missmarple Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 I did put recent pics...and got Ron...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 I have a date for Tuesday with a new guy. Alan is 48, manager at a supermarket, single, no kids, 6'1, black hair/eyes, quite good looking. He's a runner and a non-smoker and I had to ask him if he's ok with me smoking. He said he doesn't mind but we'll see. We talked on the phone, too but not for long..just about our holidays and to arrange the date. He sounded easygoing and friendly and, hopefully, it will be a nice date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 Just talked on the phone with another new guy (obviously, my tanned pics are working..lol). George is 50, divorced with a 21yo son, has a taxi company, 5'9, brown hair and eyes, nice looking and sweet. We talked online first and then on the phone for about 15 minutes. He lives about 15 mins away from me and we seem to have things in common...he's a smoker, he likes cats and he comes from the same place as my mother (4 hrs away and I also have a house there). He said we should meet, I said I'm not free tonight and tomorrow but I could meet on Wednesday. He didn't make a date, said he'll call me, so, we left it at that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 George messaged me on the site and we talked for a few minutes and he goes 'what are you doing tonight?' (I had already told him I'll be busy), I said 'I'm going out' and he says 'ok, bye' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 The date with Alan wasn't bad although I was disappointed at first. He looks good but he came to the date in a t-shirt and shorts! Apparently, he walks a lot, bikes, too..and runs...and he came on foot to the date...he walked for about 40 mins. He's very athletic. Once I got over the initial shock (lol), the conversation was nice and not boring. We talked about stuff like holidays, our parents, politics, hobbies, etc. He asked about my marriage and told me about his relationships..or lack of them. He's 48 and his longest relationship was a year and a half..and the girl lived about 5 hrs away, so, they didn't meet often. He said he never really wanted to get married or have kids (fine by me) and that he thinks he's a difficult person. I asked what he meant by that. He said that he can be stubborn (he is a Taurus, after all) and that, once he decides about something, he won't change his mind. Another problem is that he works nights every other week..this week, for example, he works nights but today was his day off. When I said I had to go he asked why I couldn't stay longer and I told him that I don't usually stay very long for a first date and there can always be a second one. He said he had lots of things he wanted to ask me and asked if I want to see him again. I said yes (there was some chemistry between us) and he said his next free day is Sunday and it's a long time until then. I said, well, we can meet on Sunday and stay longer (we spent an hour and a half together tonight) and he said ok and that he'll call me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Ehh. I don't know. I'm not feeling this one for you. It sounds like he doesn't have much sense of propriety (he came to the date in a t-shirt and shorts?). He also shared his biggest red flag, which is that he's stubborn; which, by itself, really isn't a big deal - but if he took the time to mention it, that's probably because it's been mentioned to him before, maybe more than once. It doesn't sound like he's going to do much compromising. I guess maybe have the second date and see how it goes, since you two have chemistry. But I wouldn't be overly optimistic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 I'm not too optimistic, either but I figured the chemistry and the good manners (he was polite, didn't interrupt me when I talked, asked questions about me and bought my drink) deserved a second date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I think Alan deserves a second date too. Another word for "stubborn" is strong-willed and I think if that's his worst trait, then that's not so bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Stubborn and strong willed are very different things to me. Stubborn means one is not open to listening and possibly accepting others point of view and admitting that they are wrong. Strong willed means to me that someone sticks to their convictions and point of view which are well thought out, but will consider other people's opinions and accept if they realise that it makes sense. MM, I agree no harm going on a second date but by his own admission he's "difficult", which seems to be a very real issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Not disagreeing w/ you about the difference in nuance (one being positive and the other negative) between the two words but still there's an overlap in meaning, imo. (The thesaurus does list them as synonyms, btw) In any event, if he was polite and there was chemistry, maybe his "stubbornness" is something MM can come to accept? I guess MM will know better with the second date... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 What's "difficult" for some people may not be so "difficult" for someone else. It's really all about perspective. Overall, I think I can be a pretty difficult person and I admit this but while I drive some people nuts, a few actually really like me. So it depends. Take it as a bit of a yellow flag, if you will. I would appreciate the honesty. Tbh, the thing that made my eyebrows go up wasn't the stubborn bit, it's the fact that he's 48 and the ONLY relationship he's been in was a LDR for a year and a half. I'm not one of those people who think that "if you're 40+ and never married, you're screwed up" but the fact that he's essentially had no physical relationships with women outside of one LDR for his whole life makes me go "hmmm". