browneyedgirl36 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I like to read both ND and missmarple's journals - and it's quite striking how often missmarple's potential first meets flake or disappear before a plan is finalized, and how much scheduling and rescheduling and chasing there is. I know they're dating worlds away, but it's a big difference in their experiences. Missmarple, I think you really need to start putting your foot down, and just refuse to make these loose, tentative, last-minute plans with guys. I think you can make it clear that it's either "7 PM on Friday at Jack's Cafe for a hot chocolate" or "let me know when you're free and can set a time to meet". If a guy says, like Lenny, that he'll call in a bit to finalize a plan for tonight, simply say that won't work, and let's set a firm plan for a few days from now. I agree with this. I HATE flakiness like this -- the "wellllll....I'm gonna let you know once I figure out what my schedule is." Nope. If you're looking for a partner, firm up the plans. With the guy I am currently dating, we talk schedules: Are you free on this day? No, sorry, but what about this one, or this one, or this one? OK, that one works for me! Great. Let's do that day at 5. No waffling, no 'I MIGHT be free...I'll have to let you know...." ugh. Too much work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 When I was meeting men through dating sites and otherwise all weekday plans had to be tentative because my job was basically on call 24/7. Those men who also had those types of jobs understood and the others often said they understood until the first or second time I needed to cancel. Weekend plans were much firmer so I would offer that as well. I always understood if the person did not want to make tentative plans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Lenny texted this morning, while I was out, asking if he can call. I said he could. He called and said 'I must have just spoken with your dad'..he had called at home, although I had specifically told him yesterday 'call me on the cell, I won't be home'. He said he 'forgot'. One more minus for him. Anyway, we did make a date for 7pm tonight, so, more about him when I get back from the date. Regarding the discussion about last minute plans, etc, I want to make clear that, when we talked yesterday morning, he gave NO indication that he might call/text later on the same day. If he had, I would have told him my cell is off in the afternoon, and I would have told my friend that I'd let her know after 2pm, for example. All he had said was 'ok, I'll let you know in time'..how was I supposed to guess he meant a few hours later??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I wouldn't bother meeting him if he gets a minus just because he didn't remember which phone to call you on. He's not your secretary. Sounds kinda harsh to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 I wouldn't bother meeting him if he gets a minus just because he didn't remember which phone to call you on. He's not your secretary. Sounds kinda harsh to me. He gets a minus because I am the sort of person that listens and pays attention to what others say. I would never forget a detail like that if I was to call someone the next morning. If I was to call them a month later, sure, I might forget. What sounds harsh to me is you saying I consider him 'my secretary' just because I expect people to remember what I just told them last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 He gets a minus because I am the sort of person that listens and pays attention to what others say. I would never forget a detail like that if I was to call someone the next morning. If I was to call them a month later, sure, I might forget. What sounds harsh to me is you saying I consider him 'my secretary' just because I expect people to remember what I just told them last night. I think expecting someone to remember that particular detail about your different phone numbers is over the top -reasonable for your employee/personal assistant who gets paid to remember that level of detail not for a stranger who is going to meet you for the first time and just learned your phone numbers recently. You have never ever forgotten which phone number to call someone on -never dialed the wrong number by mistake? Really? That's quite unusual and great for you but I think entirely unreasonable to expect someone else to remember in this context. And I am limiting it to this context and this detail. He ended up calling you at the right number, correct? And good for him for telling you - shows he is a human who makes mistakes. I completely agree if he doesn't listen to important details of your life or if he didn't meet you with the excuse that he called you but on the wrong number - that I would think he should have put much more effort into making sure he knew how to reach you at the time he was supposed to meet you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 I disagree, Batya. No, I've never forgotten which number to call when I've been told just the night before. Calling the wrong number, yes. But he didn't say he made a mistake. He said he forgot. Let's agree to disagree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I disagree, Batya. No, I've never forgotten which number to call when I've been told just the night before. Calling the wrong number, yes. But he didn't say he made a mistake. He said he forgot. Let's agree to disagree Sounds good -enjoy meeting Lenny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Lenny texted me and asked to move the date 1 hour later because he just got out of work. Of course, I said no problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Do you live with your dad missmarple? