missmarple Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Has a second date with Jon been set MM? Not yet but I believe it will be. He called me early this morning, I found his call when I woke up. I'm going to text him soon (don't want to call him as I know he's at work and not sure he can talk at the moment). I feel like you went out with an older version of my ex. He sounds like an extreme planner. He always wanted to make plans and wanted things to be perfect. He was very structured and rigid and, while he did seem to want to "go with the flow" - I feel like he'd mentally scheduled time to do that. He's exactly like that. Structured, rigid and a perfectionist (he admitted that himself). For those who know a few things about astrology...he's a Virgo and that says it all, basically Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 I texted Jon and he called me right back. He said he wanted to hear my voice...he's an army officer but works at an office, so, he can talk. It was just a 5 minute chat but it was nice to hear from him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpexpressme Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I think Jon has a plan, and every woman he meets in his mind, will fit into that plan. Ie Lying about his age because he wants to cull out all woman wanting to have kids, etc, etc. Banging on about himself indicates to me he is self-absorbed. I don't think he's the one for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Jon just called me. He repeated the invite about Saturday morning. I'm not sure that date is going to happen, after all...I asked a few details about it and he got stressed out. I felt uncomfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpexpressme Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Come on Marps, take a deep breath and go. Give him that one last chance lol. You may be glad you did. Sometimes people are awful on first dates. You can suck it up for one Saturday morning hehehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 I have a date for tomorrow with a new guy. Bill is 55, 5'9, grey hair/goatee, nice looking, divorced for 4 years with 2 kids (boy 22/girl 27) and a computer programmer at a company. He lives about 15 mins away from me and when he was married, he used to live 5 mins away! We had only exchanged 2-3 emails on the site, then he gave me his phone numbers (both home and cell) and I just called him. We talked for 15 minutes, mostly about our jobs, families, etc. He sounded calm and pleasant and laughed often. I brought up the smoking issue (he's a non smoker) and he told me he used to smoke for 20 yrs, so, he knows how difficult it is to quit and he's fine with someone who smokes. Then he said we should meet and since he lives (and works) close to me, we agreed to meet tomorrow at 8pm somewhere in my neighbourhood (which he knows very well, naturally). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Jon just called me. He repeated the invite about Saturday morning. I'm not sure that date is going to happen, after all...I asked a few details about it and he got stressed out. I felt uncomfortable. He got stressed out about planning the date? Also good luck with your date with Bill! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 And...I have a date for Wednesday, too (I'm on fire..lol). Peter is 53, 6'2, grey hair, brown eyes, good looking, divorced with a 25yo daughter who lives with him ever since her mum got remarried and lives abroad. He used to be a manager but the company he worked for declared bankruptsy 2 years ago and he hasn't been able to find another job since although he's been trying (from what he said). We talked on the phone and he sounded very nice and talkative and, coincidentally, we're going to be at the same holiday spot at the same time (the end of July). He asked me to meet and we agreed on Wednesday. I also talked to Jon again (on the site). He told me he had been talking to some woman who has 2 young kids (he had mentioned her during our date, too, and said they had been talking as 'friends') and she asked him to meet but he told her he has met someone he likes. I didn't react as he expected (I imagine) because he said that 'I must have met many liars and I don't believe him'... I said I have no idea why he thinks that I don't believe him (that he's interested in me seriously, etc) and that trust takes time. We talked a bit more and then he went to bed. I think he'll have managed to put me off him totally by Saturday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 He got stressed out about planning the date? Yes. Just because I asked where exactly are we going to meet because I don't know that area very well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Yes. Just because I asked where exactly are we going to meet because I don't know that area very well Sounds like my ex, C. He was also very rigid and a perfectionist, he got stressed out and frustrated very easily. Anytime I ask him about the specifics of a plan (e.g. when he invited me to his company Xmas party) and if he doesn't know the answer, instead of simply saying I'll get back to you when I find out the details, he gets really stressed out and annoyed with me for asking "too many questions". Definitely was not working for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Jon sounds manipulative and immature with his comment about "Oh, I was talking to another woman and she asked me out but I said I've met someone else..." Who knows if it's true or not, it's pretty irrelevant, but the fact that he'd bring that up coming to get a certain "reaction" from you is just so juvenile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 You ARE on fire! Good luck with all upcoming dates! I also feel uncomfortable with how hard Jon is trying to "convince" you that he's into you, repeatedly. Something doesn't feel right. There are now a number of things that feels to me like early signs of manipulative behaviour, like the age lie, the sweet talking - I.e. daily calls plus saying he's happy to talk to you just for 5 min and similar things to reel you in, and now that he's seeing that sweet talking and declarations of how he's not meeting another girl because he likes you has not elicited the response he wanted, he has stepped it up to this mild form of guilt tripping / blaming - i.e. how can you not trust me, I'm not lying, it must be