missmarple Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Sweetheart?? Yep. That's one more reason not to call him...like ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Haha "yes, sweetheart" sounds so condescending. Maybe it's just because it's in text though? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Haha "yes, sweetheart" sounds so condescending. Maybe it's just because it's in text though? Even in text this is someone who doesn't even know me...and he wants me to call him before 7am, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I would text something back like "did you mean to text your girlfriend?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Well, I didn't call him and I had 3 missed calls by him when I got home. It doesn't matter..I'm totally off him, even before I talk to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Anhel called and cancelled tomorrow's date. He said he has to travel for business tomorrow morning (to a town about 5 hrs away) and he'll be back on Friday...that he feels awful he has to postpone our date and can we meet at the weekend. I have a wedding to go to on Saturday, so, we agreed on Sunday. He'll call me Sunday morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 My strong suggestion - have a time/place confirmed before Sunday -today if possible -and then the call will be just to re-confirm or to call if there is a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 My strong suggestion - have a time/place confirmed before Sunday -today if possible -and then the call will be just to re-confirm or to call if there is a problem. He didn't suggest a particular time/place and I didn't think about it either...plus, it's 5 days until Sunday, lots of things could change since then. I don't think in this case it would make a difference if we had a time/place confirmed. He'll either still want to meet or he won't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 We agreed on Sunday. He'll call me Sunday morning. Ok I'm with Batya here. This scenario is a recipe for a date that will evaporate before the weekend. If I were in ANHEL's shoes, I would have told you I'd have some ideas soon, then send you some options in the next 24 hours. Once you responded with your choice, I'd nail down the exact time within another 24 hours. Bam, done. On the other hand if I were in Miss M's shoes, I'd have done the SAME DAMN THING, assuming ANHEL didn't make that kind of offer before he hung up the phone. Now I realize that men are supposed to take the initiative, but with all the flakes that Miss M has dealt with, in her shoes I wouldn't care anymore about gender roles. I'd make sure to get these dudes to COMMIT to a date & time while I still have their ear. Unfortunately, as it is now, ANHEL can keep Miss M hanging for 6 days, at which point he may call on Sunday morning just to cancel. In the meantime, all Miss M can do is cross her fingers that he's an awesome guy like me who will get in touch sooner than later and PLAN something in advance so both people are on the same page and have a date to look forward to. Somehow though, I don't see that happening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Although I see your point, ND, experience has taught me that if someone is going to flake, they're going to flake period. It won't matter if we have a time/place set. So what if I had said ok, Sunday, 8pm at so and so place? If he's going to be a flake, he won't even come to the date or he'll call and cancel. I'd still be hanging for 6 days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 So what if I had said ok, Sunday, 8pm at so and so place? If he agreed on the spot, IMO he'd be much more likely to keep the appointment, not only because he'd look like a jerk if he stands you up, but BECAUSE HE AGREED TO THE PLAN IN THE FIRST PLACE, which flakes are much less likely to do at all. Flakes THRIVE on vagueness because it absolves them of any responsibility. So one of the best ways to identify a flake is to present a firm plan ASAP and see how the person reacts. "Let's do it!" = Very likely a person who will honor the date vs. "Let's play it by ear", "I'll get back to you", "I'll call you that morning" or any other non-committal response = Amber Flake Alert Status Granted, anyone can flake at any time; there's no guarantees no matter what you do. But in this case you didn't give yourself the opportunity to do the above kind of "pre-check" on ANHEL (aside from your first date); you let him keep things vague and noncommittal, which puts you at a disadvantage and gives him more leeway to flake, guilt-free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 The sweetheart comment didn't bother me at all, thats where I guess I find that Im a bit more lenient. So what if he called you sweetheart. That means you automatically don't want to meet him for a date? If you can't call him that early, you just say, sorry I really can't call you that early in the AM cause I have lots to do to get ready for work. It would be great if you could call me at this time. (state a time that works for you) Just don't see why that was so bad. JMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 The sweetheart comment didn't bother me at all, thats where I guess I find that Im a bit more lenient. So what if he called you sweetheart. That means you automatically don't want to meet him for a date? If you can't call him that early, you just say, sorry I really can't call you that early in the AM cause I have lots to do to get ready for work. It would be great if you could call me at this time. (state a time that works for you) Just don't see why that was so bad. JMO Context is important. The "sweetheart" comment was only Strike 2. STRIKE 1: Asked Miss M to call HIM (and at an inconvenient time) instead of the other way around. STRIKE 2: Using "Sweetheart" when he's never met the woman. STRIKE 3: Calling 3 times in one day when he's never met the woman. All of which point to this guy being an entitled chauvinist who expects a woman to jump to his whim, and will act irrationally when he doesn't get his way. That's not a good prospect, that's a bullet dodged. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 If he agreed on the spot, IMO he'd be much more likely to keep the appointment. Not really. I wish it was like that. But I remember a few incidents when: 1. Had time/place set and guy called and cancelled 3 hrs before the date and disappeared for 8 months. 2. Had time/place set and guy called and cancelled 1 hr before the date because he 'realised we didn't have much in common'. 