missmarple Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Just talked to a new guy. Sam is 47, an engineer, single, no kids, 6'1, black hair/brown eyes, athletic and with a nice smile. We didn't talk much because he had to go (he was going to the beach) but he has a sense of humour which is always a plus. We exchanged phone numbers and he called immediately to make sure he had the correct number. He said he'll call me tomorrow to talk 'properly'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 Sam texted me at about 7pm with a good evening and something funny/silly. I replied half an hour later with something equally funny/silly but this isn't my style at all when I'm getting to know someone. Anyway, he replied asking if he can call me, I said yes and we talked for about 20 minutes. Thankfully, he was serious during our conversation and we talked about many things like our holidays, jobs, etc. I found out he has lost both his parents and only has a brother and that he's never had pets except canaries..however he said he's ok with cats. Then he asked what I'm doing tonight and if I'd like to meet. I said that I can't, he said he understands it's last minute and suggested next weekend because he works until 7-8pm at night. I said next Friday would suit me and we agreed on a place and time and we said we'll talk mid-week, too, to confirm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Today is Sam's birthday (we had talked about it when we had discussed star signs..lol) and I texted him to wish him happy birthday and also ask if we're on for tomorrow since he hadn't contacted me at all since our chat. He replied thanking me and said yes, we're on and he'll 'call to specify the precise time because work is crazy'. I'm not sure when he's going to call..hopefully, not one hour before the meeting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Sam texted me this morning and we agreed to meet at 8pm..however, he said 'we'll talk in the afternoon, too'..no idea what that means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Next time I would say politely "I have a busy afternoon ahead -look forward to seeing you at 8!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 He did call to 'remind me we're meeting'..lol..I told him thanks but I do remember..and then he told me what he'll be wearing. I think he's probably been stood up in the past and wanted to make sure I'll go to the date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Glad he told you what color bag he'd be wearing over his head ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Sam was very nice in person. Good-looking with good manners and interesting as well. It turned out we had studied in the same city and we had been there at the same time, too. Also, we found other things we have in common, too. Apparently, I'm the first girl he's been out with from the site (he's only been there for 4 months and doesn't get online much) and he seemed happy to meet me. He paid me many compliments..he said I'm very pretty, he wondered how come I'm single and haven't had a relationship in a long time, he said I made him feel at ease very fast, that I'm very communicative, clever, etc, etc. Of course, all this means nothing if he doesn't ask for a second date..lol. Anyway, he bought my drink, he talked all the time (not excessively and he asked me enough questions about myself, too) and, at the end, he said we'll talk. So far, all the guys who had said 'we'll talk' never asked to see me again...lol Hopefully, he will ask for that second date as I really liked him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 I'm glad you had such a nice time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Sounds promising MM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I'm glad you had a nice time hope you get that second date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 fingers crossed!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SophieGrace Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I get such a kick out of you MM in the best of ways. You have these strong ideals about what you will tolerate, most of which I agree with, including your interpretations of men's actions in relation to the dating process. Yet you tell Paul it's okay to message, and then when he messages you say that you wish he would have phoned. You have talked about how important sense of humor is to you, and when Sam texts you something funny/silly you take a bit of umbrage. (yes you qualified it by saying it's not how you want to get to know someone and that you were glad he subsequently called.) But I actually really like some of these seeming contradictions. Many of us are a mass of contradictions, and it can be quite endearing (though I do think you could give Paul and Sam a break rather than jumping to a "he's not perfect" conclusion; I mean after all they are not you and don't know your preferences yet, and they are trying.) Most of all I really like your optimism and your ability to carry on without getting jaded by the process. To me it indicates a really lovely old-school belief in romance and hope, no matter how many past crappy dates one has. I can't yet claim that for myself when it comes to online dating - in the past I have become frustrated pretty quickly. If I go back to OLD, I will definitely come here for attitude inspiration. Thanks for continuing to post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 It's not exactly contradictions. I think it may accross that way in typing. I mean, for example, humour is one of the qualities many women are looking for..but not just any type of humour, at any time. So, while I appreciate humour in a partner or a friend, I've found out that when it comes to men I barely know, it can be used as a way to create a fake sense of familiarity...that's how I had felt with Sam's message..but when he called and talked to me in a serious way, I relaxed. He was the same in person, too..generally serious but with a sense of humour. Also, I tend to be analytical (I'm an Aquarius, after all..lol) but the 'he's not perfect' statement is not a