missmarple Posted November 8, 2015 Author Share Posted November 8, 2015 He messaged me again asking 'so, you want to meet again?' I replied 'no and you know why...but if you ever get that divorce, look me up'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 He messaged me again asking 'so, you want to meet again?' I replied 'no and you know why...but if you ever get that divorce, look me up'. Maybe this will be the kick he needs to get moving. I think it's great that you won't compromise on this- you have a good standard here- and it's smart to protect yourself in this way. He's obviously not ready for anything serious yet- if he was, he would be divorced. Hopefully he works through whatever is still holding him to his ex or the marriage...whatever his issue actually is (because...getting all legal ties cut from someone you no longer have feelings for is worth. Every. Penny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 Good for you MM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 I wouldn't see him again because he lied about his marital status and tried to cover it up with a lame excuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 I'm disappointed. Peter looked good, we had many things in common, similar personalities and we chatted non-stop for 2 hours. What is the problem you might ask? By the end of the date he casually mentioned he's not divorced...he's been separated for 5 years and he said 'divorces are too expensive'..yeah, right. Who the heck lies about this stuff. It's like, I'll game the search engine... And she won't mind once she meets me. Really? Get over yourself. Sorry MM you are having to deal with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 He messaged me again asking 'so, you want to meet again?' I replied 'no and you know why...but if you ever get that divorce, look me up'. good for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 He replied with the following: 'If you think that that's an important reason not to meet again, ok...but I believe you should reconsider because papers mean nothing to me, only what my heart and soul say is important..good night, I won't bother you again since it's what you want..PS I would dedicate a song to you but I'm not sure I can do it on this site..good night' I didn't answer him..nothing to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Yes I wouldn't answer either. What a pathetic excuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Yes I wouldn't answer either. What a pathetic excuse. Ditto. Ugh. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 He replied with the following: 'If you think that that's an important reason not to meet again, ok...but I believe you should reconsider because papers mean nothing to me, only what my heart and soul say is important..good night, I won't bother you again since it's what you want..PS I would dedicate a song to you but I'm not sure I can do it on this site..good night' I didn't answer him..nothing to say. I agree - telling the truth means nothing to him and he doesn't care if marital status means something to you or to any woman who contacts him. At least he showed you who he is right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 pfffffftttt. Lame!!!! That is so pathetic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 If it means nothing to get the divorce.... it meant nothing to get married, either. That's so sad. It makes me sad. I'm really glad you got out of there now. On to the next one. Sheesh, what kind of guys live by you?? Maybe you need a change of scenery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 What the hell is wrong with these guys This must be an American/European thing??? Once you're legally separated in Canada, you're pretty much done. If you want to get remarried then yeah, you will need a divorce. My ex wanted a divorce about three years after we separated. She thought she would remarry. We used our separation agreement for the divorce. She paid for it. Wasn't expensive, very basic divorce. I signed some papers, received divorce certificate in the mail. I see it come up a lot in these forums. I'm kind of surprised. What's the difference and concern between divorced/separated. I ask innocently and for education only. Sorry it was frustrating MM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 In the US, if you're not legally divorced, you still have legal ties to the other person and are therefore entitled to half of anything and everything. No matter what, pretty much. It's a long, expensive process to end a marriage, so to go through with it, means you are sure it's over and you want to move forward. They also have common-law marriages in some states... where if you live with a partner for x amount of years, the state law 'assumes' you're married, and you become legally tied together even if you didn't go through the ceremony. I wish it wasn't that complicated. But then, the knowledge of divorces (having had my own parents gone through it), makes me leery of marriage myself - so I know if I do ever get married, my husband would have to die to get rid of me. I'm only half joking about that last part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 What's the difference and concern between divorced/separated Well, first of all, he had lied. His profile said divorced. That is one problem right there. Second, when you're not yet divorced, it means you can change your mind any time and I know of many such cases. People who've been separated for 1,2,5 years and then got back together...and I wouldn't want to find myself in a situation like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 This must be an American/European thing??? Once you're legally separated in Canada, you're pretty much done. If you want to get remarried then yeah, you will need a divorce. My ex wanted a divorce about three years after we separated. She thought she would remarry. We used our separation agreement for the divorce. She paid for it. Wasn't expensive, very basic divorce. I signed some papers, received divorce certificate in the mail. I see it come up a lot in these forums. I'm kind of surprised. What's the difference and concern between divorced/separated. I ask innocently and for education only. Sorry it was frustrating MM Don't you want to know if the person you are starting up a relationship with has cut ties to their last relationship? Sometimes it's just paperwork and a final signature is needed... sometimes there is more to the story and the entanglement is still there. Plus, like you say, if MM's goal is to get married, then she should find a single, not a married man. I have one friend who was separated for a long time (years!) because her husband (in another country) was dragging his heels on the divorce decree (he didn't want to pay child support). I don't know, it all sounds very confusing, particularly because it was an international divorce. In the meantime, she started dating someone new. Her current boyfriend apparently didn't mind. She finally got the divorced finalized a few months ago, which is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 The thing is that when people are separated and not divorced, you have no idea why exactly that