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Do you live with your dad missmarple? I live next to my parents (different flat/same building) but we share the same land line. The date with Lenny was nice and fun. He looked better than his pics except his big belly..lol. Pretty blue eyes and nice smile, though. He was very polite, opened doors and bought my coffee, too. We talked about lots of things in the 2 hours we spent together..our jobs, families, animals, holidays and many others. He's an interesting person and, just like I had thought on the phone, we share the same sense of humour, so, we laughed a lot, too. His last relationship was over 2 years ago and it wasn't anything too serious from what he said. His last 'serious' one was in 2010. We also shared some horror stories from the site..lol. He said 'we'll be in touch', which, usually, means 'no, we won't', but who knows? I'd like to see him again even though I have no idea if there's any chemistry between us..just because he's fun to go out with and I made sure I told him that...he said the same goes for me. We'll see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Sounds like a fun first meet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Sounds like you had fun either way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Ah I see. That sounds really positive. Best first meet in a while I think! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 17, 2015 Author Share Posted April 17, 2015 Lenny texted me good morning, I replied and he asked if he can call me. I said yes..and that I'm at home..lol. So, he called. We talked for about 20 minutes. Although our talk was interesting and fun, in general, there were some things that rubbed me the wrong way. He said that he considers the sight of a woman who smokes 'tasteless' (he's an ex smoker). So, I said, since you knew I'm a smoker, why did you want to meet me? He said because he didn't want to exclude a big percentage of the population (many women smoke over here). That was no1. No2 was when he made a comment about teachers and how much we get paid and that he works more hours but gets paid less..it's an argument I've had with many people in the past and it always annoys me. Anyway, he didn't ask for a second meeting and I'm not sure I want one, at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Yea those comments would rub me the wrong way too. No 1 sounds like he's looking to date a smoker who will eventually give up smoking either on her own or because he wanted her to. No 2 is just whiney. So what if your profession pays more with less hours, and his pays less with longer hours, those are your respective choices in career, he made that choice so why complain about it, and in a way make you feel bad for your choice. Why even compare the two - I assume - very different professions, there's often no fair comparison accross different professions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I would pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Silently thank him for showing his true colors this early on. Don't wait around for the second impression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Yea those comments would rub me the wrong way too. No 1 sounds like he's looking to date a smoker who will eventually give up smoking either on her own or because he wanted her to. No 2 is just whiney. So what if your profession pays more with less hours, and his pays less with longer hours, those are your respective choices in career, he made that choice so why complain about it, and in a way make you feel bad for your choice. Why even compare the two - I assume - very different professions, there's often no fair comparison accross different professions. what a jerk. next!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 No2 was when he made a comment about teachers and how much we get paid and that he works more hours but gets paid less Dealbreaker comment for me, simply for LENNY being a douche. I feel that teachers aren't paid ENOUGH for their hard work, based on actually meeting teachers and hearing stories about their workload and personal dedication to their students vs. the relatively low pay they receive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 17, 2015 Author Share Posted April 17, 2015 You're all right. I've decided not to give him another chance. It's a shame when people who are educated and seem intelligent and polite and can be great conversationalists and should know better, destroy whatever potential there is with just a couple of thoughtless comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 He sounds like an idiot to me. I agree, he is not worth any effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 18, 2015 Author Share Posted April 18, 2015 Lenny texted me good morning...at 3pm. I didn't text back and I hope he won't contact me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Another one bites the dust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Ok, some people are officially stupid. I got an email on the site by a 56yo guy, attractive in his pics, divorced, no kids, a manager living close to me. After a couple of emails he asked for my phone number. Because of what happened with Lenny (re. smoking) I emailed saying 'You know, I am a smoker (even though it's there, on my profile) and you're not. Are you sure you're ok with it?' He replied with a lecture about the dangers of smoking! I swear sometimes I feel like giving up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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