conclusion..it's a given. I know noone is perfect and I've never thought anyone was perfect (including ex bf's and ex husband)..I just don't think that way even when I'm in love with someone. But it's not something that can stop me from giving people chances. I may find 10 things I don't like on someone but none of those things be a dealbreaker for me...and I may find 1 thing I don't like and that one thing may be enough for me to call things off. In other words, I may 'complain' about something I don't like but it doesn't affect my overall view of the person unless it's something really serious (for me). Thanks for your post, Sophie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SophieGrace Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 It's not exactly contradictions.... I mean, for example, humour is one of the qualities many women are looking for..but not just any type of humour, at any time. So, while I appreciate humour in a partner or a friend, I've found out that when it comes to men I barely know, it can be used as a way to create a fake sense of familiarity... I knew you would say that about contradictions, and I like that about you too.... and I hear you. For me, a fake sense of familiarity is when men I have never met to whom I have given my number on OLD, or maybe we've met just once, call me "dear", "honey", "babe", or "sweetheart" in their text or email messages. But that doesn't seem to bother you from past experiences you've shared. We have similar feelings about over-familiarity, but with different interpretations and triggers. We are all different. So are the guys who are trying to navigate the waters with us women. It's all very interesting, isn't it? I look forward to reading what transpires with Sam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 For me, a fake sense of familiarity is when men I have never met to whom I have given my number on OLD, or maybe we've met just once, call me "dear", "honey", "babe", or "sweetheart" in their text or email messages. But that doesn't seem to bother you from past experiences you've shared. Really? Has that happened? I hate being called those things by men I hardly know! I must be getting old as I don't remember that at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I knew you would say that about contradictions, and I like that about you too.... and I hear you. For me, a fake sense of familiarity is when men I have never met to whom I have given my number on OLD, or maybe we've met just once, call me "dear", "honey", "babe", or "sweetheart" in their text or email messages. But that doesn't seem to bother you from past experiences you've shared. We have similar feelings about over-familiarity, but with different interpretations and triggers. We are all different. So are the guys who are trying to navigate the waters with us women. It's all very interesting, isn't it? I look forward to reading what transpires with Sam I like this perspective on MM. I know I've quibbled with her about her steadfast adherence to certain standards about contact/telephoning/messaging/reliability/timing until (it seems to me) she meet someone who immediately knocks her socks off. You are right - such is life - contradictions/inconsistencies make the world go round. I will say I haven't heard MM tolerate the "honey" or "babe" stuff- and I wouldn't think she would (but she would never ever tolerate no text after a first meet for Happy Left Handed Europeans Day..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 I'm disappointed tonight. This morning I texted Sam...that's something I rarely, if ever, do after a first date but I remembered some detail and being the curious person that I am, I wanted to ask him something. Basically, his nickname on the site consists of 2 letters and his birth year and when we talked on the phone I had asked him what the letters stood for..he had said he'd tell me in person but last night I forgot to ask about it. It came to me this morning and I sent that text completely innocently (I mean my purpose wasn't to contact him/show I'm interested or anything like that) and, well, he never replied..at least he hasn't yet and it's been over 8 hrs. Putting aside the case of him being too busy/not having checked his phone, etc, which is a possibility, I guess, I really don't know what's up with those guys. I can understand meeting someone and not finding the chemistry (or whatever) you're looking for and I'm fine with that. But I can't understand guys who go out of their way to compliment me (my personal favourite being 'how come a woman like you is single!') and then not even ask for a second date. Again, I could understand if it had happened once, twice, 3 times...but it has happened way more times than that...I'm at such a point that if I had a new date tonight and the guy told me you're pretty, you're this, you're that, I'd tell them ok, unless you plan on seeing me again, stop it with the compliments. I'm wondering if it's the site I meet them at...I'm at 2 sites and I've noticed that men I've met at one of them are usually like that...and, basically, I'm contemplating disabling my profile on that one (and keeping the other one). I just feel this is going nowhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 That happened to me often. The reason I was ok with it is because unless we had a time/place plan for a next date it did not matter if the person complimented me, flirted with me, spent 4 hours over coffee with me - there was no next date unless and until he got in touch and planned time/place. He was off the radar the second we said bye unless there was that plan in place. Complimenting/flirting -all fine - assume it's 100% sincere but for whatever reason the person did not want to see you again or became unavailable to see you again. Sure the person might just enjoy flirting/like to experience a woman being interested in him but what's the point of speculating if it's going to make you cynical/jaded? I am NOT saying at all that a person should ask you out on the spot - I think it's fine if it's a week later or longer if there's some extenuating circumstance - I'm