missmarple Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 Andy called and we talked for a few minutes. He told me he has 2 daughters, 25 and 27, the second one married, that he lives alone, he's an only child like myself and is off work for a few days, so, he could meet me over a cup of coffee today if I am free. I told him I am and we agreed to meet at a cafe near my house. I couldn't tell much about him from the phone..except that he's polite, talkative and sounds serious. More details after the date... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 This is true...and if I did have a response (like 'oh, living together or marriage is my goal, so, we want different things'), I would have definitely told him...but I didn't. However, if I realise at some point that I do want an exclusive relationship with him, I'll definitely tell him..I'm not the type to hold my tongue..lol. But, for now, what we've been doing (getting to know each other) is all I want. Sounds good. He might want an exclusive relationship just to live in separate places and not get married. If he had said he was only looking for a casual relationship that would be different since it sounds like you want to meet someone who would be open to an exclusive relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 My luck must have changed because the date with Andy was really good. He looked better than his pics (I've noticed that happens often with men, they're not usually photogenic!), very fit for his age and he had a very sweet smile. A very open guy, very talkative, with a good, solid sense of humour and very good manners, too. He told me he's been married twice. His first wife cheated on him when their daughter was just 9 months old..today she's still married to that guy she had cheated on him with. His second marriage (during which he had his second daughter) ended after 19 years not for any specific reason, they just grew apart but they're still on friendly terms. He also had a very serious relationship that lasted for 2.5 years and they were planning on living together when the woman (who, coincidentally, has the same name as myself) was killed in a car accident (she was driving) a year ago. I asked him if he's over what happened. He replied that he doesn't think he'll ever be totally over it but that life has to go on. From what he said, those 3 were the most serious relationships he's had. He said he likes having a partner, not just someone to sleep with..that he feels lonely...his older daughter is married and the younger one lives with his ex wife...he's an only child and only his mum is alive and lives close to him but mostly he spends time at the gym or at home, reading. He also likes animals and used to have dogs for many years. The only thing I didn't like about him was that he used to go hunting..thank God, he's stopped doing that! He paid me many compliments, he said he's 'thrilled' to having met me (I'm the first woman he meets from an online site), that I look much younger than my age and much younger than him (I honestly told him that's not true as I think he looks around 50 himself), that not only am I beautiful but also very friendly and that he felt comfortable with me instantly. He asked if I want to see him again, I said I do and he asked if I'm free Wednesday...I said I am and he said he'll call me. Before anyone asks why didn't we make a date on the spot...I could have but I wanted to leave a small window open just in case Anhel calls. Then he asked if he can call me tonight, I said sorry but I go to bed early as I'm getting up early for school tomorrow and he said he'll call me tomorrow. Overall, I enjoyed the date and I liked him. He's not as interesting as Anhel (he travels a lot, too, but he didn't say much about his trips, our conversation was more about relationships, feelings, that sort of thing) but I felt very comfortable with him from the first moment. I'm going to avoid the site for a few days as I'm meeting Bill tomorrow (who also seems like an interesting prospect) and I feel I'm getting a bit confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 Andy just messaged me. You're so sweet and I'm very excited that I got to meet you. I replied that he's sweet, too and good night..and he wrote back good night, I'll be thinking about you.. Hmmmm I hope he won't turn out to be like that guy who wanted me to delete my profile on our 3rd date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Maybe I make decisions too prematurely - but after 3 dates, I generally know if I want to keep seeing a guy and putting the others on hold or not...... then again, I think my mistakes in dating have been not gathering enough information in the first place before jumping in...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Maybe I make decisions too prematurely - but after 3 dates, I generally know if I want to keep seeing a guy and putting the others on hold or not...... then again, I think my mistakes in dating have been not gathering enough information in the first place before jumping in...... Well, the thing with Anhel is that our 'relationship' (wrong word but it's early in the morning here and can't think of a better one...lol) is progressing very slowly..I mean, the 2nd and the 3rd date were 10 days apart and, in those 10 days, there wasn't any communication between us. Now, it's been 3 days since the 3rd date and, again, we haven't talked or texted or anything since then. That makes it hard for me to understand how I feel and, also, hard to understand how he feels. So, I can't really say 'I'll put others on hold' when I don't know what I want and what he wants or even if I'll ever hear from him again. All I know is that I'd like to see him again...but if this is his general style in dating (calling and arranging a date and then 'disappearing' for a week or so before the next date), I'll never be able to connect enough with him to stop dating others...I'm the sort of person that needs to communicate often with the guy I'm dating (when we're talking exclusively, that is)...not as in long phonecalls every day and stuff..but, at least, a phonecall/text every couple of days...I will still date an interesting guy whose communication style is different to mine...but I won't want to be exclusive with that guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 i see what you mean - it's not like you've been talking everyday for the past 2 weeks and have had 3 dates in this time and have some rapport going. I understand. I hope now that he is back from the trip that you'll hear from him more often! