missmarple Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 I don't see why I should spend my one free morning meeting someone from a dating site when next week, for example, all my afternoons/evenings are free (for now, at least). Sure, if it was someone I absolutely couldn't meet within a reasonable time frame (because, for example, I would be busy all next week or he would be busy), I would 'get out of my comfort zone' but this isn't the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 That's up to you - I thought that was basically the only time he could meet - I didn't understand. Just was reminded how you said that Jim (the divorcee with kids) would only have been spending an hour or so of his limited free time to meet you (rather than confirming first by phone whether his situation was temporary or permanent) so I figured if you thought about free time in that way it wouldn't take you an entire morning - just an hour or so like you wrote about Jim. My morning is about 5.5 hours so one hour would only be a small percentage. I agree that time to get things done is precious and now I see that you feel that way - wasn't clear when you wrote about the Jim situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 That's up to you - I thought that was basically the only time he could meet - I didn't understand. Just was reminded how you said that Jim (the divorcee with kids) would only have been spending an hour or so of his limited free time to meet you (rather than confirming first by phone whether his situation was temporary or permanent) so I figured if you thought about free time in that way it wouldn't take you an entire morning - just an hour or so like you wrote about Jim. My morning is about 5.5 hours so one hour would only be a small percentage. I agree that time to get things done is precious and now I see that you feel that way - wasn't clear when you wrote about the Jim situation. The difference with the Jim situation was that he had told me he had nothing to do that morning..whereas I did have things to do today...and, actually, I haven't finished...it's exam time at school and I've still got over 50 papers to grade..which I'll have to do tomorrow morning if I can (not always easy when I'm with mum). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 I got an unexpected email on the site. It was George, the guy who had deleted me out of the blue when we had agreed we'd meet etc. This was about a week ago and I had emailed asking what happened...and he answered today. I'm sorry I took you off my list but, at this stage, I don't want a relationship...just a steady sexual partner..so, we're looking for different things. I replied thanking him for replying to me and wishing him good luck. At least, now I know it wasn't something I had said...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 At least he was honest lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 The difference with the Jim situation was that he had told me he had nothing to do that morning..whereas I did have things to do today...and, actually, I haven't finished...it's exam time at school and I've still got over 50 papers to grade..which I'll have to do tomorrow morning if I can (not always easy when I'm with mum). That wasn't how I remembered it since he had 3 kids to take care of in the afternoon but if I misremembered I am sorry. I see your point! As far as George ....okkkkkkk. Too funny and too honest! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 (Long post ahead) The 3rd date with Anhel was interesting, enlightening and fun. First of all, I happened to meet a friend of mine just outside the cafe where he and I were supposed to meet. Anhel was waiting behind a tree and I hadn't seen him but she recognised him from my descriptions and she told me there's no way he's only 55. Now, she's the one I've mentioned before..she's 55, hides about 10 yrs from her age and always goes for younger guys..her comment didn't affect me in the least, it just annoyed me a bit to see, once more, how shallow she is. Anyway, moving on. So, we sat at the cafe (lovely cafe by the sea) and spent the next 2 hours talking. This time he was a bit more comfortable with me..he sat next to me and touched me from time to time..my hand, my shoulder, my hair, that sort of thing..which felt pleasant and not intrusive at all. The conversation was about general stuff but, as always, very, very interesting. Then, he asked if I'd like to go have dinner, I said I would and he suggested a place in his neighbourhood (about 20 mins away) where I might get to meet some of his friends, too. I was fine with it so off we went. We got into his car (a cabrio), he had the top off, the wind was blowing, it was a great experiene for me as I'd never been in a cabrio before (it's quite rare over here as they're very expensive cars)...and then, as we were talking, I mentioned I love old houses and he asked if I'd like to get a drink at his house before we go to the restaurant..he said his house is about 80 yrs old and he thought I'd love it. I thought about it and said yes...my instinct told me I'd be safe and I was very curious to see the house. So, we arrive at the house. It's a 2 floor house, surrounded by a garden and it looks like it's from a different century. VERY atmospheric and for those who like Agatha Christie, it was like it had jumped out of a page from her books! A big library with many foreign books, chessboard next to it, an antique desk, fireplace, everything was old and like it came from a different era..basically, I fell in love with the house..lol Then, he made me a cocktail, a light one as I had told him I don't really drink, that was delicious and he showed me around the house..it has about 10 rooms, including a gym but it's not anything luxurious...if it was, I wouldn't have been impressed. It was at the same time warm and mysterious...hard to describe! I saw his bedroom, too, he has a huge antique bed and his bathroom which is the size of my bedroom (lol)...and with pictures of his kids everywhere. I also saw a picture of his late sister, she died 4 yrs ago and of his late parents...again, people from a different era. If I could have taken pics, I would have! Then, he showed me a collection of things he's brought from his trips and told me the story of a couple of them and his