just referring to the mindset. Enjoy the compliment, etc in the moment. They mean absolutely nothing about the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 Enjoy the compliment, etc in the moment. They mean absolutely nothing about the future. I know, Batya, and that's the problem. I've been dating online for almost 2 years now and it has happened so many times that I've come to feel like words mean nothing..which, logically, I know they don't..but I'm like the exact opposite of that as a person. I don't say things I don't mean...only if someone cornered me, I might tell a white lie but that's about it. I just can't understand how someone in his 40's-50's can appear enthusiastic and then not even reply to a text..I would, even if I wasn't into the person..just because it would be the polite thing to do. That's what has gotten to me this time. I only asked a simple question about something we had talked about...it's not even like I asked hey, would you like to meet again or anything and he didn't know what to say. Anyway, I think I need a break from online dating. It shouldn't get on my nerves this much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Because he felt that way at the time and perhaps changed his mind on reflection -was alcohol involved? I would not have texted because I think it may have come accross as too needy- and a transparent attempt to get him to ask you out. In those early stages even a whiff of neediness (even if it is a misimpression) can change everything. It did for me. I am sure you'd still be disappointed if he politely responded and didn't ask you out. Of course you might feel that if a text the next morning is a turn-off he is not the right guy for you. I am with you that I wasn't overly enthusiastic unless I wanted to see the person again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 Because he felt that way at the time and perhaps changed his mind on reflection -was alcohol involved? I would not have texted because I think it may have come accross as too needy- and a transparent attempt to get him to ask you out. In those early stages even a whiff of neediness (even if it is a misimpression) can change everything. It did for me. I am sure you'd still be disappointed if he politely responded and didn't ask you out. Of course you might feel that if a text the next morning is a turn-off he is not the right guy for you He had just had a beer. I never text first either but curiosity got the best of me and, frankly, if he considered that too needy, then, indeed we aren't compatible. But that's not the problem here. He is just one of the many...that's the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 He had just had a beer. I never text first either but curiosity got the best of me and, frankly, if he considered that too needy, then, indeed we aren't compatible. But that's not the problem here. He is just one of the many...that's the problem. OK good so now you know your boundaries and that you chose your curiosity rather than letting him follow up and ask you out. He is not one of many -he is simply a person who had a certain initial impression, was interested and changed his mind. Happens ALL the time in a variety of situations - in friendship, interviews, auditions, etc. What I would do next time is if you want to ask a guy out -go for it and be direct about it - the whole thank you text or referring to something you discussed is indirect and might give the wrong impression to someone who has just met you in person hours earlier. I was on the fence once after two dates -I was planning on going out a third time. Then he called me twice in 1.5 hours -he was insecure about how I had reacted when I said goodbye. I didn't feel I needed to return his call on the spot since I had somewhere to be and needed to get ready. I definitely would have called him that same day and by the end of the day. When he called again I was done -I knew I could never date someone who was so self-absorbed that he'd call someone twice in that time period who he had just recently met unless it was an emergency. Maybe Sam felt that he had left it that he would contact you and he felt uncomfortable about your contacting him so quickly and in the way you chose to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 Batya, it had nothing to do with my text, I'm sure. If he wanted to see me again, he would reply...and, in any case, the same thing has happened so many times...times when I never texted the guys...and neither did they despite the compliments and all that. No, I don't know what it is but something is wrong and I'm not going to blame myself for it. 99% of the time I've done everything by the book and still I'm lucky if I go on a third date with someone. It's not worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SophieGrace Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I've been dating online for almost 2 years now and it has happened so many times that I've come to feel like words mean nothing..which, logically, I know they don't..but I'm like the exact opposite of that as a person. I don't say things I don't mean...only if someone cornered me, I might tell a white lie but that's about it. I just can't understand how someone in his 40's-50's can appear enthusiastic and then not even reply to a text.. Anyway, I think I need a break from online dating. It shouldn't get on my nerves this much. Awww, I hear ya sweetie - it can be soooo frustrating (hope you won't take umbrage at me calling you sweetie, haha), and I understand your disappointment. I have had some of the very same experiences as you not too long ago. I am someone who does what she says and strongly believes that a large part of integrity includes honoring your word. Yet here are all these adult guys who seem to have a different set of values. I used to think it was the city I lived in, but then I went to another state for a job last year and had a similar experience. There sure are a lot of flakes out there no matter what the country or state. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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