your past and you're distrustful or jaded - no one should be trying this hard to make someone they've just met once believe they are really really into them and that they are not lying about it. Anyway I'm also sure he would've sufficiently put you off by Saturday if he keeps this up lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Jon sounds manipulative and immature with his comment about "Oh, I was talking to another woman and she asked me out but I said I've met someone else..." Who knows if it's true or not, it's pretty irrelevant, but the fact that he'd bring that up coming to get a certain "reaction" from you is just so juvenile. Omg we pretty much wrote the same thing at the same time except I was much more long winded haha... I totally agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I agree with Notalady and Fudgie -cannot stand those comments/manipulative games about who else he is talking to on the site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 And I agree with all of you...lol...right now I'm leaning more towards refusing a second date and telling him this isn't going to work. In other news, Peter, the guy I'm meeting tomorrow, texted me this morning that it was nice talking to me..I replied with the same Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 I just took George (the one who doesn't know what he wants, etc) off my friends list. We were talking and he made a comment like 'I only kill my time in here, I would never meet one of the desperate women of the site'...which I found very offensive. No big loss there. Peter talked to me on the site, too...about general things, like our favourite foods and stuff. He seems to have a good sense of humour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I'd just be put off by Jon's enthusiasm, to be honest. When it crosses into territory where you're not sure if he's sincere or not - then it's time to step back. I think if you were to tell him to step back himself a little, that he's being too overwhelming, you'd likely not hear from him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 His enthusiasm, coupled with a clear potential for manipulation, just does not bode well. I'm sorry, that "I met someone else" bit really left a bad taste in my mouth. I can't stand it when men try to manipulate me. I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that they are trying to manipulate or the fact that they think I'm stupid enough to fall for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 The date with Bill was very nice. He is a gentleman for sure. First of all, he brought me a red rose. Then, he opened doors, pulled chairs, etc and was very attentive, in general. He was a pleasant conversationalist although not exactly my type. We mostly talked about families, jobs, holidays etc and that was nice but I'm a person who likes talking about ideas and I found his style a bit too down to earth for me. However, I can't say I didn't have a good time. After an hour or so I said I should go and he asked me (very politely) if we could stay a bit longer...I said ok and we stayed for one more hour. He paid for my coffee and my juice and when I said he didn't have to, he said he's traditional like that. About him...he has been divorced for 4 years, he had been married for 26 and is still on good terms with his ex wife and sees his kids often (they both live in different cities because of job/studies). He also had a serious relationship after the divorce that ended in May (2 months ago). It was a woman he had lived with for 2 years but she had to move because of work and they decided to break up. I'm not sure he's over her although he said he is. There was no chemistry between us but we got along well. He asked me to call him saying that he's too discreet to call himself (more like shy, I'd say) and I may do that in a couple of days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 maybe more sparks on a 2nd or 3rd date? he sounds like a decent guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 maybe more sparks on a 2nd or 3rd date? he sounds like a decent guy. Did you read the same post I did? not exactly my type I found his style a bit too down to earth for me After an hour or so I said I should go I said he didn't have to... (pay) for my coffee and my juice There was no chemistry between us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 ND, I'm not sure why you quoted me on 'I said I should go after an hour' or that I said he didn't have to pay for me...I do that in all my dates. I always say I should go in an hour or so (depending on how late it was when we met ) because I try to keep first dates short-ish..and I always tell guys they don't have to pay for me...at the same time, I do stay a bit longer if the guy asks (and if I don't have to wake up early the next morning and if I don't find him dislikeable..lol)...and I always accept guys to pay if they insist. Those 2 things have nothing to do with how attractive I find the guy. The rest are correct, though. I couldn't detect any chemistry and he's not really my type...but I am willing to see him again because he was very nice and it wasn't like I found him ugly and I could never see myself with him..maybe if I see him again, I'll feel different, who knows? I haven't really decided if I'll call him or not..I'll think more about it and decide tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I just got a text message by Bill good morning, missmarple, i hope i didnt disappoint you last night..if you want, call me after 6pm at home to talk..kisses I replied that I had a nice time and that I'll call him in the afternoon. I guess he overcame his shyness..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 As it turned out, I can't keep the Saturday morning date with Jon (a family obligation came up). I texted him to let him know and he called me. He said that's ok and we can go out Saturday evening. We'll talk again to agree on the details..he said he'll come up with a plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I called Bill and we talked for about 10 minutes. He asked if we can talk tomorrow, too, which I didn't like. If you want to see me/talk to me again, ask me out. Anyway, he said he'll call me. Meanwhile, I'm getting ready for my date with Peter. Details later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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