electric guitar and the view from his balconies and..half an hour went by just like that. He did try to kiss me a couple of times but I declined and he didn't push the issue. Finally, I told him we had to go or we'd be having dinner at midnight (lol) but, first, I told him we have to play chess together some time..his chessboard was one more thing I fell in love with..I love chess. So, we went to the restaurant..a very warm and cosy little place...none of his friends was there and we spent 1 more hour together. It turned out that he doesn't eat in the evenings and he just had a few bites..and I had the rest..lol...I'm still feeling full! He paid once more but I made him promise that next time we meet, it will be my treat and he reluctantly agreed. During dinner, we talked about relationships and he told me that he can't see himself in a serious relationship which, obviously, took me by surprise and I asked him what exactly he meant. He said he can't see himself marrying or living with someone again...which is fine by me as it's not what I'm after. I could have continued that discussion but, since I'm not sure myself what, if anything, I want from him, I changed the subject. When I said it's time to go, he said he didn't know how 5 hrs had gone by, that I'm great company and not 'just another pretty face' and that he hopes some time we could stay together for longer and 'maybe, if some day, in the future, you sleep over at my house, you'll get to taste my great breakfast'..he wouldn't say what the breakfast included but he said I'd love it. When he left me outside my house, I kissed him goodnight (well, a light kiss on the lips) and he tried to make the kiss 'deeper' but, again, I pulled away..not because I didn't want to kiss him but I could see my neighbour on her balcony, watching us..lol. We said our goodnights and that was that. So, today, everything from last night is going through my mind and I don't know what to make of it all. I'm obviously impressed by him..his life, his trips, his manners, his house, his car, his love for his family and his books and his house (he had been asked to sell it for a very big sum of money but declined) and everything. I'm also attracted to him...what I'm not sure about is whether I'm attracted to the man or to all the things he has going for him..but, I guess, after just 3 dates, maybe it's too soon to tell? And, now, I'm really curious to read some opinions about all this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 Just got off the phone with Bill (46, tall, dark and single). I certainly laughed a lot with him..he's very witty and funny. The phonecall lasted for about half an hour...more than I usually talk on the phone but he wouldn't let me hang up..he kept talking...mostly he was teasing me about stuff (like the fact that it's noisy where I live and I couldn't hear him well..lol). Anyway, he asked when we can meet (again) and this time, we agreed on Tuesday at 9pm..which is late for me but it's the only time he can as he works up until 7 every day. He told me it's the first time it takes so long to plan a date, that he usually just says ok, let's meet on so and so day and then he calls on the day of the date to agree on a time. I told him that I'm a planner and I want to know my schedule in advance..he moaned a little but, in any case, the date is set. Then he asked if we can talk again until Tuesday, I said he can call me whenever he wants and I'll talk if I'm free. I think it will be a fun date, at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 I just talked with my friend (the one I mentioned above) and I was THIS close to tell her to ##%^& off. She asked how my evening with Anhel was and then she started making all sorts of comments, all negative..every single one. Some of her comments: - He looks much older and not athletic at all..are you sure he exercises? - You wouldn't look good together - He's only interested in sex. - (when I told her he paid me some compliments) 'I don't care for compliments because I've been complimented by sooo many men' (as if I'm ugly and I haven't) - He must be boring (even after I'd told her many times how interesting he is!) - (when I told her that he said I should meet his friends) 'be careful, maybe he wants an orgy' (!) = (when I told her he's very polite, opening doors, etc) 'pffft those things don't matter'. So, according to her, he's good for nothing and I'm wasting my time. Frankly, I don't know if she's jealous or so shallow that writes someone off just because he's not tall, young and super-fit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 The date with angel sounds like it was great. I would have let the neighbors watch a real kiss though!! Your friend is very special, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Well given your friend didn't even interact with him and is a liar herself, I would totally ignore her comments. Seriously, an orgy?? Who come up with that kind of response lol... As for the actual date, it sounded like it went well. Except the fact that I DO think he's after something casual as he invited you to his place so soon, tried to keep you there for a long time and tried to kiss you. And in addition told you at dinner he wasn't looking for a serious relationship. Also his comments about sleepovers strongly suggests what he is most interested in. I'm surprised that you are not looking to get married or live with someone, maybe I missed some previous post but you are looking for a serious relationship, no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 I'm surprised that you are not looking to get married or live with someone, maybe I missed some previous post but you are looking for a serious relationship, no? A serious relationship = monogamous but not necessarily including marriage/living together. I'm not totally opposed to any of those things, they're just not what I'm after. As for Anhel, I guess we'll see what he's really after soon enough. If, for example, he doesn't contact me again...