missmarple Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Is it only the length of the phone call you didn't appreciate? Did you enjoy the convo (and getting to know him that way -- via phone, I mean) itself? The conversation itself wasn't bad but when I'm at home having nothing better to do and the other person is also at home having nothing better to do (I asked), it just seems stupid to me to spend our time talking on the phone. Also, he keeps going on about himself and his life and asks very little about me...and that gets boring very fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Yes, I like the suggestion of "prefer to get to know someone in person". I was a big fan of phone calls between dates once we were regularly dating (that is, we really didn't ask each other out as much as assume we were getting together regularly) but I did not like the long chats (phone, email, whatever) after one or two dates without plans for another date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I like Batya's approach. Thad seems like a nice guy and you seem to click (unlike vast majority of guys you've gone out with, from what I've read here) and have some things in common. I hope you don't write him off too soon. Some people talk more about themselves early on when they are shy and not sure what to ask/say to you, if they are nervous. Are you asking him questions about himself/telling him about you or are you letting him take the lead with the conversation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I like Batya's approach. Thad seems like a nice guy and you seem to click (unlike vast majority of guys you've gone out with, from what I've read here) and have some things in common. I hope you don't write him off too soon. Some people talk more about themselves early on when they are shy and not sure what to ask/say to you, if they are nervous. Are you asking him questions about himself/telling him about you or are you letting him take the lead with the conversation? Great point about being too chatty maybe because of initial nerves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Well, this phonecall went better. I managed to tell him some things about myself, too (lol). Then we talked a bit about tonight and he said that he would have asked me to meet if I didn't have the party to go to and when I saw that he didn't suggest another day I asked 'so, when are we going to meet?' and he said tomorrow is a good day if I'm free. I said I am and he said he'd like to take me somewhere to dinner. He's going to think about it and check some places online and will call me at 1pm tomorrow to arrange time, etc. So, I guess, things are going well...for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I think now that you gave him the all clear to continue to ask you out, he'll start taking more of a lead. Sometimes a little push is all it takes. Sometimes not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 He called me earlier than I expected and he suggested an Indian restaurant on my side of the town. I've never been there before (never been to an Indian restaurant at all..lol) and I loved the idea. I like tasting new foods. He's going to pick me up at 9 (not from my house...we'll meet near the restaurant and go together). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Have fun MM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Yum, I love Indian food! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 The second date with Thad was ok..it had good moments and not so good moments. Good: he looked better than the first date, he was wearing a black shirt that suited his complexion - the restaurant was small, cosy and warm, exactly how I like them - the food was delicious and I really enjoyed it - the conversation was good and we laughed a lot...and he insisted on paying although I tried to at least pay for my share. Not so good: he got upset while we were going there because he didn't know the roads very well - he was very nervous for the first half hour ...much more nervous than the first date - again, he didn't ask much about me and he made some comments about dog-owners being people 'with issues'..I found his thinking very narrow, he said only people who don't get along with other people have dogs..first time ever I heard someone make such a comment. Sometime near the end of the night he asked me to go to his house for dinner next Saturday, he said he wants to cook for me. I said something like it's too soon for that and he said he only meant dinner, that he hadn't thought of anything else and that I'll get to meet his sister, too (she lives on the 2nd floor, he on the 1st). I said I'll think about it. Also, I told him that if we meet mid-week (we said we may meet Tuesday), I'm getting the bill, he said ok. Finally, he drove me home and said he'll call me tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 What! Dog owners don't get along with other people?! First time I ever heard that and couldn't be further from the truth. Most of the pet owners I know are dog owners and they are very social and very normal. That is indeed narrow thinking. It's just as bad as people who say/assume bad things about cat owners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I've had very negative experiences with certain dog owners when it comes to how they treat their dogs as far as the dog's safety, mine and my child's -not obeying leash laws and being rude/arrogant when asked politely to obey, not caring if their dog charges at me or my child on the street or in our apartment building, not letting me pass on the street because their dog has to have much of the entire street to itself, and letting the dog bark at all hours of the night. For example. I wouldn't generalize about all dog owners but I do wish I had less of these frightening and unpleasant experiences (and of course they are risking losing their dog by having it off leash -surprising that they are not concerned). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 My brother deals with a lot of dog groomers, and they're...weirdos. Pretty much every one of them is antisocial and awkward and dislikes people. Seriously. It's so weird. I don't find dog owners to be any worse than non dog owners though for not getting along with others....lots of bad dog owners out there, but that doesn't mean they don't get along with people. I think the upset over my knowing where you are thing...is...idk how to describe it. I do not do well when driving in unfamiliar places. When I feel lost, I get agitated...so I feel his pain. I get super stressed out too. But...I have gps in my car and on my phone...so that doesn't happen very often at all anymore...so I'm surprised that he hasn't found a coping mechanism such as that...it makes a huge difference. Sounds like the rest of the date was good though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 While I don't get stressed out while driving in new places/getting lost, some do. I wouldn't necessarily hold it against him. Not everyone handles getting lost that well and I don't see it as a bad thing, as long as he can work it out and get to where he has to be. The dog comment, I don't know, has he had bad experiences with dog owners or something? Some people just really hate dogs or cats. I actually hold a somewhat narrow view towards rat owners. I've never met a pet rat owner who wasn't a little bit strange. I'm sure they exist, just haven't met them. If someone tells me they own pet rats and they are really into