Batya33 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I agree MM - there is no need to teach an adult man the basics of consistency and reliability and especially not in a dating context. "Basics" because of course if MM had some unusual scheduling requirements she would have to let him know. This person owns a restaurant. Does he tell his waitstaff "I'll let you know your schedule for Sunday on Sunday morning" and then calls Sunday afternoon "so when did you say you were coming in?". And, I'm sure he wouldn't tolerate his waitstaff treating him the way he treated MM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I bet in his version of the chain of events, MM stood him up by not confirming a place to meet and then told him she was busy post the time they were meant to meet even though he was the one who's meant to be doing the confirmation half a day ago Although I can also see James point, and that would've been my response to Mike asking if we are still meeting tonight - I would have told him you said you were going to think of a place and confirm in the morning, you didn't, so I assume the meet was off and I made other plans. If he tries to explain or ask to meet again, I'd just say I'm busy and can't meet with him. It's not so much about teaching him manners as I don't want him to think I'm the one with the problem. I want him to know that yes it is not me, it's you. Particularly when you go to the same events and may know mutual people? Doesn't mean I want to stay friends or meet again of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Yes, I agree that MM could have explained her understanding so that there was even more clarity and that would have not been to teach him the basics but rather to clear the air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 I will if he asks me out again. For now, I'm so over him, in every sense of the word, that I don't even want to talk to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 I'm afraid I'll have to have that talk, after all. He called me today...in the afternoon, during my nap. Not calling him back but I believe he'll call again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Don't you want him to know that he was the one who messed up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Don't you want him to know that he was the one who messed up? No, I don't care if he does or doesn't. I was already disappointed at him for disappearing like that and then cancelling that date and disappearing again. I just don't want to see/talk to him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 No, I don't care if he does or doesn't. I was already disappointed at him for disappearing like that and then cancelling that date and disappearing again. I just don't want to see/talk to him again. According to him you canceled the date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I don't think I need to do anything. I owe him nothing. I've been nothing but nice and consistent with him and what he's done is first disappearing, then cancelling one date and then messing up another one. As for 'being a fit' that ship has sailed..it did over a month ago when he disappeared and he'd be delusional if he thought there's still a chance for anything more. I'm not responsible for men in their '40s who behave like teenagers. I completely agree. Miss M did everything she was supposed to do, and MIKE dropped the ball at every opportunity. And even if Miss M held his hand through the dating process and told him every single little thing she likes/dislikes, are we supposed to think he'd all the sudden become the confident, datable, reliable guy Miss M is looking for just because she "educated" him? Hardly. Most likely he'd just passively give the reins over to her, let her wear the pants and let her make all the plans, which I seriously doubt is what Miss M wants. And this is all assuming he's totally into her. Maybe he's been dating other people all along and is just really bad at feigning interest or juggling a few women at a time. Either way, NEXT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 According to him you canceled the date. According to me, MIKE is a moron. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I'm thinking of the piece where they run into each other/have mutual friends and it's better for her that he knows why she "canceled" the date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I completely agree. Miss M did everything she was supposed to do, and MIKE dropped the ball at every opportunity. And even if Miss M held his hand through the dating process and told him every single little thing she likes/dislikes, are we supposed to think he'd all the sudden become the confident, datable, reliable guy Miss M is looking for just because she "educated" him? Hardly. Most likely he'd just passively give the reins over to her, let her wear the pants and let her make all the plans, which I seriously doubt is what Miss M wants. And this is all assuming he's totally into her. Maybe he's been dating other people all along and is just really bad at feigning interest or juggling a few women at a time. Either way, NEXT. True, but no one has suggested she hold his hand. But she has avoided telling him straight out she lost interest. If she feels she did this right and it this should be understood unsaid, that's fine. It's her life, her rules. But I sense things could be more successful for her if she were more direct and upfront with her feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 True, but no one has suggested she hold his hand. But she has avoided telling him straight out she lost interest. If she feels she did this right and it this should be understood unsaid, that's fine. It's her life, her rules. But I sense things could be more successful for her if she were more direct and upfront with her feelings. But why tell him she "lost" what wasn't on the table to begin with? He called her after a long time of being MIA then makes a plan with her that he flakes on. Then he (inexplicably? arrogantly?) calls her again. She directly told him that she was no longer free to see him the night he belatedly called her. I just suggested she clarify why so there is no unpleasantness should she run into him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 According to him you canceled the date. I meant the other date, the one he had cancelled because he 'had to take his daughter somewhere'..about a month ago...and he never rescheduled. I'm thinking of the piece where they run into each other/have mutual friends and it's better for her that he knows why she "canceled" the date. We don't have mutual friends. I may only see him at the site's events which is hard to happen because his restaurant opens every weekend from now on..and that's when those events are held. she has avoided telling him straight out she lost interest. Why? When had I told him that I was interested? