thejigsup Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 He sounds like a keeper, except for his height. Yeah, see what this guy brings to the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 I just talked with Thad and we're going to meet on Wednesday. He sounded very upbeat and good-natured but he did talk about himself A LOT. I felt like he was trying to impress me (he's a great chess player, he sings, he makes furniture, he does this, he does that) but, overall, he seems nice enough. He told me he had been engaged once but his fiance died suddenly before the wedding. That was 6 years ago and he's had 2 relationships since..both long-term. He's been on the site for 4 years, on and off, and he's met many women in person but nothing has ever come out of it (similar to my experience). He was very easy to schedule a date with..he told me any evening would do and I picked Wednesday as I'm busy tomorrow. He's going to drive over to me (he lives half an hour away) and he left the place choice to me (not surprising as we'll be in my neighbourhood). He also sang to me on the phone (for a few seconds..lol) and he does have a good voice. He likes cats, doesn't like dogs (fine by me) and we also talked about smoking. He used to smoke up until 4 years ago but he said he's ok with me smoking as long as I don't blow smoke in his face..lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 ^ That's pretty much how I feel. I used to say that I would never date a smoker.... Until I found out that the man I'm dating now has smoked before but quit about 2 years ago. He says he smokes a cigar very rarely, maybe a few times a year, and has done it once in my presence (and I don't believe he's done it when I'm not around). He was careful to keep it away from my face and popped a mint into his mouth after. I find that it's about courtesy and respect. As long as the smoke isn't in my face, I'm okay with it - although I do think that I'd *expect* a person to try and quit for their health (although I wouldn't pressure anyone to do so - they're gonna do what they want regardless of my opinion and will quit if and when they want to). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 The date with Thad was interesting. Looks-wise, he was as I expected...not tall but he has a very sweet face. He did talk a lot about himself, just like on the phone, but when I asked him if he wants to ask me something, he did ask a few questions and we got into a conversation about our past relationships...not in detail but the basics. He's had very few relationships and all of them long-term (one of them 13 years long!). By the end of the date, he told me (on his own) that he's rather shy and likes to get to know the other person slowly (fine by me) and, also, that he can be traditional in some things. I asked what he meant but I forget what he said (lol)...he talks a lot and he talks fast and the music was loud, so, I may have missed that answer. Anyway, I felt comfortable with him, he said he felt comfortable with me, insisted on paying for my coffee and asked if we're going to meet again. I said I'd like that and he said he'll call me tomorrow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Sounds like it went well! Maybe he was just nervous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Sounds like a very nice date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 This morning I found a text message by Thad....sent last night but only got delivered in the morning (it happens sometimes) saying he made it home, he'd had a good time and wishing me good night. I replied that I got it in the morning and said good morning, etc. He hasn't replied but I imagine he'll call in the afternoon like he said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Finally one who seems nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Sounds promising! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 He called me and we talked for about 40 minutes...not my style at all...I'm not a phone person but I couldn't stop him although I tried a couple of times. Mostly, he talked about music (his favourite topic) and, in particular, country music (which he loves). When I finally said look, I have to go, he said he'll call me tomorrow, too. I told him I'm going out tomorrow evening (a friend's birthday) and he said he'll call me before. I think that if tomorrow he talks so much again and doesn't ask for a second date, I'll stop responding to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 What if you said to him when/if next time he calls "Hey, what do you think about meeting up again" and see what he says? you're not asking outright... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 I might do that although I don't really want to. I mean I'd like to see him again but, on the other hand, I want someone who can take initiative. I've already told him yes when he had asked if we'll meet again, I talked to him for 40 minutes today, I don't see why he's not able to ask me himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 He called me and we talked for about 40 minutes...not my style at all...I'm not a phone person but I couldn't stop him although I tried a couple of times. Mostly, he talked about music (his favourite topic) and, in particulear, country music (which he loves). When I finally said look, I have to go, he said he'll call me tomorrow, too. I told him I'm going out tomorrow evening (a friend's birthday) and he said he'll call me before. I think that if tomorrow he talks so much again and doesn't ask for a second date, I'll stop responding to him. I've encountered that. What I have done is the second time, if there is no date planned, I say "I enjoy talking with you but it's hard for me to find