Larkin Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 An hour and a half and yes, it seems to matter to him..a lot...and although at first I was flattered, now, I'm feeling a bit pressured..and annoyed that he keeps bringing it up. I don't know about this one. He seems needy. Tread lightly, young grasshopper. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 The date with George was awful...one of the worst ever. Not only he's not my type looks-wise but he is also an incredibly boring person. All he talks about is himself, money and how he wants to find a woman to live with. First he told me all about his divorce and when I started yawning, he informed me he wants someone to live together and he even gave me details of his favourite dishes and how he likes them cooked! As if that wasn't enough, when the waiter came and I went to pay for my drink he went 'oh, so you're buying? ok, I will next time'...and I had to pay for his drink, too. He asked me to meet again on Sunday...I said I can't and that I'll be busy all next week..he said ok, call me when you're free. I said ok...but I'd rather die a slow death than see this one again! Meanwhile, just before this date, I had a call by some guy I had gone on one date with...a year ago! Back then, he had asked if I want to meet again, I had said yes and he had disappeared. In the last few months he's been calling/emailing here and there asking to go out and I always say no..and he always says 'ok, some other time'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 George emailed me on the site how nice it was to meet me and we should get together again soon etc etc. I replied that it was nice meeting him (yeah, right!) but we're looking for different things and there's no reason to meet again and good luck. Hopefully he won't bother me again. Alan was also online and we talked a bit about our date tonight...this time he didn't ask how long I'll stay..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 Thank God, George replied wishing me good luck, too. Relieved Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 At least he can handle rejection politely. Whew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 At least he can handle rejection politely. Whew. Was going to say this. They didnt match but he took rejection like a man. Looking forward to MM reviews on the date with Alan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 The second date with Alan was...lots of things. Interesting, fun, disappointing, frustrating..a little of everything. Here's what happened (a la Monk): First of all, he came in shorts again..at least he wore a different t-shirt this time..lol. From the moment we sat down (at the same pretty cafe we had gone on the first date), he brought up the topic of time...again. He asked how long I'm going to stay 'this time', I said 2 hours and he complained that it's not 'normal' to go on a date knowing what time you're going to leave. I explained that I'm busy tomorrow morning (I'm planning a 2-day short trip later in August with a friend and I'm going to her home in the morning to check hotels, etc, etc) and since the cafe is about 45 mins from my home, I couldn't stay very late. He insisted and said that makes him feel like I'm not really into him. I said if that was the case, I wouldn't agree to go on a second date at all. Anyway, I managed to change the subject. We talked about our online experiences (that was the fun part of the evening)...basically, he was complaining that women online don't know what they want. I told him about some of my experiences to show him that it's not just women, it's people on dating sites, in general. Then we talked about music...and then...he went back to the topic of time. If I didn't like him, at that point, I would have said goodnight and left...but because I like him, I tried to understand why he insisted so much. He repeated that he feels like I don't really like him or I would stay longer etc etc. I thought 'ok, maybe I should take some initiative to show him that I do like him'. Tomorrow is Sunday and he's off work. I asked him what he's doing tomorrow. He said he has no plans except meeting a friend for lunch at about 1pm..so, I said 'ok, would you like to meet tomorrow evening?' To my surprise, although at first he said ok and we were discussing detals (time, place, etc - I suggested a cafe near my home), suddenly he goes 'ok, I'll call to let you know if I can make it'. I said what time and he says at about 6pm (the date was supposed to be for 7!). I said can't you call earlier than that, he said why, do you have something else to do, I said right now I don't but if you can't make it, I want to have the time to make other plans. What really annoyed me was that he said 'wow, you need to have a time for everything!' I said, well, I want to know if I have a date or not (we're talking about tomorrow, not about 2 weeks from now!) and he said the way he sees things, dates should be 'spontaneous' (certainly not what he has showed me with our 2 dates so far that were both planned in advance by him!). I said ok, let's leave it for another time if you're not sure..he said no, no, I'll call you. Obviously,the 'problem' was that he was expecting someone else to let him know if she can see him tomorrow...and if she couldn't, he would see me. That's not a bad thing on its own but it really bothered me that he insisted I should keep my schedule free until HE knew if he could see me or not. So, now, I don't know what to do. My instinct tells me to give up on him but I'd like to hear some opinions. PS I just got an email from a friend who came back from holidays today and asked if I'm free to meet tomorrow evening. I replied that I am...Alan had his chance to make a plan for tomorrow and didn't take it. Too bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 It doesn't sound like you two are jiving well together. What do you feel? Sounds like you were annoyed. I don't really get his insistence with the time issue. Dates are not supposed to be "spontaneous", not when each person has a life and a job. Sheesh. That would annoy me too. Now, I'm not saying Your instinct/gut is telling you to move on though and I'm more inclined to tell people to listen to their instincts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Dates cannot be spontaneous... Even moreso when you are back teaching 5 days a week next month. If you are still dating him then you have work priorities too. The clothes thing bugs me a bit too. I make an effort even by 35c to wear something appropriate for a date but its not the biggest issue here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 It doesn't sound like you two are jiving well together. What do you feel? I don't know what I feel...mostly, I'm annoyed. When we just talk about things, we seem to be getting along well..I mean we laugh and seem to be comfortable with each other. But, between his insistence on time and his attitude about tomorrow (the only date I've suggested so far), especially after he said he was 'afraid' I wasn't into him, I'm very confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 To me spontaneous works great when it's about what the plan is -not the time of the plan - what's fun about not knowing when you're going to meet? And sure it's fun to have some dates where you meet at a certain time and place but then just go exploring or make decisions on a whim, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Alan called at 1pm to tell me that he's free tonight, after all. I said that's good but I'm not, let's do it some other time. He said ok, have a nice day and that was that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I am really glad you were not free to see Alan. Now he sees -without you having to tell him -the impact of his form of spontaneity. Also - ironic that he wanted you to tell him how long you would stay - guess he doesn't like that kind of spontaneity..