missmarple Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Yes, he knows I'm a fan, I explained and he understood. He'll watch it himself, too. I know that when it's very early, someone could meet someone else but, even though I did like the date and him and want to see him again, I wasn't that smitten to not watch an event that's only once a year because of him. After all, he could have suggested meeting today and I did suggest Sunday and Monday. I guess if something is meant to happen, it will happen...if not, oh well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Yes, he knows I'm a fan, I explained and he understood. He'll watch it himself, too. I know that when it's very early, someone could meet someone else but, even though I did like the date and him and want to see him again, I wasn't that smitten to not watch an event that's only once a year because of him. After all, he could have suggested meeting today and I did suggest Sunday and Monday. I guess if something is meant to happen, it will happen...if not, oh well Yes, we differ a bit on the fate part. I completely agree that you gave him other options! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 MM. . I do notice a pattern with you that you do make it a challenge for a man to schedule something with you. This has been an ongoing pattern. I hope I don't sound being critical. . I admire your strength and the way you have been setting limits. If this works for you, then who am I to question it? I did however want to point out for an outsider looking in that you do make it a tad hard for men to meet you, overall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 MM. . I do notice a pattern with you that you do make it a challenge for a man to schedule something with you. This has been an ongoing pattern. I hope I don't sound being critical. . I admire your strength and the way you have been setting limits. If this works for you, then who am I to question it? I did however want to point out for an outsider looking in that you do make it a tad hard for men to meet you, overall. Very well put. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 MM. . I do notice a pattern with you that you do make it a challenge for a man to schedule something with you. This has been an ongoing pattern. I hope I don't sound being critical. . I admire your strength and the way you have been setting limits. If this works for you, then who am I to question it? I did however want to point out for an outsider looking in that you do make it a tad hard for men to meet you, overall. How do I make it a challenge??? We met on Monday. I was busy Thursday/Saturday..because of things that only happen once a year and on Friday I've had plans that couldn't be changed (it's an outing with work colleagues scheduled months ago). I don't think I make anything a challenge..I just live my life. I can't possibly stop doing things just because I went on one date with someone. He didn't either, after all. The 2 days I suggested, he was the one who couldn't meet...so, by the same token, he's making it a challenge, too..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I'm laughing at the Eurovision finale. Lol. Don't you have DVR? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 How do I make it a challenge??? We met on Monday. I was busy Thursday/Saturday..because of things that only happen once a year and on Friday I've had plans that couldn't be changed (it's an outing with work colleagues scheduled months ago). I don't think I make anything a challenge..I just live my life. I can't possibly stop doing things just because I went on one date with someone. He didn't either, after all. The 2 days I suggested, he was the one who couldn't meet...so, by the same token, he's making it a challenge, too..lol Makes perfect sense! And if it was just this once (or twice) I wouldn't have brought it up. I just know when I am about to read your journal I anticipate that I am going to be reading about the challenge of hammering out a time to meet with you. You are a busy lady and you definitely give them a run for money Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 How do I make it a challenge??? We met on Monday. I was busy Thursday/Saturday..because of things that only happen once a year and on Friday I've had plans that couldn't be changed (it's an outing with work colleagues scheduled months ago). I don't think I make anything a challenge..I just live my life. I can't possibly stop doing things just because I went on one date with someone. He didn't either, after all. The 2 days I suggested, he was the one who couldn't meet...so, by the same token, he's making it a challenge, too..lol Yeah, this sounds totally normal to me. As long as a date is actually being set, then hashing out both people's availability is just part of the process. And like you, experience has shown me that cancelling previous fun plans with someone else is NOT worth the "maybe" of someone you've just met. If they're interested, a few days delay won't matter - even if they're dating other people. Glad this guy seems great so far! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Yeah, this sounds totally normal to me. As long as a date is actually being set, then hashing out both people's availability is just part of the process. And like you, experience has shown me that cancelling previous fun plans with someone else is NOT worth the "maybe" of someone you've just met. If they're interested, a few days delay won't matter - even if they're dating other people. Glad this guy seems great so far! I agree but I too have seen a pattern plus the expectation that the new man knows her nap schedule and other details about when to call, etc. I think there has to be a balance between not giving up plans for a new guy and being as flexible as possible to plan a real first date especially if the guy seems charming as this guy does. ND I am surprised you would post this because you get easily annoyed at women who make it hard to plan a first meet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I think there has to be a balance between not giving up plans for a new guy and being as flexible as possible to plan a real first date especially if the guy seems charming as this guy does. You don't understand. It's EUROVISION!!! ND I am surprised you would post this because you get easily annoyed at women who make it hard to plan a first meet. If a woman is unavailable for the time(s) that I suggest, but immediately counter-offers with equivalent alternate dates as Miss M has done here, that's not "making it hard to plan." It's the extremely delayed or non-responses, unreturned calls, vague promises to make plans or call later, women who are apparently NEVER free when I am and don't even make a token effort to make time, etc. that get me annoyed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 I'm laughing at the Eurovision finale. Lol. Don't you have DVR? OMG...it's Eurovision! We HAVE TO watch it live because we vote, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 You don't understand. It's EUROVISION!!! If a woman is unavailable for the time(s) that I suggest, but immediately counter-offers with equivalent alternate dates as Miss M has done here, that's not "making it hard to plan." It's the extremely delayed or non-responses, unreturned calls, vague promises to make plans or call later, women who are apparently NEVER free when I am and don't even make a token effort to make time, etc. that get me annoyed. I thought she had canceled a date they had made because of Eurovision but I understand your distinction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 I agree but I too have seen a pattern plus the expectation that the new man knows her nap schedule and other details about when to call, etc. I never expect people to know..I always let them know my schedule and yes, I expect them to remember when it's a good time to call. I do the same, so, I don't thing it's unfair to expect the same courtesy back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 deleted ................