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Andy messaged me this morning....good morning beautiful girl with a kissing emote...I replied..good morning, I'm at school. Then, when I came home I texted Bill to ask if we're on for tonight...he hasn't replied yet. Edited to add: I just saw that Bill visited my profile about half an hour ago..around the time I texted him...I imagine to look at me again and decide if I'm 'worthy' of his time...well, unless he texts/calls back before 2pm, there won't be a date tonight at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 I guess Bill decided he wants to meet me after all and texted back that we're meeting as planned...and we exchanged a few messages, too. I said ok, 9pm it is and he said 'ok 9pm we meet, 10pm walk on the beach' (this was a joke referring to our chat yesterday - he had said I seem to be very organised as a person and teased me a bit about not being impulsive). I replied 'sure...in your dreams' and he said 'damn, you're not too romantic, are you? haha' and I said 'not much but I am pretty, smart and funny I don't know if we click in person but I'm sure I'll laugh, at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Maybe I make decisions too prematurely - but after 3 dates, I generally know if I want to keep seeing a guy and putting the others on hold or not...... then again, I think my mistakes in dating have been not gathering enough information in the first place before jumping in...... Yes but what if you've only met the guy 3 times total (I know, I harp on the "first meet" not being a date -but in reality, he asked her out on 2 dates and the second time he asked her out he's discussing hypothetical post-sleepover breakfast - maybe a bit fast - and then not calling for a week - maybe a mite inconsistent?) - and you've already learned that he's not looking for a serious commitment. Does that change things as far as putting others on hold? I don't see red flags from MM's perspective (from mine the confessional he shared would have been a dealbreaker but again different strokes) - just, on the other hand, no reason for her to close off other options in any way especially since she might meet someone who will make her laugh -never ever pass that up!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Andy sounds like a good prospect - but I think I might be a bit put off with pet names so quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Miss M, I had my very own "Anhel" (although I don't think mine was as interesting as yours ) and ultimately I had to cut him loose bc his inconsistency in keeping touch drove me mad. I never could figure out where we stood and that made me feel really anxious. I realized consistency is more important to *me* than anything else he could offer. Maybe you'll be able to deal with Anhel's long bouts of silence as long as you find dates with him enjoyable? But considering what he said about not wanting a serious relationship, I kind of wonder if he is after a "casual friend" who's also open to being a fwb and a fun "event buddy" to do stuff with ... ? Do you think you'd be ok with that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Andy sounds like a good prospect - but I think I might be a bit put off with pet names so quickly. Miss M, didn't you meet someone like this before? Someone who doted on you a LOT from the beginning before he turned needy and passive aggressive? Fingers crossed for you and Andy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 considering what he said about not wanting a serious relationship, I kind of wonder if he is after a "casual friend" who's also open to being a fwb and a fun "event buddy" to do stuff with ... ? Do you think you'd be ok with that? I would be ok with being a casual friend/event buddy but not a fwb...I've done it before and realised it's not for me. Miss M, didn't you meet someone like this before? Someone who doted on you a LOT from the beginning before he turned needy and passive aggressive? Yes and (because I'm into astrology) that guy was a Pisces..and Andy is a Pisces, too...and so is Anhel..lol...seems like they're all after me Anyway, Andy called in the afternoon, asked about my day, told me a bit about his (in a normal way, no pet names, etc) and asked if we're on for tomorrow. I said yes but I said I'll call him after work to agree on a time/place...yeah, still hoping Anhel might call until then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Even if you guys end up being "event buddies," I guess with Anhel, you'll at least do some fun things you aren't typically able to do ? Do you think if this happens, you'll keep a tiniest bit of hope that he'll turn around and want to date seriously? I know you said it's too early to tell, but do you see him as a genuine relationship material? Or, Will you be ok with seeing him randomly once , say every month or so? With my "Anhel," I got frustrated bc there were long intervals b/t the "dates" and everything seem to center around him; for instance, he'd always say after each date, "I'll give you a call about when we can meet next." Or "I'll give you a call a few days later ..." I don't know why but that kind of felt like he was saying to me, I'll call you, no need to call me first. I felt like I was put in a passive position as to how our "relationship" (for lack of a better term) would develop. And ultimately I was not ok with being a event buddy ... Sorry I'm reading myself so much into your situation ! Just your descriptions of your exchange with Anhel really took me back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Even if you guys end up being "event buddies," I guess with Anhel, you'll at least do some fun things you aren't typically able to do ? Well, he is very interesting and different to everyone else I know and that is a main reason why I'd like to keep seeing him. Do you think if this happens, you'll keep a tiniest bit of hope that he'll turn around and want to date seriously? No, because I'm not even sure myself I want to date him seriously, I have no idea at this point. I know you said it's too early to tell, but do you see him as a genuine relationship material? Or, Will you be ok with seeing him randomly once , say every month or so? I think he could be relationship material, yes. At