missmarple Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 I feel like he still wants more than friendship? He's a confusing individual... Who knows what he wants? He is indeed confusing but I treat him like a friend and that's how it stays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Who knows what he wants? He is indeed confusing but I treat him like a friend and that's how it stays. You're a tough cookie, miss m.:smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 You're a tough cookie, miss m. I give people chances. I had given him more than one, especially, with the whole b/day dinner story. It was his choice to disappear, so, now, he has nothing romantic to expect from me. Just like Pedro, or, actually, worse than Pedro because I hardly knew Pedro but I had gotten to know Mike and never expected him to disappear like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Well, Mike had said he'd call me this morning to arrange where to meet tonight (we had agreed on the time but not on the place). At 1pm he sends a text 'hey, how's your Sunday going', I reply 'fine, ty, and yours' ....and got nothing back..and it's almost 3pm and we were supposed to meet at 7. I think I've given this one way too many chances..even for a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Well, Mike had said he'd call me this morning to arrange where to meet tonight (we had agreed on the time but not on the place). At 1pm he sends a text 'hey, how's your Sunday going', I reply 'fine, ty, and yours' ....and got nothing back..and it's almost 3pm and we were supposed to meet at 7. I think I've given this one way too many chances..even for a friend. I'm surprised you're still doing the "confirm at a later time" plan - why not insist on making plans right then and there unless there is a very important reason why that cannot be done? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 I'm surprised you're still doing the "confirm at a later time" plan - why not insist on making plans right then and there unless there is a very important reason why that cannot be done? I did insist but he also insisted he'd call because he wanted to 'think of a place'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I did insist but he also insisted he'd call because he wanted to 'think of a place'. So then you do know time and place - that to me is confirmed. I think it's ok that he didn't call you on the dot since you know what time to be ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 So then you do know time and place - that to me is confirmed. I think it's ok that he didn't call you on the dot since you know what time to be ready. Batya, he said he'd call in the morning and he texted in the afternoon without any mention of our evening plans. How is anything 'confirmed'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Yea I wouldn't say it's confirmed since he made no mention of where they're going, whether by call or text. I mean sometimes I would agree on a time and not decide on a place and maybe even once in a while not decide on a place until very close to the date (with people I'm already familiar with). But that text seems very confusing, it's like a general greetings message with no follow up about the date, it is as if you don't have a plan already set up. And by 3pm I would've thought he'd have given you some kind of confirmation about the plans tonight. He seems like too much effort even just as a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I don't think he is into you romantically at all anymore. To me is seems like He is planning hang-out like a friend would. My friends and I are like this, we will have a tentative plan to do something and then last minute decide on a time/place etc. So let's go to dinner on Tuesday at 6...and then around 5 we will chat or text to decide where we want to go, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Me and my friends generally agree on a time and place before hand and rarely leave things to the last minute. Maybe Mike is the type to do that, as a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 MM -I thought you wrote you had time confirmed just not the place. If he texted you without confirming place then why not forget the tennis match aspect and simply text back "hi.... so what's up for tonight?" After all he's just a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 If he texted you without confirming place then why not forget the tennis match aspect and simply text back "hi.... so what's up for tonight?" After all he's just a friend. I second that emotion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Well, he texted 40 MINUTES before the supposed date 'so, have you thought of a place to go tonight?' That's from someone who had said no to most of my suggestions and had insisted he'd come up with a place!!! I didn't bother texting him back and I don't plan on talking to him again. Friend or no friend, this is not how I handle my outings. When I tell people 'I'll call you in the morning'....I call in the morning! When I tell people 'I'll think of a place to go'...I think of a place to go. Buh-bye, Mike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Well, he texted 40 MINUTES before the supposed date 'so, have you thought of a place to go tonight?' That's from someone who had said no to most of my suggestions and had insisted he'd come up with a place!!! I didn't bother texting him back and I don't plan on talking to him again. Friend or no friend, this is not how I handle my outings. When I tell people 'I'll call you in the morning'....I call in the morning! When I tell people 'I'll think of a place to go'...I think of a place to go. Buh-bye, Mike. Arrrghh...Mike, Mike, Mike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 He texted me again, an hour after we were supposed to meet...'are we meeting tonight?'