notalady Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 That's also true. His approach was tactless and rude that's for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Some people really do believe in sleeping with someone quickly is important in determining if they want to keep dating. Weird mentality but that's fine if it works for them, but just not for me, or you I'm guessing, MM! Yes - I agree that if he was looking for sex early on (and no I don't buy that it has to do with any long term goal -if it did, he would never bring it up in that way for the high risk of offending the other person) he should make that clear in his profile and in the first phone call but not in a beat around the bush way "I am looking for someone who is comfortable having sex shortly after we meet -are you?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I haven't had much experience with OLD yet - I've met 3 guys in person and had relationships with 2 of them - and I slept with one on the second date and one on the third. I suppose in retrospect, if asked, I'd tell someone to wait until they feel comfortable; I just happened to feel comfortable early in. Maybe it's because I'm part of a younger generation where a lot of us value good sex over long-term compatibility? (yes, I am ashamed I typed that) I guess I just want to know early on that we have sexual chemistry. I didn't believe in two different types of chemistry - sexual and regular - until my last bf. We were a good match in pretty much everything, but when we had sex for the first time, it was a complete disconnect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 ...and with this guy it felt like he wanted to know the exact number of dates he'd have to 'sit through' until we get to bed. Made me LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 I guess I just want to know early on that we have sexual chemistry. I don't necessarily disagree with that...I don't think I could date someone for months on end without sleeping with them. I just don't think it's a topic that needs to be discussed before you've even met someone in person and, especially, the way this guy put it 'so, how many dates would you 'need' before you slept with someone?'. He didn't even know if we'd click in person, for one thing...plus, during a first phonecall, I would think there are lots of things someone would want to ask before they get to sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I haven't had much experience with OLD yet - I've met 3 guys in person and had relationships with 2 of them - and I slept with one on the second date and one on the third. I suppose in retrospect, if asked, I'd tell someone to wait until they feel comfortable; I just happened to feel comfortable early in. Maybe it's because I'm part of a younger generation where a lot of us value good sex over long-term compatibility? (yes, I am ashamed I typed that) I guess I just want to know early on that we have sexual chemistry. I didn't believe in two different types of chemistry - sexual and regular - until my last bf. We were a good match in pretty much everything, but when we had sex for the first time, it was a complete disconnect. I value good sex and know I cannot have good sex without exclusivity, love and a strong potential for marriage. I know many younger people who wait for various reasons and knew many people in "my generation" (I am in my late 40s) who did not wait, for various reasons. I believe that you don't need to have intercourse to ascertain sexual chemistry. I also believe that it's offensive for one near-stranger to ask another near-stranger how many dates would be needed before having intercourse unless both people have the same goal of a sexual arrangement only. I also think people who have sexual fetishes or are very particular about positions/style (whether or not they confuse that with chemistry -I think they are two different things) should be up front about that from the beginning so they don't waste anyone's time -if it is such a priority. I agree with MM that this really has nothing to do with the substance of his comments but rather how he went about it -if he claims to be looking for a potentially long term relationship and would express himself that way on a first or early phone call then MM should be thrilled she dodged a bullet so quickly -whether he was talking about sex, how much money she would want him to spend on her or some similar personal topic broached in such a rude way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I'm not disagreeing with you guys. I think he was rude and it was very distasteful to even get close to a sensitive topic like that. I'm just saying that I guess I know where he's coming from, since I think the same way - except I'd never consider in a million years telling a guy "I need to know if we're sexually compatible before going any further". That's just asking for the wrong type of man, IMO. Batya, I just wanted to mention in reference to this sentence - "I believe that you don't need to have intercourse to ascertain sexual chemistry." - the last guy I dated, who I slept with after 3 dates, I had a tons of what I believed to be sexual chemistry with. I was attracted to him and we clicked on a lot of different levels. His kisses and caresses were very passionate and I was more than ready to have sex. But when the "deed" was done, it was awful and completely threw me for a loop. That's when I began to see that we did in fact have two separate types of chemistry, and unfortunately we lacked the sexual one. Maybe it's just what I've experienced in my short dating life, I don't know. Like I said, I don't have a lot of experience. But I've encountered, twice, men that I shared a lot of different connections with that I could see