is. Especially when they've been separated for years. How do I know that the reason isn't that they're not done with the past? And why would I want to find out? Sure, everyone says that the reasons are financial or they just didn't care enough to get a divorce or whatever. But I wouldn't risk it, and, especially, not with a stranger I've just met...who can say anything he likes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 This must be an American/European thing??? Once you're legally separated in Canada, you're pretty much done. If you want to get remarried then yeah, you will need a divorce. My ex wanted a divorce about three years after we separated. She thought she would remarry. We used our separation agreement for the divorce. She paid for it. Wasn't expensive, very basic divorce. I signed some papers, received divorce certificate in the mail. I see it come up a lot in these forums. I'm kind of surprised. What's the difference and concern between divorced/separated. I ask innocently and for education only. Sorry it was frustrating MM I actually don't know much about it either. I'm in Australia and it's a really simple process, well, my parents' divorce was lol.. They just signed an application after separating for 12 months (required) and that was it lol...you're not even required to attend the hearing if it's a joint application and/or sole application with no children under 18. If there's a child under 18, you have to show the court that you've made appropriate arrangements for the child. They do not consider why the marriage ended, and do not determine custody, or financial support or division of assets etc. they simply recognising that the marriage has ended. I guess if you agree on those things, it's a super simple and quick process. But if you can't agree on those things (on your own or I imagine with the help of lawyers), you'd have to go to court separately for that, and I can see that getting into a messy long process. During separation, there is of course still a chance you can get back together. So I think that's what the people on the forum are usually getting at. On the flip side, if these obstacles don't exist, and it's a pretty simple process, why do people put off finalising divorce when they've been separated for years, I don't get that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 I didn't get my divorce finalized for several years because where I live, it is very expensive to divorce. I used to work in the field of family law and a simple divorce will run you a few thousand dollars, easily. A cheap divorce attorney here is about $300 per hr., due upfront. An average divorce attorney is about $400 per hr. If your divorce includes kids and property and your spouse has hired a very good attorney, $500+ per hr., you had better do so, also, or you will be taken to the cleaners, male or female. That's why a lot of people forego marriage here, it's just waaay to expensive to end it. I understand when people have been separated for years. It happens a lot here, it's no big deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 That's expensive.. Do you have to get an attorney in all cases? Does it HAVE to be lengthy? What if you agree on custody and property division etc? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 This must be an American/European thing??? Once you're legally separated in Canada, you're pretty much done. If you want to get remarried then yeah, you will need a divorce. My ex wanted a divorce about three years after we separated. She thought she would remarry. We used our separation agreement for the divorce. She paid for it. Wasn't expensive, very basic divorce. I signed some papers, received divorce certificate in the mail. I see it come up a lot in these forums. I'm kind of surprised. What's the difference and concern between divorced/separated. I ask innocently and for education only. Sorry it was frustrating MM A separated person is still married. When I dated I only dated men who were single, divorced (for at least a year) or widowed because I wanted to get married and did not want to date a married man even if it was "just" legally married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 That's expensive.. Do you have to get an attorney in all cases? Does it HAVE to be lengthy? What if you agree on custody and property division etc? You can do it yourself, if you know how to do ALL of the paperwork. It is so complex, it took me two years to completely understand all of it. Here, if you fill out even one line incorrectly, or check one box you shouldn't, or vice versa, the clerk will reject your filing and you have to wait to file at a later date. Getting a court date when you are doing it yourself is difficult, the big firms get first call. I did my brother's divorce for him and it was done correctly, but I had been in the field for 7 years at that time. They only had to wait 8 months for a court date because I was affiliated with a prestigious Pasadena law firm. There are also way too many things to know to do it on your own. That's why many people out here either forego marriage or get married in Vegas. I've seen over $10,000 be spent on a simple, uncontested, divorce. Throw in kids and property, uncontested? $25-50,000. Contested? Every single asset you own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 That does sound a lot more complicated than where I am. It's a very simple application form and you don't even have to attend hearing. The process didn't take long at all, they just process them in the order of when they receive the applications. No such thing as law firms getting privilege. My parents lodged the application, not long after got the divorce certificate in the mail. I don't think they spent a single cent other than the application fee which is about $100-200. You all need to move to Canada or Australia it sounds like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 All that being said, I wouldn't date someone who is separated and not divorced. Because they could still decide to get back together, especially if there are kids involved. Some people might also use this as an opportunity to sow their wild oats without ramification before getting back to working on their marriage. Some might very well have a complicated divorce ahead of them (disputed custody, property division etc). There's just too much risk to take with someone you just met. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 All that being said, I wouldn't date someone who is separated and not divorced. Because they could still decide to get back together, especially if there are kids involved. Some people might also use this as an opportunity to sow their wild oats without ramification before getting back to working on their marriage. Some might very well have a complicated divorce ahead of them (disputed custody, property division etc). There's just too much risk to take with someone you just met. I also followed the rule of not dating someone whose divorce was final for less than a year. In the OP's case I wouldn't date him because he lied about his marital status. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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