least, from what I've seen from him so far...but, I'd also be ok seeing him randomly as long as he doesn't expect anything more from me (physically or emotionally). Basically, for me, it could work either way with him...it's just too soon to tell. On other news, I met Bill tonight. The date wasn't as interesting as I expected but not bad, either. He is fatter than his pics (his belly is quite big..lol) but he has a sweet face and he's a charming person to be around. I did laugh a lot with him and I can't say I got bored. Our conversation was mostly about our online experiences. He told me I'm the second normal person he meets (out of 10 or so) and he asked me a lot of things, like what I want from a relationship etc. Apparently, we want the same things...to get to know someone, not to rush into sex and build something slowly. We also seem to like some of the same things..he loves chess and animals and reading and detective stories and all that. Then he asked if I'd like to see him again and I said I had a good time so, yes, I would and he said he'll call me. A nice date, overall but if I had to 'rank' men at this point, it would be 1. Anhel 2. Andy 3. Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 I called Andy but he didn't pick up, so, I left a voicemail. He called a few mins later, he told me I brought him luck (he has a store he wants to sell and a potential buyer appeared today) and what time are we meeting tonight...and we made a date for 8pm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Good Luck! Sounds like you have lots of potential suitors! I would be glad if i had one HALF-AZZED potential suitor....lol. I get on Pof...and they are all the same OLD ugly, loser guys that have been there as long as i have been looking! lol Wonder what that make me....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 My second date with Andy was nice..however...unfortunately, this time he sat next to me and I realised his breath smells..and that's something I hate. Thank God he didn't try to kiss me! He was a gentleman again, he told me he likes me very much, that he's very excited that we've met..and I said thank you. The conversation was a bit boring for me...he was telling me about some works he does in his house and stuff..in detail...but I managed to change the conversation to holidays and it became a bit more interesting. Then, his (younger) daughter called and asked if he could take her somewhere tomorrow evening..he said ok and then he told me that he had planned to ask me to meet tomorrow again but his daughter lives about an hour away and it would have to be very late. I said it's ok and that I prefer when there are a few days between dates...the truth is that I was wondering if I do want to see him again or not. He drove me home afterwards and said he'll call me tomorrow. I'm still not sure if there's a point in seeing him again...he is such a nice guy and looks good, too..but, on the other hand, he's a bit boring and that breath thing...I just don't know. Bill texted me just before my date with Andy..and it went like this: good afternoon..how are you? did you have a good time last night? hi there...i'm fine..when last night??? on our date! what did you think I meant?? lol..i wasn't sure..yes, i had a good time...did you? very much so...we should do it again soon sure, i'd like that...but sorry, i have to run...have a nice evening This is another one I'm on the fence about. And nothing from Anhel yet... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 blah. i hate bad breath. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 blah. i hate bad breath. Nobody likes it but most people are polite and dont tell them. Which is why they arent even aware of their bad breath. Brushing teeth twice a day usually prevent it really. Or just take gums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Nobody likes it but most people are polite and dont tell them. Which is why they arent even aware of their bad breath. Brushing teeth twice a day usually prevent it really. Or just take gums. Generally this is the case. The only exception is if someone has just eaten something that has onions or garlic or some other spices in it (i.e. at a restaurant) and hasn't had a chance to brush. I know I've been on a dinner date with a guy and eaten something that had a sauce -- or even a salad dressing -- that had something iffy in it that I'm sure gave me not the best breath. I always carry breath mints, though, and I sometimes even carry a small bottle of mouthwash in my purse. But...if his breath smells like that all the time, then...yeah, that wouldn't be good. If you're on the fence about him, it might be worth one more date. Wonder what's happening with Anhel. Bill might be worth giving it another date or two as he sounds decent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 I wonder what's happening with Anhel, too..but, considering that he had 'disappeared' between the 2nd and 3rd date...I don't think anything has happened to him. I believe he may call me tomorrow to arrange something for the weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Andy seems extremely keen, to want to meet so frequently so soon and with flattery/sweet words etc. I'm glad you're slowing him down to a pace you're comfortable with. Just curious if you could tell what kind of bad breath it is, i.e. is it like food related aka temporary, or more seem like bad hygiene or like stomach issues / other. My ex used to complain about my "bad breath" if I don't eat anything in the morning (from acid reflux) but he had a super sensitive smell / taste sensory, no other bf's (including Z) had ever had any complaints about my breath. But people with stomach issues (like acid reflux) can often have bad breath depending on the severity of the issue and it can definitely be controlled. I think maybe 1 more date is warranted for a final decision on Andy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I wonder what's happening with Anhel, too..but, considering that he had 'disappeared' between the 2nd and 3rd date...I don't think anything has happened to him. I believe he may call me tomorrow to arrange something for the weekend. I'm not liking the 'disappearance' between dates. It's not like he doesn't have a phone / email and can't keep in touch if he wanted to. Maybe he's on the fence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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