myself sleeping with, only when it got to that point, the fire I craved just wasn't there. Obviously I'm not saying that bad or even 'okay' sex is a dealbreaker all the time. The 2 other guys I've had relationships with, I had great sex with. But the relationships themselves either eventually died out or was a complete train wreck. So, I guess I don't know much about relationships yet. Haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I don't want to derail this thread because I think the main point is his rudeness. I do know that I would not have enjoyed intercourse with any man after just three dates and I do know that it's much easier to try again if the first time is not great when you already have chemistry, passion, love, a strong bond and know each other well. I think it's much harder to communicate about a first time that wasn't so great with someone you've only known for 3 dates and it might not be worth the investment of that kind of time and energy. I could tell chemistry by the way we looked at each other, the sparks I felt, and definitely by how we kissed, which usually happened within the first 3-4 dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 I just talked with a new guy on the phone. 50, good looking, sounded nice and everything...but too many problems. First of all, he's been married twice. He has an older kid from his first marriage and a young one from his second marriage (10yo). His second divorce isn't final yet (he said it will be final in September but who knows?). Then, he has a disabled 38yo sister (from an accident she had had years ago) who lives with his mum for now...but his mum is already 86, so, eventually, she will be his responsibility. Finally, he said we should meet but he's going to have his daughter over for the next week, so, it will have to be after July 7. All in all, I don't plan on meeting him. If he even calls again, that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 New guy. Sam is 55, 5'9, black hair/brown eyes, not great looking but nice enough, has been married twice (first marriage was when he was very young and his gf got pregnant and only lasted for a year) and he got his second divorce in 2005. He has a 34yo daughter from the first marriage, he is a manager at a company, he loves animals (he still shares a dog with his second wife) and he can cook We talked on the phone and he sounded very lively and interesting and we made a date for Monday evening. The only thing is he likes motorbikes...I told him I'm scared of them, he said he'll teach me how to drive one...that would be something..LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Another new guy (they all appear on the weekends). Neal is 43, 6'2, blonde hair, blue eyes, very good looking, single, no kids and an electronic engineer. His parents have died and he's an only child like myself. We talked on the phone, it was a nice conversation..he laughed a lot and sounded sincere..the only thing I didn't like was that he was a bit vague about his job..he said he works for the government but wouldn't tell me what he does exactly. He's been on the site for 4 months and is disappointed with the women he's met so far. He said that half of them had lied about their weight and the other half didn't know what they wanted. Anyway, we made a date for tomorrow afternoon. He also has a motorbike (like the guy I'm meeting on Monday)...what's with all the motorbikes?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpexpressme Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Lol be careful of Neal. Neal already dosn't sound great. Vague about his job, and dosn't like "bigger" chicks. Hmmmmmmmm We will have to wait and see.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Neal is 43, 6'2, blonde hair, blue eyes, very good looking, single, no kids and an electronic engineer. His parents have died and he's an only child like myself. We talked on the phone, it was a nice conversation..he laughed a lot and sounded sincere..the only thing I didn't like was that he was a bit vague about his job..he said he works for the government but wouldn't tell me what he does exactly. He's been on the site for 4 months and is disappointed with the women he's met so far. He said that half of them had lied about their weight and the other half didn't know what they wanted. Kind of hypocritical, no? He's vague about his job but says that half the women have lied about their weight. Now, it's not clear why he's being vague - he could be in a sensitive area of government (your equivalent of the FBI or something), or maybe he's just not proud of his salary level?? Did those women "lie" about their weight, or were they "vague" about it too (only posting head shots, or photos where their entire body and proportions were not clearly visible?) anyway, wait and see i guess!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Did those women "lie" about their weight, or were they "vague" about it too (only posting head shots, or photos where their entire body and proportions were not clearly visible?) One of them had only posted head shots and she had told him she weighed about 50 pounds less than her actual weight. Another one had many pics but it turned out they were older pics and she had gained a lot of weight since then. These 2 cases are the ones he told me about in detail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpexpressme Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I'm having popcorn and chips at the ready, for this Neal date! He better be as perfect in person as you have described and more! Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Some people are sensitive about revealing where they work or what they do in OLD. I wouldn't take that as a red flag unless you meet and he still doesn't want to tell you lol.