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Fudgie made a great point. Did he explain the reason for his lack of LTRs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 What's "difficult" for some people may not be so "difficult" for someone else. It's really all about perspective. Overall, I think I can be a pretty difficult person and I admit this but while I drive some people nuts, a few actually really like me. So it depends. Take it as a bit of a yellow flag, if you will. I would appreciate the honesty. Tbh, the thing that made my eyebrows go up wasn't the stubborn bit, it's the fact that he's 48 and the ONLY relationship he's been in was a LDR for a year and a half. I'm not one of those people who think that "if you're 40+ and never married, you're screwed up" but the fact that he's essentially had no physical relationships with women outside of one LDR for his whole life makes me go "hmmm". I'm difficult. Most of my bfs have complained about how I like things a certain way. Jay thinks I'm the cutest person in the entire world, and adores me for being so precise. So...if you like someone, you find them endearing instead of difficult. Why are shorts and a shirt bad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I'm difficult. Most of my bfs have complained about how I like things a certain way. Jay thinks I'm the cutest person in the entire world, and adores me for being so precise. So...if you like someone, you find them endearing instead of difficult. Why are shorts and a shirt bad? Exactly. Some traits that drive others nuts will be endearing to others. The guy I'm seeing, K, is more of a planner than I am, he likes to talk things out. I am cerebral as well but I am not as much of a planner. He likes to be on time and we'll be driving and he'll say "Okay how is this date going to go?" and just likes to plan the details and ask for my input. It drives some people nuts but I personally like it because I tend to be late to things and he keeps us on track. Not sure why the clothing bit is a bad thing either. It's a first meet, right? Aren't those supposed to be casual? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 About the clothes, well, it was 8.30 in the evening and he was dressed like he was going running. Personally, I only wear t-shirts and shorts when I'm on holidays or when I'm about to work out...not for a first meeting with someone I may want to date. I might have done that when I was 20..lol About his lack of relationships, I asked and it was when he said that he thinks he's a difficult person. On other news, George emailed me on the site 'good afternoon, you can text me any time you want'...and I messaged him back that I expected HIM to message me to arrange a date..that's what we had said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 So, I used to do that -instruct men how to treat me (or basically, how to have decent manners) and then I realized it wasn't my role (not their teacher, mom or therapist, etc) to do that and typing that kind of message even though it's entirely correct is going to come accross as didactic IMO. What I would do in the future is reply "thanks! I look forward to hearing from you to make plans as we discussed". Indirect, yes, but gets the point accross without the layer of pedagogy. I agree about the t-shirt. One guy wanted to meet me at a fancy bar and showed up dressed basically in rags. I told him we couldn't go into that bar because of a dress code and we had a quick coffee at a local bookstore cafe. Very quick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Yes, I know I could have phrased it in a better way but I'm annoyed with him and didn't give it any thought..I think he'll just waste my time....usually, guys who say they will arrange a date later, they never do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 I just talked with Alan on the site. He asked again if I want to see him again. I said (again) that I do and he seemed eager to arrange a time and place. He told me that on Saturday he's not working after all and asked if I'm free...I am, so, we made a date for 8pm. He asked how long I'll stay this time. I said 157 minutes...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 New email by George. This time he said he doesn't want to call me because he's afraid he might interrupt me from something and that's why he's waiting until he finds me online. Ok, this is getting ridiculous. I replied that 1. if I'm busy when he calls, I'll call him later and 2. as we've previously discussed, I'd rather we talked in person. If he doesn't ask for a specific date this time, I'm deleting him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 Well, he emailed again asking when it's a good time for me to meet. I replied tomorrow or Monday. However, I can't say I'm thrilled that I have to communicate with him like that when he already has my phone number. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 Finally, George and I happened to be online at the same time and he asked if he can call. We talked on the phone and agreed to meet tomorrow evening. We'll see how this goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 Alan called me to confirm the date for tomorrow. He said he wanted to make sure I haven't forgotten about it. A bit strange but ok. He also asked again if I'll stay longer this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 He seems really put off by the fact that you left an hour into the date the first time, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 He seems really put off by the fact that you left an hour into the date the first time, lol. An hour and a half and yes, it seems to matter to him..a lot...and although at first I was flattered, now, I'm feeling a bit pressured..and annoyed that he keeps bringing it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 I don't get why he keeps bringing it up. Quality over quantity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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