work supervisor said to me. "if I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me." Vomit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 LMAO, that's gross. A VERY long time ago. My male work supervisor said to me. "if I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me." Vomit. Aww, women usually love it when I use that line. Some guys use sexual/body-related statements to gauge reaction. If the reaction is positive, we know to continue, and if it's negative, we know not to waste any more effort. (I say things like that extremely early--usually in the first five minutes--because I hate wasting time.) And some of us are simply used to talking/thinking in those sorts of terms and completely forget that not everyone does. I fall into both categories, myself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Of course -most people will tell you all you need to know in the first 5 minutes if you listen closely. In a way I liked when a man behaved that way early on so that I could screen him out as not compatible with what I was looking for (but could have been good for someone looking for a sex partner). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 LMAO, that's gross. A VERY long time ago. My male work supervisor said to me. "if I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me." Vomit. I've had that line pulled on me and I always gave the same answer, "Not at all!" and then they would stand there with a puzzled look on their face trying to figure that out. LOVED IT! I considered it fighting fire with fire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 New guy I talked to online and is going to call me in the afternoon. Simon, 56, 5'9, brown hair/eyes, good looking (unless his nice hair is a wig..lol), divorced, no kids, works at a company and lives about 30 mins away but knows my neighbourhood (and the cafes I go to) very well. He seemed nice enough in writing but I'll know more later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 Another one bites the dust. Simon called and we talked for about 15 minutes...only about him, his life, his job, his ex, 2 brothers he lost recently, the music he likes, his house, etc, etc. After 15 minutes I said do you want to ask me anything...all he said was 'if you're ever in the mood, we could go out together'...well, guess what..I won't be in the mood! I told him thank you, I have to go, good night. I've had enough of men looking for a therapist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I'm not sure that 15 minutes is that much talking -maybe he meant that he wanted to get to know you more in person? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I don't like it when the conversation is all about the guy. It has to flow both ways or I write the guy off immediately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I don't like it when the conversation is all about the guy. It has to flow both ways or I write the guy off immediately. Yes I agree with that. However, it seems a bit hasty after 15 minutes on a phone call - and his reaction was to say he'd be interested in meeting her (so I might have given him a chance to ask in person if everything else was ok). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 I'm not sure that 15 minutes is that much talking -maybe he meant that he wanted to get to know you more in person? 15 minutes of hearing about his troubles was more than enough. I tried to say something about me a couple of times..and he turned the conversation to himself again...and to how he lost 2 of his brothers in the last year. Even the thought of meeting this guy in person makes me cringe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 15 minutes of hearing about his troubles was more than enough. I tried to say something about me a couple of times..and he turned the conversation to himself again...and to how he lost 2 of his brothers in the last year. Even the thought of meeting this guy in person makes me cringe. Oh ok - I thought he also spoke of his interests, etc. Dumping on a stranger like that even for 3 minutes - buh bye. Good call on your part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 Today, I was contacted by 2 of my recent..acquaintances. The one who only talked about himself called to wish me a happy new year...I wished him the same and I was glad he got off the phone in 2 minutes. And the teacher who was supposed to call about 2 weeks ago to confirm our first date and he never did. That one messaged me on the site, said 'somehow we got lost' (somehow meaning he had disappeared) and then asked what I do for a living although we had talked about it in detail both online and on the phone I blocked and deleted him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 1, 2016 Author Share Posted January 1, 2016 I talked to a new guy today. Chris, 47, 5'9, shaved head, brown eyes, athletic, single, no kids and owns a bar-restaurant. Our online chat was very interesting, he has a good sense of humour. At least in writing. He was born in my neighbourhood but now lives about half an hour away. He also loves animals. He doesn't smoke but is ok with me smoking (or so he said..lol). When I said I had to go he said he hopes we can talk again 'soon' but didn't ask for my phone number. We'll see if he does next time we talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 3, 2016 Author Share Posted January 3, 2016 UPDATE First of all, I talked to another new guy yesterday. I won't give him a name as I've already deleted him today..haha. The reason was that he kept calling me 'sweetheart'. I told him that I'd rather he didn't (after the 5th or 6th time he'd used it!) and he tried to convince me that he was just being 'polite' and, even though I tried to change the subject, he wouldn't stop talking about it. So, I deleted him. Second...Chris messaged me online last night. It was already late (almost midnight) but the conversation was interesting, so, we kept talking until he asked for my phone number and he called me on the spot. We talked until...I think it was 2am. Although he was interesting on the phone, too, there were some things I didn't like...like his insistence on looks and how he can't date fat women and how he wouldn't have messaged me if I didn't look slim in my pics and some other stuff like 'everyone is looking for sex and money'...which is not the way I think at all and I told him so and he said I must be an exception...and, in general, he sounded too materialistic for my taste. On top of all that, he didn't ask to meet (and I didn't either as I was and still am ambivalent about him) but he did ask for my home number...I didn't give it to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 I can't tell if all the guys around you are shallow idiot dirtbags, or if you're too quick to judge. People aren't perfect. Talking before meeting is rarely perfect. First meets aren't perfect. And when you don't know someone...you don't understand their context...maybe anyone that knows them knows they're sense of humour is dry- so a new person might think they're serious when they're just exercising their sense of humour. I'm very dry. Last week a guy came to the door selling cookies for charity. He said, "everyone's lights are on inside their houses, but you're the first person to open you're door." I replied, "we're new to the neighbourhood. Every time I open the door, it's someone selling