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I agree with notalady. I tend to be a bit vague with some of my details as well (i.e. - only provide them with the short form of my first name - it's a fairly unique and uncommon name). Otherwise, I could be easily tracked down. But if they pry for more information, I tell them that I would be happy to disclose more info upon meeting in person. Haven't had any issues, yet... Just have to give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Yeah, that's true - I don't tell them my whole job either, because I don't want them to know precisely where I work, and I don't want to bore them silly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 There's this guy I've talked to twice (on the site) who's really caught my interest...let's call him Jon. He's 44, divorced for 2yrs, with a 5yo daughter (she lives in a town 4-5 hrs away with his ex wife), an army officer, 6'2, brown hair, green eyes and good looking. He had sent me a message on the site a couple of days ago that I had found very sweet. He had said he knows he's not in my preferable age range (I've put 47 to 55) but that he finds me very attractive and wished me luck. I had replied thanking him and, eventually, we started talking. From what he said, it's the first time he's trying an online dating site and I'm the only person he's talking to. What I like about him is that he writes really well (he's almost as paranoid about correct spelling as I am..lol), he writes big sentences (I hate one word answers) and he seems to be very clever (at least judging from the way he writes). Also, he's asked me some very good questions and pays attention to my answers. So far, he hasn't asked for my phone number of if we can meet but I believe that's because he's new and he's not sure how exactly to approach the topic. I'm thinking to ask for his number if he hasn't by Tuesday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Yes, Jon is sounding the best so far! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 The date with Neal was more good than bad, I'd say. He is very good looking, with beautiful blue eyes and very polite. Also, very open (except from one tiny detail..lol..his job..more about that later), he told me his last name, address, where he grew up and many details about his late parents. Our conversation had some silences but they were not awkward..I felt comfortable with him and he seemed to feel comfortable with me. We have a similar style, both in the way we express ourselves and in our sense of humour. We laughed a lot. The problem was his job. I asked him again, he didn't reply..again. He told me that even his closest friends don't know what exactly he does, just that he works for the government and a few more details that he can't share with someone he's just met. He could be lying or he could be telling the truth...he seemed honest but who knows? When I told him it was time to go, he asked if I wanted to go for a drink. I said I can't and that we could do it some other day. He insisted. I said no again. He asked again, I declined again. Eventually, he gave up. That was the only thing I didn't like, basically...not so much his vagueness about his job but his persistence and also the fact that he could have suggested another day to meet (I told him, for example, that I'm free on Tuesday) but didn't. Then again he did say that his job isn't a typical 9 to 5 job, so, maybe, he didn't know when he'll be free. An hour after I had come home, he called me. He told me he thought I had a beautiful face, I said he looked good, too and we talked a bit about general stuff and then said goodnight. I imagine he'll call again at some point and ask for a second date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 I found 2 messages from Jon on the site. First message was at 8pm..he said 'I've been waiting to talk to you..for hours..I've been getting all sorts of weird messages...don't know what to do' Second message was at 11pm 'good night and have a great week' I replied that I had been out, that we'll talk tomorrow and wished him a great week, too. He's sweet, isn't he Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Jon sounds like a good candidate. Maybe he hasn't asked for your phone number because he thinks he's outside of your age range therefore doesn't have a chance with you? I too wouldn't have liked Neal's persistence. Something to keep in mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Jon talked to me last night, after all. I was about to leave the site when he appeared. He said he had gone to bed but he thought he should check one last time to see if I was online. We talked for about half an hour even though he had to get up at 5am the next morning (I asked him). I learned a bit more about him. He's the oldest kid of 3, he has a brother who's married with 2 daughters and a younger sister who's engaged and soon going to be married, too. His ex wife was 13 yrs younger than him and the reason for the divorce was, according to him, that she was very close to her family and insisted that he (Jon) should support her brother financially (he is well-off from what I understand)...he said he did for years but finally decided to stop and that's when things went sour. He said he thinks she never loved him. I asked him if he's over her, he said yes and that he had had one relationship after the divorce that lasted for a year and ended 7 months ago. He told me once more how attractive he thinks I am, he asked if I'm going to be online today and then we said good night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Jon sounds infatuated with you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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