Batya33 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I am really sorry he is behaving that way. It's not just in dating - I am in my home town for awhile and it is incredible sometimes how flaky people can be about making and keeping plans. It does help you appreciate the people who are reliable and responsible. Forget Tony -he does not deserve you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Well, he never called. Unless something very serious has happened, he has no excuse. It's one of those days when I hate dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Well, he never called. Unless something very serious has happened, he has no excuse. It's one of those days when I hate dating. That's frustrating. What's with these guys? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 George, the guy who had taken me off his list before we had even met and had emailed me that the reason was that he's not interested in a relationship, etc, contacted me on the site again today. I asked him why he would contact me again since we want different things. He said he's away, at his hotel (he has a hotel 3-4 hrs away) and he'll be living there until September and...all the following: that he has regretted that he hadn't met me before he left, that he doesn't know what he wants, that what he had emailed me wasn't really true, that he was in a bad mood, that his problem is that no woman he meets makes any lasting impression on him (that they're either pretty and boring or interesting and ugly - his words)..and that he wanted to talk to me from time to time if it's ok with me because he realised he had enjoyed talking to me and didn't want to 'burn all bridges'. I told him that I had enjoyed talking to him, too, that I was, naturally, disappointed that he had taken me off his list without even meeting first (it was the night before the day we were supposed to meet), that, as he knows, I'm not interested in 'a steady sexual partner', as he had put it, so, I don't see why we should continue talking...especially since he's going to be away for the next 3 months. He said that he doesn't want anything sexual from me, just to talk from time to time and if, by the time he's back, we're still both single, maybe we could meet and take it from there. I told him I'll think about it..a big part of it, I think, was my disappointment with Tony, Bill, Andy and, basically, every guy I've met lately..and those are guys who, supposedly, want a relationship...maybe someone who doesn't want one will actually make more sense? LOL...I have no idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Oh God, George sounds like a nightmare. RUN, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 ugh. that's frustrating. a 50 year old man who "doesn't know what he wants." i mean, how has he not figured it out by now?? I don't want you to get sucked into a time waster. My guess (based on this little data) is he'd like something, but probably isn't willing to put in the required work into a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Agree with others, George sounds like bad news. Doesn't know what he wants and claims what he was saying wasn't really true (so how do you know it's true now?), send you (a stranger) that message because he was in a "bad mood"? Problem with people who don't know what they want is they waffle about while messing with your head & heart. He can change his mind every other day and put you through pain while he's at it (remember Z? Lol), so I'd not talk to him anymore. Also the whole wanting to remain chat buddies for 3 months thing doesn't sit well with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 In the beginning you try to impress the people you're meeting. This is him trying his best to impress you. I wonder what he'll look like a year in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 When I was OLD I did get the sense that a lot of these guys wanted me to do the heavy lifting. I even had one guy tell me so. It started with him encouraging me to contact him and before you know it he was coming right and telling me he preferred it when women pursued him. I hope that works for him because the men who gave me that vibe typically turned out to be non committal and looking for fwb's. It felt as if- if it was the woman's idea, they didn't necessarily have any responsibility in the outcome. Kind of like `buyer beware' I will meet them half way (maybe) but the minute I felt the shift, I was out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 So, here's what happened with Tony: Today was a long, hard day. We had a meeting at school and I came back home at around 5pm...dead tired and with an awful earache. I turned everything off and went to bed. When I woke up (my ear still killing me) I found out I had 2 missed calls from him and a text message 'gooooood afternooooon miss!'