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Jon (the one who loves the word 'I') texted asking how I'm doing. At first I had no idea who he was as I've deleted his name..when he told me and asked if he can call I said no, thank you. I knew this one wouldn't give up so easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I think he's annoyed that you made it clear you weren't going to go home with him and have sex. I think to him, "normal dating" means going to his place or yours, getting down, and then maybe or maybe not spending the night.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Case_1983 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I'm gonna pipe in with my opinion about Alan. I am a bit of a romantic and the one time someone told me the total duration of the date before the date I was a bit put off. When I go out with someone new I imagine the best case scenario: we will get along great and hang out late into the night talking and having laughs and go home (alone) thinking WOW I met someone great! Putting a time limit on the date kind of puts a stop to those thoughts. He is being incredibly annoying pushing the point but it sounds like he just wants reassurance. Him not committing to Sunday was probably his way of playing 'hard to get' because in his mind he isn't sure if you're into him. Stupid games yes but some people just get weird when their insecurities take over. Good for you for shutting him down and showing him that you won't take part in those games. I just hope he doesn't take it as a rejection though. If he does react negatively he probably is just too insecure and might be a bit high maintenance in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 After my evening out, I went to the site and Alan messaged me. He asked if I had a good time, he said he stayed home and watched TV and we talked for about 15 mins about general stuff. I think he is a bit annoyed but it's not something he said, just a feeling I got. Anyway, we'll see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Annoying each other before you even met, doesn't sound good lol.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 Annoying each other before you even met, doesn't sound good lol.. We have met twice. Not sure if there will be a third time though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 We have met twice. Not sure if there will be a third time though! Oops that's right, you have. Oh well same thing, you're already annoying each other so soon lol.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I don't know what his deal is, but two things would have put me off - the clothing thing and the constant mentioning of time. You have an active life and need to know how to plan your time. If that's not something he can respect or even appreciate, then I'd say no to another date. Spontaneity is for when you've been seeing each other for a bit, pretty much know each other's schedules and know if the person can do spontaneous dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I don't like putting a time limit on dates, especially in the beginning when you should be very excited to be with someone. BUT, I am very understanding when the other person has legitimate reasons for cutting a date short. Personally, Alan would drive me up a wall. He seems more than a little whiny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I think MM just needs someone who respects her structured lifestyle. Some people don't mind clearing off 9 hours potentially for a date that's going well, and good for them. I've certainly had 5 hour 1st meets that went really well.... but also, you have to respect it when someone wants to make it home after an hour or two of hanging out at a reasonable hour so they don't feel like death the next morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I don't like putting a time limit on dates, especially in the beginning when you should be very excited to be with someone. BUT, I am very understanding when the other person has legitimate reasons for cutting a date short. Personally, Alan would drive me up a wall. He seems more than a little whiny. I agree. My first date with my current bf was 90 minutes. The second one was 6.5 hours! I really wanted to spend time with him, so I had no problem clearing my calendar for the whole evening for the second date. That said, if he had done as Alan did and keep asking me how much time I planned to spend, I would have been put off a bit. If he did it more than once -- kept bringing it up -- I don't think he and I would have worked out. It's OK to be excited about a new person, but...after only a couple dates, you're still pretty much strangers, and all this time talk would seem really territorial (in an almost creepy way) that early on. Now that I've said that, I'll contradict myself just a bit and say that, as someone who is an introvert and needs a lot of alone time (and as someone who has been single for a long time and has gotten used to my "routine" and found it hard to break), if I really like someone, I won't put time limits on dates unless absolutely necessary. With my current boyfriend, I usually tell him when I have to be up really early the next day, and I generally don't schedule time with him when I have to be somewhere else that same day/evening. When first dating, though, I think it's fair to do this, because you're not in a relationship with the person yet. I try to be as flexible as I can unless there's something really urgent that needs taking care of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I used to put time limits on certain first meets either because I wasn't sure what I'd think of the person (so I structured it so it was time-limited) or because I could not clear my schedule further but definitely wanted to meet the person sooner rather than later. I always was open about any time limits I might have so the person wouldn't take it personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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