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 If it was me, If he calls/texts again and I had no desire to ever talk to hm again, I would just tell him that I had moved on and no longer wish to keep in touch, and to take care and all the best. If I kindly end this acquaintance then I don't have to worry about him popping back in again to try to get in touch, nor do I have to trouble myself with purposefully ignoring any possible future attempts at communication, because there won't be any. Just my 2 cents Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 A family thing came up for this afternoon, so, this morning, I texted Trey asking if we can move the time of the date 1 hour later. 3 hours later, no reply. I tried calling him but his phone is off. So, now, I have no idea what to do since there's no way I can meet him when we said we would and I don't even know if the date stands! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 A family thing came up for this afternoon, so, this morning, I texted Trey asking if we can move the time of the date 1 hour later. 3 hours later, no reply. I tried calling him but his phone is off. So, now, I have no idea what to do since there's no way I can meet him when we said we would and I don't even know if the date stands! I would meet him since he didn't get back to you and maybe he couldn't reschedule last minute. I am sure you would want someone to treat you the same way -think about how you would have reacted if a first meet called during your nap to change the plan, when your phone was off and then didn't even discuss whether you could change the plan. I guess my advice comes too late! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 I would meet him since he didn't get back to you and maybe he couldn't reschedule last minute. I am sure you would want someone to treat you the same way -think about how you would have reacted if a first meet called during your nap to change the plan, when your phone was off and then didn't even discuss whether you could change the plan. I guess my advice comes too late! Your advice isn't too late...still early in the afternoon here and have heard nothing from him. The problem isn't whether to meet him or not..it's when to meet him! PS. The family thing I mentioned is health-related and I can't do anything about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Your advice isn't too late...still early in the afternoon here and have heard nothing from him. The problem isn't whether to meet him or not..it's when to meet him! PS. The family thing I mentioned is health-related and I can't do anything about it. Oh! I thought you had a time but wanted to change the time. Health comes first and I am sure he will understand. I'm sorry that his phone is off- stressful! I hope all is ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 Well, Trey was one more flake. I kept trying to contact him until the time of the date came and passed and he was nowhere to be found....and when I went to the site, I found out he had deleted me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 What a jerk face!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Well, Trey was one more flake. I kept trying to contact him until the time of the date came and passed and he was nowhere to be found....and when I went to the site, I found out he had deleted me. I hate to say it, but whenever I'm discouraged by my OLD experiences, sometimes all I have to do is read your latest journal entries and realize that I may not have it so bad after all. What a douche. Inexcusable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 I hate to say it, but whenever I'm discouraged by my OLD experiences, sometimes all I have to do is read your latest journal entries and realize that I may not have it so bad after all. LOL..and, you know, I don't write about all my online encounters. Too many jerks to mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 Lenny texted me good morning, how are you. I replied I'm fine, just woke up, how are you (I knew he's at work). He asked if he could call me, I said he could and we talked for about 15 minutes. Plus He loves cats and he told me a sweet story about a stray cat he used to feed and who loved him so much that when she was about to give birth, she went and did it on his knees..lol - He was, again, very talkative and full of humour - He said we should meet one of these days without me having to say it again - He has his own house. Minus He told me he has a loan he's still repaying (and will for a long time)...it was to buy the house I mentioned above - Again, he wouldn't commit on a specific day to meet. He said today or tomorrow, I told him I'm free today but can't guarantee about tomorrow and he said 'he'll call to let me know'. I don't know what's with all those men who can't make a plan! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Just keep telling yourself -not "can't" but "won't". I am a planner, and am consistent and reliable -even when it has to be tentative I give plenty of warning about that. It takes work but it's worth it to me (and to you I see!). I am fine with last minute plans but not as fine with keeping times open for people who would prefer to be tentative. If a person is not willing to put in the effort to make a one hour plan, and stick to it other than in an emergency than either be forewarned about what your relationship will be like with this person (especially once you start trying to include others in your plans) or cut your losses and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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