time to talk on the phone lately" and see what he says - if he wants to continue the conversation he'll figure out that he needs to put in the effort to make a plan to see you. I don't think you should ask him out or go down that road since he knows you want to see him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I like Batya's suggestion. It leaves him a hint, because he may be clueless right now that he is even doing anything you aren't on board with. He did mention he likes to take things slow and that he is shy. So maybe that means he takes some time between dates to ask for the next one. I think it's perfectly ok if you are not keen on that, but as far as his interest in you goes, I think he is showing it. Let us know what happens. By the way, always wanted to ask you if that is your cat in the avatar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 By the way, always wanted to ask you if that is your cat in the avatar? Yes, I got him this summer after my 15yo cat died. He's 6 months old Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 So cute!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 So cute!! Thank you! Cats is one of the things Thad and I have in common. He loves them...rare for a guy as they usually prefer dogs. Actually, a part of our convo today was cats he's had and the names he used to give them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I've encountered that. What I have done is the second time, if there is no date planned, I say "I enjoy talking with you but it's hard for me to find time to talk on the phone lately" and see what he says - if he wants to continue the conversation he'll figure out that he needs to put in the effort to make a plan to see you. I don't think you should ask him out or go down that road since he knows you want to see him. yes, I agree with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I agree with Batya's approach too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 The second time, if there is no date planned, I say "I enjoy talking with you but it's hard for me to find time to talk on the phone lately" and see what he says Speaking as a guy, and depending on how the date went, there's a good chance I would read that response as expression of non-interest. I think a shy guy with lack of initiative might very well misinterpret it as "I don't want to talk on the phone with you," too. Just something to think about when weighing the pros and cons of letting the guy make the first move vs. nudging him a bit. The above approach could nudge him in the wrong direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Speaking as a guy, and depending on how the date went, there's a good chance I would read that response as expression of non-interest. I think a shy guy with lack of initiative might very well misinterpret it as "I don't want to talk on the phone with you," too. Just something to think about when weighing the pros and cons of letting the guy make the first move vs. nudging him a bit. The above approach could nudge him in the wrong direction. Every time I said that -with the emphasis on how much I enjoyed talking on the phone, what followed was an invitation to go out. One exception - I listened to a guy whine for close to an hour about his grad school/job related difficulties -we had gone out once -and I actually said when he said he had to go "so, are we going to get together again" -he was astonished I would say that given all the drama in his life. Sigh. If someone is turned off by a lack of interest in continuing to be phone buddies with no plans to meet again then that probably says it all. This guy does not sound shy but certainly if he was shy then, sure, a nudge is fine if it seems like the guy is trying to find the right words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Speaking as a guy, and depending on how the date went, there's a good chance I would read that response as expression of non-interest. I think a shy guy with lack of initiative might very well misinterpret it as "I don't want to talk on the phone with you," too. Just something to think about when weighing the pros and cons of letting the guy make the first move vs. nudging him a bit. The above approach could nudge him in the wrong direction. I think I would put it this way, at the end of the next phone call "I enjoy talking to you but I don't have a lot of free time to talk on the phone. I also prefer to get to know someone in person, so if you want to meet again, let me know." Then ball's in his court. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 MM, I so hope you don't dismiss this guy because of this. Everyone has differences, and this is not a really big one that can't be sorted out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I think I would put it this way, at the end of the next phone call "I enjoy talking to you but I don't have a lot of free time to talk on the phone. I also prefer to get to know someone in person, so if you want to meet again, let me know." Then ball's in his court. Exactly. Not needy, but gets the message accross clearly with little room for misinterpretation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Is it only the length of the phone call you didn't appreciate? Did you enjoy the convo (and getting to know him that way -- via phone, I mean) itself? I'm not a phone person either but when my husband and I were dating, we talked a lot on the phone bc realistically we couldn't meet everyday. And while I don't like to talk for long on the phone in general, I did think (at the time) it was a good way to get to know him better in between the actual dates. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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