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 I thought she had canceled a date they had made because of Eurovision but I understand your distinction. We had said he'd call on Thursday IF he was free..it wasn't a planned date. I only told him that it wouldn't work for me because of eurovision and I told him just 1 hour after I got home. We had also talked about Sunday and this time it was he who couldn't make it. The way I see things, I didn't cancel anything and neither did he. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 The problem is most people don't have the level of expectations you do about remembering the details of your schedule and when they have to call or not call especially since you have a cell phone. So there's not a real balance there as far as what you have to remember. You have a cell phone that you choose to shut off so people cannot leave a voice mail. I understand you're trying to make plans to see this guy. In my personal opinion I think you should put in a bit more effort to make a plan ASAP and make sure he knows that if you have to reschedule or cancel it's for an emergency reason only. Batya, let's agree to disagree. I know better than you how clear I am with someone regarding when I can/can't talk on the phone...and men who know how to listen have always respected that...and if they don't, they're not for me period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 We had said he'd call on Thursday IF he was free..it wasn't a planned date. I only told him that it wouldn't work for me because of eurovision and I told him just 1 hour after I got home. We had also talked about Sunday and this time it was he who couldn't make it. The way I see things, I didn't cancel anything and neither did he. OK. I would not have said it was because of Eurovision -I would have told a white lie about having another plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Batya, let's agree to disagree. I know better than you how clear I am with someone regarding when I can/can't talk on the phone...and men who know how to listen have always respected that...and if they don't, they're not for me period. Obviously you're entitled to shrink your dating pool however you see fit And in my opinion that is one reason you're not having as much luck out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 OK. I would not have said it was because of Eurovision -I would have told a white lie about having another plan. That's because you're American..lol. Trust me when I tell you that, over here, Eurovision is something EVERYONE watches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 That's because you're American..lol. Trust me when I tell you that, over here, Eurovision is something EVERYONE watches. well now we all need to know what Eurovision is! Googling it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Obviously you're entitled to shrink your dating pool however you see fit And in my opinion that is one reason you're not having as much luck out there. Well, I wouldn't want to have luck with someone who doesn't listen to what I say. I want someone who pays attention just like I do. But, really, it hasn't happened that many times to warrant a conversation about it. Most guys do listen...and, so far, I don't remember 'losing' a guy I was interested in just because I wasn't able to talk/meet whenever they wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 That's because you're American..lol. Trust me when I tell you that, over here, Eurovision is something EVERYONE watches. I understand. I know you feel you are reasonable and fair about calling/planning/scheduling. I agreed with reinvent because I also didn't mean to offend and agreed about the pattern and the somewhat high maintenance behavior. I think you're passing up guys who will treat you with the utmost respect and courtesy (and would never take a call from another woman while on a date, lol) because of your standards when it comes to what they're supposed to commit to memory about the minutae of your work/nap schedule and your particular type of cell phone service on top of that which is also unusual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 My work/nap schedule may be minutae to you but it's not to me. I need my nap...and, by the way, I may not have voicemail but there are always text messages if someone absolutely needs to leave a message...and who did I pass up? I even gave Mike as many chances as I could despite calling me when he knew I couldn't talk for about...90% of the time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 again . .no disrespect. . it works for you! But it does create a slightly smaller window of opportunity. Just an objective view from the other side. But having said that maybe we can learn from you. It definitely weeds out those with lukewarm interest! Just something to think about. .or you can tell us to just buzz off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 again . .no disrespect. . it works for you! But it does create a slightly smaller window of opportunity. Just an objective view from the other side. But having said that maybe we can learn from you. It definitely weeds out those with lukewarm interest! Just something to think about. .or you can tell us to just buzz off I don't think it weeds those out with lukewarm interest because of the lengths to which MM goes with her expectations so I think it weeds out typically courteous people who forget when she naps/that she turns her phone off at certain times so no opportunity to leave a VM, etc. and those people who don't wish happy new year to someone they chatted with on a dating site. Or it's a mark against them so in the world of dating her mindset is already opposed. I remember telling a guy (happened to be a physician and a lawyer) who said he'd call me Monday to plan a date that I was no longer interested because he called on Wednesday instead. He was surprised at my standards, and I was surprised he was surprised, but I figured other women had cut slack to the good doctor. I get that we all have our standards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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