. I texted back that I just woke up because my day had been very difficult. A few mins later (he hadn't replied), I went to the site to check some new emails and he was there. He messaged me and asked about my day. I told him and then he started talking about irrelevant stuff and I thought 'ok, mister, you disappeared yesterday and my ear hurts too much for me to be polite and nice' and I said 'weren't you supposed to have called me yesterday?' He said that he had an emergency at work, that he got called in out of the blue, etc, etc...b/s excuse as a text takes two seconds to send 'can't meet tonight'...less than 2 seconds! Anyway, I didn't want to continue that particular conversation (pointless)...but then he says 'so, are you free tonight?' It was 8.30pm at the time and I had already told him my ear was killing me. I could have just said it was because of my ear that I couldn't meet tonight but I thought I'm sick of being nice to ppl who couldn't care less, so, I told him that even if I didn't have that problem, I didn't like last minute invites, especially for a first date and this late in the evening. And he goes 'but isn't this the right thing to do?'. I said 'what? asking someone out at the last minute?', He said 'yes, and if they're free, you meet'...I said 'no, that only shows you have nothing better to do, so, let's see if missmarple is free and if she's not, no big deal'. He asked if that was sarcastic, I said no, it's what I believe..that if someone wants to meet someone, they can at least arrange a date. He said that I was wrong, that he did want to meet me but that, indeed, now that schools are closed, his time is very limited and that he doesn't even know if he'll be free from one day to the next...he can only know at the last minute. I said ok, in that case, there's no point in talking because I am the opposite, I know my schedule and I don't want to meet someone who can only see me whenever...wished him luck and left. Of course, when we had talked on the phone, he had mentioned nothing about his time being 'limited'. He had said he usually works in the mornings, that most of his evenings are free and that he gets his kids twice a week and sometimes in the weekends. Anyway, it doesn't matter...I'm glad I didn't waste any more time on him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I said 'no, that only shows you have nothing better to do, so, let's see if missmarple is free and if she's not, no big deal'. He asked if that was sarcastic, I said no, it's what I believe..that if someone wants to meet someone, they can at least arrange a date. Without knowing your situation that day, if I had received that message I would assume you were a bitter and hard-to-deal-with person. He said he did want to meet me but that, indeed, now that schools are closed, his time is very limited and that he doesn't even know if he'll be free from one day to the next...he can only know at the last minute. And if I'd received that text from a woman, I'd have the exact same reaction you did: PASS. So with reservations, I call the final score: MissM 1, Tony 0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 Without knowing your situation that day, if I had received that message I would assume you were a bitter and hard-to-deal-with person. I know but, at that point, I couldn't care less about what a guy who had stood me up twice would think...and I still don't. I've been dating online for almost 2 years, I have never flaked on anyone, I have never said I'll call someone and didn't, I've been nothing but polite and 70% (at least) of what I get is flakes...the other 30% is men who expect me to drop everything and meet them whenever THEY want to...because it's soooooooooo hard to plan even one meeting. Tony deserved much more than what I told him...he's lucky my ear was hurting so badly and I couldn't continue the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I know but, at that point, I couldn't care less about what a guy who had stood me up twice would think...and I still don't. I've been dating online for almost 2 years, I have never flaked on anyone, I have never said I'll call someone and didn't, I've been nothing but polite and 70% (at least) of what I get is flakes...the other 30% is men who expect me to drop everything and meet them whenever THEY want to...because it's soooooooooo hard to plan even one meeting. Tony deserved much more than what I told him...he's lucky my ear was hurting so badly and I couldn't continue the conversation. Yah. . . I think you're a pretty tough cookie MM, but you called this one right. Not sure about the last minute part. . that's a personal preference. (I won't meet someone I don't know last minute but I don't think it's a deal breaker for most) But collectively and the fact that he didn't call and basically stood you up, I wouldn't have even engaged him last night. Sorry about the ear. .Hope you're feeling better today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I know but, at that point, I couldn't care less about what a guy who had stood me up twice would think...and I still don't. Ah, forgot about those two strikes. In that light, you absolutely did the right thing. What a selfish jerk. I've been dating online for almost 2 years, I have never flaked on anyone, I have never said I'll call someone and didn't, I've been nothing but polite Same here! and 70% (at least) of what I get is flakes...the other 30% is men who expect me to drop everything and meet them whenever THEY want to...because it's soooooooooo hard to plan even one meeting. Again, you make me appreciate the middling OLD success I've had thus far. Those are terrible numbers!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 George (the one who doesn't know what he wants, etc) called me out of the blue and we talked for about an hour. The conversation was strictly friendly and I found myself telling him about Tony. He told me some experiences of his own and we concluded that we'll never meet anyone...