3. Had time/place set, I went to the meeting point and he never showed up. Etc, etc. On the other hand, I've had incidents when there was no time/place set and the date went ahead fine. Also, with Anhel, I haven't felt unsure at any point so far, so, I didn't feel like he was being vague on purpose...and, in contrast to what Batya thinks, I do NOT see men as 'guilty until proven innocent' ...so far, he's been reliable...hopefully, he'll continue down that path and, if not, oh well. PS. We did agree we'll meet on Sunday. The phonecall is going to be only for time/place, not to confirm that we're meeting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 The sweetheart comment didn't bother me at all, thats where I guess I find that Im a bit more lenient. So what if he called you sweetheart. That means you automatically don't want to meet him for a date? If you can't call him that early, you just say, sorry I really can't call you that early in the AM cause I have lots to do to get ready for work. It would be great if you could call me at this time. (state a time that works for you) Just don't see why that was so bad. JMO If someone at his age can't figure out how RUDE it is to ask a stranger to call him before 7am in the morning, it's not for me to tell him different. The sweetheart comment was just the icing on the cake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 I agree with ND but have a more practical reason -if you have a time/place and only need to confirm in case of emergency then the whole "my phone died" and the hundred other things that can go wrong when planning last minute won't happen -you show up at that place at that time - and sure with all those days in between you plan to re-confirm but that can just be trading a voicemail or a quick text. Given that he's already canceled once (albeit for work) I don't want to see you trying to hunt him down Sunday because you don't have a time or place and then have your mind start coming up with negative scenarios -why have to have your phone on all day when you could just trade that text or voicemail to reconfirm? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 I agree with ND but have a more practical reason -if you have a time/place and only need to confirm in case of emergency then the whole "my phone died" and the hundred other things that can go wrong when planning last minute won't happen -you show up at that place at that time - and sure with all those days in between you plan to re-confirm but that can just be trading a voicemail or a quick text. Given that he's already canceled once (albeit for work) I don't want to see you trying to hunt him down Sunday because you don't have a time or place and then have your mind start coming up with negative scenarios -why have to have your phone on all day when you could just trade that text or voicemail to reconfirm? Practicality does make sense to me...but it's too late now. It just didn't occur to me at the time to suggest a time and a place as it seemed so far away. We also didn't have a specific plan for today, so, I guess, I went with the flow.In any case, I plan on calling him Sunday noon myself if he hasn't called by then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Anhel called me and said the trip has been moved to next week, so, he's free tonight if I am. He suggested to meet later for drinks or dinner but I explained that I'm getting up super early tomorrow (exams), so, it would be have to be earlier for coffee. Finally, we agreed on 7pm. There's something about all this that I don't like but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 The cynical side of me says he had a date scheduled with another woman he may be more interested in and that got moved, so he's moved you up the list. Work trip getting moved last minute? That sounds suss but I don't know enough about his work to make that judgement. Do you think it makes sense with what you understand about his job? In any case I wouldn't judge the guy too much at this stage. After only one date, I wouldn't take it too personally if he did choose to go on a date with someone else before you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 I would give him the benefit of the doubt but I don't feel strongly about that if it makes sense. I don't think it was a work trip but at least if you see him for a second date you will have more information (i.e. if he actually goes on the trip next week). On the positive side he obviously wanted to see you as soon as possible. As far as making specific plans days in advance I think it's the best way to go with someone you've only met once and you have no mutual friends/context. Then you will learn more about the person and their reliability. Of course there are many legitimate reasons why someone cannot plan in advance with time/place but if he says "let's just go with the flow and see how we're feeling that day" and then on that day is still flaky about the time, now you know more relevant info than if you had just not talked about specific time (if not specific place). Of course if you don't mind on that particular day whether you meet at 7pm or 9pm or 5 and you don't mind not knowing that until noon that day (meaning you could have made another plan ending at the right time) then sure no need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 The cynical side of me says he had a date scheduled with another woman he may be more interested in and that got moved, so he's moved you up the list. Work trip getting moved last minute? That sounds suss but I don't know enough about his work to make that judgement. Do you think it makes sense with what you understand about his job? In any case I wouldn't judge the guy too much at this stage. After only one date, I wouldn't take it too personally if he did choose to go on a date with someone else before you. Well, regarding his job, what I know is that he's a business consultant, a job I don't know many things about. He told me he 'consults' (can't come up with a better word right now...lol) some well-known companies (I knew most of them) which he promotes both here and abroad and that's why he has to make many trips..which is a fact as I've seen too many pics (that, at least, he travels a lot). Exactly because I don't know much about that kind of work, I don't know how often trips get moved - especially since, in my line of work (teacher) everything is always pre-planned and we can never move anything..lol I guess he might have some other date planned which got moved but, on the other hand, he had said he'd be back on Friday, so, it doesn't make much sense...I mean he could have just said he'd be busy tonight and ask to meet tomorrow or Thursday..etc, etc. I'm not judging him at all and I haven't given this much thought..I just find cancelling and rescheduling the next day a bit odd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Of course if you don't mind on that particular day whether you meet at 7pm or 9pm or 5 and you don't mind not knowing that until noon that day (meaning you could have made another plan ending at the right time) then sure no need. I do mind if it's a weekday but Sundays are more relaxed..and especially this Sunday as I'm off work on Monday. So, I would be fine with any time, basically..as long as it wasn't at the last minute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Even if he did have another date scheduled and it got canceled, so what? This is a meet and greet. It's not like you guys are dating or exclusive. At least he's trying to make the meet up happen and is keeping you informed. I don't view canceled previous meet ups and 'moving you up the list' as a bad thing when it's so early on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Even if he did have another date scheduled and it got canceled, so what? This is a meet and greet. It's not like you guys are dating or exclusive. At least he's trying to make the meet up happen and is keeping you informed. I don't view canceled previous meet ups and 'moving you up the list' as a bad thing when it's so early on. From what I understand they met and this is a real first date that he asked her out on days in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Even if he did have another date scheduled and it got canceled, so what? This is a meet and greet. It's not a meet and greet...we did that last week. This is going to be an actual first date. In any case, I have no idea of knowing whether what he said happened did happen or not, so, I'm not really thinking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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