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 A serious relationship = monogamous but not necessarily including marriage/living together. I'm not totally opposed to any of those things, they're just not what I'm after. As for Anhel, I guess we'll see what he's really after soon enough. If, for example, he doesn't contact me again...lol So maybe you'd want to clarify with him that he wants a serious monogamous relationship without living together / marriage? I wouldn't say if he keeps asking you out would mean he's not after something casual. Two of the guys I met online just wanted casual relationships (not a quick one night stand) and continued to ask me out several times without sex. One of them invited me back to his place numerous times (including using excuses) and tried to kiss me / escalate things with no success. I ended things after 6 dates otherwise he would've asked me out more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 So maybe you'd want to clarify with him that he wants a serious monogamous relationship without living together / marriage? I could do that but I've been having a great time with him and I'm not sure about what I want from him. I don't have conversations when I'm not sure I can reply to the questions I ask..I mean, what if he told me, yes I want a serious monogamous relationship with you, what do you want? I'd just look at him like a deer caught in the headlights..lol He does know I want a serious relationship, in general, I've already told him that...but, until I figure out what it is I want from him, I don't want to have that conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I think you should clarify his general goals once you are sure you are not looking for simply a fling with him and you can do that without making it seem like you want something serious but that is up to you. He sounds like an interesting person and I think perhaps he doesn't want to marry/live together again because this way he can have sex with other women or at least keep the option open without having to cheat as he told you he did in his marriage. That would mean he's being honest with himself about what type of relationship suits him. Whether it suits you is another story! I thought this was the second time you met him not the third - sounds like each time gets more intriguing! Love the description of his house too (love agatha christie and chess). I think his invitation about going to his house and the sexual references about sleeping over are fine if you are on the same pace/wavelength. I'm glad he didn't pressure you to hook up more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I don't think inviting you to his place on the 3rd date was too soon - i mean, you're both adults. I don't think it necessarily means all he wants is sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 I do tend to clarify his goals when I'm sure about myself..or if I ever feel he pushes for something more. So far, he has hardly touched me..even his attempts to kiss me when we were in his house were very 'timid'. I believe I'll know more after the 4th date (if there is one, of course). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I don't think all he wants is sex but it does mean he is focused on hooking up/getting physical at this point. If you are not sure whether you just want to date casually or not then of course I wouldn't say anything. Hope he calls soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 New guy. Andy is 55, manager at a company, divorced for 10 yrs with 2 grown up kids, 5'9, grey hair/brown eyes and very polite..at least online. We talked for a while today and he's going to call me tomorrow afternoon. I don't know much about him because he messaged me just as I was about to leave...so, more about him tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 So maybe you'd want to clarify with him that he wants a serious monogamous relationship without living together / marriage? Jeez, can't two people have some fun on a 3rd or 4th date without jumping to discussing plans for the future? The date sounded like it went great, ANHEL seems like an ok dude (so far), and Miss M kept her boundaries. Miss M - I say keep seeing ANHEL and worry about "the future" later. And please lose that Negative Nancy or at least sign her up for an orgy herself - she sounds like she hasn't been laid in about a century. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 And please lose that Negative Nancy or at least sign her up for an orgy herself - she sounds like she hasn't been laid in about a century. HAHA, I think last time was about 6 yrs ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 HAHA, I think last time was about 6 yrs ago. Now there's a shocker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Jeez, can't two people have some fun on a 3rd or 4th date without jumping to discussing plans for the future? The date sounded like it went great, ANHEL seems like an ok dude (so far), and Miss M kept her boundaries. Miss M - I say keep seeing ANHEL and worry about "the future" later. And please lose that Negative Nancy or at least sign her up for an orgy herself - she sounds like she hasn't been laid in about a century. He already brought it up though - he told her his future plans are not going to include marriage or living together so if she has a response, it's fair game (and if she doesn't, that's cool too!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 He already brought it up though - he told her his future plans are not going to include marriage or living together so if she has a response, it's fair game (and if she doesn't, that's cool too!). This is true...and if I did have a response (like 'oh, living together or marriage is my goal, so, we want different things'), I would have definitely told him...but I didn't. However, if I realise at some point that I do want an exclusive relationship with him, I'll definitely tell him..I'm not the type to hold my tongue..lol. But, for now, what we've been doing (getting to know each other) is all I want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 This is true...and if I did have a response (like 'oh, living together or marriage is my goal, so, we want different things'), I would have definitely told him...but I didn't. However, if I realise at some point that I do want an exclusive relationship with him, I'll definitely tell him..I'm not the type to hold my tongue..lol. But, for now, what we've been doing (getting to know each other) is all I want. Perfect enjoy the ride MM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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