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 George (the one who doesn't know what he wants, etc) called me out of the blue and we talked for about an hour. The conversation was strictly friendly and I found myself telling him about Tony. He told me some experiences of his own and we concluded that we'll never meet anyone...lol lol, well that was a happy conversation. You should get 12 more cats and seal the deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 And he goes 'but isn't this the right thing to do?'. I said 'what? asking someone out at the last minute?', He said 'yes, and if they're free, you meet'... Omg what? How on earth is that the right thing to do? Where did he learn his common courtesy? It's like he's from a different planet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 i think last minute plans are fine when people are friends, but usually, when trying to get to know a person online, you want to schedule something with them a few days in advance, rather than expecting that they will be free. though i had a guy pull something similar - i was between jobs, so I had lots of free time. I was supposed to meet this guy, and texted him the day of the date to see when/where we were going to meet. He wrote back a few hours later saying that his family took him out of town for a surprise birthday party 2 nights before. I said fine, but why didn't you just tell me that when you knew you would be busy on Sunday? He got all huffy with me and said I didn't have anything else going on, and his father had prostrate cancer. Then he said some not nice things to me. omg. i think i already told you this story. it's not cool, when they think just because school is out for summer that you have nothing else to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 i think last minute plans are fine when people are friends, but usually, when trying to get to know a person online, you want to schedule something with them a few days in advance, rather than expecting that they will be free. Exactly! I told him that, too. I said if you were a friend of mine and called and said 'hey, I have nothing to do tonight, wanna come over and watch a movie?', it would be fine...but not when it comes from a stranger who I have never met before in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 I just talked to a new guy on the phone and we made a date for Thursday but I'm already tempted to cancel it. He's 49, nice looking, divorced, no kids, lives close to me, works at a company, gave me his home number and his f/b and on the phone he was ok..talkative, he wants a relationship (he has had a serious relationship after his divorce that lasted for 4 years and ended a year ago because she moved to the other side of the country)..he likes chess, animals and thrillers (as do I)...still...he sounded too quiet for my taste, he didn't laugh at all and he asked many questions about sex...not offensive in any way...just general stuff like how long would it take me to sleep with someone and when I told him that I don't know exactly but I'm definitely not the type to go to bed with someone after a couple of dates he said he's the opposite and he believes in chemistry etc etc. Bleah...I'll cancel that date. In other news, I talked to George on the site...too bad he doesn't want a relationship. For the time being, he's the only interesting and funny person I talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 he asked many questions about sex...not offensive in any way...just general stuff like how long would it take me to sleep with someone and when I told him that I don't know exactly but I'm definitely not the type to go to bed with someone after a couple of dates he said he's the opposite and he believes in chemistry etc etc. blah. that annoys me too. I mean, talk about skipping over some things. It's like asking during an interview for a job how quickly you'll be promoted, and how much vacation time you get each year. Like.... easy there, you haven't gotten past the first step (even meeting!!!!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 LOL - believing in chemistry means you should have intercourse right away? Please. I would cancel the date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Some people really do believe in sleeping with someone quickly is important in determining if they want to keep dating. Weird mentality but that's fine if it works for them, but just not for me, or you I'm guessing, MM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 I emailed him that I don't think there's a reason for us to meet because I didn't feel comfortable during our phonecall...wished him luck, etc. He didn't reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 Some people really do believe in sleeping with someone quickly is important in determining if they want to keep dating. Weird mentality but that's fine if it works for them, but just not for me, or you I'm guessing, MM! I'm neither for nor against sleeping with someone asap. What I am against is feeling like I HAVE TO know when I'll sleep with them...and with this guy it felt like he wanted to know the exact number of dates he'd have to 'sit through' until we get to bed. It was the worst way he could have approached the subject (a subject that didn't even need to be approached before even a first date, in my opinion). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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