. I replied 'no, I am busy'...and I hope he doesn't text me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 New guy. Lenny is 51, single, no kids, a chemical engineer, 6'4, grey hair/blue eyes, looks attractive in his pics and we've exchanged a few messages on the site. Tonight he asked for my phone number and I sent it to him and said he can call me in the morning. From his messages, he seems intelligent and a deep thinker which I always appreciate in men Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 He texted me again, an hour after we were supposed to meet...'are we meeting tonight?'. I replied 'no, I am busy'...and I hope he doesn't text me again. Ugh....what a flake he is! Did he forget, in only a few hours, that he said HE was going to think of a place? I mean, he's the one who asked YOU to coffee. If he texts you again and asks something like, "Didn't we have plans?" you should just say, "Apparently not, because you said you were going to think of a place and get back to me, and you never did, so I made other plans." Even if he just wants friendship, he's putting in the bare minimum of effort. This should definitely have been his last chance (and I'm sure it was). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 This should definitely have been his last chance (and I'm sure it was). Yep, it sure was. I can't deal with whatever his problem is, not even as friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I've known people like that and I have no time for that level of flakiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Lenny called me and we talked for almost an hour. He's very talkative as am I. We talked about lots of things, he told me he's an ex smoker but doesn't mind I smoke, he was born in my neighbourhood and lived here for about 10 years and he now lives about 20 mins away. He works at a company as a chemist engineer and he informed me that everything we eat is dirty He's travelled a lot, he likes big cities and animals and also likes to read a lot. On the surface, it seems like we have many things in common and a very similar sense of humour. He even knows about star signs and we talked about them, too. When I realised that we had been talking for so long, I suggested we meet and continue our conversation in person. He said yes, we should do that. I tried once more by asking what time he's off work and telling him I'm on leave for the next 3 days but, again, he didn't suggest a particular day/time and I gave up. Usually, when someone doesn't suggest a date after the first phone-call, they never do but who knows? We'll wait and see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Ugh....what a flake he is! Did he forget, in only a few hours, that he said HE was going to think of a place? I mean, he's the one who asked YOU to coffee. If he texts you again and asks something like, "Didn't we have plans?" you should just say, "Apparently not, because you said you were going to think of a place and get back to me, and you never did, so I made other plans." Even if he just wants friendship, he's putting in the bare minimum of effort. This should definitely have been his last chance (and I'm sure it was). I agree with this, but I also think here is where the issue was with Mike. I still don't believe MM makes her feelings known and she leaves people guessing, searching for someone who will just know. I think if she were more open with some of her thoughts about how things are going, she would have more success. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 I still don't believe MM makes her feelings known and she leaves people guessing, searching for someone who will just know. I think if she were more open with some of her thoughts about how things are going, she would have more success. I was completely honest with Mike. He didn't have to do any guessing. I had told him he caught me by surprise and I hadn't thought of him in a romantic way, which was true. After that convo we only went out twice and he never brought the topic up again, so, neither did I...I didn't know what to tell him, anyway. I had started seeing him more romantically but I wasn't 100% sure...it was just 2 dates..so, what feelings could I tell him about? He kissed me and I kissed him back...I believe that's enough to show someone that your feelings about him are changing. And then, he disappeared. At that point, there was nothing more I could do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Ok, he's not a fit for you because he isn't able confident enough, but now you are fed up with his actions, but he'll continue to contact you because you still haven't told him you are frustrated he said he'll make plans and didn't. I give you credit, you do know when to call things off, but I think you leave people in the dark when you don't like something, giving them no opportunity to adjust. You shouldn't have to hold a man's hand into the relationship, but you do need to let him know why you really aren't a fit if you want him to stop contacting you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 You shouldn't have to hold a man's hand into the relationship, but you do need to let him know why you really aren't a fit if you want him to stop contacting you. I don't think I need to do anything. I owe him nothing. I've been nothing but nice and consistent with him and what he's done is first disappearing, then cancelling one date and then messing up another one. As for 'being a fit' that ship has sailed..it did over a month ago when he disappeared and he'd be delusional if he thought there's still a chance for anything more. I'm not responsible for men in their '40s who behave like teenagers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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