owning rats, I'm kind of like "erm, okay, are you weird?" So what are your thoughts now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 J My best friend bought her own mobile dog grooming business 2-3 years ago. She couldn't be more opposite to what you describe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Maybe because you know your friend well. My brother meets around 30 dog groomers a day...he says they're very similar to each other and different than any group of people he's experienced. *shrugs* I'm sure your friend is great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Sounds like he must live in a city to meet so many. We are both in country regions where the dog groomers travel about in mobile salons. This was a big change for her - she had done office work for a number of years and that was killing her - although when she was much younger, she worked for racehorse trainers as a strapped, exercising horses on and off the track. I really like following her FB pages with photos of her clients. Where we are, they travel about and service regions, just coming back to the same towns every couple of weeks. Sure beats office work for some people - she's got the magic touch with both animals and people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 He's launching a mobile pet grooming supply sales business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 So what are your thoughts now? I don't know...I'm confused, I guess. The things I find weird or don't like about him are things that could be explained - like others have said, some people get frustrated when they drive in new areas...I don't drive, so, I wouldn't know..and my dad/friends who drive aren't like that at all, so, it was the first time I saw someone get so upset while driving...but it did scare me a little. The dog thing I just found very strange. I'm a cat person and he loves cats, so, we wouldn't have a problem but it's a matter of principle. I love all animals and I appreciate people who love animals and I try to keep an open mind about everyone..I mean, I judge everyone as a person, from their character, not from the kind of pets they have or anything like that. He did tell me he had been attacked by a dog once but the thing is his problem is with owners, not with dogs..I would understand it better if he was scared of dogs, for example. On the other hand, maybe he has had some bad experience with some dog owner/owners, an ex gf or something like that and he puts them all under the same category...I couldn't tell. Apart from those 2 incidents, I did like the date and I am attracted to him...you could say he's my 'type' in general..I mean, I like his looks/style, he's polite and thoughtful (although it was a no-smoking restaurant and he doesn't smoke, he thought of me and convinced the owner to let me sneak in a couple of cigs..lol..he had asked specifically for a table in the back, so, I could smoke a bit)..he was attentive, in general...regarding what I wanted to eat, asked about all the ingredients..asked what food I like so he can cook it for me..stuff like that. He also paid me a compliment in a roundabout way...there was some woman in the restaurant who had lots of make up on and he noticed it and said he's glad I don't wear much make up and added that I don't need it, anyway. Any comments on his invitation for dinner at his place next Saturday? I'm thinking to say yes because I want to see how he lives, etc and it doesn't seem like he's going to try something (he hasn't even touched me so far) and his sister is a floor away but what do you people think? Would you go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 If you feel that he's safe, I would go. Like you say, see how he lives, but also, see if he actually does try anything. If he does, it means that he had an ulterior motive and basically lied about that when inviting you over. So that should tell you a bit more about his trustworthiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I wouldn't go to his place just yet. You've only had one real date so far. I don't think not liking dog owners means he doesn't like animals - I like animals (prefer cats) but I don't assume that all dog owners I encounter-especially the ones who let their dogs run off leash illegally- love/care about animals in general or even their own dog (maybe it's their partner's dog they agree to walk). I do appreciate when people care about animals and contribute time especially to animal rescue as long as they also care about people and aren't obsessed with animal-related causes to the exclusion of caring about individual people (just like with any situation where the person is more focused on a "cause" than individual people, whether animal cause or otherwise). So, he might love dogs/animals - I still don't love his generalization about dog owners but I would see how that plays out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 Ok, I decided not to go to his house. I met a friend and we talked about the situation. About the dog issue, well, she had the same opinion..lol..but she explained it much better than he did...more or less what Batya has said. I still don't feel comfortable with his comment but my friend who shares his opinion is one of the best people I know, so, maybe, it doesn't mean anything about his character. About the invitation..she thought I shouldn't go, that it's too soon and that it can be a test of whether he just wants something quick or something serious..if he disappears after I tell him I won't go, for example..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I would tell him that you're not ready yet but be enthusiastic about seeing him again. I don't like generalizations whether about dog owners or people who love chocolate, etc so it depends on whether this is his style, to generalize negatively -time will tell! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 I would tell him that you're not ready yet but be enthusiastic about seeing him again. I don't like generalizations whether about dog owners or people who love chocolate, etc so it depends on whether this is his style, to generalize negatively -time will tell! Yes, I plan on telling him that I really want to see him again and get to know him, just not ready for a home visit yet..if he asks again, that is. My friend thinks I shouldn't mention it on my own...if/when he asks again, I'll tell him...and I think I agree with her suggestion. About the dog thing, that's exactly what my issue is, Batya...not the dog owner situation exactly but whether he's easy to generalise or not. But, as you said, only time can tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I'm with you on this. I wouldn't like the comment he made nor the getting so upset while driving. And I wouldn't feel comfortable going to his home so early on either. I agree with turning down the home visit but making sure to let him know you want to see him again. And I agree with giving it more time to draw any huge conclusions about him from the two things you didn't care for that you saw on the date. Honestly, what came to mind for me is that he might be a bit anxious in general. The upset when having trouble with finding the place, the talking a lot, the weird tangent about the dog owners. But you'll have to wait and see. Will you eat Indian food again? It's one of my absolute favorites. And so many different kinds to choose from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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