something- so I imagine my neighbours have just been here longer and know better than to answer the door. One day we'll learn." The guy stammered. Jay thought it was the funniest thing I've ever said. I was joking. I will always answer my door. I will always donate to charities. But that guy doesn't know me, and probably thinks I'm horrid. When Jay and I were arranging our first meet- he kept wanting to talk and not set something up- I finally snapped and told him we needed to meet. He suggested rock climbing for a first meet! Umm no lol. When we met, he still had a size sticker on his pants. He was awkward. He talked about weird things. He was quiet. But he gave me the best hug ever when we met. And he had an honest face and smile. He was cute. And I realized after many dates...he'll always be a little awkward...and a little quiet...but he's the kindest person I know. So...I'm glad I didn't dismiss him. I could have easily. And I'm not saying giving everyone a chance. God no. There are so many idiots in online dating. I'm just saying...sometimes people need more time so that you have context about who they are. Sometimes. Idk. ______________________ Learn to be all that you are, and accept with good grace all that you are not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 3, 2016 Author Share Posted January 3, 2016 It depends. With some men, I have given them time. I didn't delete Chris. He actually just called me and we talked for another half an hour...things were a bit better this time, he didn't say anything stupid. He also suggested to meet but he didn't offer a time or a place. I said sure and I told him when I'm going to be free..so, it's up to him now. PS He asked for my home number again and, again, I said I can't give it to him just yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 3, 2016 Author Share Posted January 3, 2016 1 more hour spent online talking with Chris, still no time/place for a date and I'm bored with the whole thing already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Yes, it's good to give someone a chance if you do find them interesting at first. But you've spoken to him for an equivalent of a couple hours already and he hasn't asked you outright on a date during that time. You've been on there often enough to know that he will likely just drag his feet until you say something. Not a good precedent at all. I'd say move along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Meh, idk...I had to tell jay I wanted to meet. He still talks about it. He says, "I was just trying to make sure you were comfortable, I didn't want to scare you away." If you suggest meeting and he gives you the run around, by all means, walk away and don't look back...but I think it's premature at this point. ______________________ Learn to be all that you are, and accept with good grace all that you are not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Yea I think guys can be a bit slow with asking women to meet from online depending on their past experience with online dating, personality and preferences. Both my current bf and the ex that I met online (dated for 2.5 years), I was the one to ask to meet. Current bf immediately agreed and offered available dates, I never asked him why he didn't ask first, I think he was either new-ish to online dating or just wanted to make sure I'm comfortable before meeting. My ex was a bit slow, I had to ask a second time, which I later find out was because he's a coffee nut and since I suggested coffee, he was trying to find a coffee place worthy of going that is near me (that's reflective of his personality and preferences). Both I got along with really well online and were highly interested in person, for one reason or another, they just didn't ask to meet when I was ready. There were others that didn't initiate meeting and I didn't either and things just dropped off, I find these were the ones I wasn't all that interested in to begin with, so I could take it or leave it. I wonder if it's the same with you sometimes? I think that since you provided Chris with available dates, it's now up to him to set up the date. If you are interested in him, I'd prompt him one more time and move on if nothing happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 I understand when someone is shy or new in online dating but this one is neither. Plus he has already said he wants to meet and I've already said ok and even the dates when I'm free. It's totally up to him now. One thing is for sure...I don't plan to keep talking to him for hours online or on the phone any more. We've said everything that needs to be said before a first meeting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Yea I think guys can be a bit slow with asking women to meet from online depending on their past experience with online dating, personality and preferences. Both my current bf and the ex that I met online (dated for 2.5 years), I was the one to ask to meet. Current bf immediately agreed and offered available dates, I never asked him why he didn't ask first, I think he was either new-ish to online dating or just wanted to make sure I'm comfortable before meeting. My ex was a bit slow, I had to ask a second time, which I later find out was because he's a coffee nut and since I suggested coffee, he was trying to find a coffee place worthy of going that is near me (that's reflective of his personality and preferences). Both I got along with really well online and were highly interested in person, for one reason or another, they just didn't ask to meet when I was ready. There were others that didn't initiate meeting and I didn't either and things just dropped off, I find these were the ones I wasn't all that interested in to begin with, so I could take it or leave it. I wonder if it's the same with you sometimes? I think that since you provided Chris with available dates, it's now up to him to set up the date. If you are interested in him, I'd prompt him one more time and move on if nothing happens. I suggested meeting if the guy did not after the first convo -I didn't have time to waste chatting to strangers and first meets are not dates. Made no difference in how things worked out or whether he initiated asking me out on a date -I did not ask those men out on dates- they did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I think there is a trend to communicate electronically for much longer periods before meeting. Not to mention, there are a lot of people that that's all they want. But I am with you. I don't care for the whole electronic exchange. But not everyone sees it the way I do and because they view it differently doesn't make them not worthy of communicating with or translate into cryptic intentions. (to an extent!) I agree with Batya. I try to be patient, have a few exchanges and then I politely tell them I am in front of a pc all day at work and not very inclined to do so at home. Let me know if you'd like to chat on the phone and set up a face to face sometime. It's good you've talked to him. Be patient. Don't shoot him yet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 Be patient. Don't shoot him yet! I haven't. He hasn't contacted me in 2 days and neither have I. Usually, when that happens, a first date does not. Still, if he calls or messages and asks to meet, I will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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